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Are You Making these Baby Sleep Mistakes?

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Giving birth is a big deal. Even an easy birth leaves most Moms feeling like wet cat food. Your house is probably full of meddling relatives and your living room is awash in baby blankets and burp cloths. Baby care and feeding is significantly less straight-forward than it seemed in that New Baby class you took a few months ago. And you are so fatigued that you get winded opening the fridge.

Your plate is probably pretty full so I don’t want to send you into panic mode about newborn baby sleep (hint: newborn=0-3 months), but here are some common potholes for babies you want to avoid. Actually everything here applies to babies from birth to 6 months.

10 Common Newborn Baby Sleep Mistakes

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  1. Keeping Baby Awake Too Long

    Most new parents are confused by how long their newborn baby should be awake because so many believe that they’ll simply fall asleep when they need sleep (some will, most won’t). Truthfully most newborn babies can only stay awake about an hour. For the first few weeks your newborn baby may only be able to stay wake for 30-40 minutes. Even if your baby SEEMS content to stay awake for longer periods of time it is in your and your baby’s best interest to help her sleep more frequently. Overtired babies cry more and sleep poorly at night so managing sleep throughout the day is a great way to make the first few months a happier time for everybody.

  2. Keeping Baby Awake During the Day

    Most newborns are surprisingly awake at night. Horrifyingly this “playtime” often happens between 1:00 am – 4:00 am when no civilized parent has any interest in playing (and the TV selection is limited to infomercials and Who’s the Boss). It is a commonly held myth that keeping baby awake during the day will solve this problem (this is the “tire them out so they sleep better” theory). This is patently untrue. Keeping baby awake during the day will simply make baby more tired and potentially exacerbate your night party problem. What will fix it?

    Time.

    When baby is up at night keep the lights dim and activity to a minimum. No loud, blinky, bouncy toys. Most babies will organically sort out this day-night sleep reversal by ~6 weeks of age.

  3. Trying to “Fix” Baby’s Sleep

    I love it when families take their children’s sleep seriously. I really do. However while there are many things about newborn sleep that parent my not love (awake at night, short naps, frequent feedings, etc.) part of being the parent of a newborn is accepting that for now, baby is driving the sleep bus. Trying to force a schedule, getting frustrated with cat naps, feeling anxious about how much your baby sleeps, etc. are all loosing strategies when you have a newborn. Which leads me to…

  4. Forcing the Crib

    About 0% of newborn babies will sleep happily in a crib. I know you just spent $1000 on that delightful Pottery Barn crib and can’t wait to see your little peanut sleeping in it. But you and your peanut will be much happier and will get a lot more sleep if you accept that most babies aren’t sleeping in the crib until sometime between 2-6 months of age (and sometimes later). For a newborn, the crib is huge and flat which is pretty much the opposite of what they are used to. Where do they sleep? In co-sleepers, with Mom, in car seats, or my personal recommendation, in a swing.

  5. Letting Baby Cry it Out

    Listen tired peeps, there are definitely times and circumstances where CIO is the answer. This is not one of those times.

  6. Worrying About Sleeping Through the Night

    Your newborn baby might be sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. Or it may be 8 months. You may get a lucky night where she sleeps all night and then be horrified when it never happens again. I know how tired you are. For a year and a half I would fantasize about leaving my baby home with my husband so I could go to a hotel and sleep blissfully uninterrupted for AS. LONG. AS. I. WANTED. Newborn sleep bounces around like an angry snake. You’ll have hideous nights. Wonderful nights. And you’ll never know what you’re going to get. Don’t worry about it. It won’t be like this forever.

  7. Not Accepting Help

    I see MANY couples who have convinced themselves that there is only one parent who has the skills to care for baby during the night. This is ridiculousness. If your partner can’t care for baby at night then show them how. Put them through baby boot camp. Whatever you have to do to enable them to take some night parenting duties off your shoulders. If you’re nursing and feel like it HAS to be you, start working on getting baby to take a bottle (it doesn’t get any easier as they get older so best to introduce this now). Let Dad take 1 feeding a night while you get some uninterrupted sleep in the guest room. Don’t allow yourself to be the sole baby zen master in the house.

  8. Not Sleeping When Baby Sleeps

    After a few weeks you’ll probably notice that there are general times of day when your baby is more likely to sleep in larger chunks. One of the first good chunks to develop is when they go to bed at night (generally after being awake for a longer period of time). So if you aren’t going to bed when your baby does, you’re missing out on the biggest window of uninterrupted sleep you’re likely to get all day. I know the house is a mess, you haven’t showered in a week, and the grass in your yard is so high that your neighbor’s 5 year old got lost in there. Forgetaboutit. Go to bed.

  9. Not Using Sleep Aids

    Parents will also express their concerns about baby getting “addicted” or becoming “dependent” upon sleep aids (swaddling, white noise, pacifiers, swings, etc.). So their solution is to not use them and thus avoid sending their baby to White Noise Anonymous to deal with their sleep aid addiction. If your baby is under 6 months old, sleep aids are your friend. Embrace them. I promise you, your kid will be out of the swaddle by kindergarten.

  10. Comparing Your Baby to THEIR Baby

    In every new baby playgroup there is the blessed child who starts sleeping through the night at 4 weeks and takes huge chunky naps during the day. You will look at this well rested, recently showered parent and start to feel like you must have failed in some significant way. You haven’t, they just got lucky. About 33% of babies are “easy” – they are easily soothed, fall asleep easily, sleep longer with less frequent night wakings, etc. It’s just the way of the world. Your baby will get there too. Eventually

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If you haven’t already checked it out, Baby Sleep: What is Normal is also a really great resource on how much sleep babies need by age.

So did I miss any? Feel free to share any stumbles you’ve had. I promise you, you aren’t the only one!
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{Photo credit: Emery Co Photo}

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Comments

  1. I am having trouble with my 3 week old. He is my second baby and my first one (using all your tricks) slept great! This babe however is up wanting to eat every hour and most days refuses to nap even with the help of swaddle, white noise, pacifier, AND swing!! He will sometimes pass out for ten minutes and then right back up (at bedtime he will often do a 2.5 hour stretch but thats it). He sleeps great in my arms, the carseat, etc. Help!!

    Reply

    • Sounds like your little dude has a bad case of FOMO 😉

      It’s hard to make grand generalizations in the first few weeks because for some of us the first few weeks just suck super bad and the only REAL advice is – do what you need to (that’s save obvs) and get through it. Things tend to improve around 6 weeks.

      It’s OK if he naps on your lap for now as long as you’re awake. So it maybe that for the next few weeks “putting him down” for naps is impossible.

      Good luck and I hope this phase is a short one!

      Reply

      • Like to read comments to learn as much as I can to help out with our newborn. Huge complaint on most if not all comment section on pregnancy & children related sites is the use of acronyms… I’m reading these at 3am, after having been up since 8-9am the previous day and worked a 10 hour shift.. what does FOMO stand for?

        Reply

        • FOMO isn’t actually a parenting acronym it’s a pop culture one – Fear Of Missing Out 🙂

          And yes the comments are full of acronyms, it’s a function of 90% of people being on smart phones and trying to minimize the typing. I get lost sometimes too.

          Reply

    • My newborn is 2 and a half weeks old and is wide awake at night, usually after 2am and doesn’t fall back asleep. He stays awake in the bassinet just making noises,
      Occasionally fussing but pretty content. I have just been letting him remain in the bassinet while I go back to sleep. He will start to cry when he’s ready to eat. I feed him, soothe him, he falls asleep, but then wakes up as soon as I place him back in the bassinet. Is there something else I can do to help him fall asleep? Or do I just let him continue to lay there as he is content..?

      Reply

  2. I should add that I always try to put him down for naps before he has been awake too long but usually by the time he falls asleep he has been up far too long and the overtiredness probably contributes to the issue!

    Reply

  3. Firstly, this website is really ‘precious’ for us parents. Just that I found it only yesterday! I wish I had somehow stumbled upon this website earlier…

    My little 4 and 1/2 month old sonny is neither a great napper nor does he go to sleep on his own. Every nap/sleep is a struggle be it day or night. I try every method I know of – swaddling, swinging, rocking, nursing to sleep. Some days nothing works and he just cries and cries and cries. It’s just painful and heartbreaking to see him like this 🙁 I don’t know what to do.

    Reply

  4. Hi!
    How are you ? Your website is so great. So many helpful tips. I have couple questions. My baby is a month and 10 days old. For the past week or so she tends to wake up around 4 am and will not go back to sleep until 7. Also she does seem to want to sleep between 10 and 4 pm now a day. Is she not getting enough feeding? It seems she does not fall into deep sleep mode. She Is easily startle or cried a bit then fall back to sleep, please help me. This is my first baby and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for all your help .

    Reply

  5. Hi, Thanks for posting the information about “baby sleep and modern parents” syndrome, it is very valuable information. I have also heard concerns about the stress these newborns are suffering from for being kept awake 3 to 4 hrs in the afternoons, hoping that “they will sleep longer” at night. The unknown as to how this stress might impact the infant’s development, physically, emotionally or mentally could be a concern especially with children who have predisposition to certain medical, emotional or behavioural illnesses. Do you have any information about this? I appreciate your input.

    Reply

  6. i also love the idea that night is for the adults. liv goes to bed early, too (by 7) and if we want to go out, the sitter comes around 7:15. the sitter doesn’t have to do anything, except for be here if livi wakes up or needs anything, and we can go have fun or just enjoy the night togetherwhat time does your daughter wake up in the morning?and that gives me hope about “the pause” later on! i’ll definitely be better at the whole sleep thing next go around

    Reply

    • If you had asked me 5 years ago I would have said, “Yes if it works – go for it!”

      But I don’t say that now. More recent research suggests that sleeping in carseats leads to schlumping and measurably decreases babies oxygen intake. So no, I wouldn’t recommend it. If they HAPPEN to fall asleep in the car seat in the CAR, so be it. But all night in the car seat is not recommended.

      What about a full-sized fully reclined infant swing or RNP?

      Reply

  8. My little girl is only 2 weeks old and is showing symptoms of having reflux like I have, she won’t sleep flat in her bassinet and only gets good sleep elevated in my arms or on my chest, what do you suggest I try to make her more comfortable, it breaks my heart to see her in pain

    Reply

    • My son slept in his bouncy chair so he could lay at a 45 degree angle for at least 6 months, day and night. He refused to lay on his back his entire infancy. Also check the car seat adjustment–he would scream like crazy in the car seat; we changed the angle just a bit and he cried WAY less in the car.

      Reply

  9. Looking for suggestions… my 4 week old will only sleep in my arms day or night. We try every day to put her down at varying levels of sleep with a warmed bed with no luck… within 3 minutes she is crying and quickly becomes hysterical and is a master of getting out of a swaddle…

    Reply

  10. Your site is amazing!!!!!!!! Thank you for reaffirming some things for me as the Mom of my newborn (2nd baby). I would think I have this figured out by now but I guess it’s sometimes more complicated than we like it to be! 😉 my newborn was suuuuch a chill baby (still is in some ways) and slept too well, but since two days ago (11days old) she’s been extremely fussy, gassy perhaps?, and difficult day and night. Trying to figure this out….any other feedback? 🙂

    Reply

  11. Hi there… Your site is wonderful. I’m reading it to my wife while we struggle with our newborn boy. We’re working through trying to understand him, his queues and difficulties. He’s a very gassy baby and cannot pass it easily – meaning he screams with varying degrees of cramping when not feeding or being burped.

    My question – with abdominal gas and discomfort, there is no silver bullet solution. Given this and the amount of crying, he might sleep for 10 – 12hrs /night no matter what we try. Do we need to push our health care professionals given his general lack of sleepiness? Or push through and hope for change? Thank you

    Reply

    • If baby is breastfed gas could be caused by not having long enough feeds on one side. Fore milk is gas producing and hind milk is fatty and sustaining.

      Reply

      • Apologies, by 10 to 12hrs per night I meant per 24 hour period.

        Regarding the milk, he’s an eating machine. Usually eats for 2 hours (1 per breast) for long meals. For ‘quick’ ones he’s on there for 45 mins.

        Reply

    • Wait what now?

      He nurses 1 hour PER BOOB? Wow. I mean…my condolences to your wife.

      Nursing is great and babies definitely nurse for general comfort. However if I were nursing for 2 hour stretches as a matter of norm, I would want to talk to an IBCLC about this. Why does he take 2 hours? I don’t know. It could be that there is a latch issue that makes his eating less efficient (this could also result in lots of swallowing of air). It could be a tongue tie. It could be that he’s only eating for 20 minutes and the rest of the time he’s just sucking and lounging. I don’t know but if I were you I might want to find a referral for somebody locally who could help me get some answers.

      10-12 hours per 24 hour period is definitely extremely low. Is it possible that’s the “norm” for him? Technically, yes it’s possible. But would more lean towards ” he needs more help sleeping.” Usually that’s in the form of more soothing (swaddle, white noise, pacifier, etc. – all stuff covered on the blog).

      But my first stop would be to get some nursing support and flat out ask – what’s up with the 2 hour nursing business?

      Reply

      • Ok so some updates:

        He is latching fine and eating properly, confirmed by a lactation consultant.

        We’ve recorded everything for the last 24 hour period – this one was exceptionally bad:

        Fed for a total of just under 8 hours across 16 feeds – each of those times were in response to cues or crying (when he was past the cues earlier this morning). He is eating the entire time. He gets a little lazy at the end, but 90% of that he’s active for. We aren’t letting him sleep on the boob.

        He has slept for a total of 4 hours and has screamed for far more than that. I just spent 3 sustained hours with him attempting to soothe him with maybe 2 minutes of calm.

        I mentioned gas – he’s not like this through the day. He screams but for not as long. At night it won’t end and if it was all gas he would do it all the time versus show a day/night pattern, right? Sure he has gas pain – but what else is up here?

        The lactation consultant mentioned stimulus overload – but how when all he has done is feed or cry? Only stimulus he has is what he’s generating.

        Regarding sleep aids. He has kicked off the swaddled, won’t accept the soothers (when freaking out), won’t rock to sleep… Nothing!

        Anyway, apologies if I sound like I’m complaining. It’s been a long night! Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

        Reply

        • It’s not stimulus overload. Yes kids who are not sleeping (and yours isn’t) get overtired and overtired kids are inconsolable. But there is no stimulus overload. That’s not a thing.

          I would keep swaddling tightly even if he seems to fight it. Swaddle, darkness, and white noise. 100%

          As for why he’s crying I have a hard time believing it’s gas. Because you’re right – gas wouldn’t be limited to night time.

          I don’t want to suggest there is a “problem” but have you considered:
          a) reflux
          b) dairy intolerance

          These are the most common issues for babies (and they’re still relatively rare at 2% and 5% respectfully). I might ask the pediatrician about these issues. If it’s dairy it’s a relatively quick fix – remove all milk protein from Mom’s diet (read labels it’s EVERYWHERE). If that’s the root issue you should see dramatic improvement within 1 week although technically it takes up to 3 to get ALL proteins out of breastmilk.

          REflux is more challenging to diagnose (you can read more here: https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/medical-problem/

          But with this much screaming and nonsleeping I would consider digging into those two possibilities.

          Reply

          • Hey Alexis, thank you for working back and forth with me on this. So we’ve been to a Dr who said there isn’t anything medically wrong with him and gave us infant Tylenol *sigh*. Extreme case of colic. He said his digestive system is likely having a harder time than most learning to function. Apparently much of the digestive process happens at night, hence the issues he said. Doesn’t think it’s acid reflux because there would be other signs.

            We’re going to get to a pediatrician, just timing isn’t easy until next week unless we hit the local emergency department.

            His update… He’s slept 4 hours in the last 24. We’re dying here! He’ll fall asleep feeding, then wake up 10 minutes later (almost to the second) screaming. Then the same cycle has repeated. All. Day. And Night. Long. His poor little eyes are red, puffy and baggy. He looks so uncomfortable almost all the time.

            The dr also said there is no medical issue with him not sleeping. It’ll be an issue for us, but babies don’t require tons of sleep. Is this accurate?! So worried about this little guy. He’s slept 24 hours over the last 4 days – and that is accurate within an hour either direction.

            Is he ok to continue in this fashion? Should we wait it out? Or is something wrong here? Just wondering how much noise I should be making with our medical community on his behalf. Thank you again!

            Andrew

            Reply

            • Sorry and just to be clear – we’ve done everything we could think of to help him sleep. 10 minute cycles is the best we can get.

            • Hi Andrew…I feel so much sympathy for your situation and for your baby! How old is your baby btw? I would definitely seek your pediatricians help in this. The only suggestion I have is perhaps asking about probiotic drops for babies? If his digestive system needs some help, I’ve read probiotic drops can be very beneficial in the newborn phase. Perhaps this is something you can ask the pediatrician about?
              I am praying you find answers quickly for your baby and family!

            • Hi Andrew, how’s it going? It’s been a few months since your post. I hope you stumbled across some helpful Lactation Consultants and Paediatricans. I sympathise! My first was the same and we didn’t get the help he (we) needed until he was 4 months. My plug is to (1) keep fighting for assessment, diagnosis and treatment for your precious baby who.really needs help (2) seek help for yourselves…you two will be very vulnerable to postnatal depression while under so much stress and sleep deprivation. I really hope you have lots of practical support around you (3) stick to cosleeping with him upright and skin to skin as much as possible (absolutely no sleep training at this age). Hope things are on the up for you all now.

  12. Baby is 8 days old – and thank you for that recommendation. I have a bottle of Bio Gaia ProTectis which I badly want to give him but was urged to wait until we speak to his doctor. ProTectis is something a friend tried with his premature daughter and got some result. The studies they conducted certainly seem positive.

    Thanks again Sam.

    Andrew

    Reply

    • Hi Andrew,

      Your son sounds very similar to my first. Ate forever at a time, screamed and cried a lot, slept for no more than 15 minutes- usually being held, and we were told he was healthy and there were no problems.

      After having son #2 I now realize how abnormal my first really was. He had two issues (which may have been related). One was a posterior tongue tie and a lip tie. After being told by three lactation consultants he didn’t have one I found one who specialized in ties and said he did indeed. It was corrected using a laser by a dentist and slowly but surely his feeds (and his countenance) started improving.

      The second issue was reflux- specifically silent GERD. He did not spit up but swallowed it back down and screamed more because of it. There is medication for this but we did home remedies (elevate crib, colic calm, probiotics), and waited it out with time. It was awful.

      I spent a lot of nights sleeping with him upright in a rocking chair. It did take a few months but slowly got better and then we had to do significant sleep training around 6 months. However now he is a very healthy and super happy 2 year old who sleeps! The 24 hour screaming sessions didn’t seem to harm him long term and I eventually recovered from them too. 🙂

      I’ll pray you get some answers. Good luck!

      Reply

      • Thanks for checking in. So it’s been an adventure. He’s really up and down. We’re in the hospital right now for an UTI and the antibiotics are really bothering him.

        Before that he’s had a few good night and many long ones filled with crying. At the high end he’s around 12 hours per 24, but averages around 8. Very uncomfortable baby.
        One product we’re using that seem to make some difference. Biogia ProTectis probiotic is seemingly helpful. The pediatrician says it works wonders.

        Here’s a possible story one the discomfort. Apparently babies that are c section are very uncomfortable due to a lack of initial bacteria from the vagina during birth. That’s why they’re extra difficult with digestion. ProTectis helps add some of that flora in.

        Anyway, he’s on IV now and very uncomfortable, so my wife isn’t getting much sleep. I’m not allowed to stay which is good for my night of sleep but bad for her sanity.

        Again, thank you, and I’ll keep you posted if things change. So far living with exhaustion is the new normal!

        Reply

        • Andrew,

          I’m so sorry you’ve had such a difficult start to parenting. That sounds awful. Glad you found something that seems to be helping a bit. Hope you continue to get answers!

          Carrie

          Reply

        • Hi Andrew,
          I came across your post and your journey sounds very similar to what my husband and i experienced with our now 4year old. He would sleep only 3 to 4 hours in 24hours and i can tell you some Doctors had no idea what to do. We were referred to many specialist. We tried chrio and probiotics we were desperate to help him. We were also desperate for sleep, everyone needs sleep so I completely feel for you and your wife. You are doing and amazing job.
          Our little one would constantly scream in pain and was awake in pain for hours and would only fall asleep for 5 or so minutes at a time.
          We found a wonderful paediatrian and gastro specialist whom diagnosed him with severe GORD which is the worst reflux a bub can have. This in conjuction with a cows milk intolerance he was placed on medication and a corn based formula called elecare. Which in australia is prescription only forumla. We also continued with improving the gut flora. He improved but was never a “good” sleeper but at least would sleep for 2hours at a time. He still experienced discomfort and pain and we had to help him to learn how to sleep. Helping a bub with medical issues learn to sleep is not as easy as people may suggest and most peoples advise is coming from a good place but their bubs likely didn’t have the challenges you are having.

          I am not suggesting your little one has either of these issues. I just wanted to share my experience. The best thing we did was erase all timeframes from when a baby “should” sleep through the night, and embrace the good moments. My paediatrian once said some babies like adults are not good sleepers.
          I know it may not seem like it now, but things will get better. I wish i could tell you when but i know at some point they will.
          Your so right living exhausted is the new normal.
          Wishing you good health.

          Reply

  14. Hi Alexis,
    I find really helpful your article, thank you very much.
    I am the proud mom of a beautiful 14 weeks old baby girl.
    We have worked out she sleeping nicely at nights since 2 weeks now. She sleeps in her co-sleeper with white noise and wakes up mainly to be feed. As you mentioned, there are nights better than others… but that is already something we made our peace with.
    Now, I have another concern about her sleep habits. Even thought we could master the evenings, during the day, she just sleeps in my arms. I use a baby carrier and carry her around with me. I experience some back pain at the end of the day, but my strength has grown toguether with her. Every day I try to put her down to sleep in her co-sleeper and every day she jumps like having bad dreams during 15-20 min. Is not that she immediately cries. She realizes I put her down, same as during the night, but somehow she can not stay calm during the day. After 20min she just completely wakes up very upset and I the process starts all over, the second time I just let her sleep properly in the baby carrier on me. During the day she sleeps regularly 5-7 hours in the carrier and during the night other 8-10 hours.
    My questions are, how could I help her (and myself) to be comfortable laying down during the day? Is this just a face? I cannot really imagine to keep her sleeping on me when she gets bigger, she is already big for her age (7Kg) and growing happily and healthy. Should I just be patient or should I actively do something?
    Thank you very much for your answer!
    Best,
    Gaby

    Reply

  15. My 4 week old born at 36 weeks is pretty connect but often at night he’ll be awake but happy. During the day he shrugs up to 3-4 hours but usually only 1-2 at night. Sometimes at night he’s safe, awake and content but I worry about sleeping while he’s awake. Is this something I should be concerned about?

    Reply

    • Sorry, should read– my 4 week old born at 36 weeks is pretty content but often at night he’ll be awake but happy. Sometimes at night he’s safe, awake and content but I worry about sleeping while he’s awake. Is this something I should be concerned about? During the day he sleeps up to 3-4 hours but usually only 1-2 at night.

      Reply

      • If he’s in a safe place, and he’s happy at night, I think it’s fine for you to sleep. It’s probably better that way, because you’re making nighttime nice and boring for him, and he’ll let you know when he needs you. And by the time he’s 6-8 weeks old (adjusted), his circadian rhythm will develop, and he’ll start sleeping longer/more during the night.

        Reply

  16. This is a living he’ll at night. According to my watch I’ve slept 7 hours in the last 3 days. I feel drunk I’m so tired during the day.

    Reply

  17. So a little bit the same and a little bit different then what I’ve read on here. We have a 5 day old son who sleeps 15/17 hours between 6a to 11p. The second! We go upstairs at 11p after his feeding he loses it. Hysterically crying for 3-4 hours until his next feeding. My wife and I are losing our minds and are very tired. He was a nicu baby from a c section. Wondering some suggestions to avoid this 4 hour nightmare every night and or what it could be stemming from

    He’s an amazing boy all day long. Feeding and sleeping with perfection. Is this a case of day night confusion? I figured trying make him stay up more than 2 hours from 6-11 but then i read that’s not good at all.

    Before anyone says. We swaddle and use mamaroos and white noise. We do skin to skin up and down walk and sing. I mean everything. Pacy or not. It doesn’t matter. It’s like he’s telling us to pay attention to him the second we finally try to lay down. He’s wide awake most of this time too. Please please help!

    Reply

    • So it’s not day/night confusion, it’s the fact that he doesn’t yet have a “night” – his circadian rhythm isn’t working yet. Newborns nap randomly throughout the day and have, periodically, long periods of wakefulness. His is 11 – 3. He’s crying because he can’t sleep. Keeping him awake longer during the day right now won’t help. He’s only 5 days old. I know you want to fix this but honestly the answer is time. I would stop pushing him to try to sleep at 11 PM – this will leave you and him frustrated. PLAN to be awake during these hours. Alternate nights if you can. Take long naps during the day when he does. When he’s awake during the day use bright light exposure if you can (take him outside for walks that sort of thing). Keep the lights and activity low/dim from 11- 3 when hes awake. But for now, don’t kill yourself trying to make him sleep. He likely won’t and can’t for a while. Gradually this gap will get shorter and it won’t always be this horrible. But truthfully I would buckle down for a few weeks.

      Reply

  18. Spelling nazi here… “are all loosing strategies.”

    That would be “losing” strategies. 😉

    Anyway, backing to dealing with my 6-month-old who is a terrible sleeper. My poor arms are gonna fall off from carrying and walking him. I had to put him down and let him fuss for a bit — one of the very rare times he’s not crying (screaming) within seconds.

    Reply

  19. My 6 month old little girl refuses to sleep anywhere but in her co-sleeper or in our lap’s. We have tried to putting down while still awake or drowsy and she screams like she has just gotten her shots. She turns purple has giant crocodile tears and this will go on for an hour. If she is in her co-sleeper bassinet on our bed secured she sleeps 12 hours. However she is getting to big for her little place and starting to roll around in it and wake herself up. WE NEED ADVICE!!!! My husband and I are spent and just don’t know what else to do.We have conquered not swaddling her anymore but it’s time for her to sleep in her own space because she is to big for anything else and we want her to be safe and continue to sleep through the night!! Any suggestions are welcome!

    Reply

  20. Hi! I have an almost 5 week old baby that has a very hard time napping during the day. I try to put him down so he’s not overtired, but he just will not fall asleep. He’s been in the swing for longer than 30 minutes and it doesn’t put him to sleep at all. Any tips?

    Reply

  21. Hi Team. I figured a view from a MM would be just the cake this thread needs.
    Im a 40 year old Project Manager with both the most amazing wife Rachel and most wonderful baby girl Lily, born 27/07/17. She being my Third (two boys), and Rachels and mine only, the experience has been one of wonder, joy and utter lack of sleep. Our Lily is the most interactive aware little thing, having been Transverse Breach (C-Sect) at 39 weeks, she came onto the world with the strongest head and legs. from day one she could hold her head up, and turn it. Standing up with just stabilisation came at week 3. Week 8 brought stand up and sit down under her own steam (still stabilising tho)!!! Currently, my Amazing Rachel has her going down awake, after an hour, usually sleeping for 45mins – 60 mins. Nights are a 6pm ish feed, hard to get to sleep, but once there 4 hours. Then awake 12-1, sleep and back with us around 3-4. Much better than some I know. She just decided yesterday to make things hard, sleeping for 20mins only at a time. We have shared night duties from week two, having been forced into the bottle…. Having read this and many other articles on the matter, I would sincerely recommend this site and its methods to any who ask.
    Good Luck to all you Mums out there,
    Yours Sincerely
    A Dad.

    Reply

  23. Alexa,

    Love you, love your book, love your advice. I need some help – I’m stumped. I have a 5 week old baby girl who is a great sleeper. She sleeps 6-7 hours uninterrupted at night., falls asleep by herself with white noise and a swing during the day. But at bedtime it’s a different story. She wakes up and is alert and happy around 7pm. She starts fussing around 8. I nurse her, change her, swaddle her, sway her and sing her until she is drowsy but awake. She falls asleep in her dock a tot then from that point on its 2-3 hours of her waking up every 10 minutes. Until she falls asleep for the night. Help! What am i doing wrong at night?

    Reply

    • You’re probably doing nothing wrong – she has a very late bedtime which is pretty typical at 5 weeks. She’s napping around 8 and the constant waking is her not really sleeping until she goes to bed for the night (far later) and then sleeps for 6-7 hours. This is a pretty typical newborn thing – her circadian rhythm isn’t quite developed so she’s got long stretches of not quite sleep happening.

      Reply

  24. Please don’t let baby sleep in a car seat or swing. Get a rocking bassinet and keep baby safe. I had to stop reading after that because no medically-sound individual would recommend that.

    Reply

  25. Hi, my daughter is 3 1/2 months old. She is dependent on me to nurse her to sleep. We co-sleep at night. Lately she has been waking up all night to nurse but she’s not drinking. She’s waking up to put herself back to sleep. So all night she cries a little. I wake up take her out of her co sleeper. Nurse her back to sleep and either fall asleep w her next to me or put her back in her sleeper once she’s back in her sleeper. She’s up again to nurse back to sleep. I’ve tried pacifiers but that doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do. When I don’t give her my breast she will scream and cry. I’ve tried other soothing techniques. When do I put her in her crib. Every night I get such anxiety cause she also bites me. I don’t know when to put her in her crib. She does nap there once a day. I tried to put her in her crib when awake for a nap and she freaks out. I always have to nurse her. Am I doing something wrong. My other daughter is 2 and I made a lot of mistakes in regards to her sleep. She won’t fall asleep w out us. Doesn’t nap anymore and co slept till 1 1/2. I don’t want to make these mistakes again.

    Reply

    • Diane,

      Honestly? Check out my book. It answers ALL these questions. It sounds like you’re a bit stuck with WHEN she should nap and go to bed (this is a huge thing and picking the right WHEN is pretty important). If you don’t want to cosleep with your new daughter in the long term the best time to stop doing so is now. And that means changing how she falls asleep at bedtime and not nursing to sleep. Will this be easy? No. But it’s also not safe to have a 2 YO and a 3 month old all piled up in the same bed so let’s consider having the newborn sleep in her crib as an essential change that we need to make. Snag the book, read it in all your free time (yeah right?), and come up with a plan to get your 3.5 month old falling asleep on her on IN the crib.

      Reply

  27. Hi there. My 7 week old can sleep for 4 hours during the daytime but rarely goes more than 2.5 hours at a time at night. Should I be waking her after a couple of hours during the day at this stage? Many thanks

    Reply

  28. Every sleep surface you suggested is a sleep hazard. Babies should only sleep on a hard flat surface to reduce the risk of SIDS. This is awful advice to give to new parents.

    Reply

  30. I just want to say thank you for this information and your website. I feel like all of the other sleep resources make you feel like you are doomed if your 10 week old sleeps in a swing and doesn’t sleep for a long stretch at night. This is my 3rd baby, worst sleeper and my usual very minor anxiety has spiraled due to lack of sleep trying to use the same sleep training that worked for the first 2. So I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, you have truly been a a great resource for me not feeling like a total failure (which of course only worsens anxiety)

    Reply

  31. My 7 week old boy won’t sleep during the day.
    He sleeps overnight ( I wake him for feeds) from about 8 pm to 6am.
    Daytime naps are really difficult and are normally 10 mins if any, this seems to be a new thing that started 2 weeks ago.
    I enjoyed reading this article and hope to use some of the ideas to help.

    Reply

  32. I really needed to read this. Baby #3 is 4 days old and it’s really frustrating to hear people constantly say “he has his nights and days mixed up” I was confident at first because I know the first few weeks are difficult. But those words make it harder and make it seem something is wrong. I never co slept with my older two, also never breastfed, and even breastfeeding has been discouraged towards me because he’s not sleeping.

    This article just made me feel better and to take it in stride. I appreciate your words on this very tiring morning full of tears.

    Reply

  33. I would just like to say thank you for this incredible article. I truly loved every second of it. My little guy is 3 and a half weeks old and as a new mom, I obviously question everything I’m doing to make sure that it’s “right”. Generally speaking he is a relatively easy baby – only seems to cry when he needs something. I did notice though that he wasn’t too keen on sleeping in his bassinet so my instinct was to let him sleep in the swing. After a few middle of the night feeding sessions spent on Google, I found that a lot of people seem to think this is the wrong choice and I was really beating myself up about it. Finally I came to the conclusion that parenting is your own journey and finding out what works for your baby is your own decision. I loved all of your advice and found that all of your pointers really spoke to me in terms of the decisions we have made so far. Thank you for such an excellent read!

    Reply

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Alexis Dubief Author

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