Giving birth is a big deal. Even an easy birth leaves most Moms feeling like wet cat food. Your house is probably full of meddling relatives and your living room is awash in baby blankets and burp cloths. Baby care and feeding is significantly less straight-forward than it seemed in that New Baby class you took a few months ago. And you are so fatigued that you get winded opening the fridge.
Your plate is probably pretty full so I don’t want to send you into panic mode about newborn baby sleep (hint: newborn=0-3 months), but here are some common potholes for babies you want to avoid. Actually everything here applies to babies from birth to 6 months.
10 Common Newborn Baby Sleep Mistakes
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Keeping Baby Awake Too Long
Most new parents are confused by how long their newborn baby should be awake because so many believe that they’ll simply fall asleep when they need sleep (some will, most won’t). Truthfully most newborn babies can only stay awake about an hour. For the first few weeks your newborn baby may only be able to stay wake for 30-40 minutes. Even if your baby SEEMS content to stay awake for longer periods of time it is in your and your baby’s best interest to help her sleep more frequently. Overtired babies cry more and sleep poorly at night so managing sleep throughout the day is a great way to make the first few months a happier time for everybody.
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Keeping Baby Awake During the Day
Most newborns are surprisingly awake at night. Horrifyingly this “playtime” often happens between 1:00 am – 4:00 am when no civilized parent has any interest in playing (and the TV selection is limited to infomercials and Who’s the Boss). It is a commonly held myth that keeping baby awake during the day will solve this problem (this is the “tire them out so they sleep better” theory). This is patently untrue. Keeping baby awake during the day will simply make baby more tired and potentially exacerbate your night party problem. What will fix it?
Time.
When baby is up at night keep the lights dim and activity to a minimum. No loud, blinky, bouncy toys. Most babies will organically sort out this day-night sleep reversal by ~6 weeks of age. -
Trying to “Fix” Baby’s Sleep
I love it when families take their children’s sleep seriously. I really do. However while there are many things about newborn sleep that parent my not love (awake at night, short naps, frequent feedings, etc.) part of being the parent of a newborn is accepting that for now, baby is driving the sleep bus. Trying to force a schedule, getting frustrated with cat naps, feeling anxious about how much your baby sleeps, etc. are all loosing strategies when you have a newborn. Which leads me to…
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Forcing the Crib
About 0% of newborn babies will sleep happily in a crib. I know you just spent $1000 on that delightful Pottery Barn crib and can’t wait to see your little peanut sleeping in it. But you and your peanut will be much happier and will get a lot more sleep if you accept that most babies aren’t sleeping in the crib until sometime between 2-6 months of age (and sometimes later). For a newborn, the crib is huge and flat which is pretty much the opposite of what they are used to. Where do they sleep? In co-sleepers, with Mom, in car seats, or my personal recommendation, in a swing.
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Letting Baby Cry it Out
Listen tired peeps, there are definitely times and circumstances where CIO is the answer. This is not one of those times.
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Worrying About Sleeping Through the Night
Your newborn baby might be sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. Or it may be 8 months. You may get a lucky night where she sleeps all night and then be horrified when it never happens again. I know how tired you are. For a year and a half I would fantasize about leaving my baby home with my husband so I could go to a hotel and sleep blissfully uninterrupted for AS. LONG. AS. I. WANTED. Newborn sleep bounces around like an angry snake. You’ll have hideous nights. Wonderful nights. And you’ll never know what you’re going to get. Don’t worry about it. It won’t be like this forever.
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Not Accepting Help
I see MANY couples who have convinced themselves that there is only one parent who has the skills to care for baby during the night. This is ridiculousness. If your partner can’t care for baby at night then show them how. Put them through baby boot camp. Whatever you have to do to enable them to take some night parenting duties off your shoulders. If you’re nursing and feel like it HAS to be you, start working on getting baby to take a bottle (it doesn’t get any easier as they get older so best to introduce this now). Let Dad take 1 feeding a night while you get some uninterrupted sleep in the guest room. Don’t allow yourself to be the sole baby zen master in the house.
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Not Sleeping When Baby Sleeps
After a few weeks you’ll probably notice that there are general times of day when your baby is more likely to sleep in larger chunks. One of the first good chunks to develop is when they go to bed at night (generally after being awake for a longer period of time). So if you aren’t going to bed when your baby does, you’re missing out on the biggest window of uninterrupted sleep you’re likely to get all day. I know the house is a mess, you haven’t showered in a week, and the grass in your yard is so high that your neighbor’s 5 year old got lost in there. Forgetaboutit. Go to bed.
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Not Using Sleep Aids
Parents will also express their concerns about baby getting “addicted” or becoming “dependent” upon sleep aids (swaddling, white noise, pacifiers, swings, etc.). So their solution is to not use them and thus avoid sending their baby to White Noise Anonymous to deal with their sleep aid addiction. If your baby is under 6 months old, sleep aids are your friend. Embrace them. I promise you, your kid will be out of the swaddle by kindergarten.
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Comparing Your Baby to THEIR Baby
In every new baby playgroup there is the blessed child who starts sleeping through the night at 4 weeks and takes huge chunky naps during the day. You will look at this well rested, recently showered parent and start to feel like you must have failed in some significant way. You haven’t, they just got lucky. About 33% of babies are “easy” – they are easily soothed, fall asleep easily, sleep longer with less frequent night wakings, etc. It’s just the way of the world. Your baby will get there too. Eventually
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If you haven’t already checked it out, Baby Sleep: What is Normal is also a really great resource on how much sleep babies need by age.
So did I miss any? Feel free to share any stumbles you’ve had. I promise you, you aren’t the only one!
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{Photo credit: Emery Co Photo}
The swaddle was the best. I used to try and swaddle them even when they were too big for it because it worked so well. #8 was also a favorite, mainly because breastfeeding sucked and I felt like I was always hanging out with my boobs hanging out. Going to bed with baby just made everything easier.
You WERE always hanging out with your boobs hanging out.
I remember one time my Dad was visiting during a ferocious growth spurt (the dreaded 6-week one) and basically we all sat on the couch making small-talk with my boobs present for 2 days.
Ah…good times.
I agree with just about everything you said here, except the idea of baby sleeping in swings. Swings hard backs are not very forgiving to baby soft heads and most doctors do not reccommend it. It can create or exasperate flat heads
Hi Annemarie,
Thanks for visiting! However I’m afraid I have to respectfully disagree with your concerns about swings. Dr. Karp (I’m a big fan, check me getting inappropriately grabby with him on my About page) is major proponent. Also I had the pleasure of attending an AAP conference a few years ago for a talk on sleep and swings were almost unilaterally supported by the large # of pediatricians there. The local pediatric sleep specialist I consult with (read: bother with stupid questions) is also supportive.
I checked your lovely blog today and MY you have your hands full. Best of luck with everything!
I’m in the position of fostering a newborn and what I am not allowed to do is let the baby sleep in a swing or be swaddled/ placed in a sleep sack. I wish there was some other suggestion, since baby loves to sleep on me best – which is not conducive to sleeping well at night for either of us.
This the only time I’ve heard someone claim swings and car seats are safe. I’ve heard plenty of people say they use them but never anyone claim they are certifiably safe. Over and over again, articles, doctors, APA all firmly insist that the only place a baby up until the age of 1 should sleep is a firm, hard, flat surface without any blankets or anything at all in the sleep area. Sleeping in the same bed is also “not allowed.” Our baby sleeps so well in his swing for naps during the day and wakes up in his flat bassinet by our bed, every two hours to feed at night. I’d love to leave him in a swing overnight but am terrified to do so and then possibly regret a tragedy that I was so firmly advised against.
The AAP says “only cribs.” We also know that few newborns sleep well in cribs at all and when babies barely sleep parents get desperate and start heading down enormously unsafe paths out of desperation. Also there is no compelling evidence that swings aren’t safe. Truthfully there is very little credible studies on swings at all and I agree that MORE STUDY is essential. But the one study (and one does not create a strong base) that looked at sitting devices claiming swings are UNsafe cited an incident where two premature twins were put, unstrapped and with blankets, into a single swing. The swing toppled over and those twins met a bad end. Is that evidence that swings are unsafe or that the swing was grossly misused and tragedy resulted?
Always discuss your sleeping arrangement with your pediatrician. But keep in mind that the current suggestion for “only the crib” is based on studies that have only looked at cribs or co-sleeping so the reality of most parents (who have babies in RnP, PnP, swings, etc.) hasn’t been studied at all. And most pediatricians are very supportive (when approached) about swings for sleep.
A friend of mines daughter died of SIDS (autopsy confirmed) while sleeping in a swing, during the day. Just to let you know.
That is a terrible tragedy and I’m so sorry for your friend’s loss.
But I do want to be clear – there is no sleep surface where SIDS has not occurred. SIDS occurs in swings, cribs, co-sleeping, sidecars, pack n plays, etc. So the fact that SIDS occurred in a swing is not evidence that swings CAUSE SIDS.
you can always create a soft cushioning for the babies head.
my baby loves his swing. i don’t want him sleeping in it all the time however he sleeps most comfortably, quietly, and at a good length of time. so i used his little blankets to cushion underneath him.. wait till he gets fussy for sleep, strap him in and he is out like a light.
they also say dont let your baby get used to those nipple shields. well i had a difficult delivery which forced by newborn to have 2 full days of bottles before i can breastfeed him. He was super fussy, wouldnt take my nipple for more than a 20secs – 2 minutes and finally i used the shield. the shield allowed him to take him time and become ready when he was ready. the simple solution for me was to always try the real nipple at least once a day while using the shield AND ONE DAY AROUND 8 WEEKS! We are breast feeding champions! He doesnt even want the nipple shield EVER :)) People will have lots of ADVICE, but try things and use what works for YOU BEST!
For all of you finding this post in 2020…
I’m going to leave this link here in which the AAP recommends NOT allowing babies to sleep in an upright position (car seat, swing) for extended periods as there is an increased risk of suffocation. I’m assuming that maybe their recommendations have changed since this discussion took place in the comment section in 2011. The AAP recommends a hard, flat surface with no extra loose blankets or pillows. Our pediatrician recommended a bassinet at our bedside for at least the first six months. D see https://www.aappublications.org/content/34/1/25.5/
Ugh thank you! Was so annoyed reading these weird ass posts from so long ago that I find so unacceptable!
The only thing that worked out well for my children when nothing seemed to help was to put them into their prams and push-pull them really fast back and forward over a little bump. This often happened inside the house :). Haha
Yes but you must have had rocking biceps from all that pram shuffling. Our “go to” desperation move was a car ride. Before we figured out my youngest had reflux you might have spotted us pulling out of the garage at 3:00 am to drive around the countryside for hours (literally) because nothing else would work.
Ah….good times 😉
When you figured out your child had reflux how did you address it? My wife and I believe our 6 week old son has it, (we will seek confirmation with the doctor at his 6 week check up in two days).
Just the way you worded that suggests once you realised that’s what it was you fixed it and saw a big change…
http://www.troublesometots.com/medical-problem/
Check out the posts here on reflux, basically sums it up. Lifestyle management plus meds. I was lucky we had no dairy issues but for many diet or formula changes are also part of the picture. Hope that helps!
As my wise sister of 4 always said, “Sleep begets sleep.” A child that sleeps during the day will sleep at night. Not so true for adults, but I digress. Also, every child is different but you have to figure out how. My 9yo was a terrible sleeper as an infant and she now has bouts of insomnia. All those nights of wondering what I was doing wrong and maybe she wasn’t wired to be a good sleeper to begin with. Who knows. I am just glad those nights are over.
Hey Molly,
~2% of kids genuinely have sleep problems so it’s a bummer that you got one. Ever run it by a pediatric sleep specialist? I’m sure she would be excited to spend the night in a lab with all sorts of sensors attached to her head (cue sarcasm) but seriously it may be worth a consult?
Yep – sleep begets sleep. Another sleep truism? Daylight savings blows.
Thanks for visiting 😉
Alexis
Our latest challenge (Arthur is 8 weeks old) is that he goes down for a nap around 5-7 and ends up sleeping for his longest period of the night. I think it has something to do with it getting dark between those times so he thinks it’s nighttime. Anyway, I keep reading you shouldn’t wake a baby so I haven’t, but I cant fall asleep at 6pm, nor do I want to, which means I’m missing out on that long sleep. He still sleeps until about 7am overall, but in smaller increments for the rest of the night. Should I wake him so that he goes to bed later?
Hi Dominica,
Arthur is definitely a bit unusual in that he goes to bed early, but I would NOT suggest you wake him up. 7:00 AM is a reasonable baby morning time (many parents are up at 5:00 AM or even 4:30 and are probably desperately jealous of you). Yes he has a long night but for now, that is just how it is. He’s only 8 weeks old, things are changing so rapidly at this age his sleep pattern could be entirely different 2 weeks from now.
The upshot is that you are missing out on the fussy evening period (most babies are awake and miserable from 5-9 in the evening). The downside is that you can’t logistically pull off bedtime when he goes down. If it were me, I would roll with it. See if your husband can take one of the night waking sessions to give you a longer stretch at a later time. Things will change – by 3 months he’ll probably have moved on to a totally different pattern 😉
Boy am I glad we’re past all this. Right now, it’s our three year old we’re having troubles with. Suddenly, he’s scared of sleeping in his room alone and wants to sleep in his sleeping bag on our floor (which we put there for when he comes in to our room in the middle of the night, which he’s been doing lately, so he doesn’t get in our bed and wriggle around all night). Sheesh. Exhausting.
You and me both sister. Things were so ugly with my first (reflux does not make for a good first-time-parenting experience) that I swear I still have a little PTSD about it.
Sorry you’re having a round of “up at night with your preschooler.” It’s a common and generally unpopular game. I hope yours is very short 😛
I agree with what you have said here… This what will I be following for nurturing my upcoming baby.. I am 3 months on its way. Thank you for sharing…
6 down 3 to go eh? Congratulations on your new baby who will be born soon!
As a side note, and something else to think about with baby sleep; also think about the mattress and pajamas that your baby is sleeping in. There are a lot of new studies that show dangerous chemicals are used to make baby crib mattresses and baby clothing and pajamas. This is especially dangerous with mattresses and pajamas since your baby is exposed to and breathing in these chemicals for long periods of uninterrupted time. This was something that I never considered before doing a little research and shopping around. I think this topic might be just like BPA is to baby bottles and feeding….
The biggest mistakes I have ever made with my little man was 1) Kept him awake for way too long,2)Overheating him.The number 1 I resolved after reading your post,you saved my sanity and my baby’s sleep!THANK YOU! The number 2 took some time to figure out.I could never understand why my baby would sleep like an angel one day and turn into devil the next and i did everything the same.And then on one very cold day he fell aslep with no fuss whatsoever and slept for 4 hours and woke up all smiles.Next day was hot and humid (was crazy summer in Australia) I did everything the same and he screamed,fussed and when he eventually did fall asleep he slep for miserable 1 hour and woke up hungry for some revenge! Only when I picked him up I realised thet his little head was soaking wet!!! From then on I make sure not to overdress him,I swaddle him in a muslin wrap on hot days and make sure the room is not too hot.He just hates being hot. I sometimes still make a mistake,I’m very paranoid about him being cold,but he lets me know big time.So just make sure your babies are nice and comfortable,I’m not saying that all babies are like mine,but just something to consider,it sure was a big issue with us.
Here in Vermont (US) it’s cold for most of the year and like you I have this desperate “THEY’LL BE TOO COLD!” fear that makes me want to wrap up all the kids constantly. Ironically enough it’s MUCH safer for them to be cold then too hot (from a SIDS perspective). So when in doubt, colder is better.
And muslin wraps are AWESOME – highly recommended! Somehow they work out to be not too hot & not too cold, all at the same time 🙂
but how do you know when your baby is too cold.
sometimes i swear he wakes up because of the AC. we share a bedroom with our new born..
when i pick him up in the middle of the night his arms feels chilly..
we wake up when were too hot or too cold..
so how do you stabilize there comfort all night.
he sleeps in a onsie with blankets. he hates being swaddled however once swaddled i do notice some benefits. but even when its cool he tends to sweat as well.. its really confusing
First of all, thank you so much for all of the great tips on your site. They’ve been so helpful!
I had a question I’d love to get your help with. Our son is almost 4 weeks old and is a fairly good sleeper once we take the time to get him down (especially now that he’s been sleeping in his swing), but our biggest issue is that he wakes up crying for every wet diaper! We’re not sure if it’s the sensation of urinating he doesn’t like or being wet, but he’s peed on us before without seeming like he’s in pain, so I’m pretty certain it’s not an infection. It interrupts almost all of his naps, since we’ll feed him, cuddle a bit, and then spend 20 minutes (at least) trying to put him down only for him to wake up (now overly tired) 30 minutes later. Do you have any advice?
Another quick question about swing sleeping, I’m concerned that the angle of the swing makes his head tilt too far forward, putting his chin on his chest (and thus increasing the risk of the ever-present SIDS). Any thoughts? Do you recommend buckling the baby in the swing at night? (That seemed more dangerous to me since our little one likes to squirm around. I didn’t want him to get tangled.)
Thanks again for the wonderful site! Any help would be very much appreciated!
Use bigger diapers! Also if this is an issue than cloth diapers are not for you (you didn’t specify but….). Maybe even size 2. Or try overnight diapers which are extra exorbitant.
BTW – all babies will pee on you. This doesn’t mean anything other than you have a naked baby.
I would talk to your pediatrician about any swing concerns you have. If you have a new swing (not some old hand me down – old swings are strange) that is fully reclined, I’m not concerned. There is unfortunately no research on swings (which we REALLY need more of) and safety but neither is there major cause for concern. There have been studies that suggest that uber-preemie babies can run into issues with car seats (ex. leaving the hospital with a 5 lb baby) which has caused people to worry about swings having the same issue. But I’ve not found anything that suggests that a modern/new swing is unsafe for a full-term healthy baby.
Hi Alexis,
I stumbled into your website today while searching for means to reduce the number of times a baby wakes up in the night. I’ve to admit I was literally laughing and crying while reading this particular post. I’ve a 5 weeks old baby boy and he’s not having difficulty sleeping. The one suffering from serious sleep deprivation is me. But he, like the baby boy of Caitie, doesn’t like wet diapers and will cry when he gets it. We’re using disposable diapers on him and he’s already wearing a bigger diaper. It’s pretty bad during the wee hours of the morning when he wakes up (say) at 2.00am for a feed, then 3.30am because of wet diaper, then 4.30am for the next feed and so on. So you see the numerous times I’ve to wake up to feed and change his diapers. FYI, his diapers are already changed after a feed but I still have to change it again when he pees. Is this normal or is there something I can fix? I’ve also tried to put him on the Gina Ford’s Contented Little Baby routine where the goal is that he’ll only wakes up twice between 7.00pm and 7.00am for feeds. But so far that’s a pipe dream. Even giving him a bigger feed doesn’t seem to prolong the time to 3 hours or longer. Of course, the wet diaper also throws a curve ball at longer sleep time. Is there any way to enable the baby to sleep longer at night or is this something I just have to accept for the time being? Thanks.
This is totally anecdotal, but our daughter (now 4.5 months) was very particular about wet diapers until she was about 2.5-3 months old. Now she rarely fusses over a wet diaper. When we change her first thing in the morning, sometimes it’s so saturated it’s softball sized 🙂 We also use the baby dry kind at night (in one size up) and those worked well even in her more sensitive phase.
An idea for those babies who hate wet diapers, This is a trick that the cloth diapering people use but should work just as well in a disposable. Place a swatch of fleece (cut to size) between your baby and the diaper (make sure it doesn’t hang out of the diaper in any place). Fleece lets liquid through really well but doesn’t retain it so it will be a dryer layer between your baby and the diaper. Then either toss the fleece or wash it for another use. I say if it means a better nights sleep it will be worth the extra steps! Good luck 🙂
Maria,
I wouldn’t be so focused on trying to “manage” feeds with a 5 week old (who I know isn’t 5 week old anymore but still) – I’m generally not super supportive of books that try to schedule or “fix” eating habits of babies that young. Which isn’t meant to be unsympathetic because I know how exhausting it is!
I have no “sensitive to wetness” solutions. I have lots of hints on how to keep babies from leaking and thus waking up but that isn’t your problem.
Theresa’s idea of using fleece sounds great so I would definitely give it a try!
Also if you haven’t already, definitely give the night diapers a try. They’re way more absorbent and might suck up enough liquid to make him believe he’s actually dry.
As far as getting longer windows of sleep at night, my core philosophy at 5 weeks is to:
1) Do all of this: http://www.troublesometots.com/newborn-baby-sleep-survival-guide/
2) Feed them when they’re hungry all day long (but especially during the day)
3) Give them LOTS of soothing – they need it and it will help you get more sleep
4) Try not to let baby get overtired as tired babies sleep poorly
5) Get help – this is not a time to be stingy. If you can, get a house cleaner, a postpartum doula, takeout, whatever you can to help support your family because yes the first 6-8 weeks are rough and everybody is going to be tired for a while!
Thank you all for your suggestions. My baby is almost 3 months old now and thank God he has gotten over the sensitivities to wet diapers. I’m using Pampers and it’s pretty good. Unfortunately we don’t have overnight diapers available here.
Anyway we’ve put the baby in a rocker (as he doesn’t take to the swing well) and it works pretty well to put him to sleep. But he does get up a couple of times in the wee hours of the morning for feeds. I guess he’s still rather young at this time to sleep through the night.
if your baby is a squirmer BUCKLE HIM!
he can slide out or kick himself to high up where his head can hit the bar behind the swing (the bars are for fisherprice cradle swings)
i watched my baby at 9 weeks kick himself so high up he was nearly going to fall out from behind the swing!
be careful and use straps
I love this site, because it’s the only one that isn’t making me feel bad that my two and a half month old can’t fall asleep on her own. Mostly, I can accept that she is a newborn, and that her sleep will be irregular and inconvenient for my sleep, and all of that.
In the last week, though, her sleep has gotten much worse, and I’m wondering if we need to do something differently. She used to sleep in our arms, in the swing, in our bed, or even in her co-sleeper, for up to four hours, but usually more like 1.5 hours. Lately, though, she is waking up after twenty minutes, even if we’re holding her, rocking her, playing white noise, the whole shebang. She won’t take a pacifier, and she won’t fall asleep in a carrier (we’ve tried Ergo, Moby, and Bjorn, thanks to friends’ loaners). She seems tired all the time, and I’m spending up to 50 minutes bouncing her to get a 20 minute nap. She’s also very heavy–14 pounds or so–so all the bouncing is really getting to me (and my back).
Any advice?
Karen,
I don’t know exactly what is going on (2.5 months is not a traditional time of a sleep regression or anything). But it does sound like things are unusually rough at a time when things start to get gradually easier. And you’re doing lots of great things (swaddling, rocking, swing, white noise, etc.) and it sounds like they’re not working. So I might start to wonder if there is some underlying issue that is tripping you up?
The #1 guess would be a diary intolerance which happens to 10% of babies. Could make her just a bit unhappy and muck up sleep. You can read more about that here: http://www.troublesometots.com/what-to-do-about-infant-reflux/
How are her nights? Does she sleep well during the night but like crap during the day? Reflux is another possibility:
http://www.troublesometots.com/reflux-101-when-baby-cries-too-much/
Lots of babies with very mild reflux don’t really show symptoms until they are 2-3 months old.
I hope I’m not being alarmist. It could totally just be that she is an unusually challenging kid, she’ll outgrow it, and we’ll all have a good laugh about how little sleep you got when she was younger. But most babies respond really well to the trifecta of swaddle, swing, white noise. So if that isn’t getting you anywhere, perhaps it’s time to chat with the pediatrician just to rule some other, benign, issues out?
Dear Alexis
For the second time we need your help and advice.
Well once upon a time as you said we had a sleeping champion at 10 weeks old
Now our baby girl is six months old and it seems to us that we are making all the mistakes possible as she no longer sleeps through the night
She has started eating solids but she is still being breast fed
We have managed to move her bed time forward to nine o’clock and we still follow the same bedtime routine
This is bath, baby massage pyjamas and breast feed.
For the last two months we have thought it was down to a number of different reasons . growth spurt sniffles sore gums tummy aches etc. that she was waking up frequently during the night she would only go back to sleep with a breast feed. She often falls asleep on the breast now during daytime naps as well.
I place her in her crib after the feed and a max she will sleep is about 3 hours then she will wake roll around and start crying till she is picked up and put back to the breast.
All night long this continues
Could you please advise us on what we are doing wrong?
Could she be addicted to the comfort of the breast?
Is she hungry?
Should I keep feeding her whenever she wakes
Should we give her water instead or an extra bottle of milk before bedtime?
We look forward to your answer
Thank you so much
Monika Grace and tim
Monika and Tim,
I DO know why you are having struggles and it’s this:
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/
You describe classic symptoms. Seriously, I’m 99% sure this is the issue. She’s not hungry. It’s not about food or an extra bottle. Its object permanence/nurse to sleep association.
It’s not easy to fix (keep reading the series for more tips) but that’s going to have to change if you want to see an improvement in her nights 🙁
Hi! Love your site and thank you for sharing your wonderful articles with us poor sleep deprived new moms!
Just a quick note on #4, my LO has slept in a crib, firmly swaddled, from the day she was born, and has been a pretty good sleeper, so perhaps 1%?
PS:Now feel the need to justify why I’m snooping around here – just looking for ways to GET her to sleep without rocking my spine to oblivion 😉
Just came across this site and love it! I just wanted to say to the moms with nit so good sleepers, don’t beat yourself up about it it very well may be just the way that child sleeps. With my new 3 year old I had to do all the tricks to get his to sleep tricking, bouncing, white noise, swaddling, crib toys to look at, and the best if all running the vacuum. We literally ran the vacuum in his bedroom to get him to sleep or if it was a particularly bad night baby in swing mom on couch with finger on the on off button of the vacuum and sleeping with it running right next to my head;) He’s almost 3 and still sleeps horribly. My daughter who is 9.5 weeks old is an amazing sleeper, I swaddle her turn on white noise and put her down completely awake and she’s looks around then falls asleep for 7-8 hours and has been like this for weeks! It amazes more and made me realise they are all since different bad really show their personality early on. My son still high needs and bad sleeper it’s just the way he is hopefully my daughter will stay so calm and laid back its refreshing! I’m honestly up with my 3 yr old more than the baby it’s just not right!I love them both to pieces but boy is it nice for one to be a lot less needy. Basically it may not be your fault you just may have a less than optimal sleeper on your hands. Good luck to all the moms trying to get some sleep!
Hi Alexis,
So here is our situation. Our ds is almost 12 weeks. He was/is colicky and high needs. Practically from day 1 (or at minimum day 8) he has needed to be held 24 hrs a day. For the first 8 weeks I slept either sitting up in a chair or sitting up in bed with baby in my arms. at about 8 weeks, I found that I could lie him down next to me in bed and he would sleep. So we got the “Snuggle Nest” which lays on your bed and has little walls around it so that you don’t roll on baby. That sort of worked, except that each time he woke up to nurse (EBF), I had to spend an hour making sure he was soundly asleep and wrapped in a thick blanket so that he didn’t notice when I moved him. I know he shouldn’t have a blanket, but it was the only way to get him out of my arms. So I was getting 45 min- 1 hour of sleep at a time for a total of4-5 hrs per night. I couldn’t really sleep during the day because the only way that he would sleep during the day was in the moby wrap and I HAD to be moving. Finally I learned to nurse lying on my side and lately he has been sleeping on my arm next to me. Now, Whenever I try to put him down he fusses and cries and then sleeps crappy the rest of the night and has a rough day following. I can now get a nap out of him during the day in my lap in the rocking chair with several interventions to keep him asleep, sometimes involving long stretches with my boob in his mouth! I would dearly love to get him sleeping in his own space, particularly for naps, but I also don’t want to sacrifice his sleep too much. I have PTSD from the colic, so avoiding getting him over-tired is paramount. Btw, he hates the swing and pacifier, although swaddling SEEMS to help. Any advice?
Lisa (or anyone),
I know it’s been several months since you wrote this – I was just wondering how things worked out for you. This sounds SO FAMILIAR to me, we’re in pretty much the same boat with our baby girl – now 8.5 weeks. She doesn’t necessarily nurse to sleep but she needs to be held to fall asleep and will wake up either upon being placed in crib/ bouncy chair/ bassinet, or within 15 mins max. I’ve tried elevation, swaddling, white noise, patting to sleep, rocking (in a rock and play sleeper), etc., but she refuses to sleep unless we’re holding her. I am doing the sleeping-sitting-up and can get 2-3 hour stretches that way, but it’s definitely not sustainable!
Any thoughts would be so appreciated, even if it’s just to hear that your little one grew out of this eventually (either on their own, or via sleep training?)
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
I don’t know if you’ll find this info useful, but it might help. My lo (now almost a year) would only sleep “in arms” at first, too. He slept in a rock and play at night. This was the only thing we could put him in. We reserved it for night for a while but by 10 weeks were using it for naps, too. We had to rock/bounce him to sleep and slide him off our arms to get him in the sleeper. Some nights this was easy and some nights it took hours. Naps were also variable and usually got worse as the day went on. If I held him for a nap, he would sleep great. Around 12 weeks I started rocking the sleeper instead of him. It took a long time of me crouched behind it so he couldn’t see me, muttering to myself that this must be why people sleep train. But it did work and it became easier-less rocking. Around 18-20 weeks he started going to sleep by himself in the sleeper with no rocking. By 6 months he was in the crib at night. At 7 months he was in the crib for naps, too. It was a long road but we got there. My #1 advice is don’t nurse to sleep. It’s the best sleep advice I got.
I would try rocking the sleeper. Alexis says motion is the easiest sleep crutch to wean off. At night I would lean over the side of the bed and rock it. Sometimes it would work and other times he needed to be picked up. The other option is the swing. I know you said your lo doesn’t like rocking, but you could always try. She might cry in the swing at first b/c it’s new/different, not b/c she doesn’t like motion. The protest might be worth it if it means you can sleep without fear of rolling over!
Jen
Thanks, Jen. It’s good to hear that it does get better. I hold or put my lo in the Moby wrap for naps during the day as well – sometimes I try to put her down, either drowsy or asleep, and she’ll nap for a while but wake up after some minutes, and then cry to be picked up. Most of the time that messes up the nap schedule, because she won’t want to go back to sleep (even when I’m holding her) after that, even if she only slept a few minutes. If I’m holding her, she’ll sleep for 1-2 hrs.
What you’re suggesting with the Rock and play sounds like a good idea, I think we’ll try that. Unfortunately, my husband travels 4 days a week for work so most of the time it’s just me, which makes it hard for me to experiment with things that are likely to mess up either nap or sleep time (because it just makes it that much worse for me, with no support when it’s bad). My Mother in law is coming for a few weeks though, so maybe that will be a good time for us to try some of these things.
LO loves sitting in the swing when she’s awake (we have a chair-swing, not one of the newborn saucer type ones – which are you talking about?) but does not like it for sleeping – when she gets sleepy in it she starts to cry, and has never fallen asleep in it. She will fall asleep in her bouncy chair if we’re bouncing her and the vibration is on, but wakes up soon after either motion stops.
As for nursing, she does fall asleep on the breast but rarely stays asleep after that – usually she’ll stir after a few minutes and then I’ll soothe her to sleep.
Everyone keeps saying that it gets better… I can’t wait!
Michelle
Hi Michelle,
We have a saucer swing-the fisher price snugabunny. I’m not sure if the chair swings are good for infant sleeping. I did put LO in the swing around 4 months because I was so tired of rocking him to sleep. He did a “mini-version” of CIO in the swing. He cried for 20 minutes the first nap, 10 the second and then just a few minutes. For about a month, he slept in the swing (motion on) for naps and for going to bed. After the first night feeding, I would put him in the rock and play. He would stay asleep in the rock and play; it was the going to sleep that was hard.
You can use the varsity swing techniques in the rock and play. I’m not proud to say this but when LO would wake from a nap early, I would sneak into LO’s room, crawl behind the RNP and rock it. It didn’t always work and I would sometimes be rocking for 10-20 minutes. Sometimes I would bring my pillow and lay down. Other times I’d bring my phone.
Just so you know, my LO lived in 30 minute napland for months and months. I could set a timer to it! It wasn’t until he was closer to 6 months that his naps got longer.
It sounds like your LO likes motion and that’s why she sleeps so well in the Moby wrap. Maybe rocking the RNP or trying a swing for infants will help her.
Good Luck!
My 9 day old Baby sleeps all day. She wakes up for 30/ 40 mins is this normal? She also sleeps all night wondering should I wake her?
Accept the help!!!! Best. Advice. EVER.
My wife and I teamed on our son for the first 2.5 months. She had 2.5 months of vacation saved and I quit one job for another and took a few months off in between.
At night we would trade off taking care of him. Every once in awhile it would take a long time to get him to get back to sleep and the person rocking/feeding/changing him would get upset. When the other came in to relieve her or I from duty, the upset person wouldn’t want to give up. “I almost have him.” Or “I got him.” were the responses to the help. Sometimes you just don’t want to quit; maybe you feel like a failure, but it is best for the both of you.
My mother came and took care of my son for 2 nights. My wife and I slept for 8+ hours each night. Just that little help made us feel so much better. The feeling of doom or “this is never going to end” go away when you are a little more rested.
Accept help.
Fantastic tips. Wondering to get your advice about my almost 6 week old. She is a fairly typical newborn night sleeper (prob about 8 hrs total broken by 2 feeds) but is not really sleeping during the day with the exception of catnaps (30 mins-1hr) maybe 3 times a day usually during pram strolls. I have been having great success using the shush, pat, swaddle technique to get her to sleep but she seems to have trouble staying asleep! We get to 5-7pm and she is utterly exhausted making my attempts at offering her a relaxing bath futile! Up until now, she was sleeping for 3 hrs in the late morning and sometimes another 3 in the afternoon, but alas, not anymore! I guess I want to know if this is just a developmental thing/phase or a larger problem?
Just read ‘Are you keeping your baby awake too long?’ and I think most of my questions have been answered, so thanks! I am watching for her sleeping cues and attempting to put her down for naps more frequently despite their brevity; ill just have to accept that she is on the lower end of normal newborn sleep averages! Brilliant analysis of the Witching Hour; so spot on!! By far the best explanation of the enigma of newborn sleep I’ve found on the Internet, bravo to you!!
My 6 month old daughter sleeps in her swing all night and will generally sleep for two 4-5 hour stretches per night (eating in between). My wife and I have been trying to crib train her, but she usually wakes up every hour and we eventually break down and go back to the swing. I have two questions:
Is sleeping all bight in a swing bad for a baby her age?
How should we go about trying to transition her to her crib?
Any help is greatly appreciated!!!
Thanks for the time and effort you put into this terrific site.
My little birdie is 7 weeks old and I have definitely been guilty of #3. It’s far too easy to get sucked into the black hole of the sleep books which say that if you have not trained your baby to self-soothe in a crib by the time they are, say, 16 hours old, then you have BLOWN IT and they will never sleep well. Ever.
I am beginning to suspect that this is not quite true. Happy news for all.
P.S.
I made a $20 donation/payment today, ’cause sister, you deserve it. I hope you find a way to monetize the wisdom and humor you offer as a service to parents in need. As an independent business consultant, I know how hard it can be to price one’s services accurately (I say: Don’t worry about going too low — this is a valuable service and worth the price for your time and experience). It’d be a shame for you to burn out when you’ve got so much to offer. I have no doubt that I’ll be back here again and again.
I am a new mom to a 10-day old. I have zero ideas of getting him on a schedule or anything but feel like I am doing something wrong. My little one refuses to sleep almost ever. We have swaddled, used the swing/bouncy/crib, we have given him a paci and tried the 5 S’s. He just never wants to sleep. Dirty diapers keep me from thinking he isn’t getting enough to eat, but I could be wrong. Any suggestions on how to get him too sleep? Right now I just feel like a total failure 🙁
This sounds like me! I have a 9 day old and I have no idea what I’m doing. He will only fall asleep while feeding and then I tip toe in to put him in his crib. He’ll stay asleep sometimes but if he wakes up and it’s too soon to feed again it’s impossible to console him. I’ve tried paci, rocking, walking, sshhing, the swing, laying against me, the car seat, swaddling, white noise and none of it works. He’s only getting 12-13 hours of sleep max and I’m worried about that. He does eat really well but I’m worried about the sleep and worried he’ll never be in a routine!
I have a 9 day old and I have no idea what I’m doing. He will only fall asleep while feeding and then I tip toe in to put him in his crib. He’ll stay asleep sometimes but if he wakes up and it’s too soon to feed again it’s impossible to console him. I’ve tried paci, rocking, walking, sshhing, the swing, laying against me, the car seat, swaddling, white noise and none of it works. He’s only getting 12-13 hours of sleep max and I’m worried about that. He does eat really well but I’m worried about the sleep and worried he’ll never be in a routine!
Oh my goodness! I’m loving your blog and plan to tell all my new mommy friends about it! Super helpful! thanks!
My question is this: I have a 6 week old who has terrible gas. (I’be already eliminated foods and burping more frequently). So at night I put her down and she can sleep for a large chunk of time–about 5.5 hours or so, but she she seems to be in a light sleep due to her writhing around in discomfort (i doubt in pain bc im sure she would be cryig loudly!) so she writhes arous and occasionaly lets our a wimper or a few seconda of a cry and then can generally fall back asleep. But im wondering if I should pick her up when she has this gas and have her sleep
In my arms where she may be getting a deeper sleep given all the movement/writhing/straining she has alone in the crib? Or should I just let her do that and pray she stays asleep (which she usually does)? I know it’s may wake her up, but then if she quickly falls into a calmer sleep in my arms, isn’t that better?? Thank you so much for your help!
Thanks!!!
Hi Alexis, I had a really good sleeper at 6 weeks old. She was sleeping from 10 to 5 for about a week, swaddled. For the past couple of nights she is very restless sleeping – thrashing and waking herself up every 10 to 30 minutes or so without any deep rest (yes I watched the monitor while I pumped). I change her, snuggle her, offer her to nurse (which she is not interested in) and then put her back down. She needs her pacifier to fall asleep usually and I think the thrashing is due to trying to get the paci after it falls out. Should I try to leave her unswaddled? Thanks for the input!
Hi. It’s 4:15am, and I’m up with our two week old infant. He sleeps a lot of the day, but is awake in the night for 4-7 hour stretches. I am completely exhausted, often getting less than two hours of sleep a night. Is it odd for him to be awake for such long periods? Anything I can do? I know he should sort out his days and nights by six weeks or so, but I don’t know if I can survive on such little sleep for that long.
Hi Loren,
Congratulations!
Sounds beyond exhausting though. 4-7 hours is a long time for a new born to be up night or day I think. Might be worth reading these and trying some of the tips?
http://www.troublesometots.com/how-to-get-baby-to-sleep-better-part-1/
http://www.troublesometots.com/how-to-get-baby-to-sleep-better-part-2/
Or if you go to the home page of this site there are lots of things in the 0-3 months category…
Lisa
Molly is 7 weeks old and on the spectrum of baby sleep, usually does pretty well, but even a baby sleeping well isn’t exactly the degree of sleep I would prefer. I am chomping at the bit for her to be old enough to sleep train! Baby sleep patterns are the pits! I have read a lot and heard wonder stories about swadlding, but the hospital was very clear when we checked out that new research showed that it is a bad idea. They said that it has been linked to SIDS and, even though it will almost always prompt better sleep, it just isn’t worth the risk. They said the same thing about co-sleeping. This is a bummer since so many people recommend these 2 things to help babies sleep. What is your take on this?
Hello
Me and my wife have a 1 week old. She is so precious and such a joy.
During the me day our little one sleeps like a champ. She sleeps for about 3 hours. She is usually awake for around 15-30 minutes after feeding and the. Goes down easily for a nap. At night we follow a similar routine but we keep all the lights low and keep the movement down. After she feeds before we put her down everything seems normal and then she loses it. Tonight is a great example. She work up hungry at 12:15 and it is now 3:45 and she just went down (fingers crossed) finally. I just wanted to see if we were doing thing correctly or if there is something we are missing. I feel like she is gassy but we give her drops after feeding. We could just use the sleep. 🙂
Start here:
http://www.troublesometots.com/newborn-baby-sleep-survival-guide/
She’s only 1 week! You’ve got plenty of time to worry about things. Also most newborns are wide awake in the middle of the night. This is temporary but it’s part of being a newborn. It’s not gas. It’s because that’s how she slept (or didn’t) when she was still in the tummy. Sleep all day, party all night. Welcome to life with newborns!
I stumbled onto your page when I googled babies that only sleep while held and thought maybe you would know something I can try. I have a wonderful seven week old son who sleeps well in his bassinet at night but during the day will only sleep if he is being held. When I feel he is sound asleep and put him in a swing, bouncy seat or his bassinet he wakes up within a few minutes and is hard to get back to sleep. I love having the cuddle time but next week he starts daycare three days a week and I know he won’t be able to be held during the day to sleep do you have any suggestions for me?
Hi Alexis,
My problem with my daughter is a little different – she seems to be a super light sleeper. Even with the white noise going strong, you only have to open her door and she’s wide awake again. If there’s a noise or a light on in the hall she wakes up. If the neighbours shut the car door she wakes up. If the dog barks downstairs she wakes up. It makes me laugh when people tell me to wake her up a little bit when I put her down to sleep – I have NEVER had to wake her. As soon as I stop rocking and lean over the cot to put her down, she wakes up. So we have to creep around the house like mice and not turn on the light in the hall, and even then chances are a bird will start singing outside her room and she’ll wake up…sigh…
Hi Alexis,
I think I am starting to lose my sanity. My LO is 14 weeks old. She had been a great sleeper up until a week or so ago. She slept through the night from 10weeks with 11 hour stretches each night and went to bed awake and would just drop off to sleep. She’s a catnapper by day and will only sleep 30-50 minutes 3 times a day
Now she screams for an hour or so if we try to put her to bed. I’ve tried to let her cry it out for a few minutes before resettling but she ends up hysterical and not even rocking her in my arms will calm her. Should I try and get her into a routine 7-7 or just let her set the pace? HELP!!
Oh my goodness I cant tell you how happy I was to find your website. Our little girl is 8 weeks old today – well, that depends on who you ask apparently. She was born a month prem, so she’s either 4 or 8 weeks, I can never figure out which. For the first 7 weeks she was a sleeping saint – she’d sleep for 3 – 4 hour stints during the day, would wake, eat, and go right back to sleep. We could pop her into her crib and then only hear from her again in 4 hours time. At night she’d sometimes even go for 7 hour stretches before wanting food. Ahh…the good times..
Welcome week 8. (Or ..4?) She hit a growth spurt and every time I put her to bed she’d cry. Being a FTM, and having a baby who until then barely made a sound, I assumed something was wrong and ended up holding her for nine hours while she didnt cry, but then again, didnt sleep either. Spoke to our Paediatrician who said she’s overstimulated. Put her down, put a sleep cloth over her face and let her get some rest. Hm.. sounds simple enough in theory. It works too – some times. She now falls asleep easily 1 time out of three during the day. When she sleeps, she sleeps for 3 – 4 hours a stretch, and her waking cycle times vary from 1 hour to 2 hours between sleeps. But she’s not loving the being put to bed bit anymore! Did I do something wrong? Am I doing something right? Man I wish I had a manual… Any advice would really, really make my day 🙂
My baby is 10 weeks old and will only sleep in my arms or in the swing for naps. Sometimes the swing wont even work and its only my arms that so the trick. it takes 15-20 minutes to soothe her to sleep each time but if i put her down she immediately wakes up and the result is a fussy baby. at night she sleeps just fine in the bassinet. Also we have tried swaddling her but she cries until she breaks free (yes even with the miracle blanket) so we just swaddle her from the arms down. I want to create a solid sleep foundation for her and am not sure if this is just a phase or something I should try to fix so that she gets used to sleeping in her bassinet for naps. Any advice is helpful.
It’s such a relief to hear you say these things. My little girl is 2 months old and ALL ANYONE CAN TALK ABOUT is her sleep. They’ve gotten over the fact that I’m not breastfeeding and that she sleeps in her swing, but now they’re all universally obsessed with how long she’s sleeping. When I respond with “oh, about 4-hour stretches during the night, sometimes longer” they always reply with the ever-tactile “Oh, well my kids were all sleeping through the night at 3 weeks.” Are you freaking kidding me? First off, your kid should’ve been eating every 3-4 hours, every 2-3 if they were breastfed. And secondly, how in God’s name do you think that’s helping me in any way? *Cue the face-punch*
It’s such a relief to know that I’m not a terrible parent for occasionally giving my kid a paci, using white noise, and have yet to successfully crib train (don’t get me started on that nightmare). Thank you!
Our baby loves his pacifier but seems to make a game out of dropping it and the crying for it. He can easily keep us up from 1-3 AM like that. Should we let him cry it outrather than putting the pacifier back in his mouth?
He has no problem sleeping while being held by mommy or daddy and then the pacifier is less of a big deal (although he’ll still cry for it for the first hour or so)
Our little darling is five weeks btw. And there are two of them (twins) but only one of them loves his pacifier that much.
twins)
Do you have any advise?
Best, a very sleep deprived mommy and daddy
Hey Alexis, I have an 8 week old boy who just refuses to sleep properly. He wakes up soon after we put him down. He sleeps close to 8 hours in 24 hours. He also has a lot of gas/colic. He wants to breastfeed everytime he wakes up. We are thoroughly worried and sleepless!
Alexis,
First of all, I envy my 2 year old’s (26 months) sleep. He sleeps from 8:30-8:00 with a 2 hour nap during the midday. And I owe that to your advice. I went to this site for all of my nap and sleep drama with him and I am grateful to you, that he sleeps so well. I currently have a 4 week old, and I somehow either forgot what to do, or this child is giving me my run for my money and sleep!
She sleeps and feeds well throughout the day. But once night happens to tends to get fussy and not want to sleep. Once I think I’ve got her asleep she wakes up crying. I swaddle her, put her in the swing and the white noise is on. Last night, she fell asleep at 10ish, she woke up at 1 to feed and didn’t want to go back to sleep and seemed really fussy. My husband and I took turns trying to figure out what she wanted. We tried everything. At about 4 she finally got exhausted and fell asleep in my arms after I had nursed her.
It almost seems like from 9-3 (during the day, she sleeps the most). I have to wake her up to feed her. Seems like this is her night. I know you mentioned not to try to keep her up during the day, because she will get overtired at night. Perhaps I am a little confused. I do try to wake her up by changing her diaper and talking to her after I feed her during the day, but it seems like she’s not even bothered by it. Any advice about what I could do to help us out? Is it just time? Or is there something I can do?? Please HELP. Thank you so much.
Hi there! Thank you for saving my life with this site!! 😃. I have one quick question for you: how do you feel about keeping baby’s room dark during nap time? Is this ok?
THANK YOU!!
Doreen
Love this! This have me the confidence I needed to survive the rough nights and not feel like a failure. Sharing this with all my mommy friends!
This article made me laugh a lot. I stumbled upon it while I was looking for some references for ‘sleep begets sleep’ for my blog. We’re going through some horrendous sleep difficulties with our toddler at the moment, totally out of the blue, as he’s always been a perfect sleeper. Everything you’ve written is totally true, and it seems that people have a strange expectation that newborns sleep constantly. As my husband recently asserted to his mother, ‘newborns are designed to feed all the time, because their stomachs are tiny. It is just how they’re designed, and if you’re not prepared to live with this, you shouldn’t have kids’. (He was given baby rice at less than 8 weeks old because it was thought that it would make him sleep. I shudder to think about the damage to his kidneys and digestive system…). Great article!
I absolutely do not respect most of the content here…. the questions and answers do not respect babies and their unique needs.
Oh No! What about SIDS. Babies SHOULD NOT sleep with Mom and also should be limited to sleeping in car seats, swings, etc. I disagree with most of your recommendations. I hope that most mothers reading this article would rather keep their little ones safe and sound rather than sleeping soundly. If you read this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read ABOUT SIDS right after and decide what is more important to you.
http://www.parents.com/baby/health/sids/new-ways-to-prevent-sids/
And, here’s better advice:
http://www.parents.com/baby/sleep/issues/advice/
Hey Alicia,
I appreciate your emphasis on safety as it’s something that I care a lot about too.
Yes the AAP official safe sleeping statement says no co-sleeping. But the issue isn’t nearly that black and white. The research is fairly ambiguous and as always, parents need to make their own choices based on what they and their pediatrician think. As with everything, there are definitely safe and UNsafe ways to approach it.
And ironically you link to an article by Dr. Karp who is a huge proponent of baby swings. Who I’ve in fact interviewed on this site about the very issue of swings and sleep safety.
As always you want to talk it over with your pediatrician but there is no evidence that putting a full-term infant in a fully reclined modern baby sleep is in any way related to SIDS. And you want to be careful about making alarming statements without backing them up with better science than a Parents.com article.
Yes safety is paramount and more important than “sleeping well.” But luckily you don’t have to choose between the two.
I recently had a baby boy who is now 18 days old (who sleeps through the day and is up consistently throughout the night) I admit I was worried but having read this wonderfully articulate, informative and hilarious article, I feel much more reassured that I have nothing to worry about. Thank you so much for making my day Alexis!! Much love!!
I’ve been reading all of your advice for days now and trying out different things with my little guy. He turns 3 months old tomorrow, but he was 2 days shy of being premature. Will his early birth affect him in terms of when I should do certain things (move him to a crib, stop nursing him to sleep, etc)? I also wondered if you had advice on attempting to keep consistent sleep with big travel plans. We are moving from England back to the US in a matter of days, and I’m worried about how to help my son get back into a good nighttime sleep routine when dealing with the 6 hour time change. We will be visiting family or staying in a hotel for the next 2+ months (prime time for establishing good sleep habits). I’m worried we are setting ourselves up for big sleep issues with this lack of consistency over the next few months.
Hi,it’s very consoling to know am not alone on some of the things am going through. My son just turned 4 months and I barely sleep at night. He sleeps very well during the day but starts sleeping for 1hr from 9pm. He has reflux so he’s gotten used to sleeping on the car seat, it’s the one thing that he’s comfortable on. We rock and put him to sleep in it. Am beginning to get worried because at this age he should be sleeping through the night. Is there something I can do to help him sleep through the night?
Hi. I love this post that you’ve written. I have an 8 week old bomb shell of a baby. She sleeps pretty good at night. Last night she gave me a 6 hour + 3 + 3 plus she put herself back to sleep after the diaper change.
My problem is with her naps. They’re practically non existent. I can’t seem to get her to take a nap at all. She already has black put curtains in her room but she still knows its day time somehow. I swear she’s smarter than we give her credit for.
She gets overtired and cranky though. The only thing that worked so far is a long car ride. But she wakes up as soon as the car stops .. What do I do
I am aware of how dangerous it is to lay a baby on their stomach to sleep , but it is the only way my 2 1/2 month old daughter will sleep . She will even roll herself over until she is in such a position to sleep . I started by swaddling her in a blanket on her back and after awhile that didn’t work . After multiple sleepless nights ( as well as nights of me passing out with her on my chest … I don’t roll over or move in my sleep and am somehow aware of when she even squirms ) I let her sleep on her stomach in a sleep nest in our room . Now don’t get me wrong I still peep my head up every once in awhile to check on her ( when she’s not on my chest or laying next to me ) but she is very self aware 🙂 and sleeps mostly through the night with maybe a small bit of colic around 10 pm . I might add she was in Nicu so she was fed the bottle and used to noises when I took her home . As far as the daytime fussiness ? Well all I can do is dance with her or lay down in bed and watch tv with her while she cries it out … She’s determined to crawl but isn’t quite there yet !
Hi my son is almost 4 months old. I had him sleeping 4 hours at a time at night for about a month then for a week and a half he slept 7 hours straight! Then bam he starts getting up every two hours. I now have him back to sleeping 3 hours at a time but only for half of the night. I feel like I can’t ever get a handle on his sleeping. Swaddling used to work but now it just makes him mad after he wakes up the first time. As soon as I unswaddle him he bright eyed and bushy tailed. Do you have any suggestions?
Also he’s normally up around 4:30 am for the day. He will take two 45 min. Naps by noon. Then around 1 he wants to sleep for hours. His bed time is at 7. Should I keep him from sleeping more than two hours or just let him sleep.
Only disagreement, letting them sleep in car seats and swings, have both come under fire because they are too young to lift their head when it droops – cutting off air supply. This one has happened with tragic results. Otherwise – great. I always slept when my babies and grand babies slept. If they cry at night, change them, hug them, make sure they are warm or cool enough, and gently put them back to bed with pats on their tummy to know that you are close by.
This is truly a wonderful site which I stumbled upon today. I feel great knowing I am not alone in this how-to-make-your-baby-sleep warzone. I am going to be returning in here quite often because my little angel is a true sleep-rebel!
And oh Alexis! It’s turning 9 P.M., and this is my usual time to get the nerves (similar to the ones that attack before examinations). But, thanks to you plus the cartload of mommies here, I feel better prepared to accept the inevitable – ‘There is no use trying to organize your life with a newborn around. Unpredictability will rule the days (and nights, of course)
I am not saying I am not going to get frustrated or cry on those odd days, but, I’ll know there are loads more of moms & dads in different quarters of the globe, up & about at the same time, doing the same thing as I am 🙂 and oh! I wish my husband could be with us everyday instead of just the weekends. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom beside me.
Good luck to all the exasperated mommies out there 🙂
You are definitely not alone, even when your husband is at work 🙂
It gets easier!
I am having trouble with my 3 week old. He is my second baby and my first one (using all your tricks) slept great! This babe however is up wanting to eat every hour and most days refuses to nap even with the help of swaddle, white noise, pacifier, AND swing!! He will sometimes pass out for ten minutes and then right back up (at bedtime he will often do a 2.5 hour stretch but thats it). He sleeps great in my arms, the carseat, etc. Help!!
Sounds like your little dude has a bad case of FOMO 😉
It’s hard to make grand generalizations in the first few weeks because for some of us the first few weeks just suck super bad and the only REAL advice is – do what you need to (that’s save obvs) and get through it. Things tend to improve around 6 weeks.
It’s OK if he naps on your lap for now as long as you’re awake. So it maybe that for the next few weeks “putting him down” for naps is impossible.
Good luck and I hope this phase is a short one!
Like to read comments to learn as much as I can to help out with our newborn. Huge complaint on most if not all comment section on pregnancy & children related sites is the use of acronyms… I’m reading these at 3am, after having been up since 8-9am the previous day and worked a 10 hour shift.. what does FOMO stand for?
FOMO isn’t actually a parenting acronym it’s a pop culture one – Fear Of Missing Out 🙂
And yes the comments are full of acronyms, it’s a function of 90% of people being on smart phones and trying to minimize the typing. I get lost sometimes too.
My newborn is 2 and a half weeks old and is wide awake at night, usually after 2am and doesn’t fall back asleep. He stays awake in the bassinet just making noises,
Occasionally fussing but pretty content. I have just been letting him remain in the bassinet while I go back to sleep. He will start to cry when he’s ready to eat. I feed him, soothe him, he falls asleep, but then wakes up as soon as I place him back in the bassinet. Is there something else I can do to help him fall asleep? Or do I just let him continue to lay there as he is content..?
I should add that I always try to put him down for naps before he has been awake too long but usually by the time he falls asleep he has been up far too long and the overtiredness probably contributes to the issue!
Firstly, this website is really ‘precious’ for us parents. Just that I found it only yesterday! I wish I had somehow stumbled upon this website earlier…
My little 4 and 1/2 month old sonny is neither a great napper nor does he go to sleep on his own. Every nap/sleep is a struggle be it day or night. I try every method I know of – swaddling, swinging, rocking, nursing to sleep. Some days nothing works and he just cries and cries and cries. It’s just painful and heartbreaking to see him like this 🙁 I don’t know what to do.
My baby cried all the time too and was really unsettled. I began giving him top ups with formula and it really helped. The poor little guy was just hungry and i couldn’t give him enough.
Hi!
How are you ? Your website is so great. So many helpful tips. I have couple questions. My baby is a month and 10 days old. For the past week or so she tends to wake up around 4 am and will not go back to sleep until 7. Also she does seem to want to sleep between 10 and 4 pm now a day. Is she not getting enough feeding? It seems she does not fall into deep sleep mode. She Is easily startle or cried a bit then fall back to sleep, please help me. This is my first baby and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for all your help .
Hi, Thanks for posting the information about “baby sleep and modern parents” syndrome, it is very valuable information. I have also heard concerns about the stress these newborns are suffering from for being kept awake 3 to 4 hrs in the afternoons, hoping that “they will sleep longer” at night. The unknown as to how this stress might impact the infant’s development, physically, emotionally or mentally could be a concern especially with children who have predisposition to certain medical, emotional or behavioural illnesses. Do you have any information about this? I appreciate your input.
i also love the idea that night is for the adults. liv goes to bed early, too (by 7) and if we want to go out, the sitter comes around 7:15. the sitter doesn’t have to do anything, except for be here if livi wakes up or needs anything, and we can go have fun or just enjoy the night togetherwhat time does your daughter wake up in the morning?and that gives me hope about “the pause” later on! i’ll definitely be better at the whole sleep thing next go around
Is is okay for baby to sleep in car seat through night? She’s not liking her bassinet.
If you had asked me 5 years ago I would have said, “Yes if it works – go for it!”
But I don’t say that now. More recent research suggests that sleeping in carseats leads to schlumping and measurably decreases babies oxygen intake. So no, I wouldn’t recommend it. If they HAPPEN to fall asleep in the car seat in the CAR, so be it. But all night in the car seat is not recommended.
What about a full-sized fully reclined infant swing or RNP?
I love that you’re talking about new research and that you’re opening to amending your stance based on it. With that in mind, I notice you recommend co-sleeping, as well as having a baby sleep in a swing. Due to the Consumer Reports findings on “inclined sleepers” and positional asphyxiation, combined with the AAP’s recommendations for Safe Sleep being ABC (Alone, Back, Crib), would you consider rethinking those suggestions. Many infants have died from sleeping in swings or inclined seats, and since you have a platform I think it would be great if you gave the most up to date safe evidence-based findings. Thanks!
You are absolutely correct. I’m working on updating some of these older posts (this one is 8 years old). For the most current updates the book is the best resource. Thanks for the feedback!
My little girl is only 2 weeks old and is showing symptoms of having reflux like I have, she won’t sleep flat in her bassinet and only gets good sleep elevated in my arms or on my chest, what do you suggest I try to make her more comfortable, it breaks my heart to see her in pain
My son slept in his bouncy chair so he could lay at a 45 degree angle for at least 6 months, day and night. He refused to lay on his back his entire infancy. Also check the car seat adjustment–he would scream like crazy in the car seat; we changed the angle just a bit and he cried WAY less in the car.
Looking for suggestions… my 4 week old will only sleep in my arms day or night. We try every day to put her down at varying levels of sleep with a warmed bed with no luck… within 3 minutes she is crying and quickly becomes hysterical and is a master of getting out of a swaddle…
Your site is amazing!!!!!!!! Thank you for reaffirming some things for me as the Mom of my newborn (2nd baby). I would think I have this figured out by now but I guess it’s sometimes more complicated than we like it to be! 😉 my newborn was suuuuch a chill baby (still is in some ways) and slept too well, but since two days ago (11days old) she’s been extremely fussy, gassy perhaps?, and difficult day and night. Trying to figure this out….any other feedback? 🙂
Hi there… Your site is wonderful. I’m reading it to my wife while we struggle with our newborn boy. We’re working through trying to understand him, his queues and difficulties. He’s a very gassy baby and cannot pass it easily – meaning he screams with varying degrees of cramping when not feeding or being burped.
My question – with abdominal gas and discomfort, there is no silver bullet solution. Given this and the amount of crying, he might sleep for 10 – 12hrs /night no matter what we try. Do we need to push our health care professionals given his general lack of sleepiness? Or push through and hope for change? Thank you
If baby is breastfed gas could be caused by not having long enough feeds on one side. Fore milk is gas producing and hind milk is fatty and sustaining.
Apologies, by 10 to 12hrs per night I meant per 24 hour period.
Regarding the milk, he’s an eating machine. Usually eats for 2 hours (1 per breast) for long meals. For ‘quick’ ones he’s on there for 45 mins.
Wait what now?
He nurses 1 hour PER BOOB? Wow. I mean…my condolences to your wife.
Nursing is great and babies definitely nurse for general comfort. However if I were nursing for 2 hour stretches as a matter of norm, I would want to talk to an IBCLC about this. Why does he take 2 hours? I don’t know. It could be that there is a latch issue that makes his eating less efficient (this could also result in lots of swallowing of air). It could be a tongue tie. It could be that he’s only eating for 20 minutes and the rest of the time he’s just sucking and lounging. I don’t know but if I were you I might want to find a referral for somebody locally who could help me get some answers.
10-12 hours per 24 hour period is definitely extremely low. Is it possible that’s the “norm” for him? Technically, yes it’s possible. But would more lean towards ” he needs more help sleeping.” Usually that’s in the form of more soothing (swaddle, white noise, pacifier, etc. – all stuff covered on the blog).
But my first stop would be to get some nursing support and flat out ask – what’s up with the 2 hour nursing business?
Ok so some updates:
He is latching fine and eating properly, confirmed by a lactation consultant.
We’ve recorded everything for the last 24 hour period – this one was exceptionally bad:
Fed for a total of just under 8 hours across 16 feeds – each of those times were in response to cues or crying (when he was past the cues earlier this morning). He is eating the entire time. He gets a little lazy at the end, but 90% of that he’s active for. We aren’t letting him sleep on the boob.
He has slept for a total of 4 hours and has screamed for far more than that. I just spent 3 sustained hours with him attempting to soothe him with maybe 2 minutes of calm.
I mentioned gas – he’s not like this through the day. He screams but for not as long. At night it won’t end and if it was all gas he would do it all the time versus show a day/night pattern, right? Sure he has gas pain – but what else is up here?
The lactation consultant mentioned stimulus overload – but how when all he has done is feed or cry? Only stimulus he has is what he’s generating.
Regarding sleep aids. He has kicked off the swaddled, won’t accept the soothers (when freaking out), won’t rock to sleep… Nothing!
Anyway, apologies if I sound like I’m complaining. It’s been a long night! Any thoughts would be much appreciated.
It’s not stimulus overload. Yes kids who are not sleeping (and yours isn’t) get overtired and overtired kids are inconsolable. But there is no stimulus overload. That’s not a thing.
I would keep swaddling tightly even if he seems to fight it. Swaddle, darkness, and white noise. 100%
As for why he’s crying I have a hard time believing it’s gas. Because you’re right – gas wouldn’t be limited to night time.
I don’t want to suggest there is a “problem” but have you considered:
a) reflux
b) dairy intolerance
These are the most common issues for babies (and they’re still relatively rare at 2% and 5% respectfully). I might ask the pediatrician about these issues. If it’s dairy it’s a relatively quick fix – remove all milk protein from Mom’s diet (read labels it’s EVERYWHERE). If that’s the root issue you should see dramatic improvement within 1 week although technically it takes up to 3 to get ALL proteins out of breastmilk.
REflux is more challenging to diagnose (you can read more here: https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/medical-problem/
But with this much screaming and nonsleeping I would consider digging into those two possibilities.
Hey Alexis, thank you for working back and forth with me on this. So we’ve been to a Dr who said there isn’t anything medically wrong with him and gave us infant Tylenol *sigh*. Extreme case of colic. He said his digestive system is likely having a harder time than most learning to function. Apparently much of the digestive process happens at night, hence the issues he said. Doesn’t think it’s acid reflux because there would be other signs.
We’re going to get to a pediatrician, just timing isn’t easy until next week unless we hit the local emergency department.
His update… He’s slept 4 hours in the last 24. We’re dying here! He’ll fall asleep feeding, then wake up 10 minutes later (almost to the second) screaming. Then the same cycle has repeated. All. Day. And Night. Long. His poor little eyes are red, puffy and baggy. He looks so uncomfortable almost all the time.
The dr also said there is no medical issue with him not sleeping. It’ll be an issue for us, but babies don’t require tons of sleep. Is this accurate?! So worried about this little guy. He’s slept 24 hours over the last 4 days – and that is accurate within an hour either direction.
Is he ok to continue in this fashion? Should we wait it out? Or is something wrong here? Just wondering how much noise I should be making with our medical community on his behalf. Thank you again!
Andrew
Sorry and just to be clear – we’ve done everything we could think of to help him sleep. 10 minute cycles is the best we can get.
Hi Andrew…I feel so much sympathy for your situation and for your baby! How old is your baby btw? I would definitely seek your pediatricians help in this. The only suggestion I have is perhaps asking about probiotic drops for babies? If his digestive system needs some help, I’ve read probiotic drops can be very beneficial in the newborn phase. Perhaps this is something you can ask the pediatrician about?
I am praying you find answers quickly for your baby and family!
Hi Andrew, how’s it going? It’s been a few months since your post. I hope you stumbled across some helpful Lactation Consultants and Paediatricans. I sympathise! My first was the same and we didn’t get the help he (we) needed until he was 4 months. My plug is to (1) keep fighting for assessment, diagnosis and treatment for your precious baby who.really needs help (2) seek help for yourselves…you two will be very vulnerable to postnatal depression while under so much stress and sleep deprivation. I really hope you have lots of practical support around you (3) stick to cosleeping with him upright and skin to skin as much as possible (absolutely no sleep training at this age). Hope things are on the up for you all now.
Baby is 8 days old – and thank you for that recommendation. I have a bottle of Bio Gaia ProTectis which I badly want to give him but was urged to wait until we speak to his doctor. ProTectis is something a friend tried with his premature daughter and got some result. The studies they conducted certainly seem positive.
Thanks again Sam.
Andrew
Hi Andrew,
Your son sounds very similar to my first. Ate forever at a time, screamed and cried a lot, slept for no more than 15 minutes- usually being held, and we were told he was healthy and there were no problems.
After having son #2 I now realize how abnormal my first really was. He had two issues (which may have been related). One was a posterior tongue tie and a lip tie. After being told by three lactation consultants he didn’t have one I found one who specialized in ties and said he did indeed. It was corrected using a laser by a dentist and slowly but surely his feeds (and his countenance) started improving.
The second issue was reflux- specifically silent GERD. He did not spit up but swallowed it back down and screamed more because of it. There is medication for this but we did home remedies (elevate crib, colic calm, probiotics), and waited it out with time. It was awful.
I spent a lot of nights sleeping with him upright in a rocking chair. It did take a few months but slowly got better and then we had to do significant sleep training around 6 months. However now he is a very healthy and super happy 2 year old who sleeps! The 24 hour screaming sessions didn’t seem to harm him long term and I eventually recovered from them too. 🙂
I’ll pray you get some answers. Good luck!
hello, I was wondering if your baby is doing better? hope things have improved =)
I was wondering the same… Hoping things have improved a bit. Thinking of you & your family!
Thanks for checking in. So it’s been an adventure. He’s really up and down. We’re in the hospital right now for an UTI and the antibiotics are really bothering him.
Before that he’s had a few good night and many long ones filled with crying. At the high end he’s around 12 hours per 24, but averages around 8. Very uncomfortable baby.
One product we’re using that seem to make some difference. Biogia ProTectis probiotic is seemingly helpful. The pediatrician says it works wonders.
Here’s a possible story one the discomfort. Apparently babies that are c section are very uncomfortable due to a lack of initial bacteria from the vagina during birth. That’s why they’re extra difficult with digestion. ProTectis helps add some of that flora in.
Anyway, he’s on IV now and very uncomfortable, so my wife isn’t getting much sleep. I’m not allowed to stay which is good for my night of sleep but bad for her sanity.
Again, thank you, and I’ll keep you posted if things change. So far living with exhaustion is the new normal!
Andrew,
I’m so sorry you’ve had such a difficult start to parenting. That sounds awful. Glad you found something that seems to be helping a bit. Hope you continue to get answers!
Carrie
Hi Andrew, just wanted to check in, hope you baby and family are doing well!
Hi Andrew,
I came across your post and your journey sounds very similar to what my husband and i experienced with our now 4year old. He would sleep only 3 to 4 hours in 24hours and i can tell you some Doctors had no idea what to do. We were referred to many specialist. We tried chrio and probiotics we were desperate to help him. We were also desperate for sleep, everyone needs sleep so I completely feel for you and your wife. You are doing and amazing job.
Our little one would constantly scream in pain and was awake in pain for hours and would only fall asleep for 5 or so minutes at a time.
We found a wonderful paediatrian and gastro specialist whom diagnosed him with severe GORD which is the worst reflux a bub can have. This in conjuction with a cows milk intolerance he was placed on medication and a corn based formula called elecare. Which in australia is prescription only forumla. We also continued with improving the gut flora. He improved but was never a “good” sleeper but at least would sleep for 2hours at a time. He still experienced discomfort and pain and we had to help him to learn how to sleep. Helping a bub with medical issues learn to sleep is not as easy as people may suggest and most peoples advise is coming from a good place but their bubs likely didn’t have the challenges you are having.
I am not suggesting your little one has either of these issues. I just wanted to share my experience. The best thing we did was erase all timeframes from when a baby “should” sleep through the night, and embrace the good moments. My paediatrian once said some babies like adults are not good sleepers.
I know it may not seem like it now, but things will get better. I wish i could tell you when but i know at some point they will.
Your so right living exhausted is the new normal.
Wishing you good health.
Is the author a doctor, a midwife or?
Hi Alexis,
I find really helpful your article, thank you very much.
I am the proud mom of a beautiful 14 weeks old baby girl.
We have worked out she sleeping nicely at nights since 2 weeks now. She sleeps in her co-sleeper with white noise and wakes up mainly to be feed. As you mentioned, there are nights better than others… but that is already something we made our peace with.
Now, I have another concern about her sleep habits. Even thought we could master the evenings, during the day, she just sleeps in my arms. I use a baby carrier and carry her around with me. I experience some back pain at the end of the day, but my strength has grown toguether with her. Every day I try to put her down to sleep in her co-sleeper and every day she jumps like having bad dreams during 15-20 min. Is not that she immediately cries. She realizes I put her down, same as during the night, but somehow she can not stay calm during the day. After 20min she just completely wakes up very upset and I the process starts all over, the second time I just let her sleep properly in the baby carrier on me. During the day she sleeps regularly 5-7 hours in the carrier and during the night other 8-10 hours.
My questions are, how could I help her (and myself) to be comfortable laying down during the day? Is this just a face? I cannot really imagine to keep her sleeping on me when she gets bigger, she is already big for her age (7Kg) and growing happily and healthy. Should I just be patient or should I actively do something?
Thank you very much for your answer!
Best,
Gaby
My 4 week old born at 36 weeks is pretty connect but often at night he’ll be awake but happy. During the day he shrugs up to 3-4 hours but usually only 1-2 at night. Sometimes at night he’s safe, awake and content but I worry about sleeping while he’s awake. Is this something I should be concerned about?
Sorry, should read– my 4 week old born at 36 weeks is pretty content but often at night he’ll be awake but happy. Sometimes at night he’s safe, awake and content but I worry about sleeping while he’s awake. Is this something I should be concerned about? During the day he sleeps up to 3-4 hours but usually only 1-2 at night.
If he’s in a safe place, and he’s happy at night, I think it’s fine for you to sleep. It’s probably better that way, because you’re making nighttime nice and boring for him, and he’ll let you know when he needs you. And by the time he’s 6-8 weeks old (adjusted), his circadian rhythm will develop, and he’ll start sleeping longer/more during the night.
This is a living he’ll at night. According to my watch I’ve slept 7 hours in the last 3 days. I feel drunk I’m so tired during the day.
Have you read https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/?
This is the reason sleep is a living hell in 99% of cases…
So a little bit the same and a little bit different then what I’ve read on here. We have a 5 day old son who sleeps 15/17 hours between 6a to 11p. The second! We go upstairs at 11p after his feeding he loses it. Hysterically crying for 3-4 hours until his next feeding. My wife and I are losing our minds and are very tired. He was a nicu baby from a c section. Wondering some suggestions to avoid this 4 hour nightmare every night and or what it could be stemming from
He’s an amazing boy all day long. Feeding and sleeping with perfection. Is this a case of day night confusion? I figured trying make him stay up more than 2 hours from 6-11 but then i read that’s not good at all.
Before anyone says. We swaddle and use mamaroos and white noise. We do skin to skin up and down walk and sing. I mean everything. Pacy or not. It doesn’t matter. It’s like he’s telling us to pay attention to him the second we finally try to lay down. He’s wide awake most of this time too. Please please help!
So it’s not day/night confusion, it’s the fact that he doesn’t yet have a “night” – his circadian rhythm isn’t working yet. Newborns nap randomly throughout the day and have, periodically, long periods of wakefulness. His is 11 – 3. He’s crying because he can’t sleep. Keeping him awake longer during the day right now won’t help. He’s only 5 days old. I know you want to fix this but honestly the answer is time. I would stop pushing him to try to sleep at 11 PM – this will leave you and him frustrated. PLAN to be awake during these hours. Alternate nights if you can. Take long naps during the day when he does. When he’s awake during the day use bright light exposure if you can (take him outside for walks that sort of thing). Keep the lights and activity low/dim from 11- 3 when hes awake. But for now, don’t kill yourself trying to make him sleep. He likely won’t and can’t for a while. Gradually this gap will get shorter and it won’t always be this horrible. But truthfully I would buckle down for a few weeks.
Spelling nazi here… “are all loosing strategies.”
That would be “losing” strategies. 😉
Anyway, backing to dealing with my 6-month-old who is a terrible sleeper. My poor arms are gonna fall off from carrying and walking him. I had to put him down and let him fuss for a bit — one of the very rare times he’s not crying (screaming) within seconds.
My 6 month old little girl refuses to sleep anywhere but in her co-sleeper or in our lap’s. We have tried to putting down while still awake or drowsy and she screams like she has just gotten her shots. She turns purple has giant crocodile tears and this will go on for an hour. If she is in her co-sleeper bassinet on our bed secured she sleeps 12 hours. However she is getting to big for her little place and starting to roll around in it and wake herself up. WE NEED ADVICE!!!! My husband and I are spent and just don’t know what else to do.We have conquered not swaddling her anymore but it’s time for her to sleep in her own space because she is to big for anything else and we want her to be safe and continue to sleep through the night!! Any suggestions are welcome!
Hi! I have an almost 5 week old baby that has a very hard time napping during the day. I try to put him down so he’s not overtired, but he just will not fall asleep. He’s been in the swing for longer than 30 minutes and it doesn’t put him to sleep at all. Any tips?
Hi Team. I figured a view from a MM would be just the cake this thread needs.
Im a 40 year old Project Manager with both the most amazing wife Rachel and most wonderful baby girl Lily, born 27/07/17. She being my Third (two boys), and Rachels and mine only, the experience has been one of wonder, joy and utter lack of sleep. Our Lily is the most interactive aware little thing, having been Transverse Breach (C-Sect) at 39 weeks, she came onto the world with the strongest head and legs. from day one she could hold her head up, and turn it. Standing up with just stabilisation came at week 3. Week 8 brought stand up and sit down under her own steam (still stabilising tho)!!! Currently, my Amazing Rachel has her going down awake, after an hour, usually sleeping for 45mins – 60 mins. Nights are a 6pm ish feed, hard to get to sleep, but once there 4 hours. Then awake 12-1, sleep and back with us around 3-4. Much better than some I know. She just decided yesterday to make things hard, sleeping for 20mins only at a time. We have shared night duties from week two, having been forced into the bottle…. Having read this and many other articles on the matter, I would sincerely recommend this site and its methods to any who ask.
Good Luck to all you Mums out there,
Yours Sincerely
A Dad.
I’ve been taught to fear the catnap. Thanks for making light of newborn ways and reminders that things get better!
Alexa,
Love you, love your book, love your advice. I need some help – I’m stumped. I have a 5 week old baby girl who is a great sleeper. She sleeps 6-7 hours uninterrupted at night., falls asleep by herself with white noise and a swing during the day. But at bedtime it’s a different story. She wakes up and is alert and happy around 7pm. She starts fussing around 8. I nurse her, change her, swaddle her, sway her and sing her until she is drowsy but awake. She falls asleep in her dock a tot then from that point on its 2-3 hours of her waking up every 10 minutes. Until she falls asleep for the night. Help! What am i doing wrong at night?
You’re probably doing nothing wrong – she has a very late bedtime which is pretty typical at 5 weeks. She’s napping around 8 and the constant waking is her not really sleeping until she goes to bed for the night (far later) and then sleeps for 6-7 hours. This is a pretty typical newborn thing – her circadian rhythm isn’t quite developed so she’s got long stretches of not quite sleep happening.
Thank you Alexis! Much appreciated! Happy holidays
Please don’t let baby sleep in a car seat or swing. Get a rocking bassinet and keep baby safe. I had to stop reading after that because no medically-sound individual would recommend that.
This
Hi, my daughter is 3 1/2 months old. She is dependent on me to nurse her to sleep. We co-sleep at night. Lately she has been waking up all night to nurse but she’s not drinking. She’s waking up to put herself back to sleep. So all night she cries a little. I wake up take her out of her co sleeper. Nurse her back to sleep and either fall asleep w her next to me or put her back in her sleeper once she’s back in her sleeper. She’s up again to nurse back to sleep. I’ve tried pacifiers but that doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do. When I don’t give her my breast she will scream and cry. I’ve tried other soothing techniques. When do I put her in her crib. Every night I get such anxiety cause she also bites me. I don’t know when to put her in her crib. She does nap there once a day. I tried to put her in her crib when awake for a nap and she freaks out. I always have to nurse her. Am I doing something wrong. My other daughter is 2 and I made a lot of mistakes in regards to her sleep. She won’t fall asleep w out us. Doesn’t nap anymore and co slept till 1 1/2. I don’t want to make these mistakes again.
Diane,
Honestly? Check out my book. It answers ALL these questions. It sounds like you’re a bit stuck with WHEN she should nap and go to bed (this is a huge thing and picking the right WHEN is pretty important). If you don’t want to cosleep with your new daughter in the long term the best time to stop doing so is now. And that means changing how she falls asleep at bedtime and not nursing to sleep. Will this be easy? No. But it’s also not safe to have a 2 YO and a 3 month old all piled up in the same bed so let’s consider having the newborn sleep in her crib as an essential change that we need to make. Snag the book, read it in all your free time (yeah right?), and come up with a plan to get your 3.5 month old falling asleep on her on IN the crib.
Thank you. I just bought it
Good luck!
Hi there. My 7 week old can sleep for 4 hours during the daytime but rarely goes more than 2.5 hours at a time at night. Should I be waking her after a couple of hours during the day at this stage? Many thanks
Every sleep surface you suggested is a sleep hazard. Babies should only sleep on a hard flat surface to reduce the risk of SIDS. This is awful advice to give to new parents.
Great list- just had my 5th and so true and a good refresher!
I just want to say thank you for this information and your website. I feel like all of the other sleep resources make you feel like you are doomed if your 10 week old sleeps in a swing and doesn’t sleep for a long stretch at night. This is my 3rd baby, worst sleeper and my usual very minor anxiety has spiraled due to lack of sleep trying to use the same sleep training that worked for the first 2. So I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, you have truly been a a great resource for me not feeling like a total failure (which of course only worsens anxiety)
My 7 week old boy won’t sleep during the day.
He sleeps overnight ( I wake him for feeds) from about 8 pm to 6am.
Daytime naps are really difficult and are normally 10 mins if any, this seems to be a new thing that started 2 weeks ago.
I enjoyed reading this article and hope to use some of the ideas to help.
I really needed to read this. Baby #3 is 4 days old and it’s really frustrating to hear people constantly say “he has his nights and days mixed up” I was confident at first because I know the first few weeks are difficult. But those words make it harder and make it seem something is wrong. I never co slept with my older two, also never breastfed, and even breastfeeding has been discouraged towards me because he’s not sleeping.
This article just made me feel better and to take it in stride. I appreciate your words on this very tiring morning full of tears.
I would just like to say thank you for this incredible article. I truly loved every second of it. My little guy is 3 and a half weeks old and as a new mom, I obviously question everything I’m doing to make sure that it’s “right”. Generally speaking he is a relatively easy baby – only seems to cry when he needs something. I did notice though that he wasn’t too keen on sleeping in his bassinet so my instinct was to let him sleep in the swing. After a few middle of the night feeding sessions spent on Google, I found that a lot of people seem to think this is the wrong choice and I was really beating myself up about it. Finally I came to the conclusion that parenting is your own journey and finding out what works for your baby is your own decision. I loved all of your advice and found that all of your pointers really spoke to me in terms of the decisions we have made so far. Thank you for such an excellent read!
Yeah, it’s all very familiar to me! I wish I’d known this before, so I wouldn’t have made those mistakes!
Please update your article not to recommend sleeping in a swing. There have been many cases of death due to this because a reclined position makes the airway more likely to close. Reclining for long periods is also bad for babies physical development.
Please see Alexis’ latest post “What We Learned From The Rock N Play Recall” where she addresses this very completely and clearly denounces sleeping in a swing. It also links to the heartbreaking article from Consumer Reports.
https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/what-we-learned-from-the-rock-n-play-recall/
8 biggest sleep mistakes new parents make, see here https://www.allmomclub.com/8-biggest-baby-sleep-mistakes-new-parents-make/