Last week my family took an impromptu vacation after the sudden realization that if I didn’t break out of my local mommy cow path (park, potty, grocery, park, potty, grocery) I was going to go all stabby. So we threw the kids in the car with enough underwear to make it through the weekend and headed to New Hampshire to enjoy some national parks and check out StoryLand (ie. amusement park for the under 7 crowd).
The hotel and various parks we visited were full of other families dragging their kids around on vacation which got me thinking about all the things we do to help or hinder our ability to actually ENJOY our kids while on vacation. So we’ll take a brief pause and spend a few minutes on what we can do to have fun with them (especially when far from home).
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Lay out the ground rules BEFORE you get there.
Don’t wait until you’re in the neon-bright gift-shop to announce that we’re not buying any giant candy bars. Think about the rough spots you’re likely to encounter and have a family chat about them well in ADVANCE of the activity. We had a few simple rules: we stick together, we’re not buying anything other than lunch, and when Mom & Dad say it’s time to go, we go. We talked about it over breakfast so there were no surprises once we got there.
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MEAN what you SAY.
I had never taken my kids to anything remotely like an amusement park. It was big, noisy, crowded, and we saw one scary guy wearing a large deer skinning knife openly on his belt. At a park geared towards preschoolers. With no deer in it.
At the park I stressed to my 4 YO that it was REALLY REALLY important that we stay together. In fact it was pretty much THE cardinal rule of the park. We talked about this before we got there and I gave him a few reminders as we ambled about the park. Then, he ran off clearly ignoring my pleas for him to stop. When I caught up to him I got down on his level, looked him in the eye and said, “If you run away again we will walk out to the car and leave the park. Got it?” Thankfully he did. Because I would have absolutely eaten the $100 in entrance tickets and shoved two very upset kids in the car and left. Yes it would have ruined the trip and made me pretty unpopular. But it is more important that my kids a) make safe decisions and b) know Mommy means what she says, than it is for us to have a fun few hours at a park. -
Nobody likes a buzz kill.
How would you feel if you were playing in the pool and somebody demanded that you stop to check the math on your 2011 tax returns? I was at the pool watching a tired-looking Mom bark at her daughter who was refusing to practice what she had learned at swim lessons. I don’t go on vacation to work and wouldn’t take kindly to somebody asking me to. Don’t require something of your kids that you wouldn’t ask of yourself.
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Be realistic.
We had been driving home for 3 hours when my 4 YO lost it. His whining had hit a peak and he started crying about how he just wanted to go home and never take any more trips. He was kicking the back of the driver-side seat. He wasn’t being a selfish brat or an ingrate who didn’t appreciate the financial hit his parents had just taken to let him go on the flume ride. He was a kid who had been asked to sit in a boring car playing with a few matchbox cars for TOO long without a break. The meltdown was entirely our fault. We should have taken a break sooner, let them out for a snack or to run around…
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Everybody makes mistakes. Fix it and move on.
Luckily we were near the Ben & Jerry’s factory in Waterbury, VT. Everybody got a cone and some time to run around in the grass. It’s OK to make a parenting mistake. Do what you can to make up for it, learn the lesson, and move on. And ice cream fixes almost everything.
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No sleep on vacation = bad vacation
The whole reason we go on trips is that there is cool stuff to do THERE. Why would anybody want to go to bed? Blow through naps, the kids are having such fun, right? You’re on VACATION, live a little. So what if the kids stay up jumping on the beds (they can jump of course because they aren’t YOUR beds, right?) till 11:00 pm. It’s VACATION.
I watched these two kids scream their way through dinner at a nice restaurant while their parents looked around anxiously to see who was staring. These kids were clearly EXHAUSTED. They had built up a vacation sleep debt and were in full meltdown mode. As they fidgeted and threw cold french fries on the carpet their tired bodies were filling their brain with cortisol which almost guaranteed that these parents were going to be stuck with 2 miserable kids back at their hotel room who would literally be unable to fall asleep.
I don’t want to have to leave a 30% tip because my kids wrecked the joint. I don’t want to be wrestling cranky kids at midnight. I don’t want to be the Mom who drags her tantrummy kids out of the pool while everybody pretends not to look. So really it’s all about choice. What is more important to you? -
Sleep is sleep (where doesn’t matter).
After a long morning of traipsing around the park both kiddos fell asleep seconds after we got into the car. When we got to the hotel, we pulled the total ROOKIE maneuver of trying to transition them from the car to the hotel room where (I fantasized) they would continue to nap for 2 hours so I could too. Of course this failed totally and they ended up with a 10 minute nap which could have easily been a 45 minute nap had we just owned a simple truth of traveling with kids: embrace the car/stroller/etc. to help them get some shuteye. Plan your drives so that your kids can conk out in the car. Bring a stroller that reclines and go for a long walk around nap time. With so many exciting things going on, take advantage of the distraction-free zone that you have at your disposal.
Strollers = portable nap haven.
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Come to think of it, these rules pretty much apply to hanging out at home too. Does anybody else have any thoughts to share on family trips?
{photo credit: Azfar Ahmad}
Mary the Oinkteller
June 29, 2011 at 7:30 pmGreat post! Been there so many times, I shouldn’t admit it. Sleep debts have to be paid and it’s usually the parents who pay for it. I have a rule about not moving a sleeping child unless it’s absolutely necessary. In fact, Small napped comfortably in the car this afternoon for 1/2 an hour after I pulled into the driveway. Next time, Santa’s Village?
Alexis
June 29, 2011 at 9:18 pmWe have satellite radio because it was required car nap hardware (required for me anyway). I have absolutely sat camped in the driveway killing time while the kids slept. You’re rule is a good one and I fully support it.
sara
June 12, 2012 at 9:16 amOk so I am not crazy then when I show up somewhere (insert: home, relatives house, birthday party, store) and my 4 1/2 month old is sleeping, I sit in the car until she wakes up?! Because without fail, if I try to move her she will wake up…I should probably own stock in some big oil company for all the gas I burn through but I think it is totally worth it so that she can get the sleep she needs…all i can say is thank goodness my phone goes on the internet!
Alexis
June 14, 2012 at 3:25 pmOh you are NOT alone. People don’t generally talk about these things at baby playgroups (it’s like hemorrhoids, almost every pregnant lady gets these but you never catch anybody discussing it in public ;).
Caren with a "C"
June 30, 2011 at 5:31 pmGood points about children on vacation. I think there is some room to let older children stay awake longer, but most parents know how much sleep their child needs so it is a case by case basis. Hmmm… your pic at the top looks an awful lot like Jackie O and President Kennedy.
Alexis
June 30, 2011 at 9:17 pmWelcome Caren!
You aren’t the first person to notice the similarity between me and Jackie O. I think it’s because we both have great hair and a really fantastic sense of style. Thanks for noticing 😉
Kristen
July 9, 2011 at 7:05 pmI always love to read your posts! It’s true, would rather leave the park for an early dinner rather than push the envelope and see what happens. I also look at it as a good excuse to get an early bed time myself. Now if we can only get car dealers to use the “transitions eyeglasses” glass in their cars…..as the day is brighter the windows tint, as it gets darker the windows lighten up…..my kids just can’t sleep in the car during the summer!!!
Alexis
July 13, 2011 at 9:50 pmKristen,
You are so nice to come visit! And I SERIOUSLY think you could sell the transition eyeglasses tint idea. I would pay for that, and not just so the kids could sleep. It would keep your car cooler in the hot sun, less bright when driving, etc. You should patent the idea and then license it for millions (have been watching Shark Tank – apparently all the money is in licensing).
Maria
July 13, 2011 at 8:47 pmI am on vacation now in Maine with an almost five-year old and three-year old twins, who all are sharing a room. So I had to laugh when I read this. Day 1 was a no nap day despite being in car for six hours! Of course, we paid for it later with kids who wouldn’t or couldn’t fall asleep. No naps in their room but we have managed to get some good car naps in including one where all three fell asleep literally one minute after we left.:) We also have abandoned plans when the kids couldn’t handle it like this mornings breakfast outing. We simply left (DH was horrified; I will leave a cart oif groceries if I have to) and instead got bagels from the deli and ate them at the park in the harbor. They loved it. Gotta be flexible, attuned to their moods, and lots of pino grigio for mom.
Alexis
July 13, 2011 at 9:53 pmLOL! We have also left restaurants. My husband wants me to keep track of the HUGE tips we have left when we ran out the door with takeout boxes or because of all the food was on the floor. We’ll calculate the compound interest and when they’re adults will provide documentation on why they now owe us TEN BILLION DOLLARS.
Pino grigio fixes a lot. Shoot. Now I’m thirsty.
Kid Id
July 28, 2011 at 3:49 pmMy husband and I are completely obsessed with our kids’ sleep. Our friends think we’re really rigid, but sleep is everything for children! Half of what goes into their behavior is sleep-related. We just got back from our vacation, and I can yet again attest to the fact that they had a horrible first day on vacation when we didn’t schedule things well enough to include a decent nap. The rest of vacation went smoothly when we slowed things down and did less in the morning to allow for a good nap.
Ron
November 23, 2011 at 9:08 amyour site is fantastic, this is just what i was looking for!
best,
ron
Alexis
November 28, 2011 at 1:55 pmWow Ron – your kind words just made my day. *smile*
Janna
February 27, 2013 at 5:04 pmHi Alexis! I found this post looking for any advice you (and your disciples) 😉 might have about sleep when travelling. Curious if you have any thoughts on babies, hotel rooms, white noise, etc? Seems like everyone I know has travelled with baby and they swear it will be fine, but I’m not so sure.
My eleven month old is a pretty good sleeper at this point, thanks in large part to your advice, but he only sleeps ONE way: in a pack n play, with loud white noise, and blacked out windows. He doesn’t sleep in a carrier, he doesn’t sleep in the car. Of course I am worried about the plane ride, but I know we will survive that, even more worrisome is how he (and I) will sleep in a hotel room, with my dad who has a very loud chronic cough! Do I bring the white noise and just hope I can sleep through it? Do I pay extra for two rooms so my dad and his cough can sleep in another room? Do I sleep with my dad so the baby doesn’t wake up and see me and want to nurse? Am I just obsessing when really it will be fine like my friends assure me?
Would love any advice that anyone has, especially with little ones who are very particular about their sleep. Thanks!
Amy
April 22, 2013 at 10:33 pmJanna,
It’s a bit late to reply. Have you taken your trip yet? It’s good to be flexible and not stress yourself out worrying about things, but also great that you are mentally preparing for all the upcoming changes to your schedules and situations!
We’ve traveled an incredible amount with our 13 month old so far: Tokyo-Southern Japan, Japan to HI-VA-Japan, Japan-CA-VA-CA-Japan, Japan-Singapore-Bali and back. Nursing helps a great deal on plane rides. The plane provides white noise and nursing during take-off and landing helps with ear pressure and lulling them to sleep so they can catch a nap. Seats in front of bulkheads often have attachable bassinets, you can try to request this seat when you check in. The extra leg room also provides an emergency play area, just cover it with a blanket and tuck them in the corner during no seat belt times if baby is getting restless.
I would definitely recommend white noise for the room. You can try to get yourself used to white noise before your trip. Over time I’ve gotten used to it and like it. If baby needs it then cater to that! Not sure about the cough… it always surprises me what my son sleeps through when he’s out. If your baby is a sound sleeper once down, I wouldn’t pay for two rooms necessarily, but more privacy and space for you and baby is always nice. If you aren’t bringing your own, most hotels have cribs/pack and plays you can rent or borrow, and when we used one I blocked my son’s view of the bed with a sheet so he would settle himself like normal. But on trips we also revert to cosleeping many times to get more sleep. Hope some of that helps!
Jennifer
June 9, 2013 at 10:32 amHi Alexis and seasoned travelers,
We will be traveling to France this summer with our LO (who will be 17 months). Anyone have any advice for the plane ride? The other times we traveled, he still nursed, so take-off and landings were smooth. He is no longer nursing (funny story-one night 3 weeks ago, before bed, he looked at my boob and laughed out loud. He then pushed it away and has wanted nothing to do with them since!) I digress, I’m a little worried about the pressure.
He will have his own seat for (fingers crossed) sleeping.
Will a bottle work for take off and landing the same as nursing does? He’s never taken a pacifier so that’s out.
Any travel tips are much appreciated!
Thank you,
Jen
Bethany
June 9, 2013 at 3:49 amHi Alexis,
We just got back to the UK from a trip to the States and I’m desperate to transition my daughter off of EST back to GMT. We followed your tips for CIO when my daughter was 6 months old a doc-sleeping was no longer working for us and my now 9.5 month old is a champion sleeper (11-12 hours per night! THANK YOU!) and was brilliant on vacation in her pack ‘n’ play with white noise and a blackout blind.
The problem is that last night she was ready for bed at 12am instead of 7pm, is still sleeping now (8.45am) and will probably stay asleep till 11.30am UK time unless I wake her. Which I don’t want to do because she needs the sleep.
How do I transition her back to her usual bedtime of 7pm? Please help!!!
Suzanne
May 22, 2015 at 7:52 pmI love your site and have learned so much over the past few months! The first week of August my husband, our one-year-old son (well, he’ll be one then, he’s 9 months now), and two cats are moving from Atlanta, Georgia to Portland, Oregon. My husband and his parents decided to make our move a ten day “family vacation” in their new RV ( ie they’re coming with us for the drive out, so it’s four adults, one baby, and two cats in one RV). We’ll be driving on average 5 to 6 hours each day, so our son will have most of his naps on the road. Any tips for making nap time and bedtime easier (ie actually getting him to sleep instead of being distracted by us/the road)? Also, I’ve read a lot about naps in moving vehicles not being as restorative as naps in stationary cribs/beds. Do you think days of naps on the road will cause us to have an overtired baby?