3-6 Month Baby Sleep Survival Guide

Baby Boy Congratulations! You have officially passed the parenting Boot Camp that is life with a newborn. You are no longer that stunned slack-jawed new parent stumbling blindly through the produce isle at the grocery. Good for you!

If you haven’t already done so,  take a few minutes to check out the Newborn Baby Sleep Survival Guide. Everything there still applies to your no-longer-a-newborn baby.

While some babies are done with swaddling by the 3 month mark, others will be happily swaddled until they are 6-9 months old. You’ll want to continue to use loud white noise and work hard to make sure you aren’t keeping baby awake too long. While your baby may be taking fewer longer naps it’s also totally normal for babies to still be filling their days with frustratingly short catnaps (check out Baby Sleep What is Normal for more details on this).

Your Baby Sleep Homework

When your baby is a newborn you can guiltlessly let them sleep wherever (basinett, your lap, etc.) and put them to sleep however (nursing, swinging, butt patting, etc.). And while it’s not time to panic, you now have 2 big pieces of homework to work on over the next few months.


Work Towards the Crib

Unless you are into co-sleeping for the long haul, now is a great time to start working on having your baby sleep in the crib. I’m not suggesting that the second your baby turns 3 months they need to be in the crib, but I am suggesting that 3-6 months is typically the easiest time window to make this change.


Teach Baby to Sleep on Their Own

This is THE BIGGIE. You want to start gradually putting your baby down awake. Some babies will fight this with a fiery passion. So the process of gradually reducing the amount of nursing, rocking, and butt patting you do can be frustrating. But it’s REALLY important. Also? Failure to do so almost guarantees you will never ever sleep through the night. That’s how important it is.

Further Reading

The Ultimate Guide to Vanquishing Short Naps
Is Your Crib as Safe as you Think?
Everything you need to know to make bedtime awesome.
How and Why to Use and Loose the Paci
Weaning Baby OFF the Swing
Bedtime What Time?
Why Your Baby Hates the Crib
What to Do About Short Naps
Are You Keeping Baby Awake Too Long?
Sleeping Through the Night Part 1
Sleeping Through the Night Part 2
What You Need to Know About Sleeping Through the Night – Part 3
Is it time for Cry it Out?
What You Need to Know About Sleep Regressions
And of course the ever popular – Baby Sleep What is Normal?

{Photo credit: Lisa Stout}



  1. Hi Alexis,

    Our 3 month old is only sleeping 8-12 hours a day, usually on the lower side of that scale, and will go long stretches without sleep often 4-8 hours, and occasionally 12 straight hours without sleep. He has never slept in the crib….even once. Just won’t do it, and even sleeping in the bassinet is extremely rare(perhaps thrice, and he didn’t fall asleep there). He never, ever, ever falls asleep on his own….NEVER. It always while nursing or on the dryer in a car seat…..that’s it. We can tell he’s tired, his eyes are heavy and gives others signs, but he wants to play or feed and refuses to sleep on his own. Any ideas? I’m worried that he’s not breathing as well in the car seat, but if we take him out he wakes up 100% of the time. So we have to watch him constantly when he’s sleeping there to make sure he’s still breathing ok.

    • Have his ferritin levels checked. Iron deficiency causes major sleep problems. As soon as our son’s ferritin was normal, he started sleeping like a champ.

  2. Hi Alexis! I’ve been reading this website since my son was born 4 years ago. Because of this website, I stopped rocking/bouncing that baby to sleep, and he has been an awesome sleeper for a long time.
    I now have a 12 week old and I don’t rock her to sleep (or bounce her on a ball) because I learned my lesson. Except this baby nurses to sleep only at bedtime. For naps, I do eat, play, sleep only because I didn’t want a nurse to sleep association. HA!
    She puts herself to sleep for naps (swaddle, white noise, we sing a song) with minimal fussing. No nursing. She ate a long time ago, which is probably why she takes short naps, but I digress.
    For bedtime, I put her brother to bed and then tend to her. Now that I need to do 2 routines, I’m having a bit of trouble. While I read books to big brother, Dad changes baby (clean diaper and new pajamas). I come downstairs and baby nurses her last feed of the night by 7:30. She falls asleep. I take her off (or she pops off) and hold her upright for a bit (she has silent reflux and is on Axid). Then I bring her upstairs. I burp her and swaddle her. She wakes up a bit when I swaddle her. Then I turn on white noise, sing and put her in the rock and play. She sleeps great, usually about 7-8 hours the first stretch, and then every 2-2.5 hours until 8 am. Right now this works, but I’m terrified it will stop. And she will have a nurse/sleep or hold/sleep association due to reflux. Big brother never slept like this. He didn’t sleep 8 hours until he was 6+ months-she’s been doing it since 6 weeks.
    Wow I ramble!
    Okay so my question is, I know I have to move the feeding back so it is boob, bath, book, bed, but does that mean her last feed is at 6:30 instead? Then wake her up to do the rest of the routine? Will that push her to wake up earlier and have more night wakings? Or is that worth it to avoid possible trouble later on?
    I thought the second time would be easier!

  3. Hi Alexis,

    First, I love your site. I have been reading and rereading your posts practically since I came home from the hospital with my daughter, so thank you.

    I have a question for you, if you are still answering comments on this post. My daughter is 18.5 weeks now, and she was/is sleeping through the night since she was about 13 weeks and without even a dream feed since 15 weeks. So that’s, you know, amazing, ha. I’ve also been putting her to sleep in her crib and been going for/doing sleepy-but-awake since basically 8 weeks, trying to avoid creating any sleep associations I’d have to undo later. That said, she’s always been a pretty brutal catnapper until just a couple weeks ago, when her morning naps finally consolidated into a heavenly 2 hour nap. Later in the day was still kind of all over the place, but I figured it would also come together when she was ready. Fast forward to five days ago when, I assume, the 4 month sleep regression hit us. Her naps are a disaster. Back to 35-45 minutes and it is a fight to get her to take them at all. Weirdly, though, nighttime is still ok (at least for now). I literally put her down sleepy-but-awake, shush her for a bit, give her a small lovey that smells like me and she babbles/gently fusses for 1-10 minutes and then goes to sleep. I’ve literally seen her soothe herself back to sleep during the night sometimes, so I know she can do it, but for naps, I am bouncing and rocking and giving her my finger/the paci and then ending up holding her more and more. I am not really sure what to do at this point.

    I don’t know about letting her cry to sleep on her own for naps, since 1) it seems awful and terrible, 2) if she misses a bunch of naps and just cries for like an hour straight, not only will I be borderline insane, but I’m terrified it will mess up her night sleep because of overtiredness, 3) maybe this fussiness is a phase and I need to let her work it out/give her more soothing and cuddling? (Some Wonder Weeks business or something). BUT, my fear is that I am 1) teaching her to sleep only on me and with extensive soothing, 2) it is NOT a phase and the longer I do what I’m doing out of desperation the more I am reinforcing a habit and 3) what I am doing for naps is going to mess up her nights if I keep it up…

    Soooo, any advice would be incredibly welcome. Oh, I should have mentioned, I use a white noise machine, blackout curtains and a sleep sack (she can roll over now, and she likes her hands, so I had to give up the swaddles, but that was a while ago…)


    • To start, sleep training is not awful and terrible. It’s not a puppy party but neither is it terrible.

      But OK you are definitely teaching her to sleep on you. And each time she naps on you or with extensive soothing, you’re digging that groove a bit deeper. And it sounds like even WITH all that soothing, it’s a huge fight to get her to FALL asleep and STAY asleep. So you could argue – it’s not even really accomplishing that much really.

      Sleep training is definitely out there as an option. Another option for a 4.5 month old would be to consider napping in the swing? That’s probably where I would start – it may not be easy peasy on day #1 but commit to it for 3-5 days for naptime (bedtime can continue in the crib) and see what develops! CIO is always a backup plan but this might be a nice gentle segue into independent naps that you can easily wean off of in a month or two .

      Good luck!

      • Hi Alexis,

        Wow–you are quick! I should probably have mentioned that my little girl is a serious swing hating baby–has never fallen asleep in one, and doesn’t even nap in the car or a rocking chair, only bouncing or walking seem to appeal–even having poured through your post about teaching her not to be. Other than the swing, is there anything gentle that you think works, especially for someone who is, admittedly, a bit of a wuss (and my husband is worse…) but is trying not to be?

        Thanks again!


  4. Hi Alexis,
    How do you feel about thumbsucking to self soothe? I’ve poured over this entire website but can’t find anything! My LO (16 weeks tomorrow)has been a good nighttime sleeper. I worked on putting her down awake (she nursed to sleep for the first 10-11 weeks) and she can put herself to sleep. Bedtime is between 7-7:30. She was waking up for 1 or 2 feeds (usually 3:20 am and 5:30) and then up for the day btw 7-7:30. One night this week, she didn’t wake up at 3:21. When I woke up , she had busted out of her swaddle and was sucking her thumb. This happened 2 nights in a row. She got her arms out, sucked her thumb and slept until 6:30. For the past few days, I’ve left her arms out of the swaddle so she could have her thumb for naps and bedtime. She does wake herself up without the swaddle (the hand not in her mouth jerks up) but can usually go back to sleep at night. But she didn’t used to wake up repeatedly while swaddled. Naps have always been 45-50 minutes, with one or 2 long naps a week thrown in just to tease me.
    Basically, is the thumbsucking a good thing for sleep? Or would it be better to swaddle her so she didn’t wake herself up, and if she breaks free, she breaks free?
    She’s never taken a paci.

  5. I’ve posted to your FB page and just haven’t received much help from others. I thought I’d try here.
    My 3 month old (yesterday) has been a great night sleeper from day 1. We know we are blessed as my first was a wretched sleeper. However, he stopped going down for naps around the 2 month mark. It happened quickly and without me really thinking about doing anything about it because I had to do whatever to survive dealing with a newborn and toddler. So, I carried/carry him through his naps in the ktan. My back and knees can’t handle this any more. For his first nap this Monday I was able to put him down after a quick song. He protested a bit for 8 minutes, then went to sleep for 35mins. The second nap he cried 15. I couldn’t handle it. I nursed him and he slept in his crib 45 mins. Since Monday I’ve only managed to get him in the crib for the first nap of the day. I have to nurse him down every time now, and he doesn’t sleep more than 35 mins (which I’m fine with). The rest of the day I try and try. There are a lot of tears, a lot of comfort nursing, many missed windows.
    At night, I nurse while singing a song and rocking (white noise on). I burp and rock while singing, and I lay him down wide awake (most of the time). We only swaddle one arm at the first of the night. He’ll suck on his hand a few minutes, then he’s out. Sometimes he wakes after 45 mins, lay there awake for 10 or cry for 5 and he’s out. He wakes at 4-4:30 to nurse. We swaddle both arms. I can lay him down wide awake again and he’ll go to sleep no problem. The last 2 mornings he’s woken up at 6, laid quietly awake for 10-15mins and back to sleep until around 7:30. I know day time is a different animal, but how can I get him to sleep in his crib for naps without him screaming? I’m not interested in CIO until he is older. I can’t handle it. Thanks!

  6. My baby is 4 almost 5 months old…. She used to sleep great but now it’s a nightmare…. For naps she will only sleep through the whole nap while being held. She only stays in her crib for like 20 to 30 min…. I go up in her room try and comfort her but she won’t have it. At night time she sleeps from 7-11 waking up at 8 and 9 ish to be comforted. Then after 11 its down hill. She either wants to nurse and won’t go back to bed or won’t eat and won’t go back to bed. We are so exhausted! We have tried everything I feel like. No medical issues, rice cereal at night, back, tummy, side sleeping, rise one side of the bed, sleep in the same room /bed, feed before sleeping don’t feed before sleeping….. Nothing is working.

    • Hello Madiline – did you ever get an answer to your question? I have the same probably me my baby girl!

    • I am having the exact same problem. I know this is a long time ago. Any relief? Did they grow out of it? What can I do? I feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle.

      • Hi,

        Did you get answer into am having this issue with my 4.5mos old! Help!!!!!!! She was preemie, does this have to do with it? Also she was swaddled until she rolled last week both directions and now she’s not. If I swaddle I put her in a rock n play but doesn’t help much except to calm her down!!!!!


  7. My 3.5 month old sleeps through the night like a champ (nursed to sleep), but is a horrible 30-45 minute cat napper (not nursed to sleep for naps, rocked to a very very light sleep, usually opens her eyes when set down in her crib). I am trying to teach her to fall asleep on her own fully awake eyes open but she fights it like crazy. You have shared steps for getting you kid out of the swing, any suggestions for teaching your little to fall asleep on their own? She used to sleep and nap in the auto rocking and vibrating rock’n play but we successfully transitioned to the crib a few weeks ago. Still sleeps swaddled.

    I have to imagine if she’s sleeping 10-12 hours at night without waking up she knows how to move through a sleep cycle, so is she just not ready for the long nap yet? I’m so lost.

    • Count your blessings! I think if it ain’t broke don’t fix it- 10-12 hours straight at night. The more I monkey around the worse things get for us. Your situation sounds like heaven!

    • I have the same problem with my son! He will sleep for a good 10-11 hours at night, but his naps are only 45 minutes long (on the dot!). I’m just going to stick to our schedule as best as I can and hope that in time, he will eventually lengthen his naps on his own.

  8. Oh how I wish I would have found this site sooner! From what I’ve read on your numerous topics and the comments, I am not alone. My baby girl is 4.5 months, she cried/screamed her whole life until about 3 weeks ago. Her pediatrician said she was colicky and I’ve pretty much formed every “bad” sleep habit listed on this site in an effort to survive her colic. Using swaddling and white noise she nursed to sleep or bounced to sleep with a pacifier in my arms and we co-sleep.
    So 3 weeks ago she turned into a happy and smiling baby and I continued bath, boob, book, swaddle, white noise, dim room, and a little bouncing for 8:30 bed time BUT started trying to put her in her crib drowsy. She’s a good night sleeper once she’s asleep, wakes at 2ish and 5ish to nurse and wake up for the day at 7:30. Putting her down at night drowsy & alone did not go well so I started focusing on naps.
    Same routine for naps without the bath and try to put her in swing (she’s not a huge fan of the swing but does like to be rocked and bounced) drowsy – this has also not gone well.
    So my questions are:
    1) how many times am I supposed to try to put her down drowsy in her swing for one nap time?
    Most days I try putting her down drowsy in her swing for a nap until its time for her NEXT nap. The quickest way to get my baby alert and awake is to try and set her down.
    2) how long do I let her cry at nap time while trying to put her down drowsy?
    I’ve read that you’re not a proponent of CIO for naps (I’m not either) so I leave her for 5-10 minutes to see if she’ll settle down but 99% of the time it escalates to red faced hard crying. She missing a lot of naps because of this.
    3) at what point (how many naps does she miss) before I do something different?
    4) and what IS that something different?
    Most of my days are spent trying to get her to sleep, whereas BC (before colic) most of my days were spent holding her & nursing her while desperately trying to keep her asleep. I want to TAKE back some of my day!

  9. The harder we work at your suggestions the worse our nighttime sleep gets!!! Leaving me feeling like a frustrated failure. My little guy is 11 weeks and up until about 8 weeks I didn’t pay much attention to naps and he went to bed at 9-10 with us. He would sleep 5-7.5 hours then another 2-3 like clockwork. Then that second stretch started struggling and for like 2 weeks it was 5 & 3. I started working on daytime naps and it got worse- waking up earlier. Moved bedtime up to 8 and now it’s even worse! Last night his first stretch was 3 hours and by 330 he was wide awake ready to party. He never naps more than about 30-45 mins no matter what I do. He got 4 naps yesterday all 30-45 mins and had the worst sleep night in a long time. Sleep does not seem to beget sleep for us. Early bedtime has just meant 2 night feedings and he’s up by 530 ready to rock instead of 7ish. We were doing better before I started reading all these baby sleep articles and prescribing to your practices it seems.

  10. Hi there

    My son is almost 5 months and has not been sleeping only 1.5-2 hours every night. We use to rock him but reading all the advise available and him being a big baby (almost 9kg at the moment) we stopped rocking and started placing him in his cot awake. Initially I couldn’t handle the crying so we gave him a dummy. This worked well for a eel and then he started to pull the dummy out and was waking every hour!

    We have now just in the last 4 days got rid of the dummy cold turkey and just sit with him next to his cot and pat him till he goes to sleep. I feed him only twice in the night- around 10.30-11 and around 3.30-4- breast fed baby. My question is that the crying still seems intense and long. It doesn’t seem to be decreasing by each night and the stretches he is sleeping are around 2.5-3 hours. I was hoping that because he is falling asleep awake in his cot he would sleep longer and settle himself to sleep but this doesn’t seem to be the case.

  11. Hi alexis! I love your site. My son is three months old and needs to be rocked to sleep – but he sleeps for 8-10 hours at night without a feed, which is amazing! My problem is that he can’t stay down for a nap for more than 30 minutes (and it often takes 30 minutes of rocking to get him there!!) I’d like to try sleep training (a no-cry method) but I’m scared it will interfere with our glorious stretches of sleep at night. What do you think? Thanks for your help!

    • I don’t think it’ll interfere with the night sleep and is in fact essential – he’s sleeping great NOW because he’s young but in a few months, rock to sleep will fail you so regardless, that is a bridge that must be crossed. However I’m not confident that it will solve your issue. Short naps at 3 months are typically either:
      – a scheduling issue
      – a sign that he needs MORE soothing
      – because 3 month olds take crappy naps

  12. Thank you so much for such awesome info on this site! I am struggling to get my 4 month old to nap on the weekends without a crutch like driving or rocking. Our issue is that now that she’s in daycare, we have no hope(?) of having a consistent nap routine. She usually falls asleep there by swinging. We don’t even have a similar swing at home! She IS able to go to sleep from an awake state for the night, which is great! But I would love to enjoy my weekend time more with my baby and her not get so tired by the end of day.. I feel like a bad parent when I can’t facilitate the sleep she needs 🙁

  13. Hello

    I am in desperate need of help. I have a 12 week old baby girl who is able to put herself to sleep at night (I put her in awake after she feeds at 8:30 and she puts herself to sleep within minutes with no fuss) … She sleeps until 5:30am , eats and again puts herself to sleep until 8am. This is fantastic. My issue is my days…. She is a nightmare for naps. I have to rock her to sleep and have tried everything to put her in … Rock and play, crib, swing but she won’t stay anywhere for more than 40 mins and screams when waking. I have also tried to have her fall asleep on her own in these items but she seems unable to do it. Now that she is bigger it’s getting more difficult to get her to sleep in my arms and honestly she seems totally angry and uncomfortable and is usually crying on me too. I see her trying to use her self soothing techniques in my arms ( she uses the love to dream swaddle to rub her face) and generally just seems annoyed. So I have been trying to put her in the crib or anywhere but she cries there too. Is 12 weeks too young for cry it out? She is crying on me anyway so I don’t know what to do!!

  14. Hello,

    My baby is 4.5 months old he used to sleep for 4 hours straight at night but we moved houses not to long ago since then he been sleep for 2-3 hours eats and sleeps again wakes up an hour eats then sleeps, usually I’ll be really tired so I just bring him to bed with me. This week I tried to feed him and then put him to sleep in his crib but he wakes up a couple hours later, he sleeps a bit longer when he’s in bed with me, also in the day he doesn’t want to sleep in his bouncy, bed or crib I ran out opinions so I been putting him to sleep in he’s car seat is there anything else I could put him to sleep on in the day? Pls help he’s my first baby I don’t really have help with me I am going crazy as time goes by because I don’t know how to put him asleep or to keep up with all he’s changes.

  15. Hi Alexis,
    Amazing and helpful site! Thank you for putting all of this out there! I was wondering if you had any advice for the following issue. My three month old can fall asleep on her own and is down to one night feeding but still wakes up multiple times because she moves a ton in her sleep and manages to get her head uncomfortably smashed up against the crib slats (and/or her little arms stuck between the crib bars… Both things really piss her off). I solved her legs getting stuck by using sleep sacks but the little mover hates being swaddled so I’m at a loss at what to do about the head bonking/arms stuck situation. The pediatrician said absolutely no bumpers of any kind so I just get up and reposition her when she cries. But it happens all night and it really stinks!

  16. Hi,

    Quick question – I have a 10 week old baby boy who is used to sleeping in the inclined bassinet of a pack and play. He was starting to sleep through the night (occasional waking for a pacifier, but going right back down). We are not transitioning him to the flat pack and play since he getting too big for the bassinet option. He has since been waking up more often throughout the night, and kicking his legs often. He is tightly swaddled but still continues to kick and grunt, leading to a wide awake baby at 4am. Do you have any suggestions to help him stay calm and sleep through the night again? Thank you for any help or insight!

  17. My daughter has always been a good sleeper. She is now four months old and starting to have a hard time going to sleep at night. She sleeps around 12 hours without waking me up and her crib is next to my bed so I assume she is soothing herself. She can self-soothe for naps (which are not very long) but can’t seem to self-soothe before she goes to sleep at night. I have been nursing and walking her sleep, but now she wakes up when I set her down. Also I want to break the habit of being nursed to sleep. Any suggestions for putting her down for the long night?

  18. Hello Alexis,
    I have read your 3-6 month sleep guide and I’m overwhelmed with where to begin (probably due to sleep deprivation!)

    My son is almost 5 months old. Since about 3.5 months he has been waking every 45 mins all night long (usually it seems to be sleep cycle, sometimes for a poop or gas and sometimes for nursing). Prior to this age he had gas issues but was sleeping from approx 7-1/1-4/4-6 am.

    His usual day: wakes between 515-6 am. Plays for 1 hour then sleeps for 1 hour -1.5 hours on me. (I am wondering if he is waking too early and isn’t ready to get up since he is happy but yawns and tires within 1 hour?)

    Wakes and plays for 1.5-2 hours throughout the day. Then naps for 30-1.5 hours (usually about 30-45 min though) if he wakes up to burp or poop then game over- he is awake.

    He shows sleep cues and is rocked or nursed to sleep but it is a struggle for naps (15 mins of soothing to sleep aside from his first nap of the day)

    He has a good bedtime routine and is asleep between 6-7pm with breastfeeding. He then wakes up 45 min all night long. Usually it is due to his sleep cycle (his eyes are still closed and he can be rocked or nurse back to sleep with relative ease). Sometimes he wakes for a longer fed (twice per night) or sometimes due to a poop. If he is wide awake after a diaper change with eyes open I can sometimes put him in his basinette to fall asleep on his own awake with a soother.

    When he was younger he has some digestive issues that woke him in pain often. Now he occationally wakes with pain or gas (perhaps 3 nights per week with 4 nights per week not having issues)

    He sleeps next to us in a halo basinette. We have a fan going for white noise. He uses a soother sometimes but sometimes isn’t interested. He doesn’t wake of it falls out.

    For day naps he sleeps on me in our room or the living room.

    I am overwhelmed and don’t know what to do!
    Thank you

  19. Hi Alexis,
    Help I think I screwed everything up! My baby girl is 13 weeks today. From birth to 8 weeks, she was a champion night sleeper, gradually increasing her longest sleep time from 4 hours to 8 hours (!!) with lots of consistency! I was so thrilled that my pregnancy prayers were answered and I had a good sleeper. During that time, her naps were all over the place, and I often let her sleep on me or while holding her. Starting at week 8, I decided it made sense to start thinking about waketime and working on putting her down in the crib during the day. We had a rough 3-4 days transition when she fought naps, but then she settled in to a waketime of about an hour to an hour and a half with probably 90% of naps in her crib. She’s been on that daytime schedule for the last 5 weeks. She takes 4-5 naps per day, with most between 40-50 minutes though some as long as 1.5-2 hours. I typically rock her for 5-10 minutes to go down, sometimes far less if my waketime timing is perfect. She usually has a longer waketime before bed (1.5-2 hours).

    Heres’ the bad part: since we made that change to her daytime schedule, her nights have gone from bad to worse to impossible. She went from frequent stretches of 6-8 hours at night to many nights like last night, where we were excited about one 2.5 hour stretch followed by lots of 1 hour stretches. At first I thought the nap transition was just catching up to her, then she rolled over and I figured maybe that was the culprit. At 11 weeks she did end up having 3 nights in a row of really good sleep (including one night with a 10 hour stretch!). But then it quickly reverted back to what I guess is our new normal of extremely broken sleep all night long.

    Anyway, it really feels like aiming for a consistent routine backfired on us, and I’m not sure what to do. How is her night sleep getting worse over time? Is there something obvious that we’re doing wrong? My husband and I are really trying to put her down drowsy but awake– I know we could do better at this but it’s tough when we’re zombies. She’s mostly in her crib but occasionally in the rock n play. I know you recommend a longer waketime for babies her age, and I’ve tried to keep her awake a bit longer, but she starts getting fussy and showing all the sleepy cues.

  20. Hello!
    My babies (twins) usually fall asleep while drinking their last bottle. How do I teach them to fall asleep on their own if I can’t put them in their crib awake?

    • I used to nurse my baby to sleep, so I think I know where you are coming from. She is a healthy weight, so to prevent her from falling asleep at the breast I just unlatch her when she gets drowsy and that’s the end of the feeding (or if she wakes up fully and I want her to have more I might nurse and repeat). So if you don’t want them to fall asleep at the bottle, just don’t let them—they’ll get less but maybe you can switch to feeding them earlier. Alexis says a lot on this, I’d look around her site to get more ideas.

  21. Hi Alexis!
    My son is turning four months on 1/18/17. I have started a sleep routine about 3 weeks ago, bedtime 7:15. For the most part, he falls asleep around 7pm, however, he would wake up 30mins later and wont go back to sleep until 1hr later. He also cries the munite he wakes up until I pick him up. I have let him cry but what I realized is that he does not know how to self soothe. Noteworthy, he does not like the pacifier. Can you give me some pointers as to how I can help him to learn to self soothe?

  22. Hi Alexis,
    I love your website, blog and Facebook group and I embraced CIO (extinction) almost 2 weeks ago for my 5.5 month old daughter who had always been a dreadful sleeper. I had read everything possible on the blog and as many relevant comments on the FB group so I was as prepped as possible. We started on a Friday night so we had 3 clear nights over a weekend. I was anticipating the putting herself to sleep initially bit as the really painful bit. And on the first few nights it wasn’t enjoyable (64, 45, 38 minutes) but I felt prepared for that. What I haven’t been prepared for have been the long long MOTN wakings not for feeds. These have been there almost every night of CIO so far, even the ones where she’s gone to sleep at bedtime with no fussing (only 2 out of the 12 nights), sometimes these go on literally for hours. It’s proper screaming, wide awake, wriggling around and not settling for more than a minute before she gets herself in a frenzy again. The last 2 nights these have started within 3 hours of bedtime so hours from her feed time. The FB group admins have been great but I don’t think this is normal… no where in what I’ve read do these MOTN wakings get mentioned as being as long as 2 plus hours, nor so far into the process. I read the comments from people who’ve had full nights sleep after 3 nights of ST with such jealousy, this has been far from my experience of CIO. What we have achieved (most nights) is a baby who we can put in her cot awake and have her put herself to sleep – win! However this doesn’t seem to have helped her get herself back to sleep when she comes out of a sleep cycle in the MOTN. So really it’s not a huge improvement, I could get her to sleep for 3-4 hours by feeding her before bed and then she’d wake up every few hours and I’d rock or feed her depending what time it was, the advantage of this over what we have now is that she wasn’t crying for hours so she and I had more sleep. I honestly don’t want to go back to this and I truly want CIO to work for us as this has been a really tough start to parenthood BUT it’s difficult to feel like we’re making any progress at the minute…
    Bedtime routine is – feed (at least 30 mins from bedtime), massage, bath, pjs, stories, bed awake.
    Naps are sporadic at the moment but I try for at least 3 hours a day and for 2.5-3 hours awake time before bed
    Thank you!!

  23. hi alexis,

    my baby is 3 to 4 months old, and she tends to fall asleep at around 4am to 12 noon, what do i do? how can I adjust it so she sleeps at night and not 4 in the morning?

  24. Hi Alexis,

    Thanks to your advice we now have a baby who will nap 1.5-2 hours a nap in her bouncer, unswaddled, with no rocking. she also sleeps through the night in her crib, though we let her fall asleep in the bouncer first—but she has woken in the night briefly and returned to sleep in it just fine without help. I hoped that the transition from napping in rocker to napping in crib would be relatively painless, but not so—she sleeps 20-35 min now and that’s it. No more getting over the light sleep hurdle. We did it for a day and a half and now I’ve caved and returned her to the bouncer. Any ideas for us? I stopped swaddling her because she can roll over but I’m thinking of letting her nap in it to restrict some movement. Is that a good idea, or do you have any other thoughts about the matter? I was so hoping it would be straightforward 🙁

  25. Hi,
    My daughter just turned 4 months old. I think she might have started her sleep regression, because, although her naps were only 45 minutes long a week ago, they are now 20-30 minutes long. I don’t think it has impacted her night sleeping yet (knock on wood). But, I’m trying to determine what I need to start eliminating 1st, 2nd, etc. She was being rocked to sleep or bottle fed to sleep. We are now feeding her after her naps and laying her down when sleepy. She cries when put down, but I usually stand there with my hand on her chest or rub her head and give her the pacifier, which generally calms her down. I know that’s a step in the right direction. But, now I’m wondering when should I be eliminating her wrap and her pacifier, and which should I do first. She already sleeps with one arm out of the wrap, and has been for the last week and a half and is doing great with it now. She has been falling asleep with the paci in her mouth for quite some time now. I’m wondering if that is impacting her length of naps… She’s been waking up from her naps with it still in her mouth, but then spits the paci out to cry… I am also wanting to move her into her own room soon. I feel like our commotion when going to bed is starting to waken her more, so seems logical to move her into her room. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

  26. I have a 5 month old girl who is doing very well except for bedtime. All of her daytime naps and her nighttime wake ups she is able to put herself to sleep. Why is it that when bedtime comes she transforms into a screaming banshee and requires two hours of my assistance to get her to sleep? I feel that I am doing everything right. I have a short routine with plenty of cues, she goes down awake but drowsy and then drifts off to sleep on her own. Why is bedtime so hard?

    • Hey Meredith I have the same thing happening with my 4.5 month old. Have you found any solutions??? I tried sleep coaching but it seems like shes not interested in soothing herself at night and just cries and screams.

  27. Hey Sarah,

    Honestly I think my silver bullet was realizing there is no silver bullet. Bedtime is still hard but it’s always easiest when she’s had good naps during the day so I focus on keeping the good thing going all day. Then, I just came to terms with the fact that bedtime is hard and stopped expecting the same day time magic. I starting pitting her down at 6:30 instead of 7:00 and spending more snuggle time with her. A lot of times if I just go in after she has been crying for a bit and hold her for an extra 15 minutes it does the trick. Sometimes she just wants to nurse for 5 more minutes then she’s good. I’m just realizing that her emotional needs are higher at this time of day and trying to accommodate without blowing up our whole process. So far, even with the extra nursing, rocking and holding all other things are holding steady.

    Best of luck to you!

  28. Dear Alexis,
    Thank you for your help! Our 4 month old went from waking every two hours at night and never being put down for naps to 12 hours of (briefly interrupted) night sleep and 3-4 1 hour-ish naps- your articles on swing training and time between naps have saved all of our brains!

    Reading your article “Why Sleep Training Didn’t Work” has made it clear that his sleep association with feeding is still holding on as he is down at 6:30pm, asleep for a long stretch, and then wakes about 2-4 times for feedings. But he goes down pretty easy at bedtime and at each night feeding, goes into the swing awake. I have even watched him awake on the night vision monitor for 20 minutes on occasion, just hanging out, getting to sleep.

    My question is, do you recommend transitioning from swing (the swing isn’t currently on at night anymore just naps) to crib first or breaking the feeding association first. I admit, I am so happy to have sleep that I am afraid of messing it up with making the wrong choice!

    And again, thank you for all you do- excited for the book,

  29. I am taking your advice on going straight for the less complicated extinction approach and we are night weaning at same time – and it is working! We are on a great path and feeling very encouraged. My question: How do naps relate? Should we have our nanny use the same “extinction” approach as we do at night? Obvi the nanny isn’t nursing the baby (or maybe not so obvi) but she lets him fall asleep at the bottle and rocks him to sleep. That is really the only part I am wondering about. She puts him in the crib with same sleep sack and white noise we do at night. But baby is def expecting her to come when he cries and rock til he sleeps. I want to do what is best to support the night sleep plan.

  30. Thanks so much for your tips. I have a 3.5 month old who started sleeping in a bouncy when we got home from the hospital, but slowly ended up cosleeping with us. We would like to transition him to his crib now, but aren’t sure how to take the first step. We have a pack n play downstairs for naps and one upstairs next to our bed (which he rarely uses) and his crib is down the hall. He cries when we put him down to bed and I just want to pick him up to soothe him, but know that will just set us back more. Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you.

  31. Hi Alexis,

    Thank you for your site! Appreciate all the articles and help!
    I have a quick question if you’re still answering questions…
    My son is 3 months old today, and he hates going to sleep (what’s new).
    At night, we do our bedtime routine of bath, swaddle, nurse (just a top-off).
    Then, either while nursing or after when he’s put down, my son starts to fuss, kick and arch his back. His eyes are lead-heavy, he can’t even keep them open, but he kicks his butt off to fight off sleep. This, in turn, makes him overtired and he ends up a crying mess and I spend an hour if not more walking around with him, trying to soothe him.
    This has been going on every other night or so for about a week and a half to two weeks now and I am exhausted.

    I tried leaving him to fuss it out before, but he still ends up a hot mess, besides, he’s been too young for CIO.

    What can I do?

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