There are many big challenges with a newborn baby: figuring out the soothing thing, unbreakable swaddling, learning how to feed a baby, wrestling them to sleep, etc. Usually by the 3 month mark, those hurdles have all been conquered. You are now a confident parent rocking the baby play groups, champion of navigating the grocery store with a baby, and chilling with other parents at Starbucks.
Champion parents will also have already read What You Need to Know About Sleeping Through the Night Part 1. It’s long and not particularly funny but it will explain the single most important thing you need to know to stay the course towards sleeping all night long. Go read it and then come back when you’re done (I’ll wait).
Now you know why it is so critical that you teach your baby to fall asleep without you (nursing, rocking, cuddling, etc.).
Note: A small percentage of babies will continue to sleep well even if they are being nursed, rocked, etc. until they are fully asleep. If you are the parent of an older baby who is sleeping like a champ (then you probably aren’t looking for answers for sleep problems on the internet but….) then you may have one of these rare babies who CAN be nursed, rocked, etc. until they are completely asleep without any problems. YAY!
For the other 98% of babies, failure to teach them to fall asleep on their own leads to many sleepless nights and days filled with short crappy naps.
Putting Your Baby Down Awake
By the time your baby is ~6 months old (give or take 2 months) you need to have figured out how to put your baby down awake and have them fall asleep without your assistance.
If you have already mastered the ability to put your baby down to sleep awake, good for you! Now stop gloating and please go away, the rest of us are still struggling with this.
Every parent has read that it is important to put your baby down to sleep awake. And every parent has tried this at various points in their newborn babyhood. Some babies are pretty cool about the whole thing and after a few minutes of futzing about, fall asleep. Most babies aren’t as keen on this plan and express their displeasure loudly and at length. So you fall back on whatever technique has been working successfully for you up to that point (rocking, nursing, etc.) and you continue about your business. Until this stops working. In a big way.
How to Put Baby Down Awake
There are many approaches to foster independent. I detail 7 methods along with how to identify which will work best for your child based on age and temperament in the book. If you’re serious about helping your child learn to fall asleep without you this resource is a must. But here is a brief summary of some approaches.
Make it Gradual
This is one of the most challenging methods and the easiest to mess up so let me say this first: take a good look at you and your partner. How are you guys doing? If you are ground to a pulp (sleep deprived, just recovering from the flu, stressed out, have little/no support) then skip this method, it’s not for you. On the other hand if you’re feeling fairly chipper, read on.
Basically your job is to take whatever technique you are using to help your baby sleep and gradually make itty bitty modifications (typically over many weeks) to slowly wean baby off this technique. By the way, this is pretty much the entire message of The No-Cry Sleep Solution (minus the guilt-inducing part that makes you feel like a failure if you can’t pull it off). So there, I just saved you $10.
Take co-sleeping as an example. Your baby is now used to falling asleep in your bed, next to your body, and the routine probably involves nursing. To gradually wean off this you might put the crib in your room, put a futon mattress next to the crib, drop the side of the crib and replicate (making sure that the scenario is safe for baby) the co-sleeping environment only now the baby is sleeping in her bed instead of yours. Of course you are now sleeping on a futon next to the crib but hopefully this is temporary.
Over weeks you might work on nursing baby until she is drowsy but not asleep, gradually moving the futon away from the crib, putting the crib side back up, etc. Your goal is to do this so slowly that baby barely registers the change.
This can be difficult. Babies can be remarkably observant about your efforts to monkey with their system. Also illness, teething, etc. can all interfere with your progress. And if you are tired and frustrated it is FAR TOO easy to simply fall back to whatever works for you and let your baby nurse to sleep or pull her back into your bed, undoing all the progress you might have made.
For these reasons I suggest this method is really challenging. Thus my initial question – how beat up are you? If you and your partner are shuffling zombies your chance of success is low. You are welcome to try, and I encourage you to come up with a plan and give it a go. But don’t beat yourself up if, after a few weeks, you’re feeling frustrated by the lack of success.
Note: This method can be extraordinarily challenging if your baby uses a pacifier to fall asleep. Most pediatricians recommend loosing the pacifier by 6 months of age because this little tool which was so helpful for baby sleep when they’re little can become the bane of your existence when they’re older. I have never found a gradual way to remove the pacifier as they seem very binary – either you give them a paci or you don’t. If anybody has any “gradually loose the pacifier” methods, please share in the comment section!
Cry it Out
1. If your baby is older than 6-8 months old and…
2. she’s sleeping poorly (waking up frequently throughout the night, taking short naps, fighting naps, etc.) and…
3. you’ve tried other techniques, or for whatever reason, they didn’t suit, you’ve pretty much landed in cry it outsville.
Cry it Out is a big topic and you can lots of information about how, when, why, and why not in this sleep training resource page. But I want to briefly make a quick distinction here: cry it out is a technique that enables babies to learn to fall asleep on their own. And frankly, if done right, it’s a really effective technique. Cry it out is NOT the best way to get out of night feedings (another topic of an upcoming post). Parents often conflate these two issues.
If your baby has been consuming lots of milk/formula all night long and you decide to go cold-turkey and simply stop night feedings, both you and your baby are likely to have a pretty miserable time of it. Also there are more effective and gentler ways to night-wean. I would suggest you consider cry it out as a method to help your baby fall asleep solo at bedtime but that when they wake up at their regular night-feeding schedule, you go and feed them.
If you haven’t already done so you may also want to check out the other posts in this series:
What you need to know about sleeping through the night: Part 1 and Part 3.
“If your baby has been consuming lots of milk/formula all night long and you decide to go cold-turkey and simply stop night feedings, both you and your baby are likely to have a pretty miserable time of it.”.
That’s what I’m talkin about: RE,B. Rapid Elimination, Baby. Not for the weak-hearted. Or the weak… Or even for most babies. But 60% of the time it works every time!
Um…excuse me. I’ve trademarked the phrase REB and you are in violation of my trademark rights in your use. If you continue I will need to levy a substantial fine.
😉
Hi. So excited to find this site and know sleep in the swing is not awful. I have a 3 month old who likes the swing and it’s the only way to get good day naps from him. My husband and I transitioned him to the crib at night. He does okay for the first few hours but as night wears on gets harder to put down by 4am we typically just put him in the swing to sleep the last few hours. He is waking up frequently at times and I feel like he would probably sleep better in the swing all night but don’t know if we should backtrack at this point and just put him in the swing from the beginning of the night since our ultimate goal is the crib and we’ve got him there part of the night. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks.
Someday he won’t need the additional soothing of the swing to sleep. Know any adults who sleep in a swing? Nope.
So you can stick with the crib because that is where you would LIKE him to be (and probably you are sick of buying batteries). He’ll continue to wake up a lot. You’ll get really tired. And eventually (probably around 6 months) he’ll start sleeping better in his crib.
Another option is to simply embrace the swing – for now. Put him to bed in it. Every once in a while start lowering the speed – if he continues to sleep great lower it some more. Eventually you’ll have a baby sleeping in a non-moving swing. This will be your clue that he is ready to sleep in his crib.
I get the “want baby in crib” thing. My kids had terrible reflux and had to sleep upright for A YEAR. That’s right – they were in the swing for a whole YEAR. For 9 months of that year I really wished we could be done with this stupid swing business and use the crib. But I chose sleep over the crib and now everybody is sleeping happily in beds:)
Thank you for this whole site, my oldest had reflux and slept in her swing till she was 9 months then we rocked her to sleep from there on in and now she is 2 and we are still dealing with sleep issues . I know understand that she is not waking because she needs the motion but that she needs my prescience. I started to worry because although my 11 week old seems to settle herself much better , she is a swing and “gasp” co-sleeper too , my husband is worried that we will have tow bad sleepers but I have vowed not to have this baby dependent on me for sleep and am glad that the swing can be used as a tool, I have begun the turning it off put she pops up 10 minutes later now, and I’m not sure how to stop the co-sleeping. I am going to get her to go to sleep awake and will not lose this window again.
Thank you for this whole site, my oldest had reflux and slept in her swing till she was 9 months then we rocked her to sleep from there on in and now she is 2 and we are still dealing with sleep issues . I now understand that she is not waking because she needs the motion but that she needs my presence . I started to worry because although my 11 week old seems to settle herself much better , she is a swing and “gasp” co-sleeper too , my husband is worried that we will have tow bad sleepers but I have vowed not to have this baby dependent on me for sleep and am glad that the swing can be used as a tool, I have begun the turning it off put she pops up 10 minutes later now, and I’m not sure how to stop the co-sleeping. I am going to get her to go to sleep awake and will not lose this window again.
Solution to weaning pacifiers – I found giving my baby to suck on cold carrots and chewing on them while teething really helped.Carrots were not frozen but simply refrigerated.
Hi there-25 year old mom of 2 (2 year old daughter and soon to be 6 month old son)
My son has me in tears- cat naps during the day (40 mins 2 times a day) and wakes every 3 hours to be soothed at night. He likes to be bounced/ butt patted. Thinking of trying the swing. Do you recommend us leaving the room while he’s in the swing to encourage sleeping without my presence? And when he falls asleep in the swing should I transfer him to the crib or let him sleep in it all night? I’m desperate to teach this boy how to fall asleep on his own! I was lucky enough to have a first baby that just learned to do that on her own.
I am literally in the same exact situation! Although I only have the 6 month old. Unfortunately I was not as lucky as you with your first 😉 Have you found anything that has worked for you guys?
I have an 11 month old little girl that sleeps only for 4 hours then wakes up every 2 hours I’ve tried everything now we’re trying just to leave her in her crib and letting her cry but that just seems so hard to do any other suggestions
Katie/Lizzie,
Truthfully most 6 month olds aren’t going to be that happy about the swing. You’re welcome to try if you have one handy but I wouldn’t invest in a NEW one at this point. If you can PATT your kiddo to sleep while they’re IN the crib, I would start there.
Get him used to that at bedtime – patt in crib. Why? Because that’s an easy-ish thing to get out of. Once you have babies used to THAT you gradually move to not patting but gentle hand on belly. Then hand on hand (hold hands until they’re asleep). Then your hand near them in crib but not touching. Gradually fade your way out of there.
Truthfully things won’t be AWESOME until you’ve faded yourself FULLY out of the process and they’re TRULY falling asleep independently. But this could happen in as short as a week if you’re committed and consistent. GOOD LUCK!
That makes sense — thanks! I read in Weissbluth that he thinks motion sleep was lesser quality than non-motion and was concerned about it for a while, but it seems like he just “thinks” it is but didn’t say “research has indicated.”
In any event, I am happy to embrace the swing, especially since it means more sleep for all of us.
I know the passage in Weissbluth you are talking about. He basically says that because HE can’t sleep on an airplane that motion sleep = bad. I bet he couldn’t sleep swaddled or with a pacifier either!
See now I could go the opposite route as that. I sleep way better when I’m moving. As a kid I always looked forward to road trips for all of the great car sleeping. Now I always have to be the driver and it bums me out when everyone else is asleep. But I guess I should go out and write a book about how every baby must move when they’re sleeping. Because, you know, every single human is exactly the same. That’s why it’s so easy to work in the medical field. If it works for one person it works for everyone. 😉
If Masterpiece Theater helps me fall asleep then obviously I should be marketing Masterpiece Theater DVDs to parents as baby sleep aids.
(Who am I kidding, I am a devout lover of Downton Abby AND Sherlock Holmes on Masterpiece Theater ;).
Our son is 4 months old and since he was 2 weeks old we were using his swing to help him sleep. Well around Christmas time the darn thing blew out. I then started putting him in a bouncer and that worked for maybe 2 weeks. Now we have his crib in our room and he has been sleeping there for almost 2 weeks now. BUT I still rock him to sleep- he will wail nonstop if I leave him in there alone and awake. So I rock him until he is drowsy then put him in his crib. He will wake up several times at night to either be rocked back to sleep or to nurse. Any suggestions to get him to fall asleep on his own and to stay asleep. Unfortunately, we cant afford to buy another swing- those things are $$$$.
You’re right in that swings are $$$ and that a 4 month old is probably close to being done with it. Although personally I would probably keep an eye out for a decent used one (Fisher Price motors hold up better).
I don’t have any magic answer for you. Most 4 month old babies are still waking up 2-3 times a night. Is he waking up MORE often than he was in the swing? It may be that without the soothing motion of the swing he needs to get his soothing from you. And without purchasing another swing, you’ll have to wait another 1-2 months for him to organically need less soothing.
As for getting him to fall asleep on his own, all I have are the three methods I mentioned in the article. Instead of putting him down 100% asleep, work on 95% asleep, 90% asleep, etc. Note I didn’t say it was EASY, just that it can be done 😉
Hmm, this brings up a question for me. If the baby likes to sleep in the bouncer is it okay to put the bouncer in the crib? This seems like a pretty good way to transition and a nice solution for those babies that need to sleep sitting up, but it seems rife with possibilities for danger. Mostly I would worry that the baby, still strapped in to the bouncer, could flip the thing over (as some babies have been known to do) and then get caught in a bad position in the crib. Or an escape artist could try to use the bouncer to get out somehow and then end up flinging himself onto the floor. Maybe I just answered my own question there, but I’m hoping I’m over thinking it because this seems like a good idea and I know someone who did it with a car seat until the baby was almost 2.
Great question. Which I will answer just as soon as you send me photos of your friend’s 2 YO sleeping in a car seat in her crib. Seriously.
As always my default answer for stuff like this is, “If your pediatrician says it’s OK!” Every pediatrician I know has generally OKd baby swings and yes car seats (but 2? wow). I like baby swings because they’re comfy, offer lots of soothing, and generally have solid 3-5 pt harnesses.
Technically the bouncer also has a 3-pt harness albeit a flimsy one. But as you said, the real issue is the tipover hazard. And they DO tip over. Quite frequently. Which is why you never ever put a bouncer anywhere but the floor. Seriously. No tables, cribs, etc.
So you can ask your pediatrician about the bouncer/crib scenario but I would skip the whole thing – put the kid in a swing – and be done with it. Hope that helps!
ps. I’ll be checking email for that photo….
My 3 1/2 old wont nap for more than 30 minutes and wakes up frequently that ought the night. We decided the pacifier may be the issue so we are trying every which way to get her soothed and sleeping without it. This means, rocking, jiggling and jumping through hoops to get her asleep for 30-40 min before we put her in the swing. She fusses if we just put her in the swing semi sleeping. I’m at a crossroads. I feel like I have to get her soothed because we have taken the pacifier away but she is still waking frequently in the swing. What do I do? Keep doing my baby dance for a week or so, so I know the pacifier habit is gone and Then try putting her in the swing semi awake or just do two changes at once. I just feel like once she’s crying hard its hard to calm her without the pacifier. I’m talking about an hour of crying. I’m so lost here. I just want to keep her asleep for naps and at night but it doesn’t seem to be happpening
He is waking up more than when he slept in the swing. Although the number has been decreasing as the days go by. I will continue with my routine. Thanks for the reassurance. Sometimes it feels like Im doing everything wrong!
You’re not doing everything wrong! Babies are frustrating perplexing creatures who drive you into a puddle of exhaustion. But it DOES get better. Know how I’m right? People keep having more babies! Trust me, if it never got any better we would live in a world full of families with only one kid 😉
Hi there,
this is a great site thanks for all the interesting reading! I have an 11 week old baby who is actually a great sleeper (you are probably wondering what the hell i am doing on here), he sleeps in his crib for almost all of his sleeps unless we are out and he is in the pram,however i do rock him to sleep in my arms… sometimes i can put him down semi awake and get away with it, sometimes i need to wait until he is fully asleep which is why i am on here, i dont have crib problems but i am pre empting a rocking problem – any ideas how to start getting him to fall asleep on his own…. he has a pacifier and a baby sense taglet i would rather use the taglet than the pacifier but for now the pacifier is working….
looking forward to your responses
thanks
Cherese (South Africa)
Welcome Cherese from South Africa!
Just to be clear a “taglet” is a little baby blanket with little tags on it, yes?
Congratulations on your great sleeper! I think it’s great that you are really aware/conscious of helping your great sleeper STAY a great sleeper.
Sadly I don’t have any magic potion to help you to get him to fall asleep on his own. If I did I would be selling it in tiny bottles for $10,000 a bottle 😉
He’s pretty young so I wouldn’t get too stressed out about it right now – figure you’ve got ~2 months to gradually work on this. The fact that you can “sometimes” put him down semi-awake is awesome. Say you put him down semi-awake 5% of the time. GREAT! Next week your goal = 10%. It’s a very gradual process and you have a bit of runway to play with:)
Hello, just was on the computer trying to find out what my perfect little sleeper has become an absolute and utter nightmare all of the sudden. He’s 7 months old and I sleep trained him (put him down tired but awake and let him CIO – per my pedi- for 3 nights) at 2.5 months. He was a very big baby and so he was able to go the hours without food. It was a dream. Roughly 7-7 every night. Bravo, right? But about 6 weeks ago he started waking a lot and needing me to put the paci in his mouth, then he’d return promptly to sleep – but i was doing this several times each night. Then we started traveling to France (where his dad is working) from nyc and my perfect sleeper is slowly slipping. We just returned from our second trip there yesterday and he has been screaming his head off at every nap and going even more crazy at bedtime. The ONLY thing that gets him to sleep is an insane amount of really hard bouncing and his paci. The absolute second his little toe hits the crib mattress he starts screaming.
Now, not only is he not sleeping thru the night (he’s getting up every hour), he also needs me to ROCK him to sleep AND play the pacifier game. I’m literally so mentally and physically tired I don’t know what to do. Dads in France. I’m alone. Can’t bear CIO now at this age- bc when he cries he seems to be terrified. Seperation? Teeth? I don’t know…..
SOS. Thx.
Joey, mom to Gio.
Sorry, it’s me again. One last real question to sum it up: if this IS a regression and it’s been going too long with my indulgence of it (bc he’s sick and teething and travel)…how do I break it now?? He’s incredible willful. Thx.
Hey Joey,
Just a quick thought…maybe it’s the pacifier that’s tripping you up. Have you checked Alexis’ post on the pacifier?
http://www.troublesometots.com/how-to-use-and-loose-the-pacifier/
Good luck to you Mama…you’re doing a great job! I don’t know how you do it alone.
Hi Alexis,
Thanks so much for this site! Such helpful information. I had a question for you… my 14 week old (a little over 3 months) has been sleeping through the night since she was 12 weeks.. yay! She typically goes to sleep anywhere between 8 and 9:30pm and sleeps until 7 or 8am… she has every so often woken up once in the night, but usually can sleep 10-12 hours straight. She does sleep in her crib at night but during the daytime, she is a short catnapper (20 minute or 30 minute naps mostly and will not sleep in her crib. (One of us usually ends up holding her for her naps)
My issue is that we have not taught her how to fall asleep on her own. I have tried placing her in her crib when she should be ready to sleep (admittedly I haven’t done this too too much because I am afraid to mess up her great night sleeping) but she will cry and fuss until I come and get her. Since 3 months is too young to CIO, I get her pretty much immediately. To fall asleep, I usually have her lying across my lap, her head on a pillow, and she drinks her bottle to fall asleep. After she falls asleep, I remove the bottle, wait until I am sure she’s in deep sleep and then transfer her to the crib.
This has been working great thus far, but I read your article about object permanence and worry that it will stop working…
At what point do I try to teach her to fall asleep on her own? I am so afraid of messing up a good thing, and I know she’s too young to CIO. Also, the naps are tricky because she doesn’t seem to easily get into a deep sleep to sleep longer (on occasion I can get a one hour or 1.5 hour nap, but those instances are rare) so I can’t transfer her to the crib easily during the daytime… it’s hard to get anything done!
She always falls asleep when drinking her bottle (even if it’s just 1/2 an ounce).. the only other way she falls asleep is in the carseat or stroller. She used to fall asleep in the swing on occasion, but that stopped working for us in recent weeks.
Sorry this is so long… any advice would be so appreciated!
Best,
Lynn
The good news is that you have some time so we don’t need to panic yet. The bad news is that she clearly has a very strong association with bottle=sleep (and possibly your lap = sleep).
So we’ve got some time to play with. Your goal is roughly 6 months which means you’ve got months left to work with. Now you just need a plan right?
I would start introducing OTHER sleep associations. So keep the lap+bottle thing for now but introduce other clues that it’s time to sleep. Personally I would start with something like this:
– turn on white noise
– change diaper
– read book/sing songs
– use consistent words (it’s sleepy time little baby!)
– lap+bottle
Your goal is to give her LOTS of clues that it’s time to sleep. Then you start taking away the ones that cause problems – ie lap + sleep.
Then I would try maybe giving her her bottle IN her crib (maybe if you drop the side so you can manage to do this without killing your back). Thus removing the “lap” part of her sleep routine.
Then you gradually start separating the bottle from sleep. So if the bottle is the LAST thing in your routine, make it the second to last (bottle THEN book).
Do the same time consistently, daytime and nightime. And then let us know how things work out!
Lynn – I would love to know how things are with you because I have the exact same problem, except instead of bottle I nurse. Most nights now I put my 3.5 month old down he is sleepy but awake, or, he wakes up from having dozed off at the breast. I then spend some time whispering patting him etc until he settles down. Night times and morning naps are ok but it’s like something clicks internally in him as soon as it gets past noon. As soon as I put him down he cries and after struggling a while I end up wearing him for afternoon naps.
I also want to pre empt the object permanence issue and plus my back and shoulders are killing me.
Alexis – any suggestions or modifications to your suggested plan mentioned above? I want to try your method #2 – the gradual route but I’m not sure how to go about it. Thanks!!
Tina
Second nap is often more challenging than the AM nap. But it’s not a good plan to pummel your body with unwelcome babywearing (plus your joints are all messed up from being pregnant so you’re prone to injury now – sad but true).
I would probably do the suggestions above and work with a swing. Babies that love to be carried are motion junkies and generally take well to a swing. Recreate the “babywearing experience” with swaddling, loud white noise, and the swing. Temporarily it’s OK to nurse to sleep then transition into the swing (you can work on putting him there awake in a few weeks).
Check the post below for more hints on making that work 🙂 http://www.troublesometots.com/the-ultimate-baby-swing-sleep-guide-for-swing-hating-babies/
Hi Tina,
Well, I have to admit that we have procrastinated.. mainly because our baby has continued to be a great sleeper at night (11-12 hours)… we did move the routine to her room so that after she fell asleep drinking the bottle on my lap, the transition to crib was a much shorter distance. During daytime naps, my mom (who watches her while I work) just lets her nap on her lap. Or she naps well in her stroller and carseat too…
She is now about to turn 6 months and I am planning to try having her drink her bottle until she’s drowsy (i.e. 90% of the way asleep) and then placing her in the crib. I tried it tonight and she fussed/cried off and on for about 15 minutes, but then fell asleep. I think if I can gradually decrease the percentage (80%, 70%, etc.) and do intermittent checks if she cries, that might work.
We’ll see if it works! I’ll try to check back in in another month or two. 🙂
Hello Alexis,
I have a 10 week old baby that will sleep in the crib at night just fine, but in the day will not nap unless I wear her in a sling/wrap. I do have a swing and would like to try this method out. However, I do have to admit my baby is a tummy sleeper. She has always slept well on her tummy. We tried swaddling her many times (following Dr. Karps 5 S’s), and it just didn’t work well for us. Despite being super paranoid about her sleeping on her tummy, she has learned to flip onto her back already! Anyway, I wanted to know if getting her to nap in the swing during the day will mess up her ability to sleep in the crib at night on her tummy. I do play white noise (using the radio) at night. I have tried taking her out of the wrap and laying her in the crib for naps and will also play the white noise, but she will wake up anywhere from 10 – 30 minutes later. Please help!
Thank you!
Jessica
Hi Jessica,
Just to be clear, I do not advocate tummy sleeping for newborns. If you and your pediatrician are OK with this then OK.
But to answer your question – sleeping in the swing during the day will not mess up her ability to sleep in the crib at night. You are already having her nap in one place (sling) during the day and another at night without issue. The swing is no different. So I would work on the swing for naps to give you and your back a break from the constant need to sling her up.
Good luck!
My 4 month old has no trouble getting to sleep at night. For most of months 2 and 3 we put him down at 8 PM, then he woke up once around midnight, once around 5 AM, and slept again till 8 or 9 AM. Then he would take a 1.5-3 hour morning and afternoon nap. It was wonderful.
For the past two weeks or so he’s been waking up a lot more frequently (like 4-5 times) to feed and won’t sleep much later than 6 AM. And his naps are much shorter too. Any suggestions?
Well I don’t have any easy fix for why your 4 month old is not sleeping as well as he was (sounds like he used to be a pretty fantastic sleeper!).
There are three potential causes:
1) Sleep Regression/Growth spurt. Possible however 2 weeks is REALLY long so I’m inclined to think this isn’t it.
2) He’s developed object permanence early. If your putting him down fully asleep (are you?)it’s definitely a possibility. Sure it’s early which means you have a problem on your hands. The good news is that it means your baby is a fast learner – woo hoo! IF this is the case than THIS post (which presumably you just read) is the “answer” to your question.
3) Another possibility is that he just needs a little extra soothing. In which case you would work with loud white noise and a swing (see below) to help him sleep for longer stretches.
My best guess is that the problem is explained by answer #2. Which you would address with the techniques in this post. Or the swing a la #3.
Hope that makes sense?
Hope this reply is not too late – but this sounds like a sleep regression. It happened to my baby right at 4 months, and lasted for a while…But it passes…
More info: http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html
Quite possibly (also a Moxie reader here 🙂 although 2 weeks is pretty brutal. Anything over 1 week and I start to wonder if something else is going on?
I need to invent a baby scanner, like Bones on Star Trek used to use. Because everybody would want one and it would be awesome!
Hi Alexis,
Thanks for all of the info on this site.
My daughter is 20 weeks old and was always nursed to sleep until about 3 weeks ago when I started to attempt the Pantley Pull Off and introduced a routine.
She used to sleep a 4hr stretch then 3-4 2hr stretches, with bedtime around 9-10pm and up for the day around 8pm.
The new routine is bath at 7pm then nurse then bed at 7.30 sometimes awake, sometimes drowsy and sometimes asleep (I struggle with the timing of the PPO).
Anyway, things have gradually got much worse. Now she has a 2hr stretch (or 3hr if I am very lucky) then up every hour and up for the day at 6-7am, unless I have her in bed with me for an extra hour or two (which I am all too aware is making a rod for my own back but I am desparate sometimes!)
I’m not sure if I am making things worse or if my efforts have just coincided with a sleep regression or the development of object permanence.
I really don’t know what to do for the best at the moment as I am too tired to even function never mind forward-think!
btw – she currently sleeps in a dropside crib next to my bed and the end game is in her cot in her room which I had previously thought would happen by the time she hit 6 months.
Can you offer any advice or reassurance?
I forgot to mention, she seems to get her self to sleep for the first sleep of the evening but thereafter I can only get her back to sleep by nursing. As I say, I’m not great with the timing of the PPO so sometimes she’s asleep when I put her back down.
To be totally honest I had to get out my copy of No Cry Sleep Solution to figure out what the PPO was. Also to be totally honest I’ve never tried this or worked with anybody who has.
I get what she is trying to do with the PPO. But it seems like a rough path – you’re trying to DISassociate sleep from the boob. By letting them have the boob continually and repetitively until they give up from sheer exhaustion.
Which seems like giving them a lot of boob when you’re trying to break the boob to sleep habit.
So my guess is that you simply have an object permanence problem. The pattern of (non)sleep you describe is a pretty classic object permanence pattern.
If you can, I would probably skip the PPO (again am not a PPO expert) and work on separating nursing from bedtime by ~20 minutes. Because it’s her association with boob+sleep=up all night which you’re trying to break.
Not sure if that is reassuring but you CAN do this and when you do, things will improve QUICKLY. Also? 6/7 AM wakeup is TOTALLY normal. It just feels unbearable now because you’re basically not sleeping all night long 😛
Good luck!
Hi,
Thanks for the response, that does make sense. I will work on separating nursing and bed.
Fingers crossed!
Thanks 🙂
Hi Christa,
I’m wondering how things ended up working out for you? My son ins 4.5 months and he is doing the exact same awful sleep pattern you described. I’m working on Alexis’ advice of trying to put him to bed awake and disassociate sleep from nursing, but it’s slow-going, trying to wean him off the swaddle first so he can hopefully self-soothe better with his hands.
Anyways, would love to hear if things worked for you!
Hi Diana, to be honest, I didn’t have a great deal of success! I found it difficult to separate the feeding from the sleeping without lots of tears. I did start doing the Elizabeth Pantley pull off (google) but only half heartedly as she kept getting colds etc. she has just in the last few weeks began settling herself (only after a feed) but now her first tooth has come through and things have gone a bit downhill again!
She generally wakes about every 2-2.5hrs these days.
Sorry this is probably not what you want to hear, however, I do feel much better about things since I stopped looking at the clock every time I woke up!
Hi – I know this is years later, so we all have wonderful 3 years olds who sleep through the night now (right?), but I thought I’d chime in for anyone reading this who is currently dealing with this situation. All I wanted to say is that Alexis’s technique of separating the boob from bedtime by a good chunk of time (i.e. 20-30 minutes) is really what worked for me, and was the first step in getting my daughter sleeping through. I thought she WAS going to sleep by herself, because I’d feed her and put her in bed awake a few minutes later, then she’d go to sleep happily within 10 minutes or so. But no, still had the ‘needing boob to sleep’ issue (see the article ‘Why Sleep Training isn’t Working’ – has awesome graphs I seem to remember). So we swapped our routine to bath – boob – books – bed, and she didn’t fall asleep nearly as easily (there was some grizzling, but she wasn’t too distressed). And over the next couple of weeks her sleeping got a whole heap better. She finally slept through the night when she was about 8 months old when I night weaned her (our method: daddy went in instead when she woke for a feed).
So hang in there, folks. You will sleep through the night again one day.
P.S. Self-soothing with hands sounds like a good logical idea, but to be honest for both of my kids it has always been more of a stimulation/distraction than sleep aid!
P.P.S. And just for the record, I decided to nurse my son (who is now 4.5 months old) to sleep, because I just think it is such a wonderful beautiful way for a baby to fall asleep. Even though I knew what would happen. Needless to say, he’s now waking up 3 or 4 times a night. Oh well. My attitude has changed, I guess, and I’m not so desperately trying to get my ‘life before kids’ sleep habits back 🙂
Hi there! Love your site. I have a 4.5 month old little girl whom I love to death, but is currently making me want to pull my hair out. We had a rough time with her learning to sleep in the beginning. She is EBF but we had a ton of problems in the beginning. She also developed severe acid reflux for which she takes meds. Since birth, she has been in the pack and play next to me at night. She sleeps swaddled. At about 3 months, she started sleeping very well. Down at 9pm until about 5am, then would eat and sleep until 8am. Her naps have always been 45mins and under. We wanted to start trying to move her into her own room. This last week, she decided sleep was for the birds. She began waking up literally every 45mins. My husband and I are going nuts. Weve tried everything, and have also moved her crib into our room to see if a different bed would help. She now is refusing to take naps. Shes always been rocked for a nap, nursed to sleep at night. Funny thing is she loves being rocked by me but hates her swing. But now as soon as I move her to the crib for her nap she wakes up screaming. We really want her to learn to fall asleep and stay asleep, but we are going crazy and about to just let her sleep in our bed for the remainder of her life (which is exactly what I DONT want, I want my room and husband back!!)
Oh- we also use a sleep machine/white noise. I know about the 4 month growth spurt and wonder if she’s right in the middle of it?
It COULD be the sleep regression. BUT….
If she has reflux you always have to wonder if it’s her tummy.
Facts I know to be true:
1) Often reflux doesn’t show up till 3-4 months because it takes that long for the esophageal irritation to get severe enough.
2) Reflux babies generally sleep like crap when flat on their backs.
3) Reflux babies often wake up screaming because being on their back causes huge irritation to their esophagus.
4) Growing newborns often outgrow their meds and need to up the dosage frequently.
So given these facts and what you describe my gut says the problem is reflux. I would talk to your dr. about medication AND consider lifestyle management techniques such as these:
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-to-do-about-infant-reflux/
The swing helps a ton because it holds babies up at an angle. I would REALLY try to make it work. Or if not then some other “strap baby to a wedge” reflux option (NOT a sleep positioner).
Reflux is an ongoing thing – not something you diagnose, treat, and forget about. I wish it were *sigh* but it’s not. Good luck!
We do many things to help with the reflux as far as positioning etc. Knowing that babies grow out of their meds, I did call the Dr a few days ago, and she agreed to up her dose of .5ml. I know her symptoms she exhibits when it flares up, and everything is all too familiar. But so many people bring up the regression because of her age. The Dr reminded me that it can take 3 days to a week to see the difference from increased meds. I’m hoping this will help her! Thank you for your suggestions, we have now had 2 naps in the swing, although still only about 30 min naps. Thank you!
Meds are a toughie. My almost 3 YO is still on prevacid after ~5 attempts to wean him off. Just keep in mind that sleep regressions are brief (<7 days) when reflux just goes on and on and on and on 😛
Where do you put the swing at the beginning of the process? We don’t have room in our bedroom for it. Living room? Baby’s room? I’m about ready to kill someone if I don’t get some sleep.
Depends on the age. Newborns generally sleep anywhere without issue. But the older they get the more distractions (you eating lunch nearby, TV, light) will cause problems. So generally the baby ends up in either YOUR or THEIR room with blockout blinds and loud white noise.
Hope this helps you feel less stabby.
Hi!
I stumbled upon your site this morning while trying to get some advice about getting my little guy to nap properly during the day. Love it!!
My little guy is almost 3 months old and has been sleeping well at night, we have a great routine that involves a bath, story and nurse at 7pm, then he is in his crib by 8pm.
I am concerned that when I put him down he is drowsy and sometimes asleep and want to make sure that he is awake like you have stressed. What is the best way to do this and continue to nurse him before bed?
We don’t use any music, white noise or a pacifier at all and he has been sleeping like this since about 5 weeks old!
He usually only wakes once a night (around 3am) and sometimes not at all for a quick feed.
He then sleeps well until about 6:30-7am.
His daytime naps are erratic right now, so I think I will try the “swing” and see if it works.
Thanks again!
Well it’s not time to panic about putting him to sleep awake but I’m glad that you’re working towards that goal. The best way to put him down drowsy but awake is to gradually remove nursing from sleep. So if your bedtime routine is bath, book, boob – try bath, boob, book. Then boob, bath, book.
Again he’s only 3 months so you don’t need to do this tonight per se. But ideally as babies get older, separating boob from sleep will help overall. To be clear he gets the same AMOUNT of nursing, just shuffled to a different place in the routine 🙂
Thanks SO much Alexis! Great advice! Our bedtime routine is going well, he smiles at us when we kiss him goodnight then falls asleep on his own fairly quickly and has been sleeping through the night (sporadically)for the past few weeks! YAY!
Daytime naps are still sometimes problematic….I have been using the swing on occasions where he won’t settle in the crib.. it works!
Thanks for your great site, we all need a bit of help and reassurance from time to time and it is nice to know that we aren’t alone out there in the world of parenting…
Excellent news! And lots of babies nap in the swing and sleep in the crib at night. so no worries – if that’s what you need to do to get a good in nap in then you are in good company 🙂
My lo just turned 3 months and just learned how to fall asleep in his swing yesterday. He’s slept in there for 3 naps now. He has been needing me to hold him for all naps for the past month so this is a major breakthrough for us. He has been sleeping in his crib at night since birth without major issues. I say that because we have to put him down fully asleep. I’m just waiting for this to blow up in our face. Should I just keep practicing with the swing for naps until it is not moving and then the night will fall into place? His nap location is different from his nap location.
Thanks so much, I am hopeful that this can work, even for our little cuddlier!
Personally I would take a week or two just to recuperate from the 3 months of nap holding. Celebrate this accomplishment! You know, read People magazine, drink some wine, and generally post FB updates about how you are the best Mom ever. Once you’ve fully rested yourself then you can start back with working on sleep 😉
It’s OK for now that he naps in 1 place and sleeps in another but it’s time to start moving him so that he’s sleeping in the same place round the clock. I mean this as a LOCATION – it’s fine for him to nap in the swing and sleep at night in his crib. I would just move the swing to the same room as his crib.
Practicing with the swing for naps won’t magically solve the night problem. You’re right in that if you keep putting him down FULLY asleep, it will eventually blow up on you. (Again we’re not in the panic zone yet but it’s great that you’re aware!).
If you want to keep him in the crib at night then over the next few months you will have to start putting him down a tiny bit more awake. Try drowsy but awake. Doesn’t work? OK wait a few days then try again. Rinse, repeat.
If he’s 4.5-5 months and you’re not making headway then its time to start buckling down. Make sure you have a really soothing and consistent bedtime routine. Use loud white noise. Test him for a few minutes (he may fuss for 3-5 minutes, why not see what he can do if you leave him alone for a tiny bit?).
Again no magic bullet. But you can totally do this! Just wait till the feeling comes back to your arms 😉
Hi alexis,
Just when we thought we had cracked the bedtime routine our 7wk old has decided over the past week not to go to bed any earlier than 11pm. I’m exhausted because I’m breastfeeding him until he falls asleep which I now realise is a bad thing. Have you any advice on how we can bring his bedtime in a little earlier. We start settling him around 8.30-9pm and it is taking hours to get him asleep. When I leave him in his cot semi asleep he just fuses and won’t sleep. Any help Wld be appreciated as I’m doing this on my own because my husband works and can’t help out so late. Thank you in advance, kerryn
Well you could have just been struck by the 6 week sleep regression/growth spurt (usually this is a biggie):
http://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/
What you describe is pretty normal for a newborn – fussy in the evening, won’t fall asleep although clearly tired, bedtime too late. The article I link to below talks about the witching hour but it’s really common/normal.
Also I would NOT worry about nursing to sleep at 7 weeks. It’s TOTALLY OK for newborns! Literally. It’s older babies (4-6 months) that you need to worry about. So for starters I would try nursing him until he is fully asleep. Perhaps that will help him fall asleep earlier.
However if you’re working on it for hours and NOTHING is working then it could be that this is just where he is at for now. It’s REALLY frustrating to spend 3 hours trying to put a baby to sleep so I would stop. temporarily assume he WON’T sleep so start your bedtime routine at 10:00.
Wait a week and then try pushing his bedtime gradually up. Try 10:30. 10:00. See what happens. If it’s a total disaster – give up. wait a week. Try again.
This is a rough time especially if you are solo-parenting. But you might need to let time fix this problem. Best of luck with everything!
I have a 6 month old who has always slept through the night and now wont. i thought it was her teeth but it isnt i dont think .. i really want her to go back to sleeping all night but have taken to letting her get in with me to fall back to sleep once she has woken up, sometimes i move her back into her bed and sometimes i fall asleep next to her in my bed and i wake up in the morning with a little hand in my eye…How do i get her back to sleep in HER bed in the night? I dont want her being in my bed every night for hte rest of her life because my personal life is becoming disrupted by a baby in the middle of the only time me and my other half get time together.
Well if you think your issue is object permanence (seems likely) then your only option really is to change how you help her fall asleep. Or embrace co-sleeping (which you don’t seem keen to do). You don’t say HOW she is falling asleep but that’s really the crux of the issue. You basically want to:
a) provide as much soothing as you can as long as….
b) that soothing isn’t something that you can’t maintain all night long.
Thus white noise is awesome while “nursing to sleep” isn’t. It’s also about giving her other clues that it’s sleep time. For example if “nursing to sleep” was your entire bedtime routine and you take “nursing” away then she doesn’t really understand that it’s time to sleep anymore. So you want to make sure your routine enables her to understand what is going on – diaper change, nursing, books, song, bed is a nice bedtime lineup because there are LOTS of clues there.
Hope that helps?
Great blog!! Thank you so much for so many fantastic tips. May i confirm if you have any idea about the effect of letting babies sleep in a swing (not flat surface) -> am pretty concerned about the spine, will it have any side effects, since they are developing rapidly at this age? Also would appreciate any recommendation of what you think is the best swing? And maybe why you think so? Thank you so much in advance.
I have not seen any research of evidence that sleeping in the swing causes spinal issues. I would definitely run it by your pediatrician if you’re concerned. But I’m not concerned.
Which swing do I like best? Fisher Price Papasan swing.
Why? You can read up all about my thoughts on swings big and small her 🙂
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-everybody-ought-to-know-about-baby-swings/
ok so… my baby will be 4 months in a couple days… hes been sleeping through the night for 2 months and now all of a sudden he has started waking up at 230am and then 530 am hungry. nothing has changed, his routine has been the same since. hes not cold hes not hot, he still likes to be swaddled. everything is the same… now when i say through the night i mean… from 10-11pm til 9-930am. however, april 1st i started him on fruits for afternoon feeding… i did each fruit for 4 days for allergy reasons and everything has been fine. ive circled.. bananas, pears, and apples. he loves them all. i’m about to start a veg for evening. should i put rice cereal in his fruits and veg? and could he just need more solids and thats the cause of his waking up? what do you think cuz working in the morning is not fun and after this past week i literally was in tears from exhaustion. i’m very patient and ive found myself not to be now and i hate it. i hate that he has seen me cry for the first time and looked at me like what is that lol please help…
Kelly,
This is not about food. It is almost NEVER about food. Sure some kids have food issues (dairy and soy are the biggies – how many kids do you know with a pear allergy? precious few). So you are welcome to make a food chart and circle bananas or what have you but honestly, it’s not about food.
It IS about the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. Oh you aren’t the first (or the last) parent to be brought to tears by this doozie. But it’ll pass I promise!
You can read up on it here: http://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/
The good news is that it’s almost 10 days since you posted so with any luck you’re all done and back to sleeping through the night again. Proactive celebratory WOOT!
Again, I absolutely love your site! So helpful and non-guilt inducing. We have a 2 month old, so we are not doing much to help her fall asleep on her own yet, but are starting to think about what we want to do when we get to the 3 month mark. We plan on trying the gradual approach first, but aren’t opposed to CIO if it gets to the point where it’s needed. We have started putting a consistent nap/bedtime routine in place so that she has some sleep cues in place that we don’t need to take away (bath and/or lotion, story, closing the blinds, white noise, etc.) I have two questions though.
1. Am I correct that we should not use a mobile and/or soother (the light up thing on the side of the crib) to help her fall asleep because that will not be on if she wakes up in the middle of the night? A couple of times she has fallen asleep on her own on a fluke, but one of those has been on for her to stare at.
2. When we start teaching her to fall asleep on her own, should we start with just nap, just bedtime, or tackle everything at once?
Kat,
From your question you seem like a really organized person. Am I right? Could I safely lick the inside of your vegetable crisper? Are your taxes organized in labeled folders or stuffed into the box with “Taxes 1996” written in marker on the side? I ask that while looking at my box of old taxes 😉
Yes – long term the mobile/soother will mess things up. Generally I hate the Fisher Price aquarium (everybody I know has this) for this reason. So it’s totally OK now but not long term. Both of those things are great to use if you can hook them up at the diaper changing area however so they still might be useful, just elsewhere.
As for “when” just start when you can – naps, bedtime, whenever. See what works. She might be more amenable to it at bedtime because generally babies are most tired then so their brain chemistry is primed to sleep (they don’t fight sleep as well then). But really it’s something that needs to happen during all those times so no reason not to give it a go if you’re having a good day, the stars are aligned, etc. If it’s not a good day – OK, try again tomorrow. You have plenty of time.
From the way you are thinking about things I have no doubt that you are on a good path sleepwise. Good luck!
Hi Alexis,
Thank you so much for your blog. I love all the information but I particularly like your sense of humor. Your blog makes me laugh at all the craziness, tiredness and confusion that would ordinarily make me edgy and stressed.
My baby girl, Lila, will be 12 weeks tomorrow and I’m working on Drowsy But Awake. I know I have some time so I am trying to start with her naps because I’m not AS tired during the day.
Lila currently does all her sleeping tightly swaddled, white noise and in her swing (based on your blog about swings) but I am rocking/bouncing/nursing her to sleep and then placing her down. I have not had success yet with putting her down drowsy. She becomes more alert when I put her down and looks around the room. Then she makes noises and twists around like she’s aware of and trying to get out of her swaddle. I have waited for 10 minutes, even gone downstairs but she’s still wide awake.
Also Lila’s drowsy signs/awake time is very hard to read. She usually yawns early – about 45 minutes to an hour after waking up. But if I try to rock her/nurse her right after the yawn she doesn’t seem very drowsy or fights it. So I continue to play with her until she becomes fussy/twitchy (around 1.5 hours). When she becomes fussy i know she’s tired so I force her to become drowsy with heavy soothing which entails: swaddling & another nursing session OR going into a pitch black bathroom with fan on and rocking her. Usually her eyes get heavy in the bathroom and she falls asleep quickly. She doesn’t have a huge window of drowsiness and it is usually brought on by my rocking/nursing. It also seems like she needs pitch black or else she is easily stimulated by looking around the room.
Can you comment on the situation and let me know if this “forced drowsiness” is normal or if there is anything I could modify? Should I be trying harder to sooth at 45 minutes – 1 hour after nap or am I trying too soon? I will be patient and continue to work on it but if you have any suggestions that will help with the drowsy thing, that would be great.
Thanks!
Elisabeth
One other quick note. Sometimes I can put Lila down VERY, very drowsy (almost asleep) is this the same thing? This technique seems to work better in the crib – less movement to lay her down than bending her into the swing. OK I’m done! 🙂
OK I’m really done…
She doesn’t stay asleep very long in her crib.
Hmmm…
Well I could cut yourself some slack as she is so itty bitty so all of this could simply be a matter of “she’s tiny, wait a week or two, try again.”
But here goes…
1) LOTS of babies need total darkness. If that is what she needs then I would definitely make where she makes SUPER dark. If you don’t have black out blinds you can tape aluminum foil to the windows (cheap and works GREAT).
In fact based on what you are telling me I would do your wind-down in the dark too if you can.
2) Lots of babies need lots of soothing to sleep at this age. So nothing you describe sounds concerning. When you call it “forced drowsiness” you make it sound like some sort of baby manipulation when it sounds like you’re just giving her the soothing + sensory deprivation she needs to settle. So how about we call it something less alarming, like “soothing her to sleep” 😉
3) I can’t intuit your baby’s window of wakefulness except to say that it sounds like it’s somewhere between 45 minutes and 1.5 hours. Not helpful eh? If your gut says 1 hour is too soon, how about 1 hour 15 minutes? Sadly there is no science here, just trial and error.
Good luck!
Thanks Alexis! I appreciate your feedback and will continue to soothe to sleep. 🙂
Hello, are we talking about corrected age for prematurity? My twins are a bit short of 7 months legal age, and exactly 5 months corrected age. They moved to their crib 2.5 months ago. That is when I introduced a routine for meals and naps and bedtime. They are generally good nappers (3 naps a day or fussiness hits). At bedtime (7 pm), they have a bath and bottle routine (bottle usually comes before bath but not always, if they are not hungry). They are put awake in their crib. They are starting to fall asleep on their own ok with a few checks. Later in the evening I still dreamfeed them (sometimes they wake up for it) around 10pm, but no bottle until 7am or later. My son has been sleeping through the night for a month (he uses the paci to fall asleep but is not really dependent on it), sometimes mumbles a bit, falls asleep again.My daughter who initially could sleep for 6 hours straight at 4 months legal age, deteriorated at 5 months and now wakes up at 2am,and cannot fall asleep until 5am, bouncing in her bed and jumping all over the place. Before that it was her chatting at the same time. It is not sleep regression as this has now lasted for 3 weeks. If I leave her be, she ends up screaming and hysterical; plus she has always been hyper dependent on the paci. Previous attemps to remove the paci have resulted in hysterical fits lasting HOURS (litterally, my husband and I watch the clock). She is and has always been extremely nervous, scratching her face with her hands;she would always houdini the swaddle blanket even at 3 months…For the past 2 nights I had to resort to cosleeping in her room (after 7 months of no sleep, I m a zombie), and then she calms down quite easily. But I know its the wrong way to go.Especially if we count legal age of 7 months instead of corrected age of 5 months. I never know whether to look at developmental issues for legal or corrected age? what can I do about hyperactivity in the middle of the night? how about paci removal? we tried a lovey but she doesnt like it right now
Some pediatricians will do this for as long as 2-3 years so it’s hard to say when you don’t need to adjust the age anymore. But when in doubt, use the adjusted (younger) age. So I would consider your twins to be 5 months old.
So why is she waking up and freaking out? And yes, that is my non-medical assessment. She is waking up and freaking out which is why she is then AWAKE. As you noted – if you bring her to your bed (effectively providing a ton of soothing) she settles just fine. So this is not a medical problem that is preventing her from sleeping – given the right environment she’ll happily go back to sleep, yes? But at 5 months the question is a) what is causing her to freak out and b) how can we avoid this so we can skip the 2:00 AM freak out which requires heavy soothing to fall back to sleep.
The short answer is I don’t know. Does she have a paci at bedtime? The most LIKELY cause is she goes to bed with the paci and is tired enough to not realize it has fallen out until about 2:00 AM. When she wakes up enough to find it missing she is freaking out which leaves her SO awake that she can’t settle back to sleep for 3 hours.
I would check with your pediatrician who would know more about your children but based on what you’ve told me, this is my best guess. If you aren’t ready to loose the paci (as it seems to be a horrible nightmare when you try) you could try to shorten the 3 hour window with further soothing. Maybe you put the paci back and place her in a swing at 2:00 AM with loud white noise – try to give her soothing that doesn’t require her to be your bed but also doesn’t leave her up for 3 hours every night.
Or just accept that for the next month or so you’ll be co-sleeping from 2:00 AM – 6:00 AM. Presumably as she gets older her reliance on the paci will wane and you could do loose-paci-CIO with slightly less drama when she is a bit older.
I wish I had some magic solution for you that would radically change this. If you do talk to your pediatrician I would love to hear what you learn from that. Best of luck!
As I said above, one of the weird things is that both are good nappers, taking 2 naps of around 2 hours and the 3rd one of about 1 hour (or if the 2nd one is a bit crap, then the 3rd one usually makes up for it). At least I can rest during those so I cannot complain. I really don’t understand why the night is such a big issue for my daughter (aren’t naps much more difficult to get working for most babies?) – her biggest block of uninterrupted sleep is 4 hours (from dreamfeed to 2am). Or is it the dreamfeed interfering with her sleep?
I doubt the dreamfeed is the issue although it’s certainly worth playing around with. What happens if you skip it?
Also your brain processes nap sleep differently from night sleep so if I’m right about the “where is my paci!” freakout then her brain may simply process the missing paci differently during naptime.
Hi Alexis–
Wow, I’m so glad I stumbled upon your site! Our little one is just over 3 months old and has been sleeping/napping exclusively in her swing for the past two months. We would turn off all motion after the first 2-3 hours and she’d go all night, putting in a good 10-12 hours total! We felt well-rested and lucky, knowing she’d eventually transition to her crib. Well, a week and a half ago, she started trying to turn to her side/tummy and it seemed like the swing wasn’t working; her face would get smooshed in the headrest and she was getting mad. We’d recently moved the swing to her room, next to crib, turned off motion after she fell asleep, but never quite got to putting her in there with no movement at all. Now I’m wondering if we maybe rushed this?? The first week in the crib went OK–she’d do a long stretch for the first 4-5 hours and then 1-3 wakes to feed after that. Not too bad. However, the past few nights have been TOUGH–she’s been up constantly, every hour or so, and we are exhausted! I can often only calm her by nursing but I hate to use that as a crutch when she’s probably not hungry every hour, right? So tonight,after she couldn’t settle in there at all for 3 hours, we decided to put her back in the swing, and will try getting her to sleep in swing with no motion before trying to get back into the crib. I’m bummed that we put in this time and now feel like we’re taking a big step back, but don’t know what else to do. I am also feeling VERY nervous about being successful in the crib on the next go round…any tips or advice would be HIGHLY appreciated!! Also, is it better to transition her for both naps and night-time sleep at the same time, or one before the other? Unfortunately, our older babe was a rock-star crib sleeper from early on so we are spoiled and inexperienced in this arena.
Thanks much, One Tired Mama.
I know people feel that going back to the swing is “a big step back” but I prefer to think about it this way – you tried an experiment and learned that she’s not ready. That doesn’t mean that she will NEVER be ready, just that she’s not ready today.
Babies are ongoing science experiments. What happens if I do X? What happens if I do Y? It’s not failure, just ongoing hypothesis testing.
You’re right -she doesn’t need to eat every hour all night long. However this COULD have been an early sleep regression (4 months is typically a doozie).
http://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/
So just keep in mind that what you assume is due to the crib-transition may in fact have been totally unrelated. You could always test the theory by putting her back in the crib to see what happens. If she is once again up all night – OK – not a failure, she just still needs the swing.
Generally babies are in the crib (happily) at night BEFORE naps. Often naps get shorter in the crib so people tend to stick with the swing longer.
Hope that helps – good luck!
Hi Lisa and Alexis! I’m actually in a similiar situation so I figured I’d comment as well! First of al thank you sooo much for having this site…not only has it calmed me down a bit but now I can prove to my husband that I’m not crazy when I tell him how important it is for my daughter Emma to learn to sleep on her own! Shell be 15 weeks tomorrow.
Ok I’ll try to make my story brief…I kind of miffed things up in the beginning bc I was what my husband called the crib nazi lol. Emma was a loud sleeper so sleeping in our room wasn’t working out. At 1 Month she was sleeping in her crib on a wedge swaddle with loud white mouse thanks to dr Karp. She wouldn’t take a paci and I wasn’t too keen On it anyway. Life was great at some point around 2 months she started going to be at about 730 waking up at 2 and 5 ish to eat then in the swing at 530 and sleeping til 9-10. Naps were a disaster which I see now was bc I was forcing them in the crib so they only lasted 30in to an hour unless we were out and she was in the carseat then she could go 2-3 hours.
Two weeks ago I bought one of those crib soothes with lights and music and started working on getting her to fall asleep on her own. It actually worked for a few nights and I was ecstatic. Then last Friday she started waking up every 40 min to hour even with the soother still on. I would keep trying to get her back in the crib but by 2 am I was so exhausted I would give up and put her in the swing where she’d sleep for 6-8 hours! I felt like a failure for having to use the swing since she’d been in the crib this whole time (I still kind of feel bad about it).
So I have decided to embrace the swing at this point bc I’m going back to work next week and I can’t wake up every hour. I put it on the lowest speed and Sunday night she slept 12 hours straight!! Monday she did 10 hours and last night she did 12 but was up at 2 to eat. The swing is in her room but it’s swinging all night on low with a blanket hanging down to slow it more.
So my questions are: 1) is it really bad that she’s been in the crib up til now and is now in the swing?
2) should I be turning the swing off completely after she falls asleep? I thought the goal is to be able to have her fall asleep without it moving?
3) I’m working on separating nursing from bed so I’ve changed the routine to boob bath book bed…if she won’t fall asleep is it bad to nurse her again?
4) since I know she can go 12 hours without eating should I feed her when she wakes up in the night or try to get her back to sleep without nursing?
5) swaddle-I have been putting her in the swing unswaddled when I transition to crib- swaddle or no swaddle?
6) how long should I do this swing to crib transition for? Since she’s so young should I leave her in the swing for a month?
7) like Lisa I’m really anxious about putting her in the crib. If it doesn’t work on the first try, wait a week and try again?
Omg I’m sorry this is so long. I didn’t realize I had so much. Her naps have been good bc I let her sleep on her tummy on a banket on the floor. Ped says its ok as long as I watch her. Her longest nap is 2 hours from 9-11 then usually 40-50 min at 1 3 and 5. She’s starting daycare next week so I’m sure things are going to be royally messed up. They do have a swing so hopefully they can get her to nap bc putting her on her back in a crib is not gonna work. And she now fights a swaddle with a fiery passion.
Anyway thanks again for this site. I look forward to hearing your thoughts! TIA
Ps I write this as I sit in the car waiting for her to finish her nap…it’s been an hour!
Sarah,
See response above – not a failure at all! Simply you are acknowledging that for now she needs the angle/motion of the swing. And that is TOTALLY OK.
The long term goal is to have a baby falling asleep in a non moving swing but for now let’s just get into a happy routine that does not involve you all being awake all night. This isn’t a race – you don’t get a prize for finishing first 🙂
Yes when baby is sleeping happily in a non-moving swing you try the crib and see what happens. Your hypothesis is that she is ready. You test your hypothesis. If your hypothesis is wrong – FINE! – wait a week or two, try again. This is temporary!
Should you feed her? I would – she is still young. Sure some days she can go 12 hours but 1 feeding a night is not unreasonable for a 4 month old baby. And hungry babies tend to cry a lot. If she’s still waking up 1x a night at 6-7 months you could start gradually weaning. But it’s a fair request at 4 months, no?
Deep breaths, deep breaths. In with the good air, out with the bad. Seriously – this is all small stuff. Fundamentally you have a champion sleeper who has just told you that for now she needs the swing. Let’s celebrate the champion sleeper part OK – WOO HOO!
As for daycare, make sure they understand that THEY are not allowed to put her on her stomach even if they’re watching. Seriously. They aren’t allowed to do that. Not ever. Trust me on this. Hopefully the swing will work for naps there. Make sure it’s not the ancient bucket-swing but a good recumbent swing. My guess is she’ll sleep just fine in a good swing at daycare.
Also – know what? It’s all going to be OK. Daycare, getting out of the swing, all of it. I promise 🙂
Hey Alexis!
I just wanted to drop by and leave an update and also ask a few followup questions! Things have been going pretty well! Emma (19 weeks now) has been sleeping in the swing since this post and is now going down completely awake (we do boob-bath-book-bed) and falling asleep on her own at 7pm every night. Her naps have improved in the swing as well (goes in awake), the other day she did 3 hours! She is doing well at daycare sleeping in the pack n play and swing..i am very happy!
Ok, so my questions are:
1) when she sleeps in the swing, moving super slow with a blanket hanging off to slow it down she can sleep from 7pm to anywhere from 5-630am then go back down til about 8, however, now that she is in the non-moving swing she wakes up at 3am. I let her fuss and sometimes she’ll fall back to sleep only to wake up 20 min later…its killing me b/c i have to get up at 530 for work and by the time i fall back to sleep its time to get up! so…should i turn the swing back on again and wait a couple more weeks? i do end up feeding her at 3 b/c she is crying and she does act as if she is hungry but i’m not sure if that is the right thing since i know she can go longer…
2) For naps, i have been leaving the swing on slow…when should i work on turning it off? i was thinking once i got her in the crib…i know she can nap without moving b/c she does the pack n play at daycare but the naps are def longer when she is in the moving swing
3) As i said, I have been putting her down completely awake…some nights she just falls asleep quietly and other nights she cries (not screaming) for 10-15 minutes and some nights she does scream but thats not often and i usually pick her up for a few min and put her back and she’ll fuss a bit and fall asleep…is there any rhyme or reason to this? I can’t figure out what is different about the days that she falls asleep peacefully and the days she fusses. Will it always be this way or one day ill just be able to put her down and she’ll go to sleep without fussing? It makes me sad when she struggles to fall asleep…shes fussing/crying but her eyes are shut and shes rubbing her face so i know shes tired!
Thank you again so much for your advice and this website..i really dont know where i’d be without it (probably waking up a lot more than once a night!!).
So almost 5 months old….hmmmm….
Well I DO know this – putting a blanket (or anything really) on your swing is a good way to burn out the motor. So when your motor stops working you’ll get to see how she does in a non-moving swing 🙂
Generally at 5 months kids are OK without motion so I would test it even if the motor DOES crap out on you! Generally bedtime is a good place to start but I hear you about the 3 AM thing.
It’s a tough call because 13 hours is a pretty monster night so it seems reasonable that she wants to eat one time in that stretch. At the same time I can understand why you want that feed to come at 5:00 AM not 3:00 AM. And you’re right – probably the swinging motion is making the difference between her ignoring her hunger pangs for the final 2 hours.
If she was younger, or possibly as a temporary fix, you could use the motion. But a baby sleeping in a non moving swing is essentially ready for the crib. So another alternative would be to transition her to the crib and then work on gradually weaning her off her last night feed altogether (most babies are just fine fasting 12 hours at 6 months and she’s so close).
OR some combination therein – swing for a few weeks then swing without motion then crib with an emphasis on the night weaning.
I would have her solidly sleeping in a non moving swing at night first. Naps tend to get a little shorter when the swing stops so you can definitely do a trial run this weekend (in swing, swing not turned on) and see how things go. If naps devolve into a big mess then you can keep the day motion but still continue with the crib/weaning plan at night.
I don’t know why she cries some nights but it sounds like you’re making great headway with “down awake” so as long as the screaming nights are decreasing in frequency I wouldn’t sweat it too much. She has a bubble? Is too tired? Not tired enough? Who knows?
I do know that sometime between now and when she goes to college she won’t fuss at bedtime. Hopefully it’ll be sooner than later 😉
Thank you so much for your quick response alexis! And thank u again for this blog. You have definitely calmed my nerves. Will work with the swing for a couple of weeks and enjoy my sleep as i transition back into working. I will definitely keep you updated on how it goes!
Everybody will do great! Millions of kids do this every year and they’re just fine too. Good luck!
Hi Alexis!
My baby is 15 weeks old. he’s a big boy…almost 16 lbs! Tall too… LOVE HIS CHUB! An Added note, he is breastfed. At 4 weeks he was sleeping 8 hrs in the swing before waking up to nurse. I was nervous about the swing sleep at first and made my husband sleep in the chair next to his swing (you might remember me!) When I decided I was comfortable with it, we moved his swing next to his crib, swaddled him up tight, and turned on the fan for white noise, and, I’m not kidding you, at about 9 weeks he started sleeping 12 hrs a night. No night feeds…every once in a while I hear him wake up and he puts himself back to sleep. Go Seb! I wake him up most mornings (for work) but on the weekends he’ll sleep until almost 8, going to bed around 7 or 7:30. He still seems to need an evening nap (4:45ish) and usually only sleeps 30 minutes for this nap.
I can’t buckle him in…the straps just don’t wrap around his little swaddled legs very well. I have one of those FP Snug a Bunny Papasan swings. I’m not too worried about him falling out, but he is getting even bigger and more mobile, so the time is drawing near to move him to the crib. Here is where I start to worry. Why?? Because I have absolutely wonderful SLEEPFUL nights and I’m terrified to upset the routine. LOL. I’m sure every mom out there getting up all night long wants to toss their cookies at me.
I’ve been lowering the swing speed every week since he turned 3 month old. We put him down completely asleep. Obviously he is waking up sometimes at night and putting himself back to sleep, but so far putting him down (into the swing) even remotely awake has unsuccessful and resulted in crying until he was soothed and put down asleep.
Also – he’s soon to be at an age where swaddling isn’t great b/c he might be rolling over. Plus, he loves to suck on his hand and I think that is a good soothing technique for him. Obviously he can’t do that when I lay him in his crib swaddled so how can he self soothe?
I also recently went back to work. The babysitter has been putting him down on his back in a pack n play, completely unswaddled and obviously not in motion. He’s been napping for her MOSTLY 45 minutes to an hour nap at a time, but he also slept 3 ½ hours for her like that.
I just can’t read him! I’m not sure if I should swaddle or not swaddle for the transition, and I’m afraid he will start waking up all night long. I’m afraid if he’s swaddled he won’t be able to self soothe. I’m afraid he’ll claw himself awake if he’s not swaddled. I certainly don’t want to get into the habit of nursing him back to sleep, because it seems obvious that he doesn’t need to eat in the middle of the night. I do nurse him to sleep frequently at night, but he can also be rocked to sleep with no problem by Mommy or Daddy.
Thoughts? Ideas? Encouragement? Who knows. Maybe I just needed to get out my insecurities about not knowing what to do and just try something and know that if it doesn’t work, I can try later.
(sorry – this is long, isn’t it?)
Well if his legs don’t fit in the straps (seriously? he IS a big fella!) then you have to work with the crib. Bummer because as you’re still putting him down fully asleep, it would have been great to use the swing to help him learn how to fall asleep (don’t worry though you still have some runway to get that sorted out!).
I would probably stick with the swaddle. People are really keen to help their baby self-soothe with their hands but remember that:
a) some babies NEVER really soothe with their hands
b) flailing hands are generally more of a sleep deterrent
c) at this age their aim is bad (so he might want to chew on his hands but end up sort of flapping himself in the face instead).
So basically hands out may or may not help you but swaddling definitely will. Also if he’s been sleeping swaddled then swaddling is already probably a great sleep cue for him which will help him go BACK to sleep.
So use loud white noise, swaddle, rock to sleep (again it’s time to start working on helping him fall asleep on his own), and put him in the crib. Hopefully he continues sleeping for 13 (Yeah!) hours a night. If he wakes up I would try to keep the soothing minimal and maybe let him cry a little (wait 10-15 minutes, see what he does). If you can at all avoid it, I wouldn’t nurse at night. Because you’re already done with that and going back to night nursing will quickly result in habitual night nursing.
Unless you WANT to night nurse (some working moms like it because they feel they’re missing out during the day) which is entirely up to you. But if you aren’t keen to go back to night nursing then work with soothing words, some brief patting, or maybe in desperation, rocking.
Let me know how things go. I’m guessing that your happy chubby sleeper will surprise you and transition just fine 🙂
Thanks Alexis!
I’m giggling a little as I read this…mostly because my little chubby guy DID surprise me! (btw – I don’t know why the straps wouldn’t pseudo fit around his legs….the straps were too short or something? weird!)
Anyway, on Tuesday I got brave and put him down (completely asleep) in his crib and he slept all night. Same thing on Wednesday night. We aren’t going back!! I have a feeling that baby’s swinging days are over!
So -I chose to do a swaddle, instead of making a cold turkey transition, and it was great. We are practicing naps (at the babysitters and on weekends) with no swaddle or only one arm in. That seems to be working well too..he’ll sleep 45 mins to 2 1/2 hrs that way.
Now – obviously he is waking up at some point in the night (don’t all babies do this???) and not needing my assistance to fall asleep on his own. However, if I just put him in the crib semi asleep, he does NOT go to sleep on his own, and I kind of feel he’s too young to cry for more than 5 or 10 minutes. Additionally, if he wakes up about an hour after I put him down (which he typically does) he needs us to come in and pat him back to sleep..this only takes a couple of minutes, and we don’t normally have to even pick him up.
I’d like to start working on helping him get to sleep on his own, but not sure when/how to start. What’s going on now is working, since he’s not waking/getting us up at night, but putting him down sound asleep. I just keep thinking he must have the skill if he does it during the night…Also, there are times when we DO hear him wake up and cry for a bit (just a few minutes) and then goes back to sleep on his own. Not sure if he is just crying out with gas pain in his sleep or if he’s truly awake.
hmmm.. why is baby sleep so confusing!?!?!!!!!
He’s putting himself to sleep at night because he is too young for “put him down awake” to be an issue. Is this confusing? Sure is. But you can read a longer discussion of it here:
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/
Do a small % of babies sleep through the night EVEN though they are rocked/nursed/patted to sleep? Sure enough. I have no idea how small that number is but if I had to guess it’s less than 10%. Maybe 5%? So there is a 5% chance that when your baby is 6-7 months old he’ll continue happily sleeping through the night. If however, like most babies, he starts waking up hourly for you to come pat him back to sleep then you’ll know what the problem is yes?
ps. ALL babies wake up and cry a little now and then. Who knows why? But if all they do is rumble around in there for a few minutes then he’s fine!
Hi Alexis –
Love your site! Found it last night when googling sleep regression in 4 month olds because I think that’s where we might be.
My daughter was sleeping through the night earlier on in the bassinet. Since moving the the crib and weaning off of the swaddle she’s been up a few times because of all the freedom – she’s a mover! The day she mastered rolling back to belly (she already had been doing the other way) she totally became a crappy sleeper. Fighting all daytime naps. Waking regularly at night. Fighting being rocked, fighting being put down in her crib at all, fighting being carried/worn, etc. She’s overtired, we’re frustrated. She used to be able to go down drowsy and put herself asleep. The last hour she’s been up every 5-10 minutes. Pick her up, instantly asleep, put her down, asleep for 5-10 minutes, and repeat. Do you think this sounds like a sleep regression or something bigger? We’re on day 3. We used the Ferber method with my son around 5-6 months and it was a Godsend, so I’m not opposed to CIO, but she’s still so young. It seems to be getting worse, not better…help!
If it’s 3 days then it definitely sounds like a sleep regression. If it’s 3 weeks then it’s something bigger. Although the 4 month sleep regression is often the WORST so that’s probably the right answer.
Also I’m surprised that she sleeps worse on her belly – most babies actually start sleeping better once they learn to flip over. I wouldn’t do Ferber because it doesn’t sound like “putting herself to sleep” is your current problem and that’s what we use Ferber for. Although you could definitely test a little by letting her stay by herself for 10-15 minutes to see what happens (she may just be in a zone where she needs to fuss to sleep a little).
Anyway it’s been ~5 days since you wrote. If it’s a regression things should be looking up. So…how are things going?
Thanks so much for your reply! It’s getting a little bit better at night. When she lets herself sleep on her belly (which terrifies me) she’s usually fine. If she’s in a light sleep she sometimes still freaks out when she realizes she’s on her belly. It’s like she forgot how to roll off her belly when she learned to roll onto it! She’s able to fall asleep on her own at night, but still wakes. I’ll take it though because it’s better than last week!
Naps are miserable. She won’t let me rock her, screams if I put her down. She won’t let me walk around with her. Even if we use white noise, she doesn’t allow herself to wind down. I’ve started a naptime routine earlier than normal thinking it’ll prevent her from getting overtired, but that hasn’t helped. I’ll try and help her calm down for as long as I can, but by that time it’s time to feed her again and she falls asleep nursing…something I was trying to avoid. She’ll sometimes fall asleep in the car, but not always. I don’t want that to become our only way to get her to nap either. I have a three year old and I feel like our lives have all gone on hold because of her sleeping issues. She won’t let my husband comfort her either, so it’s been a long week! I keep thinking if we can make it to 5-6 months we can let her cry it out a bit.
What about a temporary course of action where you nurse to sleep at naptime and put her down awake at night?
I can tell you are super frustrated but I hate to start out thinking that you have no options other than CIO (it’s always there as a last resort but you’re really doing great and have plenty of time to get things sorted out).
My sense is that she had a horrible regression (may still be in the tail of that) and is now overtired/sleep deprived. I would nurse to sleep for naps and aim for an earlier time than you would normally think. If nursing is the only thing that is working, for a week or two, it’s totally OK to help her sleep that way.
Generally the answer is MORE soothing vs. less so you may need to go back to this:
http://www.troublesometots.com/newborn-baby-sleep-survival-guide/
Nursing, swing, loud white noise, etc. Temporarily baby wearing may also be an option (personally I would go for a swing first but that’s just me).
Once the regression is past and she’s no longer sleep deprived, you gradually wean off these things to effectively get back to where you were 2 weeks ago. It’s a frustrating process I know but nobody said babies were linear. They’re more of a 2 steps forward, 1 step back sort of creatures…
I just reread your reply. You don’t suggest Ferber now, which is good, but then I have to wonder why she’s waking up at night so often. She’s not looking to eat and falls asleep again as soon as I pick her up when she does wake up…yet she can put herself to sleep initially if she fusses for a few minutes. Part of me feels like if we can get the naps down, then maybe the rest will fall into place. I’m sorry if I’m rambling, I’m just at a loss. Maybe this is how sleep regression feels for parents? 🙂 Thanks again for your help!
Wow, your fast! Thanks for your advice, we’ll try it!
PS… My hubby also went to Carnegie Mellon, so he says happy to take advice from you!
She could be waking up because of:
– over tired
– teething
– hungry
– gas
– mysterious baby syndrome
– ???
Seriously you can make yourself nuts trying to figure it out. What YOU need to figure it out is what your plan is to handle when she DOES wake up.
And go CMU!
My 8.5 month old is still not sleeping tonight. We just implemented the Weissbluth method about a month ago and he’s been putting himself to sleep on his own at nighttime with no problem (naps he cries sometimes) but he’s still waking 2-4 times a night to nurse! We’ve tried letting him cry for a bit to see if he’ll go back to sleep on his own. On the rare occassion that he does he’ll wake back up within an hour and start the process over again. However, if I nurse him and put him back in his crib he’ll fall back asleep easily on his own within a matter of minutes.
I’m confused as to why he’s still waking so much at night if he’s able to put himself to sleep on his own. I think he’s old/healthy enough to be able to sleep through the night but I’m confused as to how to help him achieve this. Any advice would be appreciated!
He has a night feeding habit. If you’re USED to eating 3 blueberry muffins each night, you’ll be legitimately HUNGRY for 3 blueberry muffins all night long. So he’s learned to fall asleep but he’s hungry and thus waking up.
If you can I would work on the night weaning techniques here: http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-3/
You can choose to go cold turkey but if he’s consuming 3-4 times a night then this option will lead to a lot of tears (hungry babies don’t fall asleep easily). He’s certainly capable of consuming all his calories during the day, he just needs to be gently coaxed into doing so. So hopefully you could drop all 4 night feedings within ~2-3 weeks and then you are DONE. Good luck!
My 4th daughter is now 6 months old. I breastfed her for the first 4 1/2 months & switched her to formula. She still cannot sleep thru the night. We have a really good bedtime routine with her now & have no issues getting her down for the night. Our issue is her getting up several times during the night & waking everyone in the house, including her 4 year old sister who shares a room with her. She rarely ever naps long during the day. Usually 1 & 1/2 hours tops & it is usually 1/2 naps at a time with an occasional 1 hour nap. She baths at 7 pm followed by getting ready for bed & a 6 oz. bottle. She is still awake when we put her to bed in her crib at 8 pm and she puts herself to sleep. We dream feed her at 11 pm and I have no problems getting up at 5 am to feed her again. However, she gets up at least once, usually twice before her next feeding at 5 am. I refuse to feed her between 11 pm to 5 am as I know she doesn’t actually need to eat. She has slept thru this 6 hour time stretch a few times but always reverts back to her terrible waking habits. We run a fan in the bedroom to create white noice – doesn’t make a difference. I have raised 3 other children and I have never had this issue. They were all sound sleepers before 4 months of age. This last one is testing my limits and my limits have been met. You name it, we have tried it. Our last resort was letting her cry it out (we moved our 4 year old to the couch to sleep). She just screams for an hour or longer until her 5 am feeding. We started her on solids just before 5 months to see if it would help fill her up to sleep thru the night. She loves the food but it didn’t make one bit of a difference. We have tried rice cereal in the bottle for bed. Didn’t help either. I am at a loss. I know there is no magic solution, but any other suggestions are greatly welcomed.
Quick note on solids: Solids are filling but have almost NO calories. So when it comes to getting out of night-feeding, solids don’t help and generally hurt.
My guess is that the dreamfeed is tripping you up. If she’s not really awake or hungry this may be a small snack for her. Thus while you feel you’ve just fed her, she hasn’t REALLY fed. Thus she’s waking up a few hours later actually hungry and then can’t fall back asleep (hungry babies don’t sleep well). Personally I would drop the 11 dream feed and wait to see when she wakes up on her own. Then I would go to her and feed her and see what happens. I’m guessing that she’ll wake up at ~1:00 AM and gobble hungrily and then possibly sleep till 5:00 AM (or even later).
Another possible guess is that the dreamfeed is resulting in gas which then bothers her which is why she is crying so long and consistently. But I doubt it. I would skip the dreamfeed and see how that works out for you.
ps. I get why you want to feed her at 11:00, and why you may not be keen to skip this. But try it for 3-4 days and let me know what happens, OK?
Hi. I have a 7months (almost 8 months) baby girl. She slept through the night from when she was 6 weeks old till about 5 months old. I have reead “what you need to know about sleeping through the night” and I admit that part of the problem might be that we are still rocking her to sleep at night… BUT I would say the major problem is that she REFUSES to drink her bottle before bedtime. Here is more or less what she does:
6:00 wakes up and drink 200ml formula
8:00 breakfast (cereal)
8:30 naps about 45min
10:15 200ml formula
12:30 lunch – fruit
13:00 naps about 45min
14:30 150ml formula
15:00-16:00 maybe naps for 45 min
16:30 dinner (age related purity with chicken or something similar)
18:00 bath
18:30 try to give her formula, which she refuses 4 out of 5 times
2:00 Wakes up to drink if she hasn’t drunk her night time bottle
So, if she drinks after bathtime, she sleeps through the night. Otherwise I am guaranteed that she will wake up for a bottle. Which I don’t mind, but what I DO mind is that she will simply not fall asleep again straight after she drunk. We are up with her at least for an hour before she falls asleep again.
I will honestly try to get her to fall asleep on her own, as this will help with her falling asleep at 2:00 at night. But I need advise on her taking her bottle at bedtime, because then she sleeps through the night. I realise that they drink less bottles during the day the older they get – but which bottle should I then take away during the day (as she is currently dropping her bedtime bottle…).
Here’s my guess – “dinner” is messing you up.
Most people don’t get this but it’s true – solids have tons of fiber and NO calories. So they make you FEEL full but aren’t really nourishing your body (at this age it’s more about practicing eating). Just went to a pediatric talk and came away with this statistic:
4 oz formula = 80 calories
4 oz gerber carrots = 15 calories
You want her to take a full bottle at 6:30? Then you may need to rethink the filling but calorie light “dinner” at 4:30. Try pushing it earlier or making it smaller. But really I think that is the root cause of her not taking a night bottle…
Let me know what happens, OK?
Hi, thank you for the response. Here is what I have been trying for the last week: I took her 14h30 bottle away, she now drinks rooibos tea and chows on a teething biscuit. “Dinner” is now at 16h00, and then she drinks her bottle at 18h45. She still wakes up at 1h47 (strange – everytime when I look at my watch it is 1h47)for a bottle, but she now falls asleep within 40 minutes, which is okay I guess. So, it appears to be working.
Well it’s a start. What about trying to water down the 1h47 bottle gradually to drop the last night feed for good?
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-3/
Thanks, I will when she starts doing that again. For the past 4 nights she has been sleeping through the night again…
Hi
Do you have any suggestions for a 5 month old baby that sleeps great at night. Usually 7-5 then self soothes until 7am. The problem we have is nap time. He will not be put down for a nap awake or even asleep. He will only be hugged and will cry if put down. We have managed to get to a point where he doesn’t need to be rocked or patted to sleep just hugged. I have tried most sleep suggestions CIO, gradual retreat, pick up put down. All result in him being absolutely historical and vomiting. He never has more than 30mins naps twice a day. I can spend hours trying to get him to nap. He is extremely tired by the end of the day but can settle himself at night. I will be returning to work soon so he needs to nap without hugs. I’m at a loss what to do?
Thanks
He’s bottle fed and on solids three times a day
What about swaddling? It sounds like he really needs that feeling of containment. Sure he’s a bit old but it’s not ridiculous for some babies to be swaddled till 6-9 months. As he is a bigger kid you may need to double swaddle to keep him IN the swaddle. But if that is what he needs to nap, OK, that’s good information, yes? Loud white noise and a double swaddle.
I have been putting my almost 6-month old down awake for naps and bedtime for the past 2 weeks (prior to this we put him down drowsy and patted his belly if he cried). It has definitely helped lengthen his naps and he is sleeping better at night. Regardless, he still cries for 5-10 minutes every time I put him down before he finally falls asleep. How long should this continue? Weeks? Months? I know that 5-10 minutes is not the end of the world, but when I think about 3 naps and 1 bedtime every day, that makes for 20-40 minutes a day of my baby crying by himself. That seems like a lot to me. Any end likely in sight?
Also, you always hear about Ferber taking 3-4 days, so I am concerned about my little guy. Is the 3-4 days to solve the night time wakings (which we seem to have pretty much done) or to stop all nap/night time crying, which we have clearly not done.
I have the same issue with my 4 1/2 month old…it seems to be gradually getting better but there are definitely some naps and some nights that she still cries for 10-15 minutes before passing out…i was also wondering about the whole Ferber thing…i thought after 3-4nights the crying was done and they would be all smiley at bedtime lol
Your kid may NEVER be smiley at bedtime. My 3 YO says to me at bedtime, “Why we have to sleep? I don’t WANT to sleep!”
OF COURSE HE DOESN’T!!! Who wants to go sit in a dark room when it’s still light out (dammit summer!)? Who wants to sleep when Mommy and Daddy are clearly still up and about?
It’s not until you’re an old putz like me that you actually start to look forward to bedtime. But for almost everybody under the age of 30 bedtime is not the highlight of your day. So I wouldn’t expect smiles anytime soon.
10 minutes is not Ferberizing. This is complaining about missing out on the fun. So you ARE done with cry it out. Just done done with the complaining.
Want to know what I think? I think that is FANTASTIC! Seriously, when people talk about “Ferberizing” they’re talking about crying for up to an hour or more. 5 minutes is simply his way of saying, “I don’t think I like this, I would like to stay and party please!” Of course stay and partying is not an option.
Listen some kids just need to grumble a bit or blow off some steam when they fall asleep. Probably this will decrease over time. But I would count 5-10 minutes as a total blessing and a WORTHY exchange for better quality sleep.
I know you were looking for a fix to the problem but I would instead suggest that there really IS no problem.
I have a few questions though. Sometimes it is hard to determine if he is ready to go down for naps. I think he is tired so I lay him down. Sometimes he falls right asleep but sometimes he will lay there for quite some time sucking his thumb and pretty content. I just worry that if I leave them there for too long before he falls asleep he might not be as excited to lie down. Now he is all smiles when he knows its sleep time. Is there a limit on how long they should lay there if they haven’t fallen asleep? We have no interest in CIO so I’m just talking about when he is laying there pretty content.
The other problem we are having is getting him to go back to sleep after his early morning feeding. We do bed time between 6:30 and 7:00. He usually then wakes up at somewhere between 1:30 and 3:00 am (usually closer to 1:30) to eat he then goes right back down and has been waking up at between 5 and 5:30. I feed him but he then want to be up for the day. Any suggestions? I would like him to sleep until 6:30 or 7. I thought this might help us work toward 2 naps a day instead of 3 or 4. He takes good naps. Usually about 5 hours worth of naps a day with most of the time 2 being close to or more than 2 hours.
Thanks!
How old is your baby?
Some babies are just early risers. You may find 5:30 AM to be uncivilized (and frankly I would agree with you) but this is not an outrageous time for a newborn to be up. Generally the advice is to push bedtime even earlier but 6:30 PM is pretty early. Still it might be worth an experiment – what happens if you put him down at 6:00 PM?
When kids are older there are ways to push out the morning (like when they are 2) but with babies there isn’t a whole lot you can do. Depending on your baby’s age sometimes putting him in a swing after his night feed can provide enough soothing to prolong his night but it’s not a guarantee. And frankly he’s getting ~11 hours of sleep at night which is pretty awesome so from a sleep perspective, he’s doing great.
Again I don’t know the age of your baby so I don’t know if 2 naps a day is even a reasonable goal. Is he over 1? If not then 3-4 may just be where he’s at right now. Frankly he is napping like a rockstar so while the early AM stuff is a bummer (I was so glad when my youngest was old enough to be gently coaxed into sleeping later) it may not be fixable at this point….
Thanks! This is great help!
Sorry I forgot his age. His almost 5 months. Thanks!
Ah….then 2 naps is probably not going to happen. My guess is that he’s going to cruise at 3X a day (ish) and then will drop to 2 sometime between 9-12 months. If you want to try the earlier bedtime thing you may need to wake him up or even cut out the 4th nap in order for him to be tired enough to fall asleep as early at 6:00 PM. Again I don’t know that this will solve anything but it’s probably worth an experiment for a few days just to see. Babies are constantly surprising me so you never know what will happen!
Glad to help!
I painlessly (honestly) weaned my baby from the dummy in about a month and it was totally gone from any use by 6 months by:
1- stopping it in the pram
2- stopping in car
3- while this was happening I had one dummy for use at night that I gradually put more and more pin pricks in (check it everyday for integrity).
4- put baby down awake at night and watch for a minute (any dummy giving parent knows their babies want it as soon as they’re in bed)
5 – the pin pricked dummy lead easily to no dummy at night.
6- then move the pin prick dummy to day naps
7- done
Good luck!
The pin prick dummy is new to me. What does that mean? And why does the pin prick make a difference?
Thanks so much for sharing your technique!
Hi Alexis,
My daughter is 3.5 months and has been sleeping in her own room for about a week (until then she slept in her crib next to our bed). Its been a rocky week but with some white noise, it seems to be getting better but she is waking up crying in the early hours, sometimes every 45mins even though she can’t be hungry (she has a feed about 1am-ish and 5am-ish). We have a great bedtime routine which she loves and she relaxes into everytime-bath, pyjamas, cuddles with daddy, a nice long feed (breastfeed), then into her cot but she always falls into such a deep sleep during her feed and i just can’t wake her up or keep her awake! I feel I really need to feed her as close to bedtime as possible so that she can last out, and i’ve tried to alter the routine and feed her straight after her bath and before putting her pyjamas on but ended up with a sound asleep naked baby! I also tried a earlier bedtimes but that didn’t make any difference. What should I do?
Freya,
(Are you the goddess of love and beauty? And if so, can you tell me what to do with my mess of a hairstyle?)
I totally understand your thinking – bump food close to sleep to fill her tank. But I’m going to tell you that this thinking is actually not helping and probably hurting you in the long-run. Although it’s not related to the early morning stuff going on.
Basically you want to separate feeding from sleep and you’re doing the opposite – sticking them together. Also while your goal over the next 2 months or so is to have her fall asleep on her own, you’re nursing her to sleep (accidentally) by keeping nursing too close to bedtime.
The answer is to switch up the routine so you nurse her and THEN start the bath/jammies/book part of the evening. This is how you will start on the path to putting her down awake, which is critical if you actually want her sleeping through the night. This is also how you separate nursing from sleep (also key if you want a baby who doesn’t expect to use you as a human pacifier).
Trust me on this and work on switching things up. No more nursing right AT bedtime, OK?
However she is not using you as a human pacifier – the early morning thing you’re talking about probably has more to do with the fact that she is still tired(ish) but not quite tired to fall back asleep. I’m assuming that every 45 minutes one of you rushes in to try to soothe her back to sleep? I’m also assuming this works but has the unenviable result of keeping you both up all night because every 45 minutes somebody is popping out of bed.
The answer to THAT issue is more soothing. White noise, swaddle, lovey, possibly even the swing. Basically the crying says she is still tired but can’t quite soothe herself back to sleep. She IS able to do this earlier in the night because her body’s need for sleep outweighs the need for soothing. So I would work on giving her more soothing. You’ll know she’s getting enough if the crying stops or at least starts later in the morning.
Goodluck!
Thank you Alexis! This is really helpful. To be honest, I’m a bit scared of monkeying about with her bedtime routine because I know there will be some pretty major objections from her, but i can absolutely see that I need to try!
Jeeze I love this blog!
Ok question- at what age should I take the dummy away and go cold turkey? Obviously it has to be before 6 months, but how much before? 3 months? Also, can i keep it as a day time thing to sooth her in situations when she is upset but not Going to sleep, Eg when im out and have a grumpy baby on my hands? Or do I need to get rid of it completely. I’m really starting to dread the day I have to get rid of it…
Also, I should never wake my sleeping baby ever right? Sometimes her arfternoon nap can really drag on (right now she’s been asleep in the swing for 3 hours) and if I let her stay asleep then her bedtime will need to be pushed back for that night. So I should just let her sleep as long as she wants and roll with the varying bed times?
Thanks 🙂
Hey Liz,
Glad you love it!
For dummies you want to go cold turkey somewhere between 3-6 months. It’s hard to say exactly when as some babies do OK with it up till 7-8 months. But to be 100% safe, I would go with 4 months as a hard cutoff. FOR SLEEP.
You can still use it during the day with grumpy baby when she’s not sleepy 🙂
Waking a sleeping baby is generally a no-no EXCEPT for when that sleep is cutting into bedtime. As your baby gets older (anywhere from 2-4 months ish) and develops a consistent bedtime, PROTECT BEDTIME. Thus it IS better to wake her up if you need to do so to in order to keep a consistent(ish) bedtime.
Consistent bedtime is sort of an awesome for her AND you.
Excellent thanks so much for the reply. Very happy to hear I can keep the dummy for the emergency grumpy baby situation!
I just wanted to post a success story thanks to all the information on your website!! And to maybe help some other mom’s out there…
I posted above in this string about the sleep issues I was having with my 3 1/2 month old at the time…anyways, we ended up putting her in her swing for bedtime and naps which we had moved into her room…i changed her bedtime routine to boob, bath, book bed and put her in the swing awake at ~7pm. We started with the swing on the lowest speed, then gradually got to the point of falling asleep a non-moving swing (about 3 weeks later)..she would fuss some nights for 15-20 minutes other nights she’d go right to sleep..i feel like it REALLY helped with the 4 month sleep regression though (I barely noticed it, she got up at 3am for some night feeds for about a week and done)…last week i moved her swing DIRECTLY next to the crib for 2 nights and saturday night into the crib she went…the first two nights were a little rough..she would fall asleep fine but would wake up a few times throughout the night…we let her fuss it out (sometimes up to a half hour) but as of monday night she falls asleep with no fussing at ~7 and stays asleep until 5-530 then she nurses and goes back down until 730! I was so nervous about it and it was like nothing…so i HIGHLY recommend alexis’ swing technique above!!
P.S. she turned 5 months on monday
WOOT WOOT!
What a nice testimonial:)
– Weathered the sleep regression? check
– Got baby in crib? check
– Helped baby learn to fall asleep without CIO? check
– Sleeping through the night at 5 months? check
Excellent story – thanks for sharing! And congratulations on all your great work!
Alexis-
Thank you for your website…I am addicted to it!
A couple questions for you. My son is 14 weeks, a great night sleeper but a crappy napper. He is swaddled, we use white noise, sometimes a paci (he doesn’t always want it), and I rock him to sleep and pat his butt AND shush next to his head. He goes down between 7-8, wakes up to eat between 1-2 and again between 4-6 and is usually awake for the day between 6:30 and 7:30. I would like to stop rocking him to sleep. My swing is downstairs and it is a giant Graco swing that I really don’t see moving upstairs and would take up most of his room (his crib is giant, too). I am not comfortable with him sleeping downstairs at night with us upstairs. Is the swing imperative…since he sleeps in the crib now will he be able to fall asleep on his own without moving?
Second question is on naps….I am still holding him a lot for naps and would like to be able to put him down. He likes to be belly to belly, all scrunched up against me and rocked and so of course, when I put him down, he wakes up. Swaddling helps a little but I was trying to not swaddle him during the day as daycare only swaddles his legs. I want him to sleep so I end up just holding him…and am afraid I am building a bad habit. I try putting him in the swing but that is almost worse- when his arms go flying out they hit the swing which always wakes him up (the crib is so big he doesn’t hit anything). Do I just give up and swaddle him for naps?
Thanks so much for your time!
Amy
When people tell me that they are rocking their baby to sleep and are TIRED of constantly rocking or holding their baby to sleep…..but they don’t want to put him in the swing,
I frankly don’t know what to say!
1) He likes motion.
2) Having to constantly provide that motion manually is a drag.
3) Use the swing 🙂
Could the swing temporarily fit in your room? Or is there another way to shuffle the furniture around to make it work (move his dresser into your room for the next 4-6 weeks?).
However I don’t think it’s imperative that he sleeps in the crib at night as, he’s really sleeping great at night without it. You are providing a lot of soothing when he goes to sleep and you will need to gradually wean off some of that. The swing gives you a powerful tool. BUT at just 3.5 months you still have some time to work on gradually weaning off the soothing and putting him down increasingly awake. So you’re not really in the desperation zone yet – maybe you can make it happen by just making small changes over the coming weeks? Maybe the swing at night isn’t necessary at all?
However for naps I would strongly recommend it. For starters, swaddling the legs doesn’t accomplish ANYTHING. I mean it doesn’t hurt but it literally accomplishes nothing so why bother? I would definitely swaddle his arms AND talk to the daycare providers about doing this too. The swing is WAY better than him sleeping on you because:
a) You get a break.
b) Breaking out of the “baby only sleeps on me for naps” can be a real challenge (one without an easy fix when he’s older).
c) He likes motion.
d) The swing may be the best way for a motion-junkie baby to learn how to sleep without you holding him.
I’m not saying you HAVE to do this, but eventually him only sleeping on you will cause problems. And CIO for naps generally doesn’t work well (or as well) so if he’s still sleeping only on you at 9 months you won’t have a lot of effective or easy options to wiggle out of it.
I would work with the swing techniques (link below) for naps and probably stick with the crib at night. Swaddle for naps, loud white noise, and block out blinds. It’s OK if the swing isn’t in his room but at almost 4 months it’s probably not going to work well to have him sleep in the living room. Is there another dark quiet room you can move the swing into?
Alexis-
Thanks for your reply. I did start swaddling him in his swaddlewrap for naps and we did get 2 out of 4 naps off my lap- actually both in the crib. I could move the swing to the downstairs (we are in a townhouse and have a better on the bottom floor that is pretty dark and always quiet). His daycare provider has him sleeping in a crib, she does not rock him all the way to sleep- and he takes two great naps for her! (My mother thinks he has my number- but really, at 15 weeks?)
We have started to put him down awake at nighttime- successful 4/6. The two unsuccessful nights my husband went up and rocked him the rest of the way. I feel like 15 weeks may be too young to just let him cry- but maybe we should be patting him and shushing him but not picking him up? (BTW, I tried that for a nap and he laughed at me when I patted his belly- guess he wasn’t tired!).
Thanks again for your time. Website is really fabulous!!
Amy
Hi Alexis!
Your website is awesome! I have a few quick questions. My daughter is 10 weeks old, pretty early to worry about sleep issues but I want to get a jump on it and am working on getting her to fall asleep on her own. We moved her to her crib last week (from co-sleeper on our bed) and she’s done remarkably well. However, she still wakes up frequently and needs rocking/bouncing after her bedtime at 9:00pm until around midnight, and then she wakes for night feedings around 3am and 6am. I’d like to try letting her sleep all night in her swing to see if it helps, she is a “motion baby” for sure. Here are my questions- we swaddle her at night, and the swing has a five point seat buckle. How do I reconcile the two? Should the swing be in her bedroom? Is it safe to leave the swing turned on all night or should we turn it off after she goes to sleep?
Thank you!!
Amber
Hi Amber,
Check the post below for more swing tips. Here’s what I would do:
– Swaddle with legs out (the legs don’t really matter for swaddling anyway, it’s all about the arms). So if you were using a SwaddleMe blanket you would velcro her arms but leave the “leg sack” portion just hanging out behind her. That way you can still use your Graco 5-pt straps. Because she is so young I would put the swing next to your bed. Also use loud white noise (the swing noise times out so an old radio will work better).
If you’re rocking/bouncing her from 9:00 PM – midnight, I would try leaving the swing on to see if it improves her ability to stay asleep during that window. If you want to turn the swing off at midnight feel free – see what happens! You’re also welcome to turn it off at say, 10:00 PM, but if she’s waking back up again perhaps the solution is to leave it on.
Lots of babies are definitely in swinging swings all night long. But if you’re concerned you can view it as a mini-science experiment. Turn it off – what happens? Leave it on – what happens? Maybe she only needs the motion to get through the 9-12 window and then will do just fine in a non-moving swing?
Good luck!
Thank you thank you! This is week #2 of using the swing to help her go to sleep and stay that way, and we are moving her to the crib when we go to bed a few hours after she does. So far we are getting an initial 6 hour stretch, followed by a 4 hour stretch, followed by another 2 hour stretch. Awesome!!
One follow up question. She is now 12 weeks old. I’ve been following her sleep cues for daytime naps up until this point, and she generally can only be awake for an hour before she needs a nap. Sometimes she takes a quick 20-30 minute nap, and sometimes she sleeps for 2-3 hours. It is never consistent. I don’t nurse her to sleep, and she goes down really easily for these naps, so I know she’s genuinely tired.
That said, is there any point to trying to schedule her naps more consistently (i.e. aiming for 90 minutes up, 90 minutes down for a total of three longer naps per day) or should I just wait until she is older to see what her natural nap rhythm is? I want her to have predictability and consistency, but don’t want to drive her nuts trying to get her on a schedule. I am also going back to work soon and think a firmer schedule would be easier for a nanny to follow.
Thanks again!!
Well predictability and consistency is great. But how do you make “90 minutes down” happen? You mention that she can stay awake 1 hour. So why would you artificially keep her awake 30 minutes longer than she wants to be to hit the 90 minute mark?
(BTW – do you happen to have a copy of the 90 minute nap solution book on hand as I’m guessing that’s where all this 90 minute stuff is coming from 😉
What I don’t like about naps “by the clock” is that it doesn’t account for how long naps are. In my worldview if she sleeps for 2-3 hours – GREAT! In a “by the clock” worldview you would have woken her up long before that so that her long nap didn’t blow your next scheduled nap.
Similarly if she took a 20 minute nap, is you were putting her down “by the clock” you would have to keep her up far too long to make the next scheduled nap happen on schedule vs. when she needs it.
All of which is my way of saying I think it’s too inflexible. IF she can only be awake 1 hour that’s great information! When she wakes up from her nap, however long or short it is, then you know with good predictability, when she’ll be ready to sleep again. In 1 hour. Regardless of what time it is on the clock.
Hi Alexis,
I can’t even believe the timing of discovering your blog and more importantly your content… A million times thank you for your invaluable information and knowledge!
My lil girl will be turning 4 mo next Monday and what a ride its been (first time mom). I was induced at 41 weeks. In hindsight there was no reason for it (no medical reason, that is) but I let myself get talked into it by my OBGYN (kinda bullied into it actually). It was a long labour, she really didn’t want to come out. They had to pull her out with that suction cup thingy (in French it’s called ‘des ventouses’, don’t know what it is in English. Too tired to google it, sorry). Anyway, she lost too much of her birth weight within 24hrs so they kept us 2 extra days. I had to supplement with formula. During her first month of life it was revealed that she had an “immature gut”: She was intolerant to milk protein, bovine bi-products, soy, wheat (gluten), eggs, nuts (makes for an interesting diet for me but whatever, I’d rather be the one who suffers than my daughter). We changed formulas 3 times. She was then diagnosed with reflux, which is treated with Zantac and by me not eating acidic foods pre-emptively.
All these bobos have been a challenge when it came to her sleep. In the beginning (before diagnosis), we were living perpetually like does caught in headlights because she was always in so much pain and crying so much. We made a call one night that changed how we thought we would sleep train her: Out of desperation to get her to sleep (and me too), my bf suggested I go lie down with her in bed. Propped up by all the pillows in the house, she and I finally slept. She was swaddled in my arms.
And so began our type of co-sleeping (you are right when you say many parents never planned to co-sleep). So for nights I’d go to bed with her and during the day she’d sleep on me (and my feeding pillow, AKA my donut). One day I read on Baby Centre that babies her age should go to bed earlier than when she was. Around 7. Egad! I couldn’t remember the last time I personally went to bed at 7. But since she couldn’t sleep alone in our bed (she would wake up within 5 minutes), I had to suck it up for her sake. This lasted a week before I accepted defeat. I felt like I failed my daughter and failed as a mother for having given her such bad sleeping habit and saw no end in sight. Research began…
Then 2 weeks ago I found your blog. 2 weeks ago we were also packing up to move to our new house. Yeah, that’s a lot changes and probably not the best time to try tackling this sleep business but I still wanted to try and see if 1. She was still ‘swaddleable’ and 2. If putting her in her MammaRoo (which until then had only been used for her the play in) would work for a nap. I never thought it would and like others have written in your comments, the Roo seemed like an awful waste of money. I told myself I’d try the thing for her naps, if it didn’t work, we’d buy a swing-swing and start seriously with your technique at the new house… Well it worked the very first time I put her down in it swaddled, with the vacuum on for white noise. She slept 90 minutes. ALONE… without me… I cried I was so appreciative of your… existence.
It’s been so difficult navigating these waters and not knowing who to listen to and who to ignore (I ignore everything my sister in law dishes out. She has two tween boys. I love her but she’s too judgemental and I’m just over it). Everyone has had an opinion about how we put our daughter down but they didn’t live through the agony she endured that first month…
So today, I still put her down in the Roo for all her naps and when I put her down to sleep at 7-7.30PM. She’ll sleep anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes in it. After she wakes from being put down at 7-7.30, she comes to bed with me for the rest of the night. Once things are back to normal in the house (still have boxes to unpack and rooms to finish painting) and we’re able to clear ourselves for 7 full days for all her sleeps, I’d like to pursue with your technique for night sleeping too. Also, I’m pretty sure she started her 4 month growth spurt this week. She’s so irritable, hungry all the time and has as you say, shitty 30 minute naps – by the ton…
Do I keep status quo for now until this difficult phase of hers passes? When it passes, for her night sleeps, should I move the Roo to my bedside and continue to do her naps in her room? Also, the way I’ve been putting her down consists of swaddling her (which she kicks and screams through most of the time) and then rock her and shush her, while the Roo is already on, with the white noise – until her eyes get droopy. Then I sit on a foot stool in front of the Roo, put her in and then continue shushing while jiggling her a little. Again, I continue until her eyes get droopy. I then move behind the Roo and depending if she’s calm or still mildly agitated, I’ll continue these things a while until I see her eyes close when I sneak a peak. This process takes anywhere between 5 and 15 minutes but typically 5 (amazingly). She’s always awake when I put her in the Roo and still awake when I disappear from her sight. Is this ok for now?
Thank you so much Alexis. I’m hugging you virtually. You have been a lifesave for me…
Melissa,
Let me just make sure I have this picture correct in my head. So it starts with ….
a) Traumatic birth experience (you aren’t alone in this but that doesn’t make it any less of a big deal!)
b) Followed by a super unhappy baby which it turns out is all related to…
c) Medical issues!!! Immature tummy, allergic to, apparently, everything but rice and pears (are you living on carrot sticks and water?). Plus of course…
d) Reflux. Oh yeah….
e) And you’re moving.
THAT. IS. HUGE. I don’t get even a hint of self-pity in your comment which is amazing because if I were you I would be curled into the fetal position wolfing down a pint of ice cream feeling sorry for myself. Especially because the ice cream would be off limits because you’re forced to subsist on carrot sticks and rice. Wow. That is. A LOT.
If I’ve been even to provide a tiny bit of help with all you’ve got piled up on your plate, then I’m very very glad 🙂
Well if she’s still got all these tummy issues going on I would definitely stick with the MommaRoo. Reflux babies almost ALWAYS sleep better upright and depending on the severity, may need to be kept upright for many months (mine were in non moving swings at their 1st birthdays).
I would move the MommaRoo to your room and have her sleep there all night. It sounds like she’s she’s well on her way to falling asleep without you (YAY!). The only thing I would change is that I would sneak BEHIND the roo to shush and head jiggle so she can’t see you. But otherwise it sounds like you are on a good path and things are going great.
If you don’t want her co-sleeping for the long haul this would be a great time to get her used to not sleeping in your bed. As I said, she may need to be propped up to sleep and it’s really hard to do it safely (US pediatricians basically poo pooh all baby sleep positioners that don’t have straps to ensure baby doesn’t become entrapped). So there aren’t a lot of good options to keeping an older baby upright for sleep. Personally I think the swing is one of the best, but feel free to talk to your pediatrician about it. If you’re in France I know swings and such aren’t nearly as commonly used there, so it’s probably worth a conversation just to check in. Most US pediatricians will give you a big OK to use swings ESPECIALLY for refluxing kids.
Hopefully what will happen is that she’ll outgrow her tummy/reflux issues and won’t need to sleep upright anymore. But because you’ve already done all this great work in helping her learn to fall asleep on her own, the transition to the crib will be relatively painless and at that point you’ll all breathe a huge sigh of relief and have a celebratory cocktail.
And when that happens – cheers from me!
I actually don’t have it as together as it seems. I’m having a *really* tough time putting her to sleep at night.
So for naps, she sleeps in her Mamaroo, but I’m totally confused about what to do with bedtime. We generally put her down around 7:30, within her 2 hours, but she treats it like a nap. She’ll sleep anywhere between 30 and 90 minutes and wake up again.
Leading up to her bedtime, we’ll do boob, bath (every 3 days or so), books/songs, then bed, but she doesn’t seem to ‘get’ that it’s meant to be ‘the end of the line’ so to speak.
Can it be that we just confuse her? Like I wrote previously, all her naps are in the ‘Roo, in her room. After she wakes from this ‘nap’, it’s always around my bedtime anyway (8:30-9:PM) so we go to bed together and there she’ll sleep a few hours (I say ‘a few’ because our co-sleeping arrangement is such that I’m her human pacifier and so she stirs several times a night looking for my nipple, just to soothe and wakes another 2 or 3 times to feed).
I wrote that my bf and I are waiting to have a 7-day stretch of home/normal time to really tackle her night sleeping (which is starting the weekend of the 28th).
I intended to use the Roo and bring it into our room for her bedtime and put it back in her room for naps. If she sleeps comfortably in bed with us, which is a flat non-moving surface (her reflux never seemed to bother her about this, since she’s been on Zantac), should we forgo the Roo for bedtime and put her in her crib instead? Also, if we bring the Roo into our room for bedtime, should I at first go to bed with her, me in the bed, her in her Roo next to me?
Lastly, I know you’re in VT, I’m across the border in QC. In this heat/humidity we’ve been having, any tips about swaddling a sweaty baby? We have AC but she still heats up real bad and I have a feeling it’s why she’s been having short shitty naps lately…
xoxo
Hey Melissa,
Well I missed your 7-day stretch so my thoughts are hopefully irrelevant as I have fingers crossed that you guys made tons of headway during your big week. But just in case here you go….
If you’re having a rough time getting baby to go down and stay down at bedtime AND you’re being used as a human pacifier then my general advice is to give MORE soothing to break out of both of these patterns. I’m not a huge fan of the human pacifier sleep method only in that it’s hard to get out of without tears. So a 4-5 month old who is constantly on you to sleep becomes an 11 month old who is constantly on you to sleep. Which is cool if you’re cool with it. But what if you’re not cool with it?
Thus my inclination would be to embrace the Roo. Hopefully this is a way to give her soothing that doesn’t always have to involve your boobs.
Overheating babies is a SIDS risk so if they’re sweaty then they’re TOO hot. You could swaddle her naked or put aluminum foil on the windows (looks like crap but is a great way to make the room dark and really blocks a lot of heat). Or as she’s getting older, perhaps she doesn’t need to be swaddled. But you’re right – if she’s all sweaty she’s TOO hot and for safety sake I would rather a unswaddled cool baby to an over heated hot one (even if she sleeps less well without it).
Alexis, out of desperation I started putting DS (12 weeks old) back in swings for day naps after reading your blog as I need an easy way to get one of my twins asleep. The first day was great. He was in a dark room, swaddled, white noise. After a minute or two of holding him, I would put him down and he’d be out in the swing in a couple minutes. We got two very long naps out of him that day – over an hour each. That was almost a week ago. Now, he still goes down somewhat easy in the swing – sometimes fights it and needs extra soothing, but now all his naps are 30-40 minutes! It seems like the swing experiment has failed. The last two things I’m trying before giving up are putting the swing in the fullest recline – DS spits up a lot and has mild reflux. And turning off the swing 10 minutes after he is asleep. If these don’t work doesn’t it sound like the swing experiment wasn’t successful – if I’m only getting 30-40 min naps consistently?
Possibly yes, possibly no.
The swing does three things for you:
1) Being upright helps mitigate reflux so if he’s got a mild case, the more time he spends upright the better.
2) It generally helps lengthen sleep.
3) It’s a great tool to gradually help babies learn to fall asleep on their own (at 12 weeks, this is not a huge concern for you but at say 16 weeks, it will start to be).
So even if the naps aren’t huge there are 2 other potential benefits to the swing. Which is not to say that he HAS to sleep in there. But I wouldn’t necessarily say that taking him out is the right way to go. It probably helps to have him in there. BUT if your gut says he should be in his crib then that’s fine too.
Hope that clarifies a little?
My baby is 4 months old and she needs to be nursed, rocked, bounced, etc to sleep. Once she is asleep I put her in her swing and let it rock for about 30 minutes to an hour then I turn it off. Most of the time she sleeps for a couple of hours once I turn it off. I wanted to know what do you mean by reduce the speed of the swing? Do you mean reduce the speed from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 to 1 in one night? Or do you mean each night reduce the speed down. Say one night it is at speed 5 and I reduce it to speed 4. then the next night it is at speed 4 and I reduce it to speed 3? I am not sure if what I am doing is working to help her learn motionless sleep. I don’t know if me waiting 30 minutes to an hour after setting her in her swing asleep to turn it off or do I need to put her in her swing awake and let it soothe her then what? If I just put her in her swing after she falls asleep and I dont make it rock she will wake up and I always have to wait 30 minutes to an hour to stop it to make sure she is in a deep sleep and wont notice. Usually if I put her in it awake she fights it and cries. I am just confused because she nursed to sleep and slept on top of me for 3 months and now I am wanting to sleep on my own and I know that eventually she will be too big for her sling or swing to be rocked to sleep and she will outgrow her swing. help! I have created a baby who needs my nipple and motion to fall asleep.
I’ll relate my experience since my son slept in the swing until he was 6 months old. If I recall correctly, when he was under 5 months, he would sleep with the swing on all night. We gradually reduced the speed each night, so for example the swing would on speed 4 for a few nights and then speed 3 for the next few nights. But I remember cranking it up to high on nights where he was really, really fussy. He was swaddled in the swing until about 5 months and really seemed to get a lot of comfort out of the swing, snuggling his head on the “rabbit ear” part of the swing (we have the fisher price papasan swing).
As my son needed less soothing in order to fall asleep on his own, we were able to reduce the swing speed and finally not turn it on at all. Then after he turned 6 months I finally got him to sleep in his crib after I broke his nurse-to-sleep association. Before that I would rock/nurse him to sleep but starting around 5 months I started following Alexis’ advice on rearranging the bedtime routine to separate nursing from falling asleep.
He just turned 8 months old and is FINALLY not crying after I put him down to bed. He just talks to himself for a few minutes. Between 6 and 8 months he’d usually cry around 10 – 15 minutes after I put him down. So be prepared for that! Good luck!
Laura- can i ask you…what did you/do you do for naps? Were they also in the swing? If not, how/when did you transition him to the crib? I’m trying to figure this out with my daughter…she just turned 6 months and i nap her in the swing at home and she naps in the pnp at daycare…this week her naps have gone down the tubes..not sure if its the 6 month regression or what…just curious what your experience once…i did the same thing as you with her to transition her to the crib at night with a lot of success..the last couple of weeks she has FINALLY stopped crying when i put her down…thank goodness!
On weekends my son would nap in the swing prior to 6 months IF he wasn’t being totally fussy. At daycare he always napped in the crib which amazed me since I could not get him to nap in the crib at home very well. So I worked on crib naps before 6 months to try to be consistent with daycare (crib at night started after 6 months). Once in a while he took a decently-long nap in the crib (over 1 hr) but mostly he would seem to wake up too soon, like about after 30-45 minutes. He has a dark room with loud white noise. Daycare also has a very dark nap room but no white noise, just a ceiling fan going. I don’t know how they do it, but he seems to nap better there than at home. I’d put him in the swing to nap if he seemed too worked up and needed the extra soothing the swing provided. It was sort of a “take two steps forward and one step back” process.
It seems that as he is getting older he is calmer when he’s tired and will simply roll over and fall asleep more often instead of getting hysterical. However I admit to still nursing him to the point of being very drowsy before naps since he’s not as tired during the day! I don’t do this at night. My husband will just plop him in the crib when he gets fussy and my son usually falls asleep after fussing for a few minutes. He doesn’t have the crutch of the boob to fall back on!! 😀
Thanks so much for your quick reply! I tried the crib for a nap a couple of weeks ago and i got a 45 min one saturday and 50 min on sunday so back into the swing she went last weekend! LOL she does about 1.5 hrs there…I also have her in a dark room with loud white noise…i am amazed too at how daycare gets her to nap in the PNP..i actually bought them a sound machine to use b/c she sleeps so much better with it…but even this week daycare is having trouble getting her to nap **sigh** i thought it would get easier as she got older…i guess i just have to hold out and hope its a regression and when its over she will start napping better!
So at 8 months he is doing 2 naps a day in the crib? and he just rolls over and goes to sleep? maybe there is hope for me! LOL I usually nurse her about a half hour before naps..she wont fall asleep on the boob anymore!
Yep, two naps a day. The morning one is longer – a couple hours or more, especially if he’s at daycare. The afternoon nap is about an hour long. I know, it’s a miracle, but he does sort of roll over and fall asleep after a few minutes of talking to himself. This just started happening in the last week or so, and the next sleep regression will probably screw it all up again!
Laura’s answer below is right on the money!
The swing has 2 benefits:
1) Provide soothing so that naps are generally longer
2) Powerful tool to help her learn to fall asleep alone
If you’re rocking, nursing, etc. to sleep and THEN putting her in the swing then you’re not really getting the advantage of #2. See the post below for some hints on how to get her to fall asleep IN the swing. I highly recommend you work on this because by nursing, rocking to sleep and then turning the swing off later, you’re really minimizing both potential benefits, yes?
Again most of this is in the post below but your goal would be to have her fall asleep IN the swing and then leave the swing running. As she is a bit older she may not need that much motion anymore but whatever speed she needs is OK. You leave the swing on AT that speed. Then the next day you try lowering the speed by 1. What happens? Does she sleep great? Awesome! Next night, lower the speed by 1 again. Does she wake up a ton? Fine! Turn the speed back up.
Don’t feel like a failure! LOTS of babies need boobs and motion to sleep. Maybe as a temporary transition she could use the swing + pacifier to help fall asleep? It’s OK to play around with these things. But definitely now is the time because very soon it will get harder (I know it’s HARD right now). Weaning sleep from nursing is a key thing to do within the next 1-2 months if you want to avoid the detour to cry-it-outsville.
Yes she’s a bit old for the swing but not TOO old. Lots of babies are happily sleeping in there till 6 months or so, so plenty of time to leverage the fact that she loves motion to gently wean her off you!
Hi Alexis! Thanks for your helpful email a few weeks ago. We are using the swing technique and I notice my little guy doesn’t move his head much in the swing. I am worried about him developing a flat head. Is this a silly concern? Thanks for everything!
hey lindsey, i just wanted to throw in my 2 cents..i was also really worried about flat head..i bought the boppy noggin head rest (it has a little hole in the middle and padding all around) and used it in the swing…she slept in there for a couple of months and didnt get a flat head! she still sleeps in there for naps but now that she is older i dont worry so much about it so i took it out..
Actually modern baby swings are more curved than the crib is so flat head is even less of a concern. Flat head comes from lying flat on their backs all the time. However flat on their back is the ONLY way to put a newborn in the crib. Luckily we don’t leave kids lying around all the time (this was a bigger concern in the 60’s when babies lived in playpens because moms had to keep the house clean, make martinis for their husbands, and fix their beehive harido). So for a variety of reasons I’m not concerned for your baby’s head – flat head is really rare today.
If you’re concerned you can always talk to your pediatrician. Also they’ll be checking your baby’s head whenever you go in. But the modern baby swing has a nice curve to it so I wouldn’t loose sleep over it – baby will have a nice fat round head 🙂
Hello again Alexis,
Thanks to your advice, my little girl, who is now 5months old is amazingly sleeping through the night! Hooray! You are a hero in this house! She is doing really well, going to sleep at 7.30pm and sleeping through and has been for about a month. I put her down awake, she has her white noise, blackout blinds and a little music box that she likes playing as she falls asleep. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely thrilled and I feel bad for still having a problem when I should be out doing cartwheels, but she has started waking up and screaming at about 5.30 when her usual waking time is more like 7am. She’s obviously still tired and not ready to get up and she usually goes back to sleep eventually but she can’t settle herself (if I leave her, she just gets distressed and then really can’t sleep) so I go in and comfort her, although I don’t pick her up. I really don’t think that its hunger because she has done 7.30pm-7.30am stretches before, although a couple of my friends have suggested a dreamfeed but I’m wary of disturbing her if its not necessary. Is there anything I can do to stop her having these 5am wakings? Its killing me because, even though she goes back to sleep, I can’t…maybe I need sleep training! Thank you and sorry for whingeing about one night waking!
Well I don’t know why she is waking at 5:30 but I would go to her like you have been. For a few reasons…
1) It’s entirely possible she IS hungry. Babies have growth spurts all the time where they eat more food. So the fact that she could sleep 12 hours last month doesn’t mean that she’s not legitimately hungry today.
2) Letting babies cry in the AM almost never works. They’ve gotten enough sleep to not easily fall back to sleep so often they just cry.
I would go in and give her as LITTLE soothing as possible but enough to work. I would also be careful not to let the time slip even earlier (if she starts waking up earlier and earlier then you might need to let her cry or at least test the waters). Hopefully this is just a minor blip-sleep regression.
IF she’s legitimately hungry (what does your gut tell you?) a dream feed might help avoid YOU waking up at 5:30. It might be worth a try to see what happens. Ideally then over the next week or so you would shorten the dreamfeed and gently wean off it with the goal of getting back to your 12 hour night.
PS. I would never judge you for not wanting to get up at 5:30 am 😉
I am trying to swing now with my 4 month old. He has always slept in his crib so that isn’t a problem but I really want him to start falling asleep on his own. I have two questions:
1. If I am putting him to sleep in his swing do I leave him there all night or should I move him to his crib once he is asleep? Since he has always slept in his crib I know that he won’t have a problem in there but I don’t want to mess up his sleep cycles by moving him.
2. Per your suggestions I have changed his nighttime routine to diaper/jammies, nurse, sleepsack, story, bed. I have tried to first put him in his crib to see if he falls asleep in there. When he starts to get fussy enough that I think he will totally wake himself up I get him and immediately put him in the swing where he does fall asleep without fussing. So, am I messing him up by trying the crib first every night? Should I just go right to the swing? He did fall asleep in the crib one night but the last two nights he hasn’t so we moved to the swing…I don’t want to create a habit where he thinks hanging out in the crib and fussing is part of the routine. What do you think?
Thank you so much for all of your info! Since I have found your website I have been able to get my son to fall asleep on his own in the swing for naps and at bedtime which is great!!! Thanks again!!!
Ok I just read another reply and realized that maybe I need to move nursing up to BEFORE bath and jammies. I’ll start trying that too! Thanks!
I’ve just been introduced to your site and love it! Thank you for taking the time to share all of this information!
My son is doing a better and better job of sleeping through the night and we’ve had a great routine since he was about 2 weeks old. He is pushing 6 hour stretches followed by 3 at night. He falls asleep while nursing but am reasonably confident that we can start switching this routine soon.
I am, however, having a hard time with nap time. He’s been cranky lately and after reading the three part posts, sounds like its because he should be getting hour and a half not forty minute naps. What I don’t understand is how to make him sleep longer? At night he sucks his fingers to go back to sleep but I agree with your posts, his day sleep seems to be a much different pattern than his night sleep.
How do I shoot for the longer nap?
Well I don’t know how old he is so it’s hard for me to say in general but this pretty much sums up everything I have to say on short nap struggles:
http://www.troublesometots.com/your-nemesis-the-short-nap/
I am so excited about the progress we’ve made this week that I have to say thanks Alexis!
My little man just turned 3 months old on Monday, and was a terrible sleeper from day 1. If swaddled, he freak out on waking, but unswaddled he’d startle himself so much that he’d wake every hour or two. I stumbled on your site one sleepless night, went out and bought a good swing, and in the swing I could get one 4-6 hour stretch of sleep out of him each night. For his 3 month birthday he decided to drop his 2am feeding and sleep from 8pm to 6am! I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but he’s slept straight through until 5 or 6 am for four nights in a row! Words can not express how thrilled I am to get a decent nights sleep.
Now for the kicker, I had been nursing and rocking him completely to sleep, but a few nights ago he was fussing so badly that nothing I tried was comforting him, so I just put him in the swing, and nudged it to start rocking (thinking he would start crying in seconds so why bother turning it on) and he was fast asleep within minutes! It was the push I needed to attempt putting him down drowsy but awake. So I’ve been doing that for the last few nights with success! Naps and the 5am feeding still require rocking/nursing but if eel like we are finally moving in the right direction.
Next challenge…to get him napping in the swing instead of on me!
Congratulations on your successful attempt to climb Mt. Drowsy but Awake! And so amazing that your 3 month old is sleeping ALL night long! (Note: There will be sleep regressions and such that will have him wanting to eat again at night but the fact that things are going SO well at 3 months is an excellent sign:)
Good luck with the “only nap on Mom” thing. It’s so freeing to have a few moments to yourself during the day, I promise you’ll be really glad you did!
We don’t own a swing, and since my daughter is already five months and 19 pounds, I don’t want to invest in one at this point. Any other suggestions for naps? She currently naps in my arms but because of this I am getting no time to get anything done during the day! Any advice on crib naps?
Maybe look around for a used larger swing? Gracos are big enough. You can probably find a good one on craigslist and sell it in 2 months for almost what it cost you. Our little guy would nap ONLY in a carrier on our person at that age, and after a day or two working hard with the swing starting at 5 months, he was napping there. Dark room, white noise, swaddle, jiggle, pray, etc. He was in the swing for all naps and the early part of the night until about 7 months, when he moved to the crib. That transition would have been really hard without the intermediate swing phase I think.
If you go this route I suggest one that plugs into the wall, not batteries. Good luck!
Rebecca,
Well you don’t HAVE to buy a swing (contrary to popular belief I don’t work for Fisher Price and have no financial stake in you buying vs. not buying a swing). But the challenge you have is that your 5 month old has learned that she only naps on Mom. Given that she’ll be napping for the next 2.5 years and you may not want to spend 1-3 hours a day napping WITH her for the next 2.5 years, you’re going to have to teach her another way to sleep.
If we assume your goal is to avoid CIO (it’s EVERYBODY’s goal) where does that leave you?
Options:
1) Swing is a good option. Lots of babies are napping in swings for 8-10 months. Is it worth $100 to have free nap time for 3-4 months? It’s only $.75/day – would you pay that?
2) Gradually wean her off you. At 5 months this can be tricky but it IS possible. Give her lots of great soothing sleep associations. At 5 months I would work with a swaddle (even if she’s been sleeping without one), DARK room, consistent wind-down routine, LOUD white noise. Even if she’s sleeping on you, use these techniques.
Then you work on having her sleep NEXT to you. Then you gradually move to NEAR you. Then maybe you start sliding her into a co-sleeper NEXT to you (or the crib next to the bed with the side down). You get the idea.
By giving her a whole BUNCH of sleep associations, when you start removing one of them (namely YOU), hopefully the other associations help her make the transition more smoothly.
But that’s about all I’ve got in my magic back of nap tricks…
Hello, I need some help with my 5 month old. He’s been sleeping in the swung since he was born, swaddled. I’ve tried to put him in his crib, but he will roll about endlessly and frantically and will not fall asleep. I’ve tried letting him cry it out, but he will literally just cry endlessly for a half an hour. So I’ve resorted to keeping him in the swing. He will sleep swaddled in the swing from 8:30-2 on a good night. But sometimes will wake up 2 hrs later needing to be fed to go to sleep. Otherwise once 2am hits, he wants to eat and will wake up every hour till the morning. What do I do? Giving him a pacifier will help him fall back asleep but he wont stay asleep. I will say that he can fall asleep on his own in the swung for naps and will nap for about 1-2 hrs. Nighttime is hard. I’m at a loss and I’m not sure what to do. I’m also worried that he’s too old to still be swaddled and in a swing. Thanks in advance
Hi Alexis,
I stumbled upon your site a few weeks ago while researching 4 month sleep regression at 3am while waiting for my baby to fall into a deep enough sleep that I could put him down (thank goodness for iPhones).
Now that it’s been 3.5 weeks, I’m thinking maybe it’s not a sleep regression but rather my baby has figured out that object permanence thing. He’s only 18 weeks old, but everything you describe on Part 1 sounds just like my little one. Also, he just recently started recognizing Daddy when he gets home from work.
He used to sleep in his crib and wake up 2-3 times per night for a feeding and go straight back to sleep after nursing. Now he’s waking up at least 5-6 times a night, he’s moved into our bed, and starting around 3am he’s glued to the boob.
I know you mention that CIO is best for babies that are older, but I’m feeling like I’m about to loose it unless I get some sleep soon. We use the swing, swaddle, white noise, etc. Anytime we try to put him down and he is even the slightest bit awake he freaks out.
I’m wondering if we should keep going with what we are doing and wait for him to get a bit older to figure it out or if we should CIO now? I go back to work in a little over a week and am not sure how I will be able to function without sleep.
Also, with CIO – my baby NEEDS to be swaddled to sleep. But, I’d love for him to have access to his hands to be able to suck them for self soothing. What are your thoughts about this?
Thanks!
Well here’s what my gut says….
This is a sleep regression. The timing lines up, the up all night, the glued to the boob, the whole deal. I know he recognizes Daddy and I’m sure he’s a super smart fella, but the 4 month sleep regression is REALLY REALLY common. Where babies having developed the object permanence skill to that degree by 3.5 months is extremely rare. So that’s my vote.
Trying to put baby down awake during a sleep regression will be a slog. Wait a week and try again. I REALLY REALLY thing the swing can be a fantastic tool for this. Try the technique I talk about in the post below where you hide behind the swing and jiggle his head a little. It’s OK if he’s freaking out when you put him in. Give it 5-10 minutes and see what happens.
It also may be worth testing the waters. Put him in his swing in all his freakout glory. Turn it on and leave the room for no more than 10 minutes. What happens? Babies often surprise you with this. If at 10 minutes he is STILL in total freakout mode then go back in. You never know.
Also make sure the white noise is LOUD and the room is DARK. Make sure he’s not awake too long. Especially during a regression he may be overtired and his “window of wakefulness” may temporarily shrink.
I wouldn’t loose the swaddle AT ALL. Lost of people drop the swaddle hoping those fingers will provide self soothing. When in reality 3 month old babies are far more likely to wake themselves up by batting their arms against their heads. So if you’re struggling with sleep the LAST thing I would do is ditch the swaddle.
If you’re totally miserable and want to try CIO I won’t judge you because I’m not having to be up all night with this fussy kid. I’m just worried that it won’t go well or be productive. But definitely test the waters a little bit – give him 10 minutes. If he’s still crying at the 10 minute mark but is tapering down, push it a few more. You never know.
Good luck – this too shall pass. Promise.
Hi Alexis,
Thanks for your advice. My gut was saying yes to continued swaddling, but our pediatrician said that now that he’s 4 months old we needed to start weaning. I tried a nap or two without one arm out of swaddle and he couldn’t even get to sleep.
This past week it’s gotten even worse. Now he’s waking up pretty much every hour and takes a lot of rocking/nursing to go back down. I’ve been working really hard at making sure he naps during the day so that he’s not too overtired at night, but that hasn’t seemed to help much either.
I think we may test the waters with CIO for 10 minutes like you suggest, using the swing, swaddle, white noise and dark room.
I’ll let you know how this goes. Oh, and we start daycare this week so I’m sure that’s going to make this all that much more fun!
Thanks again. I think I need to tattoo “It’s just a phase” on my baby…Hmm…maybe an iron-on on a onesie is a better idea.
Hi Alexis,
Just an update – we waited a few weeks to let him adjust to daycare, get over the cold he got at daycare and get better with sucking his thumb.
We are on day 4 of CIO and it’s gone so much better than I could have ever hoped.
Night one – cried for 28 minutes, slept till midnight, ate, put down awake, cried for 5 minutes, slept until 7am
Night two – whimpered for 15 minutes, slept until 3am, ate, passed out, slept until 8:30am
Night three – made one loud cry, slept until 2am, ate, put down awake, whimpered for 2 minutes, slept until 8am
Night 4 – NOTHING! no whimpering, just smiles when I kissed him good night.
The best part of this whole experience (besides no longer feeling like a zombie) is that my son is a much happier kid these past few days. Sleep is so good.
I’m going to enjoy all this sleep, at least until teething starts, and then begin to think about tackling naps.
Thanks for your advice!
We should start an internet business idea which could be called Cathartic Onsies which would sell only things like what you suggest “It’s only a phase” on it.
That is EXCELLENT news! Thanks so much for sharing!
(Unrelated note in case anybody else reads this and thinks that they need to rush out of the swaddle – I’m learning that there is a HUGE range of opinions about when to get out of swaddling when it comes to Pediatricians. Personally I subscribe to the “when they’re ready” school of thought on this. You know who else subscribes to that theory? Dr. Harvey Karp who is also a super well respected pediatrician. So if your pediatrician suggest loosing the swaddle before YOUR baby is ready, I would strongly consider listening to your gut and not rushing it. End of aside.)
My six month old daughter naps for half an hour in my arms, an hour or two cosleeping, and an hour in the stroller. Our night routine is dinner, walk, pajamas, nurse to sleep. I’m trying to gradually out her down sooner but shes still asleep by that point. At night she wakes every two hours and will go back to sleep with a soother, rubbing her back or nursing. There have been nights where she’s up every 30-60 minutes. How should I start getting her to sleep in her own? I was thinking if adding white noise at night for a start. Thanks for any suggestions!
I’ve been reading through the site but wonder how to start things at 6months old.
Jackie,
Quick question – when you say a soother you mean a pacifier right? I’m going to assume so.
Yes on the white noise. LOUD white noise. Also I would introduce more of a consistent pre-sleep bedtime routine that is a bit more involved. Maybe nap routine is diaper change, book, bed. And bedtime is bath, pj, book, bed.
You may need to keep nursing immediately prior to sleep for now but your goal over time is to separate nursing from sleep by about 30 minutes or so.
Also the soother/paci is likely contributing to your up all night issues so it’s probably time to stop using that too.
You’ll want to give her as MANY sleep associations as you can which is why having a more involved routine is key. The problems is that at 6 months you don’t have that many left (if she were a newborn we would be talking about swaddle, swing, and paci, at 6 months you’re stuck with white noise and consistency).
Then basically you work on gradually working on “putting down awake.” This is a big job and not easy but it can be done if you are patient enough. The key with “put down awake” is that it happens at bedtime (2:00 am is less of an issue). If she’s falling asleep when you nurse her you either need to a) nurse her earlier or b) push bedtime up so she isn’t THAT tired AT bedtime.
I would start working on this at night as it’s likely to go more smoothly than at nap time but both will need to happen.
Given that she loves the stroller if you’ve got $100 lying around trying the swing for naps might be a worthy alternative to help her learn to sleep without your body. Check the link below for more on how to use that tool. Yes 6 months is a tad old but it’s not outrageously so.
You and I both want to avoid CIO so I would definitely make this your #1 priority. Get your partner to help at bedtime. Maybe you nurse 30 minutes prior to bedtime and then him take on the rest of the bedtime duties. He won’t smell like you/food and might have more success.
It won’t happen all at once but focus on gradual improvement – maybe 1% more awake each night?
Good luck!
So here’s an update – with little improvement 🙁
No longer using pacificer and still nursing 3 times at night but she is waking 5-6 times just wanting my husband or I to hold her hand until she falls back to sleep or to cuddle her until she’s asleep again. Sometimes this happens ten minutes after going to bed and sometimes and hour later. Also from 2:30-4am she’s awake nursing, talking, and with me trying to leave the room without her crying. We are using the white noise very loud with doesn’t seem t have helped at all. Still don’t want t cry it out as her problem is say in asleep not falling asleep. We would really appreciate any suggestions. Thanks!
I didn’t read through all the comments so I apologize if this has already been asked/answered but I was wondering what to do if we are using the swing to train how to fall asleep on his own, and it is working really well, except now we can’t seem to make the jump from level 1 to off. He falls asleep just fine at 1, but when the swing is off it is a no go..for now I have just been turning the swing on to 1 and then we are fine, but I feel like that won’t work forever. Thank you in advance for any additional advice! (baby is 16 weeks old)
I have the answer for you – it’s that she’s only 16 weeks old! Four months is a tough age (hello sleep regression!) so if I were you I would leave the speed on 1 for a few weeks and try again. I think things will be markedly different then.
Also you are putting him awake in the swing right? Another gentle weaning option is to put him awake in a non moving swing, crouch behind it and push it a little bit with your hand. This way you control the motion. Then you can manually use less and less motion each time you put him in there (and he can’t see you) until he really IS sleeping in a non-moving swing.
Regardless I would wait 1-2 weeks and then try again. My best guess is that you’re just a little too early for this to work for him. Good luck!
Uhm, finally a website that puts it all in one place, easy to understand and also well written and is also entertaining (oddly but refreshingly).
We just started CIO a week ago and I was under the impression that she needed to cry it out all night. But obv she had been eating through the night, lots of times, so she’s still hungry. I’ve wrestled with whether to feed her or whether to let her cry. I usually fed her once a night bc I couldn’t stand the thought of her being hungry.
I’m going to start night weaning tonight for a more pleasant experience. She’s been doing great putting herself to sleep and I have faith that once she is weaned off the middle of the night feedinds she will be a great night sleeper. Naps are a different story but one thing at a time.
THANK YOU!
Good luck with the night weaning! Yep hungry babies cry a lot and everybody feels bad about it. And it is a GREAT feeling to be done with that middle of the night feed (oh how I hated slogging in there every night). Also? Naps will start to go more easy for you once night sleep is going better so hopefully this is all part of a positive trend 🙂
Very happy to find this site. We have an awesome 8 month old who is majorly struggling at night time. It was refreshing to read that all the other reasons are usually not why baby is waking throughout the night. Leaves me with no more excuses to put the work in. Just like your article talks about, she was a great sleeper until about 5 mos, and since then it has been getting gradually worse, and in the last month or so, really bad. Last night she slept from 7-11, and then was up every 30 mins until 4! Finally then slept until 7:45. We have tried CIO (only one night), but usually go to her, bf or rock her back to sleep.
I have a question about using the swing. Is 8 mos too old to try this method? If not, should we leave her alone in her room awake once we put her in the swing?
Thanks!
Is it too old? Well that depends. Most babies are OUT of the swing by ~6 months although a few will keep napping in there till 8-10 months. So yeah she’s at the high end. However if you HAVE one it’s worth a try.
I’m not suggesting you put her awake and screaming in the swing and walk out the door. If she’s not used to sleeping in there it may not go that smoothly. So I would FIRST see how she sleeps in there if you help rock her to sleep like you normally do. Rock her to sleep then strap her in when she is already asleep. This may help the night go better because the rocking will continue for her (even though it’s not you). If she seems to sleep great in the swing THEN you would work on putting her AWAKE in the swing.
If you don’t already have a swing, could you borrow one from a friend to take it for a test run? I would hate to have you drop $100 on a swing at 8 months because I am a bit iffy on if it’ll work. But if you can get your hands on one it might be worth some experimentation.
thks to a friend for introducing me your site! I’m in desperate need to figure out my used-to-be-easy nighter to fall back into sleep thru the night routine again 🙁
My daughter’s 10months, she’s been a good sleeper since 4.5months, and then one night at about 8.5months she turned into a nightmare, struggling to sleep thru, wanting me to pat her, even with pacifier. Crying it out got worse as she could go for 2hrs if I don’t check on her (we were tooooo tired!)
I blame it on saparation anxiety, she’s healthy, has 6teeth, crawling etc, milestones on track, fed well, consistent appetite, similar daily routines, has 2-3 naps for 30mins to 1.5hrs (2.30pm nap).
please help me!
So the pacifier needs to go right?
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/
This is what I think is going on. Separation anxiety is definitely in there. But I think it’s the pacifier and patting to sleep that is ultimately the problem, yes?
Also when did you let her cry? In the middle of the night or AT bedtime? (I hope it was AT bedtime as that’s the way to go). Really bedtime is the root of “awake all night” issues so if you change what is happening at bedtime, the rest of the night will follow suit. So “awake at bedtime” is the key. By which I mean “awake with no paci at bedtime.”
Does that make sense?
I have an almost 4 month old who is sleeping fairly well in his swing, but I’m dreading the eventual transition to the crib. For him, I think gradually weaning off the motion will not be an issue but moving from the cradle of the swing to a flat crib will be problematic. I haven’t tried him in the crib yet because he still needs that motion but I’m afraid it will be a rough change.
Alexis, have you encountered any babies with this problem (if so any suggestions?) or am I worrying over nothing?
Thanks!
Hey Stef! i just wanted to offer my 2 cents as i was in your exact shoes a few months ago…please do not worry about transitioning to the crib, it will be easy peasy! Once you have him sleeping in a non moving swing for like a week or two (i did everything REALLY slowly to make sure she was ready) then move it directly next to the crib for 2 nights and put him in the crib! He may wake up a couple of times and fuss on and off for the first 2 nights or wake up a little earlier for about week but after that its smooth sailing! Also, i kept her in the swing for naps until about 7 months then transitioned her to the crib which has been going well so far! Good luck and dont worry!
Thanks Sara!
Stef,
I was going to answer your question and then realized that Sara did so far more eloquently than I could have so I’ll just say this.
Ditto to everything Sara said 🙂
I also worry about the angle of the swing vs. the flat crib mattress once I transition my daughter (8 weeks old) into the crib. My pediatrician suggested I put the mattress at an angle with a towel underneath. My concern though is if she is swaddled still that she may roll and it could be dangerous. Any suggestions??
Hi Alexis,
I need serious help and this is going to be a long story and Fambly because I am crazy sleep deprived:
My daughter is 16 weeks. From 8-12 weeks she slept amazingly well: 8-9 hour stretch at night followed by another 2-3. 3 naps a day that were at least an hour long sometimes 1 would even be 3 hours long!
We went on vacation at 10 weeks, where she continued to sleep well albeit her naps were now mostly in cars or while being worn and when we came back we moved to a new apartment which was stressful. Since that time (12 weeks until now) everything has gone kerflooey. Her naps are 45 mins tops and it is a struggle to get her down. She is cranky all the time. Refuses to eat during the day sometimes. Her nighttime sleep is all over the place. Sometimes she will wake 3 times a night, other times its every 2 hours. At first i thought it was the 14-19 week wonder week/ sleep regression but it has been too long! She has always slept swaddled with very loud white noise for both naps and bedtime in her PnP. And I was rocking her to sleep and attempting to put her down drowsy but awake and occasionally succeeding, but now that never works. We switched her to the swing yesterday which improved things a little but still not 100%. Her naps are still 45 mins but she last night she woke only twice at night. Our bedtime routine, was bath, jamies, boob, bed and I feel like I should insert book in between boob and bed because maybe she has developed object permanace early and is associating sleep with nursing? Do you think I am taking the right steps? I’d like to try your swing weaning technique in a few days if things keep going well.
PS also on day two of the swing she has started sobbing uncontrollably the minute I put her in the swing. She works herself into such a state that the only thing that seems to calm her is feeding her, which is the very thing I am trying to disassociate her from. But I can’t take the crying. If it was just fussing I’d be ok. I’m a wuss. A tired and feeling hopeless that things will ever improve wuss.
Hey Alex,
It’s been a few weeks so I’m hoping that things have gotten better. In case they haven’t here’s what I’m getting from what you’re sharing….
1) You have fallen into the pit of PTSD – Post Travel Stress Disruption. I hate to tell people not to travel because frankly it’s a great sanity saver, especially when you’re parenting babies.
But what you are describing is CLASSIC PTSD. I know you were trying to keep naps/sleep happening when you travel but despite everybody’s best effort bad habits are almost ALWAYS formed when you travel. Naps happen in strange places, at strange times, are just a tad shorter, bedtime is off, etc. It just is what it is.
Even if you’ve been super vigilant travel results in less sleep overall. Then even if things seem like they’re going OK your baby is slowly, gradually accruing a significant sleep debt.
Then you brought your sleep debt/overtired baby home and probably got slammed by the 4 month sleep regression which is almost ALWAYS a doozie. This of course compounded your sleep debt and totally threw everything for a tailspin.
Now you have a severely overtired kid who is miserable. And you’re miserable. And probably feeling a bit stuck.
If it were me I would focus first on breaking out of the pitt of overtiredness. You may need to do some or all of these things for a few weeks (temporarily) :
– Forget put down awake. Focus on sleep.
– Shorten the amount of time she is awake before naps.
– Embrace the swing (don’t put her in the swing and wean her off it 3 days later, let the swing help you catch up on sleep)
Also if she’s not eating during the day I would try feeding her in a dark room. If that doesn’t help try swaddling and loud white noise. Basically babies start to get so distracted they don’t want to stop doing whatever to eat. The answer is generally to feed them in a sensory deprivation environment that forces the issue.
If her naps are 45 minutes then they’re 45 minutes right now.
This could be object permanence but given the timing (travel + 4 month sleep regression) it feels more like sleep deprivation.
If you really want to work on not nursing her to sleep and putting her down awake I would consider using the swing as an intermediate tool to do so. But for the next week or two I would consider getting her to sleep more/better the primary goal and “put down awake” is now a distant second. So I would put her asleep and THEN put her in the swing for today. Leave put her awake IN the swing for tomorrow.
Where are things at today?
Hi Alexis,
Thank you so much for getting back to me. 2 weeks later and things are still no good. Short naps. 3-4 wakings a night and then fighting to out her back down. What you say about PTSD makes SO much sense. I have been vigilant about not keeping her up for more than 1.5 hours during the day but I think with the chronic over tiredness that she has going on, I should really aim for more like an hour of wake time between naps. Even if they are only 45 mins. Sigh. I was about to give up on swing, but I will revisit it with the addition of putting her down in it already asleep.
1 other new development is that she has been going to bed at 8pm after a nice long soothing bedtime routine for a longtime now and even through this sleep hell we’ve been through she would sleep for a few hours before the nightwakings began. In the past week she has suddenly started waking up 45 mins after her 8pm bedtime. We have been rocking her back to sleep without having to feed her but it sucks because that was my only quiet time throughout the day. Do you think that is related to her over tiredness as well or do you think I should try to space the time between her last nap and bedtime or move bedtime earlier?
Thank you, you are a baby sleep goddess and is there a button I can press to donate money to you please?
Hi Alexis,
An update. She is now 22 weeks, we are using th swing for all naps and night time sleep. She no longer fights sleep, which is great. She is taking between 3-4 naps a day. Some are still 45 mins but I can usually get one long one a day now.
Nighttime is a little better. We have had a few nights where she has had only 1 wake for feed. Woot woot! I am still often having the problem of her waking up 45 mins after I put her down. I just go in and jiggle the swing a little and she resettles. Her last nap ends at 5 or 5:30 and bedtime is 8. Is that too much time? I normally don’t let her go more than 2 hours 1.5 hours between naps, but when I have tried to inch bedtime up in the past (even my 15 mins) we have a bad night’s sleep.
But in general, improvement! I am going to start slowing the swing speed next week and see what happens.
Thank you so much!
Alex
PS still want to donate or send you wine or cookies
That all sounds great! Her bedtime is 8:00 pm. In the next few months she’ll probably taking that late nap and then her bedtime will shift closer to 7:00.
Did you see the post (link below) on weaning off the swing? Start with bedtime. She’ll rock it. I have a high degree of confidence in these matters 🙂
Cookies? Did you say COOKIES? I AM ALWAYS OPEN TO BAKED GOODS. Was that not clear? I have a pastry problem.
The problem is I never have enough pastries.
Hi Alexis,
I never comment on blogs, but I’ve searched yours (which I love) and read as many swing comments as I could find, and I’m still stuck. My son is 3.5 months and a little over two weeks ago he made it all the way to 6 hours of sleep at night, but had been consistently doing a 4 or 5 hour stretch. Then he got sick and was up ALL the time. Now he still only sleeps for about 1-3 hours in the first stretch of the night, and is up for hours after with 5-20 minute naps. Around 4 or 5 he might go back to one good 1.5-3 hour stretch. We had a lot of issues with milk supply in the beginning and I’m still nursing him to sleep. All night long. He sleeps in a co-sleeper in our room. I started trying the white noise and that helps a little. He takes cat naps if I can get him to sleep at all during the day. So my questions are: how do I solve the overtired problem and his wacky night schedule? And before you answer with swing and swaddling I’d need help with those as he likes his hands out to try to shove both in his mouth so I’m not sure how to swaddle, and I’ve never had him sleep more than 2 minutes in the swing- wether he falls asleep or I put him in asleep. Sorry for the novel.
Hey Katie,
I’m guessing that he got sick and that left him overtired. Also at 3.5 months you could be fully in the throws of the 4 month sleep regression which, if so, is compounding the root sleep debt issue:
http://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/
Also while I call it a sleep regression it is also known as a HUGE GROWTH SPURT. So if you were having supply issues there is nothing like a huge growth spurt to make your supply issues a potential problem, even if things were sorted out previously.
So given the hint of supply issues + growth spurt + eating all night constantly + cat naps I wonder if the root cause isn’t actually hunger? BTW I am also a sufferer from supply issues so I don’t mean to sound cavalier or unsympathetic to the constant gnawing fear that your baby isn’t getting enough. And I hate to feed into that by suggesting that it may possibly be the case. But based on what you share, it definitely sounds like a possibility. Maybe it’s time to go back to a great IBCLC and see what they think? What happens if you offer a supplemental bottle AFTER a solid night time BF session?
At 3.5 months he may be happily sucking on his hands. But there is also a decent possibility that his flailing arms are working against his ability to sleep. So I would definitely give it a solid go a la:
http://www.troublesometots.com/swaddling-tips-and-tricks/
And everything I know about getting babies to sleep in swings is here:
http://www.troublesometots.com/the-ultimate-baby-swing-sleep-guide-for-swing-hating-babies/
Anyway I hope I’m not overly alarmist with the supply thing. But I think it’s worth a little investigation?
Hi Alexis
I come on here frequently to read and your posts on the swing saved me in terms of naps for my little girl. She naps quite happily in her swing in our living room with music on. She has always hated being swaddled, very busy with her hands and likes to suck her thumb so we quit trying to swaddle her quite a while ago. She still does at least one long nap in the swing, anywhere from one and a half to three hours and then a couple of short naps, one of which she normally does on our daily walk. I am fine with this and intend to move her swing to her room and start to gradually slow down the speed. She will be 4 months old tomorrow and the problem I am now struggling with is how to start to transition her to her crib in her room. She is sleeping in a co-sleeper in our room. Her routine has always been bath, pajamas, nursing in our bed lying down and then I move her to her sleeper. Sometimes she opens her eyes and settles right back to sleep and sometimes she starts thrashing and I have to offer her, her pacifier to get her to settle. 4 weeks ago she was only waking twice in the night to eat and now it seems to have gotten more frequent. We still have some good nights but there are more bad than good now. She has always been really strong willed and is not a baby that will nurse whenever. Quite often late in the afternoon she will flat out refuse to eat almost as if she is holding out for her bedtime nursing session. During her bath she will decide she is ravenous and start frantically sucking her facecloth, hands, etc. She is sometimes thrashing at night and then passing gas or one time spit up and then settling only to do it again a little while later. Last night I tried picking her up and putting her over my shoulder to see if I could get a burp out, big mistake! It took me two hours to settle her again and then she was up for the day 2 hours later. Before this whole thing she was sleeping some 4 and 5 hour stretches and once even 6 1/2 hours. We’ve always done bedtime in her sleeper and naps in the swing and I don’t want to backtrack and be doing the swing at night. As you can probably tell I am feeling very frustrated and just don’t know how to go about making things better or how to go about getting her in her own room/crib. I am feeling so unbelievably stressed about this it is unreal. We have also tried where noise at bedtime in the past but it actually woke her up! Please any suggestions/magic solutions would be greatly appreciated. Apologies for the novel but just don’t know what to do!! 🙁
Well you don’t mention it but the timing lines up exactly with the dreaded 4 month sleep regression so that might be a distinct possibility:
http://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/
I also have a suggestion for you to consider. I don’t think you have a “get her in her crib” problem. I actually think you have a “nurse to sleep” problem. Or maybe a “suck to sleep” problem which is why the pacifier is also a possibility. So when she wakes at night she needs to recreate her sleep association which means you are nursing her constantly or putting the pacifier in all the time. This is the real problem which isn’t going to get any better even if you move her into her own room.
I think the night spitup/gas is simply a byproduct of the fact that she is eating so much at night (more than she used to) and such spitup/gas is just the natural result of all that extra night eating.
If you agree with me on what the REAL issue is than the answer to your problem is to work on putting her down awake (with no pacifier) AND separating nursing from bedtime. This is not necessarily an easy thing but it IS the solution to your night waking/feeding/paci problem. The swing is one potential solution to help a baby fall asleep without nursing. If you don’t want to use it that’s totally up to you.
That leaves you with gradually removing nursing and putting her down more awake. There are various ways to do this but really they ALL boil down to gradually put her down more and more awake. When you remove one source of soothing (nursing) it’s great to give her other sources. The biggies are swinging, swaddling, and white noise. I would DEFINITELY recommend white noise. I don’t know how it could possibly have woken her up unless maybe you turned it on just AS she was falling asleep? Maybe you turn it on when you enter the room so there is no possibility of waking her up? Regardless I would make it part of your sleep environment until she is 1. This will help with her sleep and reduce the risk of SIDS so it’s all goodness – I promise!
Hi Alexis, so since I posted last we have had our daughter to the doctor and we are actually suspecting acid reflux. Last night was the appointment and we elevated the sleeper an inch last night and there was no thrashing after going to sleep and she only woke three times in the night to eat. We could be wrong and she may change things up on me but my suspicion now is that she was possibly trying to self treat by eating so often throughout the night. Hopefully the good nights continue and we may have figured out what was bothering our little girl! The only thing that is confusing me is if the problem is reflux, why it got so bad all of a sudden and wasn’t bothering her this much prior.
That being said, I will start to try and incorporate the white noise because it certainly won’t hurt when I try to move her to her room to have something familiar. I am going to move the swing to her bedroom and start trying to wean her off of that slowly for naps and then work on nighttime next.
Thank you again for your posts, I come here to read often and your post on swings was an absolute lifesaver for me!
As an aside, just thought of a question. Do you think white noise has to be “white noise”? We have a sound machine that plays ocean, rain, etc. would this work as effectively?
I think so. However Karp (way more in the know than me) says that the white noise has to be deep and rumbly so he would probably say choose the sound that is most deep and rumbly.
Hi Alexis,
Thank you so much for writing this blog- the first sleep related one I have read that actually makes sense. I have been using the swing at naps, but need to be more consistent. My question is this: is it safe to use a car seat swing? Space is a constraint and a friend loaned me her grace swing for car seats-the kind you just pop your sear into. Okay to use? I think I am ready to try the swing technique for falling asleep at night. Until recently I could put my nearly 4 month old down in her pack n play in our office drowsy but awake and she would fall asleep. No more of that in the past week. Also, I have been delaying putting her down in her room, which she will share with 3 year old sister. Ok to continue with the swing to pack n play in office and eventually crib in bedroom?
Well you are probably in the throws of the 4 month sleep regression which is putting a crimp in your “put down awake” plans:
http://www.troublesometots.com/the-thing-about-sleep-regressions/
If I’m right (aren’t I always?) then you could simply continue with the pack and play and go BACK to the “awake but drowsy” plan in a week or so when this passes. Or you could try the swing.
I’m not a huge fan of babies sleeping in car seats on a permanent basis. But car naps happen and the car seat swing is a good small swing. So if this is a temporary step to navigate the sleep regression then sure – use the car seat swing. If this is a longer term thing then it may be worth investing in a travel swing. While I far prefer a good full sized Fisher Price, the travel swings are much smaller and also pretty decent.
But I am hopeful that this is a temporary blip and everything is going to resettle shortly. Good luck!
HELP!! My son is 8 months old and started off as a good sleeper. Up until he was 3 months old he would only wake up 3-4 times a night, however since then its been steady down hill. Currently he is up every hour at night! I take full responsibility. Now how do I fix all my wrongs. We co-sleep. I used to be able to just lay him down next to me at 8:00 and he would fall asleep, not anymore. I have to nurse him or rock him to get him to fall asleep, then he’s up in an hour and the pattern continues all night long. I just found your website and decided to attempt the swing. Well, that was a disaster. The minute I put him in it he began crying and that lasted about 30 minutes before I had to give up. I feel the crying out method is my only hope, but am I the only one who feels like he’ll never stop crying???!! After an hour of “crying it out” won’t he just be overly tired and more fussy then when we started? I am beyond confused, please help.
Areille,
Yeah swings aren’t generally the fix for an 8 month old. Sometimes 8 month old babies who were already napping in a swing at 2 months might be having the occasional nap in a swing at 8 months. But starting fresh with an 8 month old is unlikely to work 🙁
I’m guessing that the crying method is probably the answer. I’m assuming that there are two things you’re trying to get out of:
1) Co sleeping
2) Nurse to sleep
It’s not a fun thing but the alternative (him up all night) isn’t good for anybody.
If you’re confused about CIO then you should check this out:
http://www.troublesometots.com/cry-it-out
It’s everything I’ve written on the subject. Why, when, and how to.
After an hour will be more tired and fussy then when you started? Possibly. But he will sleep if you don’t interfere. If you don’t dabble. If you don’t cave and go nurse, rock, and cuddle him back to sleep.
So this is my BIG piece of advice. Don’t do it unless you’re really ready to do it. Because the diddling and caving are what will really dig you in a super big hole. If you aren’t ready that’s OK. Wait until you are.
He’ll be OK. You’ll be OK. It’ll suck for a few days. And then it’ll be done.
Hi Alexis
My daughter is 8 weeks old. These are my issues: she will go down beautifully -well with lots of rocking and soothing and we puther down only after she s fully asleep- into her carry cot most nights at 7 pm after feed,bath,feed and be awake anytime between 930pm and 10 pm. She will feed and go down in her carry cot again till about 2am then we have the hourly wake ups and the only place she will sleep is on me with pillows propped all around me. She does have congestion from birth and not sure if this contributes but her carry cot is angled to address this. At her 5am wake up she will now be expecting me to walk around the room to sooth her back to sleep. This is no fun for anyone and is getting really old really soon. This all started about 2 weeks ago. Initially I blamed it on the 6 week growth spurt but it’s on going and not fun. Day time naps are good.
Help.
Hey Alana,
The answer is more soothing. Do everything here:
http://www.troublesometots.com/newborn-baby-sleep-survival-guide/
I would start immediately with LOUD white noise and a TIGHT swaddle whenever she sleeps. IF this solves the night waking then GREAT! If not it’s swing time. You already know she loves the rocking motion and finds it really soothing. The swing will also hold her at an angle far more effectively than the carry cot. So then you would do all three – white noise, swaddle, swing. Personally I would do all three all night long. If you are opposed you could do white noise + swaddle until 2am and THEN put her in the swing.
But honestly – this is your best bet to get out of the current scene.
(PS. It’s not safe to sleep with a baby on you nor is it safe to have pillows all around as they create a potential entrapment SIDS hazard. So even if you aren’t keen on taking my advice about the swing and such, you should really reconsider the 5am survival plan because the current one isn’t really safe.)
Hi Alexis,
Marina again 😛
I just wanted to let you know that I have successfully weaned my 5 month old off the paci and it was mostly painless.
Basically I used the same method of night weaning from breastfeeding – popping the paci out of his mouth at decreasing time intervals, tackling naps one at a time and then bedtime and MOTN wake-ups.
He now falls asleep on his own at naps and bedtime, falls back to sleep at naps, and last night he rewarded me by fussing for about 10 minutes after a MOTN wake-up and falling asleep again on his own, without feeding! I only needed to get up to feed him twice (we’re working on weaning one of those).
I didn’t use a super methodical method but if you want me to detail how I did it, let me know. I would have posted in a comment but it would an extraordinarily long post.
Yay! That is EXCELLENT news 🙂
You don’t need to write me an essay about your method UNLESS….
I’m working on a “get out of paci hell” post and am advocating for something that sounds a lot like what I believe you did. If however, after I get it up, you read it and have ADDITIONAL helpful tips based on your experience I’ll happily put include them too. Probably it won’t be up for another week though (our whole family has been brought low by GI bugs UGH) but hopefully soon.
Thanks so much for checking back in to share your success!
Hi Alexis, I’ve read all the posts, questions and comments about night sleep, and I’m trying to figure it out what would work best for my son. He will be four months in a couple of days, has always been rocked to sleep, and needs to be totally passed out before I put him down. Which I know now will blow up in my face at some point, so I want to stop before its too late. He wakes up once during the night to feed between 2 and 5 am, and goes right back to sleep by himself, same thing early in the morning and if I’m lucky he goes right back to sleep until around 9. I’m thinking that if during the night he is able to feed be put in his crib awake and go back to sleep then he must have the capacity to fall asleep by himself for naps and at bedtime. He has always been a short napper, 30 to 40 minutes, unless if I rock him again for about 15 minutes he might sleep an extra hour, but it doesn’t work every time and the constant rocking is tiresome. Yesterday I went to buy a swing, haven’t assembled it yet. I thought I would try it to see if he can sleep without me.
I have tried something else today and I wanted to know what’s your take on it, his cot can be rocked manually from side to side, so what I did for two naps today, was to swaddle him, put the loud white noise as usual but instead of rocking him myself I put him in his crib, rocked the crib manually, rubbed his belly and shushed him loudly. First nap he cried and screamed for 10 minutes and then fell asleep, second nap same for 15 minutes, both times he slept for 30 minutes and the third nap was just disastrous, no sleeping at all. So I skipped it altogether hoping bed time would be better. We did the usual routine, play, books, bath, breastfeed and sleep. After the feed I swaddled him, put the loud noise and put him in the crib to start the rocking, shushing and rubbing, it was a disaster, he cried sooooo much, it lasted ten minutes and I gave in, I picked him up to consol him, I rocked him a little waited until he calmed down and put him back in the crib, he was still awake, he kicked a little but I rocked him calmly and he fell asleep. I hope we have a good night. And I’m guessing I’ll try the same tomorrow although I must say I am considering resorting to the swing because the crying really brakes my heart, especially at the end of the day 🙁 Should I rock him a little in my arms before I put him in the crib?
Am I creating a new dependency by rocking him in his crib? I like the swing idea but I thought since he already sleeps in his crib might as well try to continue with it. But to be honest I’m not sure any of what I’m doing is right.
I’m hoping you can enlighten me. I must say I feel really guilty for letting him cry although I don’t leave him to cry alone.
Thanks
Nataly,
I wouldn’t feel AT ALL guilty about letting him cry a little. Sometimes you need to test the waters and honestly 15 minutes BARELY counts. I would actually consider both of those nap attempts really successful. He fussed for 10-15 minutes and slept 30 (which is his norm). That was a great piece of work for you both!
Here’s what I would do.
1) You already bought the swing. Use it for naps. Work on putting him down awake (although give yourself a few days just to get him used to sleeping in the swing). But putting him AWAKE in his swing for naps is your new homework.
2) Continue with the “put down awake” strategy you started at bedtime (with the patting, rocking the crib, etc.). I think you are totally on the right path with that.
But it went poorly you say! Why are you telling me to do something that sucks!
For two reasons. One, you had a disastrous 3rd nap so he was heading INTO bedtime tired. That’s probably a big factor in why it was so hard.
Secondly, he needs to learn how to fall asleep alone and I think he can do it. But you need to try more than 1 time. Try 5 times and THEN tell me I’m full of BS.
Also, I’m wondering if his bedtime is too late? You say he’ll sometimes sleep till 9:00 AM which implies that his bedtime is also 9:00 PM no? If so it may be too late and that will also make it harder for your “put down awake plan” to work for you.
Work with the swing for naps because I think it’s the best bet you have for your motion junkie to take chunkier naps. Work with “put down awake” at bedtime in his crib.
And let me know how things go!
Please, for the love of all things good in the world, help me!
My daughter is 11 months old. For the past 6 months we have put her to bed with just a water bottle. She would never take a paci, and I figured it was no harm since water wouldn’t rot her teeth.
I would put her in her crib after story time, kiss her night night and leave while she was still awake. She would fuss a few minutes but put herself to sleep quickly. Most nights the water bottle hadn’t even been touched.
A week ago she started losing her everloving mind.
She stopped napping, stopped going to bed at night, stopped cooperating. 🙁
I messed up. Desperate for sleep, I gave her a milk bottle. Now she is a totally different child and turns into this window shattering demon any time she needs to go to sleep. After HOURS of fighting her day in and out we just give in and give her the stupid bottle. Which is about to be very probelmatic because I intend to toss the bottles AND formula in 2 weeks when she turns one. She doesn’t ever get a bottle during the day anyway. She gets a sippy cup with diluted juice or water and she eats what we eat.
The hubs seems to think she isn’t getting enough to eat during the day and it’s what is messing her up. But I can’t sit and forcefeed the kid. I offer her 3 meals and a snack a day and encourage her to eat it, but I’m not going to shove spoonfuls down her throat.
I do not know what to do. I’m at my wits end. I can’t take another night or day of screaming. Where did my good sleeper go and how can I get her back!? We used CIO the first time and it worked beautifully but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it again.
HELP ME! 🙁
Honey,
I am neither a pediatrician nor a dietician (if I were, I would be horrified by the amount of my children’s Halloween candy I am currently eating. Like right now. While typing.)
But I think she still needs the liquid calories and she’s not getting ANY. I would swap all her water and juice for milk, fullstop. And probably full fat milk too (none of that 2% stuff). Most kids are still drinking a good percentage of their calories at 1 and from what I’ve read, should be drinking little OTHER than full-fat milk till age 2. Doesn’t matter if it’s in a bottle, sippy, etc.
But I fully suspect that the screaming has everything to do with the fact that she needs more calories and a small change in what she gets during the day will solve this. Honest.
Try it out and check back in so we know what happens, OK?
Our baby is currently 12 weeks old, and I’ve been reading everything on your site, knowing that it’s time to start “getting serious” about her sleep.
The first few weeks were rough, but since about week 4 or 5, we’ve settled into something that works (at least while I’ve been on maternity leave, which ends this week!). We put her down in her crib usually between 8-10 pm. Her current routine is typically that I nurse her, then change her diaper, and put her in pajamas if needed, then we put her in her crib and turn on the fan and her Sleep Sheep. She has been sleeping this way at night, in her crib, since week 8. We also stopped swaddling at week 7, and it has not had any negative impact on her sleep at all; in fact I’d say it improved a little — particularly since when she was swaddled she’d wake around 6 am with horrible gas pains that she absolutely couldn’t rectify until we remove the swaddle, and now she wakes around 6 am and poops a bunch, and then goes back to sleep once we change her.
Currently, she sleeps anywhere from 4-6 hours after first going down (every now and then she’ll go a little longer than 6), followed by 2-3 hour stretches (following nursing, where she usually falls asleep on the boob, and then a diaper change before being placed back in the crib, without any Sleep Sheep). The diaper change usually rouses her a little (since she often falls asleep on me while I attempt to burp her). I keep the lights dim and don’t interact more than necessary, and she usually goes back out quickly.
I’m worried though about her developing an association with nursing and sleeping. Should I be modifying my routine to help her continue her good sleeping, and prevent future problems? Should I try to rouse her a little more awake before putting her in her crib (it seems that whenever I have, though, she cries instead of going to sleep)?
Any other advice on how to proactively keep her sleeping well (barring any sleep regressions, teething, etc.), in her crib at night, would be greatly appreciated!
In my experience night nursing to sleep doesn’t really cause problems (I can’t promise this to be true for ALL babies in the world, but it seems to be true for ALMOST all). So if you’re putting her down to sleep at bedtime and then nursing to sleep at 2 AM I think you’re in a great place.
If it turns out that the nursing to sleep at 2 AM is an issue (which I doubt) you can cross that bridge when you get there. But I wouldn’t sweat it as I think you’ll be just fine. Great work!
My daughter is 3.5 mos old and naps in her swing without fail since she was a month (or so..) She sleeps during the night in her crib and has done so since day 1. She is currently feeding (formula) once per night, sometimes twice. After a feed I lay her back down in her crib and she falls right back asleep. On occasion she stays awake and “talks” to herself until she drifts off, so essentially she is falling asleep on her own. This only seems to work in the middle of the night. When I put her down for the night between 8 and 9 I have tried to not feed and rock her to sleep as I have been doing, but when I lay her in her crib awake she usually ends up crying. I am not a huge fan of the CIO method, but unless she is really screaming I try to leave her. My question is, why does she fall asleep on her own at night but not at her bed time? Also, since she naps in her swing already, do I need to use the same techniques for putting baby down awake?
Thanks !
Most babies are 60% asleep when they night feed which is why getting them to go back down at 2:00 AM isn’t such a struggle. This also doesn’t count as “learning to fall asleep solo” so sadly you still have some bedtime work to do. I wouldn’t sign up for CIO just yet though – keep working on gradually removing your involvement at bedtime. What doesn’t work last week will work next week – babies are a constant surprise that way!
If you want to use the swing to help her learn to fall asleep at naptime (which I highly recommend!) then YES you want to start putting her into the swing awake. Otherwise you’ll have nap issues when she’s out of the swing 🙁
See post below for more help on swing stuff!
First time Mom! Mother to a energetic 4.5 month old. She has recently sleep regressed and “trapped” us back into night-feeding. She was Sleeping thru the night at 2 months until around 3.5 months. She got a runny nose and we dealt with suction, snoring, breathing at night. She would sleep a few days thru the night, wake up once, and we thought we were in the clear. A week ago, she got a bug (I think) and was having diarrhea, which only compounded the problem. She went from not wanting to eat/us forcing her with pedialyte and formula to now at a month later, I find us waking up twice a night to feed.
She typically eats around 30 ounces a day (4 month check up she was 15# 7 ounces) and will clear a bottle at her night time feeding at around 1:30 AM. Then she goes down until maybe 5:30 and sleeps until 8 AM after that. I regret to inform you, we typically feed her until she’s dosing and then lay her down(bad Mama). Am working on the partially still asleep approach at the moment.
As for naps…we are duds. From day 1 she has pretty much napped on me. (I know, Mommmy fail). But working from home 2 days a week and trying to save $$ on day care costs (in home day care) I try to keep her with me when I’m at home. Typically if she’s on me she will nap for around 2 hours in the AM, then again after lunch around 3 PM for another few hours. I’ve tried swaddling her at naps and she SOMETIMES will nap without me holding her, but she’s made the connection (smart kid syndrome).
4-month check-up, pediatrician said start introducing the crib (She’s a rock-n-play swaddled lover/baby) and it’s the ONLY way I could get her to sleep at night. At 4 months her arms are still flailing and she’d wake herself up. She’s just active…she’s already rolling in either direction…back to front and front to back.
So..questions:
1. HOW do I get her to nap on her OWN without me holding her? (She hates the swing/been there done that NUMEROUS times).
2. HOW do I get her to sleep at night again? I’m dealing with sleep regression I know but 2 weeks in…we’ve developed a new schedule (fail). We “try” to keep a consistent sleep schedule, start putting her down between around 9…out by 10. However, we don’t bathe her EVERY night (every other) since she’s so young. Should we be MORE consistent? I also noticed lately she’s beginning to want to fall asleep between 8:30 and 9…(too late for an evening nap) should I adjust her bed time?
3. I need to break in the crib….she’s trying to flip in the rock-n-play and not having her on a “same schedule” on a daily basis makes it hard. I’m in sales and can’t help my work schedule (never gonna be the same from day to day). She’s at day care fluctuating hours and always will be. My husband has a 9 to 5 job and I can’t change that either. Day care seems to be willing to implement whatever I decide is best for her (in home day care) but I can only “hope” she’s doing what I ask her to. (My child arrives in smiles and leaves in smiles with this person).
FYI…pediatrician said at 4 months we can start CIO within reason (5 to 10 minutes).
Lost Mom….new to the game…..HELP!!!
Erin,
How is she sleeping at daycare? Surely they aren’t holding her the whole time, yes?
You need to gradually remove the bottle from bedtime. This doesn’t mean you plunk her in the crib and walk out (unless you’re ready for CIO which is sometimes the answer). I would give whatever soothing you can = loud white noise, maybe some gentle back rubbing, swaddle, etc. Help coax her to sleep in a way that you can gradually remove over time.
See it’s very hard to “gradually offer less bottles” at bedtime but it’s not as hard to “gradually rub back less” over time. So you want to set yourself up with some soothing behavior that you can ease out of. Make sense?
Not having a consistent nap schedule is going to bite you in the butt. I totally get it = it is what it is. I’m just telling you that you may have to accept challenging naps as part of the scene. Hopefully I’m wrong and she settles into long chunky naps regardless – who knows!
There is no easy answer to getting her to sleep not on your body. It’s one of the hardest sleep associations to wean. Some people have success lying next to them and gradually (over weeks) creating more physical space so that baby learns to sleep solo. It takes a lot of time and commitment but can be done. Warning: sometimes it can be a really frustrating slog too 🙁
Yes I think her bedtime is too late and she’s telling you that. As her bedtime shifts up her wakeup time will too. Ideally she’ll settle into more of a 7-7 pattern?
Good luck!
Hi,
I have 7 month old twin boys that are sleeping in the same room. Their adjusted age would be about 5.5 months. After reading all of the posts and trying to “fit” my situation with others, it is still a little bit difficult. Right now, my boys take their first nap in their crib and typically this nap is pretty short (45 minutes or less) and I rock them to sleep. I let them take their second nap in the swing where they will sleep a lot longer (about 1-2 hours). At night, we have them sleep in their cribs, but we rock them to sleep (or sometimes a bottle to sleep). I have tried to let them soothe themselves and it has been disastrous because they work themselves up so much that they dont sleep for hours after. So needless to say, I have preferred rocking them since there is not much fuss for them (or us!). On an average night, they go to bed around 6-7 and one of them will wake up between 1-3 and yet again about 4-5 am, while the other will sleep until 4-5. The official wake up time is anywhere between 6-7 but there are many nights that I end up on the couch falling asleep with one (or both) of them, or putting them in the swings. I’m reading about the swings and love that you advocate letting them sleep in them (since many say you shouldn’t), but I feel like at night I would be taking a step back since they end up in their cribs. Is that right, or should I consider letting them sleep in the swings at night also? Should I let their morning nap also be in the swings? I just feel like I’ve had so much information thrown at me by so many different people and books that I need some guidance!!!
Thanks so much!!!
Beth
My son is 14 weeks and we have so many bad sleep habits to break I don’t know where to start!
A few quick questions:
I sometimes bounce and then rock to sleep and other times nurse to sleep. I’ve been reading about separating feeding from sleep so I should stop that habit first and continue to bounce and work on putting down drowsy?
How do you separate feeding from sleep for middle of the night feedings? I EBF.
Thanks!
Hi Alexis,
Wow, so happy to have found your blog and these wonderful posts! Thank you!
I have a 2 month old who generally sleeps well at night– we put her down around 7, do a “dream feed” before we go to bed ourselves at 10, and she sleeps until around 8 with just one wake up sometime between 3-4 to eat. Daytime however is a totally different issue. She used to take nice long naps but over the last few weeks she refuses to sleep longer then 30 minutes unless she’s in a carrier. I was scared to use the swing because I didn’t want to get her hooked on it, but after reading this post I think it’s a great idea. I tried it out today and she slept longer for one nap– almost 2 hours! But for the other naps it was the same 30 minute cat nap…no idea why! Any thoughts? Also, I try to put her down in the swing awake but she cries…So I do the baby whisperer’s pick up/put down method with her but using the swing instead of the crib. Do you think that’s ok? She ends up pretty much asleep in my arms by the time she’s in the swing for good because she’s exhausted herself…Also, her swing is in her nursery but for the night she sleeps in the crib in our room. Do you think that’s ok? Sorry for so many questions and thanks again!!
Do you think I can get away with the gradual swing based technique to help an 8 month old to fall asleep independently? Do you suggest other techniques for 6 months + because of size? I have a swing which we used a lot in months 2-5 then went to the cot, but now waking every 45 mins/1.5 hours at night at 8 months :/ I’d be happy to get the swing out again though was a bit worried he’d be too heavy for it now. He’s about 10kg and we have the papillon swing (on your advice! :)) I’m very, very reluctant to use controlled crying, but would LOVE even a three hour block of sleep. My body is starting to protest after 8 months of sporadic sleep…
Hi there, thanks for your blog. I’m a mother of a 10.5 month old and have a nap and bedtime routine that was working great for us until last weekend when I had my husband do the nap routine while I went out to do some errands, ever since that day, my son has refused to nap in his crib and getting him to go to bed is now an ordeal. Prior to this, I would read books, nurse him which he would only nurse a little bit, then I would put him to nap or bed fully awake and he would settle himself and fall asleep. Now he will only sleep in the swing for naps and at bedtime we have to go in every 5min to settle him or stroke his back and sing to him and it takes an hour or so for him to finally sleep. I still feed him once at night when he wakes. I was told that it sounds like it’s separation anxiety. I want him back in the crib for naps and just want to get back into our old routine of putting him down awake for him to drift off to sleep. Should we do Ferber? When is the best time to do this as I don’t want to do it if we are in the separation Anxiety phase.
My so
Hi my son is going to be 9 month next week and has bee in our room in a cot until last week he has been in his room, he is fine until 1-3am when he wakes up crying is this seperation anxiety and how can i stop it? X
Hi,
First off, your web site is AWESOME. So funny and easy to read. And that sleep chart changed our lives! Thank you! Hoping to get your advice on the task of putting our baby down awake.
My little guy is 12 weeks and I’m excited that he is sleeping in his crib! I wrap him in the miracle blanket and have white noise going. His crib is in his room but close to me (our bedrooms are joined with a doorway between rooms. I can see his crib from our bed through the doorway.)
To get to sleep, Colton needs to nurse and bounce on the yoga ball for 5 mins+ and will go down pretty well. His approx sched now is: bed at 8p, up at 11pm, 2:30, 5am, 7am for the day.
He is up for 30 mins at each waking. He has reflux so when I nurse him I need to hold him upright for a bit. When I hold him upright he likes a bounce and then he falls asleep…
We are tired (don’t want to do gradual no-cry sleep solution) and he’s too young for CIO. So that leaves the swing. But since he is already in his crib, shouldn’t we stick with that?
I would like to put him down sooner after nursing, but I don’t want him to struggle with spit up. The crib mattress is propped up on books a little but he’s starting to wiggle a lot and he rolls down as it is.
I imagine I will have to lose the swaddle soon too. He’s busting out of it somehow(?) and starting to show signs of rolling.
Also note, Colton just started day care, so I can’t control naps very much. They nap him in a swing swaddled there.
I am nervous that I will make the same mistakes I did with my older son. We didn’t try to teach him to sleep on his own (he would fall asleep while nursing. Had colds, teething, etc). He was up hourly every night until 1 year+. Ouch, the pain!
Thanks for your help!
Nicole
Hi,
My son is 3 mo. He used to be a great sleeper and napper (1-2hr naps) until 2mo. He started waking up at the 30min mark. He has been diagnosed with reflux and is being treated with meds but he still wakes up in the swing at 25-30min like clockwork. At night he wakes multiple times for his paci. As he’s so young I don’t want to do cry it out by takin the paci away cold turkey as that is how he puts himself to sleep (sleep prop). He goes to sleep on his own (wide awake in swing and can take 5-30min to fall asleep) and drowsy in his pack and play by our bed at night. I have to give his paci 3-8 times a night as he wakes from his sleep (7:30-7). Any advice? Wait another month and take it away with cry it out? He sucks on his hands but they just don’t cut it for him. He wants his paci (we only use it for naps and bedtime). Any help with paci issue and extending his naps will be appreciated. Thank you.
Sorry, also wanted to add. Sometimes if he wakes up in the swin and I keep giving him his paci he’ll fall back asleep after 5-20min if just rocking and, unfortunately me sitting by him to give him back the paci. If he falls asleep, he’ll sleep for a long stretch:1.5-2+hrs!
Oh my goodness, your son sounds exactly like mine! Same age, same problems. Except for the reflex, we are facing the same issue with the paci and the swing and the nap regression and how long it takes him to fall asleep, etc. I have no advice for you other than to say I feel your pain!
Alin,
Refluxing babies are crappy sleepers and need LOTS of soothing. You may find that removing the paci works for you but it may just take away some much-needed soothing and result in even worse sleep.
Have you read this?
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-to-do-about-infant-reflux/
It’s my best advice for managing your little refluxer. I would also keep soothing with a swaddle as I find this far more effective for refluxing kids. Getting hands into the mouth rarely works, they’re more likely to bat themselves about the head and wake themselves up.
3 months + reflux = lots of night waking. Loose the paci and see what happens. It may not make things better? If you do go that route make sure you’re giving him all the soothing you can (swing, white noise, swaddle). Good luck!
We just purchased a swing for our 4.5 month old. Little late, maybe, but we figured if we get a month or two of good naps out of her it’s worth it….unfortunately, rather than help her sleep, it has the opposite effect. She is stimulated by it!!! She has now been awake for 4 hours, we have been trying to wind her down for over 2, and I am starting to lose my mind. Wondering whether she has some sort of insomnia…. What to do?!!! I would appreciate feedback/advice from anyone 🙁 thanks!!!
Its really hard for me to say. My best advice on how to use the swing is in the post below.
Maybe she’s too old? Maybe it’s the 4 month sleep regression? Maybe you’re not doing it right? (I hate to say that but it’s true – the swing is a tool, just like swaddles and the rest, it’s easy to make small mistakes that make them not work.)
Thanks so much, I had forgotten about your swing-hating-babies post in my desperation to get her to nap….. We followed your advice just now and are delighted to report that the jiggling baby technique worked and she fell to sleep immediately!! Just one more question-does the jiggling set us up for another sleep association that she will need to fall back to sleep?
Congrats! We started Alexis’s varsity swinging at 5 months, even later than you, and it really saved us. Our little guy did most of his sleeping there (and cosleeping half time) from 5-7 months. At 7 months he was finally ready for the crib. He totally rejected the swaddled swinging at that point because he wanted to sleep on his belly.
Regarding jiggling, we did find early in our swinging days that he would sometimes wake after 1 sleep cycle but if we were quick about it, we could often get a longer nap by jiggling again. At night this was less of an issue. The need for motion seems to drop off over time. Good luck!
Yes if you do it forever. In fact one commenter had a nightmare had to jiggle-all-night scenario from head jiggling. But if it’s only for a few days while she gets used to the swing (or you gradually do less jiggling) then it’s totally OK.
congrats on your success!
Thank baby jesus I found your website. You’re a real gem. You are too legit to quit. It’s embarrassing how many times my husband and I have read all of the comments over and over again looking for a similar situation, looking for answers or just looking for reassurance. Sometimes we get angry reading the comments because we see those “my baby is a great sleeper! 6-7 hours in one stretch” or “he’s a decent sleeper, typically from 7 am till 4 am.” It kills us because we have never gotten any stretch like that. The longest he’s ever slept in one stretch was 5 hours. I can count how many times on one hand how many times that has happened in his 16 weeks of life. His naps are finally getting under control now that the swing and swaddle is involved. He typically sleeps three times a day for one to two hours each time. He fusses when we put him down but I always try to put him in the swing awake. Okay so naps, check.
Night times are awful. He’s got a strong bedtime routine. Bath, sing, book, swaddle, nurse, asleep in the bassinet. I know, sleeping at the boob. AMATEUR. That’s our first problem, right?
He sleeps for maybe (A BIG MAYBE)4 hours the first chunk. After that it’s all down hill. If not every hour, he’s up every 1.5 and the only way to get him back to sleep is nursing. Very rarely can we do the patting. At around 5, he’ll let us put him back in the swing and sleep till 7 with no problem. Before that, he will loudly let us know that there will be no swinging for him. Sooo, after this long winded story, I have a couple questions:
Am I doomed to have a bad sleeper? Since he’s never slept well from day one.
Is it too early for object permanence?
Do you think I should try putting him to sleep in the swing at night?
SMACK ME! Don’t be gentle. Tell me where I’m going all wrong! I’d say growth spurt, teething, blah blah blah, but this has been going on for two months (5+ wakings at night).
Three points from one who has been there:
1. You’re so not alone with your bad sleeper, and I absolutely relate–when I read comments about kids sleeping from 7pm to 4am I am like “WHAT KIND OF WITCHCRAFT ARE YOU PRACTICING PLEASE TEACH ME NOW.” Mine has never done that ever ever once and he is 13 months.
2. For us, 16 weeks was the absolute worst sleep time imaginable. Conveniently it fell shortly after I went back to work. Awesome. But it may be comforting to know it gets better. In our case, not “good” but at least “better.”
3. YES try putting him down, awake, in the swing at night. Nurse to sleep is your nighttime problem and for now, the swing is the way out (I think). He clearly needs either swinging or nursing as his sleep association. Possibly if he falls asleep swinging at the start of the night he will accept falling back asleep there during the night.
Good luck!
Eliza,
I think Kate is mostly right. So I would start with her advice first and see what happens (things get better, stay the same, etc.). If nothing gets better I would start to look at the bigger picture and ask, “Why does my baby need to nurse so often?”
The answer is generally one of 2 things:
1) He’s hungry
2) He’s uncomfortable (and comfort soothing)
If he’s hungry at night, why? Is he not eating frequently enough during the day? Is he snacking during the day (vs. big thanksgiving dinners) and thus still so hungry at night? Is your supply where it needs to be? (Generally it IS so don’t panic – this is an unlikely scenario). If any of this rings as possible it may be time to find a good local IBCLC to consult with. For any nursing Mom an IBCLC is a WONDERFUL resource and worth every penny!
If he’s uncomfortable, the answer is why? Is he just a sensitive baby? If so then what the Lovely Kate is suggesting will work for you. Some babies are sensitive and need LOTS of extra soothing. Swaddle + bassinet may just not be enough for him which is why he’s seeking to nurse/soothe so often at night.
If you STILL think he’s uncomfortable and the extra soothing doesn’t help then I would start looking at tummy issues. The most common one is having a milk protein issue (10% of babies have this – they outgrow it by ~1). Feel free to talk to your pediatrician about this. You would test this theory by cutting ALL milk protein out of your diet. It exists in almost everything you eat – look for dairy on labels (likely called cassein or cassenate) and be super religious for 1-2 weeks. Does that make a difference? Probably it’ll just make YOU really cranky, but you never know. For other babies the change is dramatic and then you have your answer.
I DON’T think object permanence is the issue because it started at 2 months. You need to put baby down awake because he’s getting to the age where it’s a key skill for him to learn. But I don’t think it explains what was happening at 2 months.
If it helps AT ALL I am not a cranky nurse all night Mom of a newborn (THANK GOD) and I also get a little chuffed by the, “My 3 week old baby still wants to nurse 2X a night, can you fix that?” questions. I figure that actual TIRED people probably want to stab them in the eye 😉
Thanks for your responses! I figured I’d give you an update. While it hasn’t solved our problem 100%, it has helped a little. The little love turd has reflux. We got him the meds (which we’re not stoked about giving our sweet, pure and innocent baby prescription drugs), but I can’t stand to see the guy in discomfort. I havent tackled the suck/food -sleep association yet. Well I started to, but then, well I’ll explain below… Also, I have always struggled with my milk supply. I have enough and I keep up with him, however I think I’ve always been just little short to meet total satisfaction. So, for the end of the night we introduced a small bottle of formula (about 2-3 oz) to top him off. By the way, no one told me that once you gave your adorable baby boy a dose of formula, a smell resembling the pits of a construction site porta-potty would exit his rump, causing my eyes to water and my ears to bleed. Anyway, that helped…a little. So, naps were going well, thanks to your swing technique, nights were getting better (2 or 3 feeds rather than 6+), but then…four months hit. My house is my prison. My son is the warden and he is a vicious, evil man! I’m chalking it up to the regression but I’m terrified he wont go back to those naps we worked sooooo hard to get.
Symptoms:
1. naps never, NEVER last longer than 30. I even put him down awake in the swing, white noise, swaddled, and all the other techniques and he falls asleep after 5 minutes of crying, but then wakes up at that 30 min mark and WILL NOT resettle.
2. after putting him down at night after bedtime routine, he wakes up 30 minutes screaming with no hope of resettling unless picked up and rocked to sleep again.
I read all your posts on the regression page. I know it’ll pass…right? He won’t last longer than 30 minutes even with the old stand-by (car, bouncy chair that has to be manually bounced, NOTHING).
Not even the varsity techniques are working! At this point I spend my day watching for any sign and rush him into the swing. Which means every hour basically. Someone call the WHAMMMMMMMMMMMbulance, please.
2 Questions:
1) What should be happening after the 4-7 day trial of swing sleep – baby should sleep in swing, period, or baby should be able to be put into swing awake and fall asleep WITHOUT additional measures (i.e. without still needing the varsity technique additions)? Its been over a week for me and my 3.5 month old baby will fall asleep in the swing but only if I get things started by vigorously pushing the swing for a few minutes first (faster than it will go on its own). But this seems to go against the idea of him falling asleep without my help…?
2) Is it counterproductive if baby spends time in the moving swing OTHER than while sleeping? Our new sitter seems to put him in there quite a bit while awake and I’m starting to notice it taking longer for him to fall asleep in there now again…could this be related?
Thanks so much for your blog – it is amazing and has given me so much hope, which for a sleep deprived first time mom, is everything. 🙂
OK, 1 more question:
3) What if a baby’s naps don’t lengthen after switching to the swing, and instead they merely last 30 minutes just as before. Is that baby just not working right? Do you just have to wait for the nap consolidation to occur?
kath, i was wondering the same thing! 30min, regardless if its in the crib or swing :/
Kath and Catlin,
If naps are no longer in the swing you have a decision to make. The crib is awesome and you’re welcome to switch back. But you still need to teach baby to fall asleep without you. So…if you are nursing to sleep and THEN putting him in the crib you will eventually have a “put down awake” problem to deal with.
So one option would be to help baby learn to fall asleep IN the swing and move to the crib once you’ve mastered put down awake.
Is it counterproductive to have baby hanging in the swing awake.
YES
I would talk to your sitter about not doing that for various reasons. Swings have gotten a bad rap for being mechanical baby sitters. If you’re paying somebody to watch your baby then I would be a little chuffed if they’re taking advantage of the mechanical baby sitter function of the swing. That’s what you’re paying THEM for.
Also you want the swing = sleep. If the swing = party time then you’re weakening the swing = sleep association. So for both reasons, the sitter needs to stop.
As for your first question, the answer is maybe. If you continue to have to work HARD with head jiggling and such to help baby fall asleep you’re not helping him fall asleep without you. Do you think you can gradually do LESS of this? What happens if you put him in the swing – turn it on – and walk out of the room?
I would play around with that. Set a timer. Wait 10 minutes. See what happens.
Also I think it’s a lot easier to gradually wean off how much jiggling and such you are doing to help him fall asleep then it is to wean off, for example nursing to sleep. (Nursing to sleep is probably the HARDEST thing to wean off of).
So even if the “put baby in, walk out” thing doesn’t work, maybe the “gradually do less of what you’re doing” WILL work.
So in net – based on what you’re telling me, I’m inclined to lean towards, “stick with it.” But whatever feels right for you is great too!
Thanks so much for your reply! You are amazing. If you write a book I promise to buy a copy for everyone I know with a baby (seriously)!
Wouldn’t you know, his naps were much better in a couple of days. Up to 1.5 hours in the swing, which is almost the best we’ve ever gotten (previously only achieved with him attached to the breastaurant though!). He tends to go back and forth with nap lengths. He will definitely not be in a moving swing while awake anymore, either. I think that is already making a difference.
I have another question if its OK: does it hurt the swing efforts if they are somewhat inconsistent? For instance, we have part-time childcare that is out of the house…if he is not put down for naps in the swing there, will it likely hurt the possibility of him falling asleep in the swing unassisted in the future? Or if we switch off his night sleep location (we’ve been doing every other night swing then Rock N Play, because I wasn’t sure which he was doing better in — and I am desperate for less night waking), is this also problematic for the potential success of the swing at night? I know you have said night and day sleep are different in their minds, so I am not concerned about that, but I don’t want to be sabotaging my own efforts! Thanks again so much –
breastaurant
LOVE. I’m totally stealing that.
Consistency is better but it may not be totally sabotaging your efforts. Personally I think it’s more important to be consistent at bedtime than for naptime but that’s just based on anecdotal feedback (not actual research).
So I think it’s mostly OK?
So glad I stumbled across your website! So much great information. My little guy is 5mon old and we have rocked him to sleep from day 1 (wish I had read less books on childbirth and more on baby sleep!). Upon realizing our mistake when he was around 3mon, we started making sure he was drowsy but not asleep when we put him down. He took to it pretty well, but lately I feel like he is almost too drowsy, and too close to being asleep. So we are trying your swing suggestion for naps, and I am not sure if I am doing it right. I am doing our normal routine before naps (reading books and singing songs while sitting in the glider…should I not even be rocking in the glider while having this mellow time?). When he has mellowed a bit (but still wide awake), we put him in the swing and leave the room. He will not cry but will start to fuss. This seems to just continue though I haven’t left him to see how long it will last (longest I waited was 12min of fussing). I will go back in and pick him up, and when I do he generally closes his eyes immediately (stinker! haha) so I quickly put him back in the swing, at which point his eyes will open back up, but after that, he will go to sleep. My question is, is it a problem that I’ve been picking up him briefly if he is still going to sleep on own (if not the first time)? Should I just wait him out if its just fussing and not crying? I’m not mentally prepared for a CIO method yet, but may consider it if his sleep doesn’t improve by 6mon. He is a catnapper, under 45min (was when he was napping in the crib and in the swing too) which I assumed was due to rocking him too much to sleep and then he cannot transition to the next sleep cycle. To be honest, I wouldn’t even care about the catnaps if the night time sleep would be better.
So nights…we do bath, bottle, book. And like I said we have always done the rocking to sleep until he was drowsy (but very drowsy). The last few nights we have been putting him to sleep more awake (by the way, we use a swaddle sack, white noise, and he’s in the crib) and he is doing pretty good, though like with naps, I often go back in if he fusses for too long…usually replacing his pacifier or even just placing a hand on his stomach does the trick. My husband does a dream feed around 10:30 (as I am already in bed so I can make it through the rest of the night!). After that he was pretty consistently waking up at 1 and 5 for nursing, and sleeping until 6:30 or 7, which I thought wasn’t too bad. All of a sudden he started not going back to sleep after the 5 o’clock feeding. Or alternatively after the 1 o’clock feeding, waking up at 3, 4, 5, and 6! I don’t feed him every time (generally just the 4…the other times will help soothe with pacifier or hand on his stomach). He had some stuff going on like illness and I think possibly teething which could be the reason for the multiple awakenings. But even if he returns to the 1 and 5 nursings, it seems like a lot to be eating 3 times (including the dream feed) when he is over 5mon old. Thoughts/advice?? I am really working hard on putting him down awake for naps and night, but worry that coming back in to put pacifier in, soothe, etc. could be a problem. Sorry this is so long!! I really appreciate it. 🙂
sorry! just wanted to add that he generally wakes for the dreamfeed (or even a bit before). therefore he never really goes more than a 3-4hr stretch. a handful of times prior to 4mon, he would do a 5-6hr stretch, but i can’t remember the last time he’s done that. he used to sleep that long stretch from like 7-1 and then we started doing the dreamfeed to see if we could extend the first time he was up to nurse at night. but he has continued to get up at 1! and now i haven’t been able to take away the dreamfeed because he wakes up naturally at that time now and cries until he eats! grrr wish i had never tried the dreamfeed in the first place. anyway just frustrated…i feel like i have pretty reasonable expectations and since i nurse (and know that breastmilk digests fast), i expect him to need to eat once or twice. but 3 times seems like a lot at his age and the fact that he never does long stretches anymore is frustrating. ok truly done now! thanks!
Hi again. I had updated above but I think it was over looked since its mid page. My daughter is now 8 months and sleep continues to be can issue. She will nap in her own for 30 or an hour if I nap with her. Bedtime routine is bath 2 books then nurse to sleep. I still nurse 2- 3 times at night but she is waking 5-6 times just wanting my husband or I to hold her hand until she falls back to sleep.
Sometimes this happens ten minutes after going to bed and sometimes and hour later. Also from 2:30-4am she’s awake nursing, talking, and with me trying to leave the room without her crying. We are using the white noise very loud with doesn’t seem to have helped at all. Still don’t want t cry it out as her problem is staying asleep not falling asleep. We would really appreciate any suggestions. Thanks!
Hey Jackie,
Sorry if I missed the comment. But actually the problem is EXACTLY falling asleep.
This is your problem. Entirely. I swear. 100% confidence factor. No doubt whatsoever.
http://www.troublesometots.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/
You nurse to sleep so she’s waking up a TOTAL of 7-9 times a night looking to recreate her sleep scenario. Presumably she’s actually pretty flexible which is why she’ll “accept” holding hands or whathaveyou in lieu of full nursing.
But absolutely the problem IS her falling asleep. None of the night business is going to get ANY better until you break out of the “nurse to sleep” pattern at bedtime.
Do I sound like I’m yelling at you a little bit? Well I am. I can’t imagine what life is like waking up 7-9 times a night. Oh wait – I can. IT’S A LIVING HELL!
I’m not suggesting you plunk her in bed and walk out till 6:00 AM. Certainly you would want to gently wean off those night feedings. But putting her down awake AND separating nursing from bedtime by ~20 minutes at nighttime will make an ENORMOUS difference. By any means necessary. Cry free would be great. But I’m totally on board with the CIO at bedtime scenario if that is what is needed to get out of waking up 7-9X at night. Because that isn’t good for you. Your husband. OR your baby.
So I hope that answers your question. But that’s my suggestion. Good luck!
Hi Alexis,
Love the blog and now looking for your advice. My near 5 month old has, historically, been a pretty good sleeper – bed at 8, wake to feed at 11 and slept until 4a. But for about a month now, she’s been waking up more often through the night (3-4x). We have mastered the putting to bed while still awake and have separated bottle and bed by a good hour or more. However, her middle of the night wake-ups are crying fits (and appears to be sleep-crying?), where nothing soothes her other than a bottle. So, whether that’s 1oz or 5oz, I can see her being legitimately hungry for at least one feeding, but the others seem like a comfort thing.
What you’ll probably tell me is that we have an association problem and that we need to gradually reduce the night feedings. If so, yuck. I’m leery of CIO, since I’m not sure if she’s still hungry. She’s all over the board when it comes to eating during the day – sometimes she gets in 20+ oz before bed and other times not.
It’s possible we’ve also just entered into early teething stages, too, which could be causing her to wake up. Thoughts? Thanks!
Well I’m not sure if you DO have an association problem. In fact you probably don’t given that you have a whole HOUR between food and bedtime. So my best guess is that she’s legitimately having a growth spurt. If so it has passed by now and you’re back to being a happy parent. If NOT you may want to check the post below (night weaning) for more ideas?
Hi Alexis,
I have a almost five month old who is looked after by a nanny during the day whilst I’m at work. He is not a bad night sleeper, but it does take a while to get him to sleep (I rock and sing) and he does so with A LOT of protest and he wakes up about 3 times to feed, then I usually have no trouble getting him back to sleep. His ‘other mommy’ however complains that he takes very very short naps during the day and also not that often. I worry that he must be sooo overtired which is why he often screams right before he actually sleeps, at night, what can we do?
Oh no no no no….
Honey there is NO other Mommy. You are Mommy. Fullstop.
So he’s not napping great. And you’re rocking to sleep. So if he loves rocking and is taking short crappy naps, what about a swing? Sure he’s on the higher end so he may only need it for a month or two. But if it helps ALL of you, maybe it’s worth it?
Hi there
We have an almost 10 month old who has slept fantastically since 8 weeks old, really! Recently though, she has started waking up in the middle of the night SCREAMING bloody murder. We rock her to bed and used to let her fall asleep on her own in her crib. Nowadays, we can’t even attempt to put her in the crib until she is so out of it and trembling from deep sleep! After a few hours of good sleep, she wakes up with that hair-raising scream. Her doctor mentioned the cry-it-out method (which seems impossible, because we care about our neighbors!)and to just go in there and say “night night time’ or something to that effect. That never works. She keeps crying to no avail. What does work, when she finally calms down a little bit, is to lay down with her in a big bed (our spare room bed which is also in her room). She eventually falls asleep and so do we. I know that this will probably cause some sleep problems in the future, if not very near future! It’s the only way we have any sanity. We DO walk around like zombies, we are so tired.
A little more info. Her last bottle is given around 6:30pm with food. Is this ok or should it be just a bottle? We play music that is on her swing and used to shut it off when we went to bed, but we are now keeping it on all night hoping that that will soothe her. I don’t know if it’s gas waking her up, or separation anxiety, or what! It’s so frustrating. I read your whole article and do seem somewhat anxious to try the swing again tonight. She did love that thing when she was younger! Any other words of wisdom will be appreciated more than you know!
That sounds like the CLASSIC freak out thing! She goes to bed in one scenario (you’re there) and wakes up and you’re mysteriously missing and she’s FREAKING! Welcome to object permanence. In a big and dramatic way 😛
Ok, I have two questions. The first is about the swing. My baby is almost 4 months old and usually nurses to sleep. I normally lay him down asleep in his rock and play (swaddled). He sleeps about 10 minutes and then needs to be nursed BACK to sleep (rinse and repeat about 5 times during a nap) I have been trying the swing to get him to fall asleep on his own and he WILL fall asleep (yay), but he’ll still only sleep about 10-15 minutes and then wake up.:/ So, then I wind up nursing to sleep anyway in hopes of getting a longer stretch (by the way he used to take 2 or 3 hour naps. Not sure what happened.:( )In this case should I continue letting him nap in the swing, even if I only get a 10 minute nap out of it?
Second question, I’ve tried various methods of laying him down awake and he ALWAYS screams. But you don’t recommend CIO until at least 6 months. In our case, since he screams would you suggest the pick up put down method?
I have two other kids (which by the way, make it tough for this one to sleep because they are loud and rambunctious), but they were such better sleepers than this baby. I followed HSHHC with my 6 yr old and he did amazing but this guy is more attached to the boob and seems to be overall more demanding. UGH. :/
Hey Becky,
Well it’s entirely plausible that what you are describing is the 4 month sleep regression/growth spurt. Because he USED to be a champion napper and now is nursing CONSTANTLY. (Seriously my heart goes out to you because nursing a baby to sleep every 10 minutes is just BRUTAL).
However if it IS the growth spurt you’re hopefully done. But you still have to conquer the issue of not nursing to sleep. Definitely work with puck up put down. It can be a long frustrating slog so do it at bedtime when your partner can take the other kids and you can commit to it. It may work great. Or it may take 2 hours. It’ll work EVENTUALLY but you’ll need to be focused (trying to make older kids dinner in the middle will make you all cry).
Are you using LOUD white noise? Key for all babies, double it for older sibs who are playing chase at naptime.
HELP!! my 6 month old is SUCH a squirmy sleeper even when he is swaddled PLUS he wakes up every 2-3 hours to eat PLUS when 5 am hits he will not stay asleep unless I am patting him or has a bottle in his mouth even though he is full. We co-sleep because i feel like I would never get any sleep if I had to keep getting up to pat him. When I do get him to sleep without a swaddle it is very short because he will wake himself up by squirming. He won’t even fall asleep in the car without putting up a fight. What should I do first to get him to sleep through the night?? Also, do you think it is too late to introduce white noise to him? PLEASE HELP!!!!
Hey Katrina,
It’s NEVER too late for white noise. Highly recommended until min=1 year OK?
So why is he so hungry? Is he seriously eating a 6-8 oz bottle every 2-3 hours all night long? Or is he just nibbling (2 oz then back to sleep)? This is a key distinction because if it’s nibbling then I think he has a strong food=sleep association. And the key to THAT problem is:
1) No food at bedtime +
2) Put down awake.
Because a 6 month old baby should definitely be capable of a fast longer than 2 hours.
The squirmy thing tells me he needs more soothing so I would KEEP SWADDLING HIM. Tight swaddle. Some babies NEED it. LOUD white noise. Start there and see what happens.
Also he sounds tired to me (just a vibe). Is bedtime too late? It could be that some schedule adjustments will help.
Ok I have an 8 month old who REFUSES to sleep. She is still breasted, and has never really been a great sleeper. I made the habit of cosleeping and nursing while we slept. My problem now is that she goes to sleep and a couple hours later is awake and wanting to play. She will stay up half the night and WILL not go back to sleep. I’m exhausted and want to rip every strand of hair out of my head. I’m against CIO, but lately it has sounded appealing. I don’t know what to do. She does not get near enough sleep for a baby. She doesn’t even sleep that much at day. There has to be something wrong.
Hey Heather,
Don’t pull your hair out. It just gives you bald patches and doesn’t solve anything.
So you have a number of challenges that are leaving you tired and frustrated, yes?
– Nurse to sleep (great when they’re babies, problem now)
– Only sleeping WITH you (also great if you’re cool with it except that it makes it extra hard to deal with….)
– Peak of separation anxiety. Baby wants to hang with you ALWAYS. And as you are there and available, is taking advantage of the enjoyment of your company at night. Why? Because partying with Mom is an option.
I don’t think there is anything wrong (are you thinking medically?). The three things I list here are all entirely common and totally describe exactly what you are dealing with.
The solution is to separate nursing from sleep, put down awake, and probably have her not in your bed (although that’s by no means a requirement so if you’re enjoying her there play on!). The challenge is doing that, at 8 months, without tears.
I’m not saying it CAN’T be done, just that it’s hard. Some people have had success with the pull off method (you can read about it in paci post below – same technique only its your boob) but it can be super challenging. I would give it a solid college try first. If not?
It may be CIO time.
My 8 week old sleeps great when rocked to sleep/almost sleep and swaddled with the miracle blanket in the swing at the lowest setting. Most can most times even sleep with the swing not moving at all. He, however, is a terrible crib sleeper and has been since the beginning. He will only sleep usually 30-40 min at a time. He will wake up and squirm/wiggle that makes me think he wants to be unswaddled but I know this is against conventional wisdom at this age. I was hoping once I got him to sleep in a still swing that this transition would be easier.
I am going back to work next week and would like if he could be able to sleep in a crib. Should I worry about this now or just continue to try a gradual approach of trying to lengthen out his naps in the crib during the day? I will have in-home child care.
Thanks!
Honey – he’s only EIGHT WEEKS! I know it’s been a LONG 8 weeks and perhaps that is confusing you into thinking he’s almost a toddler but I assure you he’s not!
The wiggling at this age doesn’t mean he wants out. It does mean that he has very little control of his gross motor skills and much of this is basically random. I wouldn’t unswaddle. Nor would I force the crib. He’s sleeping better in the swing – GREAT! If you want longer naps I’m pretty confident you’ll have more luck in the swing. If you WANT to try the crib at night you’re welcome to experiment – maybe he’s ready? If not you have a fallback plan yes?
Check the link below for weaning off the swing. But really there is no rush. Most babies are out at night by 3 months but lots nap in there till 3-6 months, OK?
Hello everyone,
so, I guess I just put my 14-week old baby down drowsy but awake? Never thought we would get there, also, I’m pretty sure I’ve just jinxed it. I used to nurse/rock him to sleep then wait 20-30 minutes till he fell into deep sleep before I could lay him down if I didn’t want to repeat the process again.
Recently he started pulling away as if telling me to just let him be already so I popped a dummy in his mouth and held his hands and stroked his forehead till he fell asleep (I nurse him lying on our bed). To me that’s massive progress. The next day I plucked up the courage and when I saw that his eyelids were heavy and I swaddled him (he really fights the swaddle when completely awake) and quickly moved him to the crib while his eyes were still open and he finished falling asleep in his crib. Does that count as drowsy but awake?
Now my question for you Alexis and other parents is this – will he learn to become drowsy on his own? He is a very active and fidgety baby. He will.not.stop.moving. Always flailing and kicking around. He has to be double-swaddled for the night, because he is so strong (trying to crawl and sit up since 12 weeks). He doesn’t really give many clues that he is tired so I have to watch the clock. And because he is so active he simply never gets drowsy on his own. He just keeps going till he gets hysterical. I have to MAKE him drowsy by nursing/rocking.
Will he learn to get drowsy on his own as he gets older? He is 14 weeks now. Maybe once he become more mobile? What’s your experience, parents of active babies that don’t get drowsy?
Katka
Lots of babies need help transitioning from activity to nap time. So while you may have friends who can put baby down for a nap with little procedure beyond singing a quick song and plunking him in the crib, it sounds like your little guy might need a little more help with transitions. And that’s OK!
It won’t always be as tedious as it is now. Fast forward to his 1st birthday and maybe instead of reading 2-3 books you’ll need to read 5-6 (don’t sweat this – baby books are quick!). Or maybe he’ll enjoy an extra long hot bath prior to bedtime. GREAT!
Or maybe he’ll outgrow this “constant fidget” phase – babies surprise me CONSTANTLY. That’s why they’re such an adventure 🙂
Good work on putting down awake – that sounds AWESOME! Keep it up 😉
Thank you so much Alexis. You are such a superhero for responding to all these comments 🙂
We’ve managed to keep the drowsy-but-awake up. I have a feeling that these developments are very much down to him being ready and me just following his lead. I’m trying to do the same for naps when the swing doesn’t work for some reason. Except we are probably in the middle of a sleep regression because for about a week now baby has been up after 2 hours when I decide that he cannot be hungry yet, pop a dummy in his mouth and wake up again in an hour to nurse. Rinse and repeat all night. He used to be able to go 5-6 hours at night. I had to put him in the swing for nights because I just couldn’t go on on just 2 hours of uninterupted sleep at a time. Hope it’s over soon.
Alexis,
Thank you so much for your website! I have been reading as I sit up at 3 am nursing my 3 mo old. I am gearing up to try the swing technique and wanted to get a few more details. Should I be trying this technique at nighttime or for naps during the day? Should he then sleep in the swing all night long repeating the process after each feeding? How soon after he is asleep should I decrease the speed? (He eats 2-4 times a night currently). And should I wait for his growth spurt to end before beginning? Hopefully it will end today! I don’t know how much longer I can nurse like this 🙂
Hey Jenn,
Is baby sleeping great in the crib? Not so great? Basically if he’s doing great at night in the crib then GREAT! For older(ish) babies he may be fine in the crib at night but take chunkier naps in the swing. Also I wouldn’t decrease the speed after he is asleep per se. Although you’re welcome to experiment with swing speed – because he’s already 3 months he may do just fine on the lowest speed to start with. Think of it like a mini-science experiment – yay?
Also DEFINITELY try the swing during a growth spurt. Anything that will give you (and your BOOBS) a break is worth trying!
Hi Alexis,
Love your blog so much and recommend it to everyone I know! In an Internet world of useless baby boards where people spend more time fighting, it has been so helpful. Thank you.
So of course I have a request: can you please, please, PLEASE write a post on exactly HOW to put baby down awake? I suspect this is the root of my difficulties with my almost 5-month old who wakes all night and will only go to sleep if I nurse her.
Pretty please?
Hey Ariella,
OK I will make that my new years resolution! Although to be honest most of it is “do less of what you’re doing” and the rest is specific to what you’re weaning (which is generally rocking or nursing).
Putting baby down awake is also easier when they’re younger so this will likely be a multi-part series. The one you’re looking for will probably have a title like, “What To do if you’ve missed the key window for put down awake and now have an older super smart and stubborn baby who refuses to go down awake!!!”
Oh, I need that post too! My almost 6 month old used to sleep well but now bedtime is a never ending struggle. I couldn’t figure out how to put her down awake but figured that it wasn’t a problem since she was sleeping so well…. Now we’re a mess.
Hello I have a 17 month old baby who still gets rocked to sleep and still has the pacifier. She fights me every night unless she had a tiresome day to go to sleep. I have tried the cry it out method awhile back and I’m not comfortable with the going cold turkey. She wakes up once at night just to realize I’m not there and will only go to sleep again if she is in my bed. Do you have a suggestion for me as to which method I should choose are what I should do? I am desperate for help! Thank you.
Thank you for making this site and writing these posts to bless and help so many parents and sweet darlings. I’m sitting here at 1 am with my husband at last in our bed while I sit in the Livingroom having only just now gotten our 6 month old asleep after her wakeful middle of the night period. We coslept with this baby and her older sister (who is now 29 months), at first… But we’ve transitioned our 2nd to her crib during the day much earlier than we did with our first. Sometimes she’s good about her daytime naps and other times it’s really hard to get her to get enough sleep. I think some of it may be that we get so exhausted during the night that we’ll let the girls sleep in a little bit longer than we ought to which throws us off? As in, waking up past 7 am sometimes as late as 8. I try to follow the 7 am wake up, 9-11am nap, 1-3 nap and a brief 4/5 pm nap schedule with our 2nd who seems to respond to it but the biggest challenge has been at night. I jokingly call her Cinderella because she seems to have a thing about midnight. She has to wake up around then, and wakes up frantic – even if she’s in bed with me and I’m there to nurse her. Sometimes it seems like she just wants to play and go start the day and other times it’s as if she’s angry and frustrated and just… Fitful! It’s driving us crazy. I often will just crash and sleep with her when I put her down for the night around 6:30 and end up lettin her sleep in my bed with me bc she’s waking, like you said, when I put her down asleep. If we didn’t have our toddler, maybe I’d be more willing to let her cry it out but if she cries it out then my toddler wakes up and cries too and then I have not one but TWO upset, awake & needing sleep babes! My husband then tries to come to bed between 10pm-12am and gets livid when he’s JUST gotten fully asleep and she wakes up frantic, kicking, pulling at me, nursing loudly and groaning… I just don’t understand!
How can I help her to sleep better for longer periods or at least just wake less distraught? How do you have a baby cry it out when you also have a toddler who can’t really understand why their sister has to cry? I can’t handle two sobbing girls! Admittedly I think because it upsets my husband so much to hear the girls cry (even more than it does me), we haven’t pushed our 2nd to learn to fall asleep on her own early enough. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve read Weissbluth and it helps a lot but it doesn’t cover it all.
Thank you SOOO much for your important help, sweet demeanor and gracious advice!
H
Hi! I love your posts and have spent many a sleepless night reading them. I have a 3.5 month old girl who has reflux and is intolerant to dairy in my bm. She is doing much better now on meds and I’m dairy free. So will now play happily during the day. But she spent first 3 months sleeping on my chest at night and screaming to sleep for all naps and night sleeps. Last 2 weeks we started to put her in a cradle by the bed but she’ll only go in completely asleep (after nursing or screaming) and then only sleeps for 30-60 mins through the night. I am completely exhausted. All her day naps are in my arms and I feel awful as have a fab 2 year old boy whose now suffering with lack of attention. Any advice gratefully recieved. We have a swing but she hates it! Thank you. A completely mega tired Sarah x
Meant to add she feeds anywhere from 10-14 times a day! Including at night.
Hello Alexis,
Thank you sooooo much for this blog!
Can you please explain to me how to put my baby down awake?
I currently put him down drowsy but awake in a dark room with loud static radio. He seems to fall asleep okay but then wakes up 40 or so minutes later and cannot fall back asleep on his own. What am I doing wrong? He is 5 months old. Thanks, Irina.
Looking forward to reading the reply to this! I’ve been searching for the answer to this. My DD is 6 months old.
I must be one of those unicorn parents who doesn’t mind a couple of night wakings to nurse (they can be my favourite nursings, actually, so peaceful) but I don’t understand why my girl can’t STAY asleep during the first 3 hours after she falls asleep. I’m fine with her sleep after that, but it’s, like, way to ruin mommy & daddy’s dinner/tv/grown up time, sweetie!
Please, specific instructions (one of your great numbered lists!) on How To Get a Baby to Fall Asleep on Their Own -without CIO.
I am clearly not Alexis but I just wanted to share our experience with our son (6 months) who seems to now be going to bed awake at 7pm and staying asleep, or sometimes waking for his feed at 9.30pm (we do this every night so I think he wakes for it now).
I found that when I put him down alseep he often woke after 1st sleep cycle. But when I managed to get him to go to sleep in his cot he often didn’t. So here is my numbered list….
1. Make resolution not to put baby down asleep after nursing EVER from this point onwards. The end.
2. Separate nursing from bed time in some way – I do 5 minutes of songs, Alexis says you should have a longer gap but we seem to be getting away with it at the moment……
3. Put baby down. Leave. See what happens.
Difficult to carry on the numbers from here as every night and every baby will be different I guess.
For us, when my son started to cry we would go in and offer him back his comforter to chew (it is up to you whether you think it safe to leave them with a comforter), and then spend a long time patting and shushing loudly until he went to sleep. Sometimes this was a LONG time (up to an hour?). If he calmed a lot we would leave him and see if he settled on his own again. If he started crying hard, then I found with my son if you picked him up and brought him out into the light then he would stop crying, smile, and you could “start again” with bed time. I guess with some babies that might rev them up, but with my boy if you picked him up in the dark, calmed him, and then tried to lie him down again he would scream immediately.
We started this about 4.5 months, and it took about 3 weeks to see a consistent improvement I think. Which, of course, at his age could mean that he just grew out of it anyway.
But I think for me resolving not to put down asleep (until that point I was inconsistent) and therefore HAVING to find a way to calm him in his cot really helped me figure out some things that helped soothe him. I can leave him cry for approximatey 0.5 secs before I panic so it didn’t involve much crying at all.
Oh, by the way – when I say 3 weeks to see a consistent improvement, I mean not only in the waking after 40 mins, but also in the amount of help he needs to go to sleep. Now I get to step 3 and at least 80% of the time he goes off to sleep with nothing more required. For now!
I have a 3 month old who was sleeping well through the night and now is waking constantly to be rocked back to sleep. I am a zombie and at my wits end. Is there another way to get baby to fall asleep on her own in her crib not in a swing? I know that the AAP recommends baby sleeping on a firm flat surface to reduce SIDS risk which is really my biggest fear (along with most new parents I’m sure) and the swing really isn’t either of those…
Thank you!
I have a 14 week old little girl who sleeps in her swing at night and for a lot of her naps. We have started putting her in her crib for some naps, but they last for under an hour. I swaddle her at night, give her a bottle, rock her, and put her in her swing almost completely asleep. She wiggles around a little bit, but will settle down for the night shortly. Recently, she has been sleeping through the night about every other night.
I’ve read the portion about lowering the swing speed until it’s not moving, but she has always slept using the lowest speed. What do I do about that? I don’t have a speed to decrease, so I’m wondering how to handle the situation now.
Also, what do I do when she wakes up in the middle of the night? Do I rock her again until she’s almost asleep or do I just let her cry? She eats every 3 hours during the day, so I don’t know how to calm her down during the night when it’s not time to eat yet.
Dear Alexis,
Thanks for your website. I can’t put it in words that how desperate I feel and at the same time depressed. My DD is going to be 24 weeks and I have not slept more than 3-4 hours in every 24hours. Around 12 week we had managed to help her sleep for 5 hr non-stop and then she woke every 2-2.5hours. But this lasted for only 4-5weeks and since then we have been in a down hill. She now sleeps on for 20*3sessions in the day (unless in the pram). In the night she sleeps around 9.30pm and never for more than 40-60mins. I believed that she is suffering from Silent reflux but Infant Gaviscon has not done any wonders. I have also started giving her solids and that doesn’t work either!! I was always told swing is a bad habit but I am deperatetsleep. I feel like almost killing myself and at this moment by wrist ache like they are fractured and I am still having to hold weight. I almost hateery person on earth who kept bullying me for not having a baby (given I am 32yrs and married for 7.5yrs). Finally, 2 days back we tried the swing and at the lowest speed and my LO slept for 3.5hrs straight. Then I gave her a feed and she slept again for 2.5 hrs. This morning she has been sleeping on the swing while it is switched off. I can’t thank you enough although it is too rly to say but you probably saved my life or helped me for not hating my daughter!!!
Hello,
Thanks for all the great advice. My daughter will be 8 months in a few days. She had colic the first three months. she is still real gassy but is gotten a lot better. when she turned four months she started sleeping from 9P a.m. to 7 AM with one to two wake ups. Five and six months she got better she was sleeping from 10 PM to 9 AM with one wake up. we will rock her to sleep for every nap and every wake up. Now since she was 7 months she sleeps maybe two hours at night max wakes up then I go in and rock her maybe three mins and she’s out again. I know she has been cutting teeth but will this get better? Also we don’t really rock her rock her we just have to hold her and walk back and forth in the room with the music on and she’s out. Her dad lets her sleep in our bed during the day for her nap but at night time she sleeps in her crib do you think that has something to do with it?
Hello! I was directed to your site by a colleague, and boy am I grateful! I’ve read almost your entire site- and still have a few questions that I couldn’t find an answer to (sorry if you’ve already answered them elsewhere!)
I have a 4.5 month old daughter Lilah who has always had trouble going down at night (she would go to sleep, but wake after the first cycle, ~45 minutes, then have trouble going back down unless I held her/rocked her back to sleep.) She also tends to fight nap time (with me, not with her baby sitter), and will take 40-90 minute naps for me, and 60-120 minute naps with the baby sitter. From your site, I can see that I was guilty of putting her down already asleep.
Once she is in “night sleep mode”, she is a pretty good sleeper, waking every 3-4 hours to eat, but going right back to sleep and sleeping from about 8-9pm to 7-8am.
My husband is working out of state, so I am sort of on my own- hence my relief to find your swing method! I don’t think I would be able to do any sort of CIO on my own, and I live in an apartment so would feel guilty about the noise. I have high hopes for the swing- I think this is going to work!
We have had pretty good luck so far (we are 2 days in- I am trying with naps and at night all at once), a few times going to bed awake with no problems, a few times requiring the jiggle, and once requiring a full on soothing rocking session (I put her down asleep that time b/c she was so upset.)
So, as I get going with this new strategy I have a few questions:
1. Lilah was sleeping in her little co-sleeper crib before I started the swing training. For night time sleeping, should I keep her in the swing all night? Or just have her fall asleep in the swing and then move her to the crib after her first feed?
2. Sometimes, she will wake up around 5am, not hungry, and not super awake, but not going back to sleep either. If I pull her into bed with me, she will sleep until 7 or 8. So, I pull her into bed with me so I can have those extra few hours. Am I creating a little monster by doing this?
3. In doing this version of sleep training (with the swing)- how important is it that all of her naps be in the swing? Is it okay that she goes down awake at her baby sitters, but in a Rock n Play? Some weekend days I need to be out of the house (to maintain sanity) so she will sleep in the stroller/car seat. Will this interfere with what I am trying to teach her?
Thank you!! your website is so helpful. 🙂
Laura
One more question- have you found, in your experience, that babies sleep better/ longer with baby sitters than they with their parents? Am wondering if I am doing something wrong with naps. I have gotten up to 90 mins (like 3 times) but mostly they last about 30-50 minutes, whereas, at the baby sitter’s, she will sleep for 1.5-2 hours pretty easily…
Thanks!
Hi Laura , i have been a nanny for many years and all parents wonder about the same thing. It is very common for children to nap less and even misbehave more with parents then with care givers. In my experience i believe that this occurs because of 2 possible reasons 1- the child knows that time with mom and dad is short and they want to stay awake and be a part of eveything that happens. They also know they can get away with more with mom and dad . Leading to my number 2 reason – many times parents give in/up faster then babysitters. Wheter its because they are exhausted or because they feel since they are away at work often, when they are home they want to please their child and do whats easier. Babysitters tend to be ( in my experience) more firm and structured. Its so difficult sometimes to stick with something when its effects are not seen right away and you feel exhausted ( i totally understand now that i have a three month old lol) but my advice is try a technique you are comfortable with a stick with it no matter what , make adjustments along to way to personalize it to your baby and your life but what ever you decide on trying. Dont give up. Children are actually very adaptable if we provide a routine for them once they get use to it,They’ll (everyone ) will be happier. Oh and Very important , make sure everyone has the same routine with baby. Mom dad babsysitter eveyone must be on the same page so not to confuse the baby. Hope this helps a least a little. Best of luck
To Moms who have successfully used the swing to help babies put themselves to sleep,
What did you define as success in terms of baby being ready to go down to a slower swing speed/ to the crib? Are we talking fussing, but going down within a 10 minutes? Minimal fussing (like under 5 minutes)? or No fussing? And how about jiggling?
I been using the swing (Fisher Price Rainforest) for a week and am still facing fussing at the highest speed setting, and I often have to jiggle the swing for a little bit before my baby settles and puts herself to sleep. (The Fisher Price swing doesn’t have huge variation from the highest to the lowest speed but there does still seem to be a difference from my daughter’s point of view).
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
thanks,
Lana
Just wondering if everything worked out for you. I can’t even get my baby to fall asleep in the swing with a jiggle! We have to rock and boy cd her for 30 minutes sometimes before being able to put her in the swing, and then the second she’s out of our arms she wakes up and cries. She’s 14 weeks today. So I guess we have some time but my arms are getting tired!!! 🙂
That’s supposed to say rock and bounce. 🙂
Hi Amy,
Things ended up working out pretty well for us. It took time. I would say I had her in the swing for a month before I was down to the lowest settings/not moving. I ended up taking my time, mostly because I was back to work and my husband is out of state so I was a little scared to make too much of a change out of fear of missing out on sleep. 🙂 I’m trying to remember (memory seems to be the first thing that goes when I’m tired!) but I think I did sit/crouch behind the swing and jiggle the head of the swing for 10+ minutes before she’d settle, and at first she’d settle, then get upset again, so I’d have to go back. I felt pretty ridiculous crouching and sneaking around her room, but it did work over time. And she did transition to the crib eventually- sometimes I will have to jiggle the crib to settle her on rough nights.
Although, since we transitioned to the crib, we’ve had teething, illness, and sleep regressions, so I’ve sometimes put her back in a rock and play to sleep- I think of it as my intermediary between the swing and the crib.
So, I guess I would say- keep with it! Also, make sure you have a long and consistent routine to really hammer home the fact that it is sleep time. That made a huge difference. And making sure that your baby isn’t overtired at night. This past week, my daughter has been overtired from the babysitter’s every night and has had a much harder time going down.
Anyway- you can do it! be patient and have faith!
And I should say- I don’t think you’re supposed to go back and forth between the crib and the Rock and play like I do… I can imagine it only confuses my daughter, but it’s working right now, so I do it!
Hi, I have heard from two of my friends who were able to successfully get rid of pacifiers gradually. First, you make a hole in it, then make the hole bigger, then cut off the very tip of the paci, then cut off more, etc.The baby gets used to the paci getting smaller and being less and less fun to suck on. Hope, this idea helps somebody.
I have a 6 1/2m boy, I still nurse him to sleep, so I see thats a problem there, and my husband and I have decided to start a routine of nurse, diaper, book, bed. Anyways, here is his schedule he naturally falls into, then I will tell where the inconsistencies are…
NORMAL: 7:15ish WAKE&EAT, 8:30-9:30/10NAP, 11EAT, 12:15-1:30NAP, 2/2:30EAT, 4:15-5:15/5:30NAP, 530/6EAT, 8:15/8:30pmEAT, 8:15pm~8:45BED, 3am or 5am EAT, then wake again at 7:15ish. This has been semi-working for the past 4 days, but before this he was napping 45min at a time and waking 4-5times a night.
Sometimes he is inconsistent in that he could wake at 7:15 one morning then 8am the next. Im wondering if:
1.Am I putting him down too soon for the morning nap?
2.Should I set an alarm to wake us at 7:15 every morning or should I let him sleep longer if he wants to?
3.If I let him sleep late, should I change the time of the morning nap or keep it at the same time as if he woke early? meaning if on one morning he wakes 7:15, nap8:30, and another he wakes 8am, should I make his nap for 9? or later?
I feel like his morning nap sucks and I can’t figure it out so it’s messing up night time sleep.
thanks!!
Wondering how this worked out for you. I can’t seem to figure out a sleeping schedule for my little one. She wakes up at a different time each day so trying to schedule anything is impossible. Did you just keep track of when your child naturally fell asleep and then put her down at the same time everyday? Or did you choose the nap times and put your little one down at those times no matter what?
Right now my LO is 9months next Wednesday. His naps have improved to longer time chunks and he sleeps through the night.
Here’s what I do…
He wakes up sometimes at 6 and sometimes at 7, and I breastfeed him right away. So no matter what time he wakes up I put him down for a nap 2hrs later. In the morning he will act tired after an hour but I just play with him and stuff then put him down at 8 or 9 depending on when he wakes. Then he sleeps for 1.5-2hrs. So say he wakes around 10:15, his next nap is 12:30 then sleeps til 1:30/1:45 then next nap at 4/4:15 until 5. Then bed at 7ish. His morning nap is really the only one that fluctuates in time. The afternoon and late afternoon nap are the same time every day and probably only vary 15min or so.
I definitely watch for the tired signs and that’s how I established his schedule. Eye rubbing, red around the eyes, suddenly mad, or resting head on me. At his age he can go 2-3hrs between naps,so I stick to that. If he skips his last nap I put him down at 6:30, cuz that’s like a 4.5-5hr wake time, but sometimes he’s just stubborn about that last nap.
I hope this helps!!
Also she has a sleep chart on this site that you can reference for your LO
I wanted to chime in on napping- for my nap schedule, I follow my daughter’s lead and watch for cues, and make sure she doesn’t stay awake more than 2-3 hours at a time during the day, and then 3-4 hours before bedtime.
For example, I’ll do wake up, awake for 1.5-2 hrs, sleep 1-1.5 hrs, awake 2-3 hrs, sleep 45 min- 1 hr, awake 2-3 hrs, sleep 45 mins, awake 3-4 hrs, bedtime. My daughter is almost 7 months and I still don’t have rigid nap times.
I do a routine before each nap- white noise and books before each nap.
I should also say that I use a pacifier and a swaddle for naps (not for night), which really help her to sleep. I might have issues later, but for now I am embracing them!
Hi Alexis, need your input. My son (5 months next week) has been sleeping and napping in the swing, rocking the Swaddle and white noise and we’ve been putting him down awake. He’s doing we’ll going to sleep on his own for naps but we’re still working on bedtime. I was planning to transition to crib in the next month or so once we tackled the falling asleep on his own 100% of the time. That was until yesterday when the motor in our swing died! (The horror). I’m SOL since the motor is on back order until February 15. I’ve been putting him down awake In the non moving swing but have to go in after 5 minutes to push the swing for him to fall asleep. His naps have shortened (he’d normally have a 1 hr am nap, 2-3 hr afternoon, and 30 min early evening) as he’s no longer doing the chunky 2-3 hr nap (its approx 1 hr) and is up more often in the evening 3-4 times and needs rocking vs 2 times to eat and back to bed. Should I bite the bullet and buy a new swing or work with what we’ve got and try to use this opportunity to transition to the crib?
Hi Alexis, Your website is really informative. I enjoy reading it. I would just like to comment on one statement you made – I think it was in reference to feeding the baby less each time you feed them in the middle of the night. I believe that can be rather disastrous – what happens is that when you feed the baby less (let’s say your feedings are 4am, then another at 7am), what will happen is that the baby will wake up *again* at 430, then 5, then 530, then 6. This is bec he would have “snacked” and not gotten his fill. This has happened with me and with many other women I met at the paediatrician’s. I would not recommend this method to eliminate the night feed at all. Perhaps it works for some mums, but for mums with feisty, big babies who adore eating/nursing, it wont work.
Her comment was in regards to night weaning once baby has started solids (at 6 months). At this time baby nutritionally no longer requires night nursing because solid food will be providing additional calories. Alexis is correct that baby no longer ‘needs’ to nurse at this time. Many babies find comfort in the ritual though which is her whole point or teaching them to sleep off the boob and on their own.
How old is your little one S?
Hi Melanie, Yes, I appreciate that that is what she said. And that is why it is so relevant to my situation. My little one is almost 6 months old and is having solids (paediatrician gave us the OK) – once in the morning and once at night – he has a large appetite, touchwood. I have to say I respectfully disagree with you – some babies are just hungry – a mum knows when her child is hungry and when s/he needs comforting. My son nurses well (and yes, before you bring it up, my milk supply is very good 🙂 ) and has a meal around 6.30. He still likes to nurse around 4am (dreamfeed at 11pm) because he is genuinely hungry. Every baby is unique and different 🙂
BTW my son is exclusively breastfed, I forgot to mention that.
Hi there,
I wish I’d found your website sooner! I’m working with my 9-month-old girl on sleep. She’s been a pretty solid rock-to-sleep-with-the-paci child until a few weeks ago when she stopped sleeping all night and stopped taking good naps. She’s the kid who wants to stand up in her crib so she doesn’t have to sleep. I’ve never seen her lay down her head and relax to go to sleep since she was a newborn.
SO I’m attempting the swing method that you suggested, and I understand the nap thing, but how does it work for night sleep? Do I even use it for night time? Any other tips would be helpful.
Thanks!
My daughter is 4 months old and she was sleeping wonderfully a few weeks ago where she was only waking up once around 1:30 – 3:30 and now we are getting into some sleep issues with her and she did start with an ear infection about three weeks ago which cleared up and then came back but it does not seem to be irritating her. Our usual routine is around 7:30 bath and then bottle (to soothe to sleep) which I am now realizing is a BIG NO NO. My husband and I are losing sleep and I have to wake up at 4 AM for work…so with all that said our problem is that she DOES NOT like the swing…the only way we can get her to swing for even 15 minutes is if we give her a bottle (usually G2 which we give to help get her to her next feeding which is every 4 hours) so what are my options? Should I change the routine to bottle and then bath…any help will be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for this wonderul website!! I have emailed my husband to read read read!!
This site is super useful Alexis, and I really hope the techniques will work for us. Since reading on here I got a baby swing for me 4 and a half year old and on first use he easily managed to tip himself out of it. My question is whether he is to old for the swing our should I invest in a five point harness model? Most seem to advertise as being up to ‘when the child can sit up’..he can’t but he’s very wriggly.if a swing is not for us is our only option cry it out? Am not keen but also understand that I need to do something sooner rather than later.thank you so much.Helen x
Thinking you mean 4 1/2 month old, not year (since he can’t sit up and he would be way over the weight limit for any swing I’ve seen at 4 1/2 yrs).
We still use the swing with our son and he’s 5 months. I would definitely make sure there’s a harness for safety and that he’s strapped in:)
Hi guys! I am a bit confused with implementing “putting down awake”. It’s not specified how you do it.
Currently we rock Her in our arms till she’s drowsy then put her down or is that wrong? Sometimes she cries and fusses when we put her down awake, what do we do then? Pick her up again n start the whole rocking her till drowsy then put her down awake? Or leave her in bassinet n just Pat her till she quiets down ? Or just leave her?
Any advice from anyone will help!
I too am confused – we have a 2 month old, and keen to start the self settling process. We currently rock him to sleep. If we start using the swing, do we put him in there wide awake and then use the swinging motion to get him to sleep?
Do we keep it swinging for his whole sleep or is that when we decrease the speed to a stop?
Thanks
What we did with our first(now 3 and a great sleeper) and are doing with our second(6.75 months old and an ok sleeper…) is the gradually down while still awake method and a little bit of cry it out.
Basically, I did have to nurse them to sleep at first and then at naps we would have to rock/bounce to sleep. But as soon as you start putting them to bed AS SOON AS they are starting to get tired it gets so much easier. So make sure you print out her sleep calendar on wake and sleep times. That helps a ton. We actually have it on our fridge for reference/reminder. If you go to put them down about when they “should” be tired or at the VERY first sign of sleepiness, then you won’t have as much of a hard time getting them to go down.
That being said, we’re doing pretty good about putting her down mostly awake. Our 6.75m old still needs a paci to help get her there, but we don’t have to rock her to sleep or anything. We give her the paci, calm her down, lay her in her bed (which we sometimes warm up with a heating blanket, but remove it before you put it in bed) and then pat her back or butt. Leave the room. IF they start to get upset, just give them a couple of minutes. Then go back in pick up put down, or do whatever works for you. That’s just what worked for us, basically a modified cry it out I guess…
This ended up getting a lot longer than I thought…sorry…
My husband and I are really struggling with this. My daughter is 14 weeks old and it seems like she’s needing more soothing now then she did when she was a newborn. We bounce and rock with loud white noise just to get her to a point where she’s drowsy but the second we put her down she screams. Sometimes we have to pick up and put down 3 times before we can set her down without her screaming. But by that time she’s so tired we just forget the wake to sleep thing all together. Did ever struggle with this? How did you overcome this if so?
I am in Amy’s boat–please help! My daughter is 13 weeks and I’m getting frazzled. Seems like she’s gradually gotten more difficult to fall asleep at night and during the day.
If 3-4 months is too early to CIO, what are some other ways to put her back on course??
My daughter was a great sleeper until she hit 3.5 months. She started sleeping through her night on her own at 2 months, although I was rocking or nursing her to sleep, and I must admit my husband and I, somewhat haughtily, congratulated ourselves for having such an easy child. However, at 3 and a half months, she started crying for at least 15-30 minutes while I rocked her before every nap and bedtime, although she was still sleeping soundly through the night. Then at 4 months, the dreaded sleep regression hit and our angel baby was suddenly waking up 3-4 times a night. (Not to eat. She was very clear on that. She just wanted to be rocked. She was and still is fed on demand, whether at night or during the day.)
After a couple of weeks of this behavior, we started very gentle sleep training. For the first few days, I would lie her down next to me in my bed and let her fall asleep – I wanted to get her used to falling asleep on a hard surface and without rocking. Then I would transfer her to her bed after she was soundly sleeping. She cried quite a bit, but she had been crying anyway, and I was right next to her. She was actually crying less than before. Then I moved her to her crib but stood next to her patting and kissing her continuously until she fell asleep. After 3 days of this, I still stood next to her and gently spoke to her, although I tried to limit touching. After another 3 days, I started slowly moving away from the crib, probably a couple of feet every 2 days. I would periodically go back and pat or kiss her, without picking her up. (Basically, it was a very, very slow version of the sleep shuffle.) It took about 2.5-3 weeks, but she started happily sleeping on her own and sleeping through the night again.
Unfortunately, as she reached 6 months, a terrible cold, followed by a week of teething pains undid all of our good work. We cuddled and held her whenever she woke up sick or hurting, and when she recovered after a couple of weeks, she found that she rather liked that arrangement. Moreover, a growing dependance on her binky had her waking up several times a night again. This time, I couldn’t handle another 2-3 week process. I was back at work, and desperately in need of sleep — and she was getting harder and harder to console at night. (She would lose her binky right as she was falling asleep and the crying would start all over again.) Finally, we bit the bullet and did Ferber. It worked in 3 days, and we are all back to happily sleeping.
I hope that helps.
Hi! All the comments are great, I’ve found it helpful. My Little boy is just over 10 months and still eating at night. Before, he used to wake up only at 2am and then at around 5-6am.. but now, is getting worse; He wakes up sometime around midnight, then at about 3am, then 4 and then at 5:30 more-less, then carries on until about 9:30. He goes to bed awake, after his night routine. He puts himself to sleep without a pacifier or any other soothing method. That is all fine, but when he wakes up at night I’ve tried and give him water and this does not work, last night I tried for nearly 2 hours and I ended up just breastfeeding him as I would normally do. It is getting really tiring… He is not a very good eater during the day, He can not keep still, and is all over the place at meal times.. He’ll eventually eat something but we need to be very patient and persistent. He is exclusively breastfed and during the day he would eat every 3-4 hours, sometimes as close as 2 hours.. Because he is not a good eater makes me think that he is genuinely hungry, but then after the first night feed, he wakes up in closer intervals, so I am not sure how to do. He is Teething, and we’ve put gel and given him pain relief but he still wakes up. Any advice would be appreciated..Thanks
Dear Alexis,
I have a 5 m old baby, and I’ve done everything wrong.. She doesn’t fall asleep on her on, she wakes up every 45 min and would sleep only wiyh a boob in her mouth. You are suggesting CIO for 6-8 mo and I just don’t unrestand – I did finish nursing her an hour ago, what to do now? Should I just leave her because she needs to call asleep on her own? She was crying for about 30 min now, I’m hiding in next to ber bed… Now she is asleep but when she wakes up – what to do? I nurse at night a lot, don’t have much milk supply so I use night time feedings. And she won’t take a bottle. So now I’m puzzled, looks like to let her to sleep on her own I use CIO. But it’s to early at her age? When she wakes up 45 min later what to do? I would usually stupidly give her a boob (the empty one which she has befor so it’s like pacifier). She should cry again?? And now I hear she asleep but complaining again, crying 10 min later after I thought she is asleep? Sorry, hope you understand what I’m asking, I’m hearing her crying and feel guilty and don’t know if I’m doing it right… I will feed her in 2-3 hors again, would’t it be sending mixed signal to her? Like I didn’t nurse her before bed and now I do… God, I feel so stuped. I read everything on your website. Help, please. And I need to have those night feedings. I just don’t wan’t to be used us pacifier…
Hi there
I’m not a sleep specialist, but I am trained in breastfeeding. At 5 months old, feeding on demand and baby not being supplemented by food, I would strongly recommend that when your little one wakes at night you feed her, especially if you are suffering with milk supply. Your prolactin levels are at their highest during the night so this is the period when you naturally produce more milk. Baby’s fed on demand do wake up more often ( there is nothing wrong with this and is how babies are designed to sleep, short sleep period with a brief wake and feed )
Your breast milk contains everything you baby requires for the first 12 month so food only needs to become a supplement to breast milk in the first year, in their second year your breast milk becomes a supplement to their food.
If you are suffering with low supply, feeding less ( especially at night ) will only reduce your milk, ensure that baby is allowed to fully feed from one breast at a time as swapping breast when you think they are empty could result in supply bring reduced also. Baby needs to be given time to get to the hind milk which is what will fill them up. Any hind milk left in the breast will be noted as not needed, so you will start to produce less. If baby is allowed to suckle on an “empty” breast, you body will think it hasn’t produced enough so will begin to produce more milk.
With my little one I would wait till I could see he had physically stopped feeding, allow him a bit of time after, but before he fell asleep I would put him in his cot. If he cried ( not winged ) I would pick him up and repeat, 4-5 times of this and he would allow me to put him down to fall asleep on his own. It’s hard work…… But does not leave you with that heart wrenching feeling of leaving your child to cry, which lets face it just fells so wrong!!! And that to me is Mother Nature knocking on your door telling you your baby needs you…… Who are we to fight with Mother Nature.
I would try this way first and maybe down the line look at other methods. As her learning to fall asleep without a boob in mouth is you first goal.
Hi Martine,
Thank you so much for your detailed advice. Last night was tough, I still feel I’m doing something wrong. I am feeding her at night and will do so. I’m not going to stop it. But there is the thing – I tried to wake her up, during the feeding and it’s impossible. she is so tired from crying before. Are you suggesting to feed her even every 45 minutes? What I did I waited at least 2 hours and if she woke up in between I would let her cry then I saw she didn’t stop and I picked her up us you advised. So now she will be waiting for me to pick her up I guess. And then next time I feed her and I’m afraid it’s very confusing. have no idea how not to let her fall asleep once I feed her at night. God, my poor baby. But all you said makes sense. I will use CIO metod anyway when she stopes night feedings…
Hi Alexis
My daughter is 10 months old and we have been cosleeping since the beginning due to moving 8 times since she has been born because of my husbands job. I am still nursing and do nurse her to sleep but she will wake after a put her down sometimes and then go back to sleep. She is waking up about every two hours during the night in which she crawls over to me in bed and either snuggles and falls back to sleep or I have to nurse her. I also find at the beginning of the night she wakes about every 40 minutes from about 7:30 to 10:30 and then starts sleeping in longer chunks(if you can call 2 hours longer). During the week I am pretty much by myself as my husband has to make sure he is rested for his job (flying). We have tried cry it out but it is difficult with sharing the bed. She naps twice a day for 45 minutes each and gets up between 7am and 8 and then goes back down for the night between 7 and 7:30 pm. Do you have any suggestions for me. We are currently living in a rental and we have a playpen we can use. We will be back in our house with a crib in about three months time. Any suggestions I would appreciate. Thank you.
My baby is almost 7 months old and used to be so easy to put down for naps and at night. I don’t know when she stopped going down on her own but now she needs me to hold her to fall asleep and she’s waking up alot during the night. Most of the time she just needs her binky but sometimes she thinks its just time to get up. I’ve tried letting her cry it out but we live in a small condo and she’s waking up my other child and my husband who works alot so I can stay home. Plus I have the worst guilt when she’s crying like that and find myself strong and fed up at first but then buckle after 10 min of her crying for me and go in and pick her up and cradle her back to sleep. I’m at my wits end and so exhausted. I don’t think the swing thing would work she doesn’t seem to need motion just me and a binky. I’m going to try to get her close to falling asleep and lay her down slightly still awake but I don’t know any other way for my situation that isn’t just letting her cry. She rarely gets a bottle between 8pm and 5am so I know it’s not that she wants a bottle it really seems that she just has no idea how to put herself back to sleep. Any ideas?
I don’t have personal experience, but from all I’ve heard, object permanence is likely the problem. She falls asleep in your arms, binky in mouth, and wakes up in a crib, no binky. So the not going down by herself and the night waking would (hopefully) both be solved by getting her to go down by herself again.
Could it be that she’s harder to put to sleep because she’s fighting sleep? According to Alexis’ post about object permanence that can happen. If so you’ve got a vicious circle.
So you probably need to wean off the pacifier and work on getting her to fall asleep on her own at bedtime. Which is probably much easier said than done, but will hopefully kill two birds with one stone by dealing with the object permanence/night waking problem.
Maybe for a first step, work towards putting her in her crib drowsy but awake, then patting, shushing, etc to sleep? Then try to gradually reduce the amount of that until she’s falling asleep without you again. Hope that works. If not, CIO could be a back-up plan? You might decide it’s worth disturbing the whole family’s sleep for a few days to get the whole family sleeping well.
Hi Alexis,
My 7 month old son does not sleep much at all and by much I mean, 2-3 hrs per day if we are lucky. He screams and fights his sleep until his little body is worn out and then he is only asleep for a couple of hours. Last week when my wife was working at the hospital (she works nights), I literally got only 7 hrs of sleep for the 3 days she was working.
The doctors are no help, all they keep saying is that he will grow out of this and there is nothing they can do for him since he is so young. I can’t image what this is doing to him physically and/or mentally.
Do you have any advice? Is it safe to give him a small (like 1/4 of 1mg dose) amount of melatonin to help him sleep? Can you make any suggestions to help him relax? Are there any safe and all natural products that will help?
Thanks for your time and help
Lavender essential oil is supposed to help with relaxation and sleep. This http://www.holisticshop.co.uk/articles/essential-oils-guide says lavender is ok from 6 months. I’m not sure how much evidence there is for it, but I can’t imagine it would hurt.
You poor folks! 2-3 hours in a 24 hour period? It would probably help Alexis answer your question if you say what kind of sleep aids you are using, if any, now. Like white noise, swaddle, swing. I know he is in the upper age of these tools but it sounds like these are extremely desperate times. Also, did he used to sleep better and just recently start this? Has the doctor checked out reflux? Maybe time for a second opinion if the doctors don’t seem concerned enough about 2-3 hours of sleep? Sorry for all the questions, but I just cannot imagine what you all are going through. I wish you the best of luck and some answers and relief soon!
Have you gotten any help, worn out dad? You might try posting your question on a more recent article.
Oh wow so glad I stumbled accross your post at 3am!
I have been living on roughly 2 hours broken sleep a night between my 6 month old and 2 year old.
I’m at my wits end. I now put baby to bed in her cot and try to settle, when this fails and depending how exhausted I am I persevere or give her a few sucks of her bottle until she calms down or almost falls asleep.
She then wakes roughly as follows, 11.30, 1.30, 2.30, 3.30, 5, 6
She was falling asleep with the bottle on my lap, have progressed to the cot. I will re read your advice again and see how we go, what else should I do? At every hour I’m too tired to fight and normnally let her suck a bottle as she wont take a dummy.
Then there’s my two year old who was always in our room as we were in a two bedroom unit (also have a 12 yr old) she was in her cot but would wake and climb into our bed. She is now in her own room in a big girl bed.
My hubby lays with her to get her to sleep. I’m trying to get her off the bottle but she has become obsessed since the six month old went onto bottles.
She usually wakes atleast once a night sometimes more and wants a bottle, more for comfort as she doesn’t always drink it she just holds it.
If I put water in it she screams NOOOO and throws it.
Advice?>
Hi Tracey,
Your little ones schedule sounds somewhat like mine! I have a 4 month old and he is up too about 6 times a night. If I nurse him, he usually falls back to sleep in under 5 minutes. If I don’t we’re awake for an hour and a half. I’m trying to get up the courage to make some changes. It’s hard when you are just so damn tired! I also have a 6 and 7 year old. Since the baby was on the way, the 6 year old sleeps in my bed, creeping in in the middle of the night.
I am going to decide when I should feed the baby and stick to it. ie, he goes to bed at 8, I’ll feed before I go to bed and then not again until 6 hours later. He slept through the night (5-6 and even 1 9hour time frame up until 1 month ago). So I know he can do it. Otherwise I will try taking off a minute from the night feeds like this website suggests. I’ll let you know if it works!
Good luck to you!
PS, let your 2 year old take a sippy cup to bed with milk in it. The bottle kind but without the teat. Otherwise if she really wants the teat let her! Mine drank from a bottle until maybe even 3 years old. They are both fine!
I am looking for any advice on the gradual approach. My six month old, until a few days ago, was nursed then rocked until fully asleep and then laid in her bed. Two nights ago, I started getting her to almost asleep and then putting her down. The first night she lightly fussed for about ten minutes and then last night, nothing. My plan was to , over time, put her down a little more and more awake until she was going down mostly awake. However, while she has been initially going to sleep find, she then wakes up 45 min to an hour later and cries and cries until I rock her all the way to sleep. So do I stick with my plan and just focus on the first going to sleep and rock her an hour later, or does this mean I need to let her cry at that hour mark? Or something else? Any advice or similar experience is much appreciated!
Hi Alicia,
I started putting my daughter down awake around 4 months- so not totally the same situation. She would wake 45-60 min after I’d put her down (even if I put her down awake). I would rock her, or pat her stomach, etc. to get her back to sleep. However, I found that as she got better at going down awake, and going down more awake, she stopped waking up an hour later. It took over a week to start to notice a real improvement, so hang in there! I will say that, two months later, she is much much better, but there are still nights where she will wake up an hour after I put her down. Usually, I attribute this to her being too tired at bedtime, or if she fell asleep nursing (which is also due to her being to tired). So I would continue to work on putting her down awake, and hopefully as she masters that task, she’ll also be able to put herself back to sleep after that first sleep cycle arousal. Good luck!
Hi, I have an almost 9 month old girl, Tahlia and she slept through from about 3 weeks to about 3 months. Then she started waking though the night for bottles and by about 6 months was back to sleeping through. We have now got into a pattern of going to bed between 7 & 7.30, I put her in her cot with a dummy & mobile on & she goes to sleep. She wakes at 11 & most nights puts herself back to sleep. She wakes at 2 for a bottle (I give this to her in her cot & she falls back asleep and the bottle comes out of her mouth) I know this isn’t ideal but it was my way of getting some sleep. She will then wake at 5 for a bottle & go back to sleep until about 7 or 8. After reading the site I know the dummy, mobile & bottles need to go but do I need to do the cry it out method as she does go to sleep on her own? I have started to decrease the bottle amount throughout the night also. I tried the cry it out method tonight and gave in after she screamed for 45 minutes. I put the dummy in and she was asleep in seconds. Please help as I am unsure on what to do & I’m scared she will stop going to sleep on her own if I continue the cry it out method.
My son has been sleeping in his stroller for the last two months. He’s 9 months old now. I want to train him to sleep in his crib. Does anybody have a similar situation and what are they doing? Thanks.
Alexis, I have a question about night feedings. My son is a small 4 1/2 month old baby, weighing in at about 5-10 percintile. Accordingly, he eats pretty small meals (about 4oz at a sitting). he goes to sleep btw 6:30 -7:30 and wakes up every 2-3 hours the whole night to eat. after eating, he goes right back to bed, i dont play with him, look or talk to him. pick him up feed him and right back into the crib and i walk out. I kno a lot of sources say he shouldnt need to eat that often at this age, but he is still taking about 3 -4 oz during his night feedings. should i stop feeding him at every waking? how?
esentially my question is how do i know when he is ready to stop the feedings. he still eats a good amount during his wakings, so i feel like it would be cruel to stop feeding him.
Hi Alexis and everyone,
First of all, I love the website and its been a huge help! I had a question that I can’t find the answer to (although it may be there and I’m just too exhausted to see it). My son is almost 5 months old and has, since birth, woken up every hour at night, even with swaddle,white noise, paci, etc. he even wakes up when in the swing and rock n play (although it is a little better). At about 4 mos, we started trying to put him down awake, and surprisingly, it’s been super easy. He goes to sleep in about 15 mins with very little fussing. He’s been going down awake for 2 weeks now (with no paci or swaddle bc he rolls). But he still wakes up crying constantly. Any ideas? Should we let him cry it out for night waking? How much crying is ok at his age?
I’ve been to the doc to rule out medical issues and they said he’s fine except maybe he’s hungry. But he doesn’t need to eat every hour during the day so…
Any help would be so appreciated!
Our daughter is 7 months. We’ve been using the swing for several months and have been able to put our baby down in the non moving swing for a few weeks now and she will fall asleep. The swing has been in her room for three months, right next to her crib. We use a white noise machine and have a bedtime routine that never faulters. But, am having the hardest time transitioning her to her crib! I can lay her down in there to begin with and she will sleep for 1-2 hours. After that she refuses to go back to sleep in her crib. I know there is probably something that I’m not doing or that I’m doing wrong, but I don’t know what!!
I am wondering what you think about this. My baby will be 6 months old next week. She is generally sleeping through the night or waking once during the night. We worked really hard on it through sleep training, and it seems to be going ok. She goes to sleep at 7-7:30PM. I have two questions:
1) Our bedtime routine includes nursing/bottle. It is usually the last thing before I put her down besides burping. However, she is awake when I put her down; in other words, she doesn’t fall asleep while eating. Then she goes to sleep on her own within a few minutes. Should I change the order of the bedtime routine so that I am feeding her before some of the other activities, just in case she is associating eating with sleep? It is clear to me that she really wants to nurse prior to naps, and I’m wondering if that is because of our bedtime routine.
2) She just started waking in the morning at 6:30, when she’d always been waking around 7:30 in the past. Is it normal for babies to shift their morning wake times earlier?
Thank you for the help and encouragement! The next thing we really need help with: the dreaded nap!
Hi Alexis
I have 12 week old twins (who sleep in the same crib) and I am wondering how I will break the bottle=sleep or soothe=sleep association during bedtime/naptime. I know I have some time but we are moving across the country and I will have to work with a 3 hour time change and new environment and of course the hiccup of hotel + flight and traveling for 8+ hours. Needless to say I won’t be working with the bottle=sleep assoc. till they are closer to 6 months.
Little background- born 37w2d. Has been sleeping in their crib (in our room) since day one although for many weeks I had to co-sleep at least one for the “first” shift (9-12) and able to transition to crib the rest of the night.
Currently they go down around 7:40-8:40 p.m.- They may or may not have one night feed between 2-4 and then wake up for the day at around 7:30 or 8 am.
Nighttime routine: diaper change, jammies, bottle feed. My husband feeds our daughter, burps her and lays her on a pillow for a few minutes and transfers to crib and at times has put her down awake. I, feed our son and he generally has to be asleep on the bottle and then I hold him in “bottle feeding position” for 5 min then transfer to crib.
I like what we are doing now but want to lose that bottle=sleep association. Naps there is no bottle=sleep association but there is a soothe to sleep association and I am working more at putting them awake and having them fuss it out for a few minutes.
These past few nights both have awoken within 5 or 10 minutes of being put down for various reasons (wonder week, growth spurt, etc…)- and so we go through the whole routine of feed and put down and they stay down.
I’ve tried: giving him less but he ultimately wants more and now I’m giving him LOTs (it went from 12ml to 180 ml to at times up to 220 ml)- it’s taking him over an hour at times to finish so I changed to a faster flow nipple. I also didn’t hold him for 5 min and have decreased to 3 and then 2 but it fails..back to 5 min and back to a big bottle.
If it’s working now should I do nothing and wait and see? (i.e. do CIO when they are 6 months?)I want to tackle day naps first with putting down awake and less soothing but its not that successful.
Sorry I meant 125 ml!!
I’m not Alexis, but here’s my (aka hers, but on many other posts) advice to get rid of the bottle=sleep association: move the bottle up in the routine so that it’s first and at least 20 minutes before actual bedtime. So your new routine would be: bottle, diaper, jammies, pillow for your husband, bottle position for you. Ultimately, you want to go from him falling asleep in the bottle position to you putting him down drowsy but awake, like you do at naps. Maybe you could even try skipping him falling asleep in bottle position and see how drowsy but awake right away goes? IMO, your bedtime routine may be a little short: diaper and jammies might not take 20 minutes, so perhaps consider putting in a song or a book or something to stretch out that time (perhaps not right away?), so that the bottle is further removed from sleep. And, 12 weeks is not too early to move the bottle and start getting rid of the association; it’s probably perfect timing because you might be able to get it done before the 4 month regression and before your move. It would be much happier for everyone to do it now and possibly avoid CIO! Hope that helps. Best of luck with the twins and the move. At least you’re not moving to another continent like me and my husband!
I am hoping you can give me some advice. I am currently working through #2 (Make it gradual) and have a few questions. My daughter will be 5 months on Thursday, needs to he swaddled and have a passi to sleep. I have gotten it down to just sitting in the rocking chair and slightly rocking her with my arms at the same time. She is already sleeping in her crib at night and typically wakes every 3-4 hours to eat. She used to sleep 5-7, but since the 4 month sleep regression that has only happened once.
My biggest question is, before I start putting her in the crib awake, can I still swaddle her? Do I need to try to stop using it before that happens. I believe that if I remove the passi she will start thumb/hand sucking (she does this a LOT while awake) and it might replace that behavior, but she will be unable if she’s swaddled.
Thank you for such an informative sight and thanks for any help, in advance.
Hi Alexis,
You’ve got some really good info here! Thank you for creating this forum to help us tired mommies. I have a few questions that I didn’t see answered, so here goes.
Our son is 4 and half months old. Until about 3 months(prior to me returning to work) he was going to sleep around 8pm, waking to eat around 1am and 4am and then up for the day around 7am. As we transitioned to daycare through his third month he started falling asleep earlier and earlier. He is now typically given a bottle, bath, book and bed by 6:30 or 7:00pm (being put into his crib asleep). He then wakes up around 11, 1 and 4. When he wakes up we go to him right away. When its me I nurse him for 3-5 mins and then he’s back asleep and in his crib. When dad goes in he gets a 4oz bottle and then goes back to sleep in his crib and might sleep until 3 or 4 without the 1am feeing. For the last few nights we’ve reduced the bottle to 2oz since I can’t imagine he’s getting much more than that when he’s nursing, but he’s still doing the 1am and 4am waking. Do you think this is a good idea as we near the time for night weaning or do you think givi ng him the bigger bottle gets us closer to the goal of reducing the number of times he wakes up?
Just curious what your thoughts on this.
Thanks!
Julie
I just came across your website and love it! My daughter is 10 months old and has always struggled with nighttime sleep. No matter what, she always wakes up crying after the first sleep cycle. We have tried everything – putting her down awake, rocking her to sleep, swing, holding her while she sleeps – but always the same result. This used to happen at nap time, too, but she seemed to outgrow it and now sleeps 1 1/2-2 hours each nap. There is nothing different about her night routine, and we have tried keeping lights on, making it darker, staying in the room, feeding her more/less near bedtime, etc. She has slept through the night 3 times, and 2x were the day she began a reflux med; the third was a fluke. We stopped the meds because they never seemed to help after the first night, but debating whether to start again because I just don’t know what else could be causing the night waking. Any thoughts or suggestions would be very much appreciated!
When it comes right down to trying the CIO method, how much is ok? At what point is the crying too much, and I mean for her, not me! I have looked and looked and the only thing I can find is that if baby grows too anxious then go get her. But according to the list by Dr. Sears, my girl, meets 10 out of 12 of the features of a “high needs” baby, and to people who say, let them cry, I laugh because there is no twenty minutes and she is asleep, I could let her go for thirty I’m sure (I haven’t tried, because we reach I’m crying sooo hard now that I’m going to throw up, or start choking etc…) to me, that’s too much crying, so how exactly does CIO work? I’m willing to try, but just don’t know how to start and nothing really explains it well, and my ped. isn’t very helpful about it because what I get from him is “baby’s do that”!! I’ve tried Mozart and white noise, it seems to make her cry worse, like she knows what I’m up to. I have also tried all the controlled crying, go in after three minutes then another five, etc…I feel like I’m doing something horribly wrong, when people I know, have used these methods and sleep lovely now!
Hi all
Please need help badly as my 11moth daughter dont sleep duting day..not singel nap…or nite time…she keep waking up every 30hrs and take 45 min to go back to sleep….she want cuddel or brestfeed to go back to sleep and she dont sleep in her cot .she want to sleep between me and my husbond…
She used to sleep in bouncer and once she sleep I put her in her cot until she was 6month….after she went sleep while drinking milk (brestfeed) and I put her in cot…but now….nathing is like working for her…i try CIO but same prblen feel bad and she dont stop cry until 45 min…
Please tell me wat and how can I make her sleep……:-( 🙁
I have been battling eczema on my 6 month old for months. Before he developed it, I had done some light sleep training and had successfully gotten him to fall asleep on his own (still swaddled) but once the eczema started it all went out the window. And to make matters worse, he started rolling over so swaddling had to stop. With his hands free, he DESTROYED his face, he even managed to give himself a skin infection from all the scratching. When we put mittens/socks on him, he rubs himself raw and aggravates the eczema. Without mittens he scratches himself to a bloody mess. My husband and I are at our wits end, we now have him sleeping in his car seat swaddled so he can’t roll over or get to his face (if he doesn’t manage to get out of his swaddle). I want to sleep train him, but can’t have his hands free, and if his hands are not free, I won’t lay him in the crib because I am afraid he will roll over and not be able to roll back with his hands pinned to the side. Anytime he gets upset and cries he takes it out on his face, so we rock him, nurse him, hold him, give him his pacifier, anything to keep him calm and get him to sleep. I know these are all bad habits but I don’t know how to manage doing the cry it out method and not have his face pay the consequences. Can you help me?
This post seems really useful, but actually doesn’t help with what I think is the key question for the “gradual” method. Once you put your baby down awake, how do you get them to go to sleep? My baby goes from drowsy or in light sleep to wide-awake and not about to go to sleep any time soon within moments of hitting the mattress, unless she is already in a deep sleep when I put her down. We can go through the cycle of rock to sleep/to drowsy, put down, wake up, pick up and repeat 5-10 times or more. In the daytime, by this point she usually needs a nappy change or nursing or is no longer sleepy. At night she will eventually stay asleep from sheer exhaustion, I think. I understand that I need to gradually reduce the amount of rocking, patting, or shushing that I do but I don’t understand how to get her to go from drowsy/awake to fast asleep without these things. If I leave her after putting her down awake, she just cries!
Unfortunately we don’t have space or money for a swing, and I’m not prepared to go for CIO (at least not yet), so it has to be the gradual approach for us. But as yet I don’t understand how it works…
This is my question as well.
This is a useful website, but nowhere does it mention to gradually stop breastfeeding to sleep. My boy is 7 months and its getting harder to put him to sleep. Sometimes he is just sucking whilst playing with my bra strap or his feet and not actually going to sleep. Once he is asleep and I put him down he is wide awake again immediately. He will then just lay in my arms drowsy, I out him down, he wakes up again. I sit with him, he cries, I leave the room he cries. He then starts to play about, laughing and cooing and will do this forever. The record is 3 hours. Today he has had about 1 hours worth of sleep from 10am until now. Hes tired but just wont go to sleep.
Nowhere does it mention to gradually stop breastfeeding to sleep? I think I mention that in this actual post no?
You have a classic “need to have him fall asleep solo” issue. Now he’s fighting bedtime because he knows you’re trying to sneak out. This is a classic “hypervigillance” issue. This is why your bedtime is devolving into a 3 hour ordeal 🙁
I’m having a hard time getting my 11 week old to successfully use the swing for naps. It frequently either makes her spit up or actually vomit her entire stomach contents, then she starts crying. (who wouldn’t) I’ve tried only using the swing when she’s gone a good amount of time since nursing, and tried it on a low speed but the slow rocking isn’t enough motion to soothe her. She doesn’t spit up much otherwise and never vomits outside of the swing so I know it’s not just a reflux issue. Should I just keeping trying and hope it will get better as she gets a bit older? Otherwise I’m having a hard time getting her to fall asleepwithout rocking her in my arms or nursing her to sleep. When I put her down drowsy but awake she rouses herself and gets upset.
I can’t believe you are actually recommending parents use a swing to get their baby to sleep. Are you not familiar with the American Pediatrics Academy of safe sleep practices? You should NEVER EVER allow your baby (especially under 6 months old) sleep in a swing. There are so many documented accounts of positional asphyxia that I can’t believe you aren’t aware of this.
Shame on you for promoting and actually recommending something so risky and unsafe!!!!!!!!
Hey Sarah,
Actually I’ve written extensively about sleeping in swings and yes I am more than aware of the APP safe sleep practices. But don’t take my word for it – check out the video chat with myself and Dr. Karp on this exact topic (see link below).
Positional asphyxia is definitely a concern under certain circumstances but it is rare. So my advice is always – check with your pediatrician. The vast majority are very supportive of the idea of swings for families that are struggling.
Hi Sarah,
I know Alexis does not need me to stick up for her, but can I just let you know that the tone of your comment is very difficult to stomach. Clearly you feel strongly on this issue, but reading the way you have written just takes me right back to when my baby was 5 weeks old…. I was unwell, with post partum anxiety, and was having a rough rough time.
If you take the time to read what is written on this website, there is real compassion here. And I will be forever grateful for that. Just so you know, whatever point you are trying to make, when you make it without compassion it hurts. Not only Alexis, who gives up her time freely to help other mums, but new mums like me who will be reading this, already panicking about every aspect of the care of their baby, will feel judged. And that is a horrible place to be. We are all adults, and it is fine, it is helpful, to raise awareness of safety concerns so we can make the best decision for our children. But done without compassion it serves only to wound and to damage. I was wounded and damaged by comments like these when I was already at a very low ebb.
I just wanted to let you know this, not only for Alexis, but also for the new mums like me who find themselves with non napping babies and wind up reading what you have written.
Lisa
Hey Lisa,
Thanks for chiming in 🙂 I think of myself as fairly thick-skinned but surprisingly, sharp comments sting more than you would guess and I actually do sometimes need somebody to stick up for me 🙂
I also relate entirely to what you are saying, when you’re in a low place it’s easy to feel panicked, judged, stung by sharp words. Because you’re in such a vulnerable place.
Trust me, I was in that vulnerable place and it wasn’t so long ago that I don’t remember just how vulnerable it was.
There is a lot of truth in what you share and everybody – myself included – would do well to remember what it’s like to be there and to moderate our words so that we don’t unintentionally wound anybody.
So thanks 🙂
If my baby always with out fail falls asleep while nursing, do I wake him up then put him to sleep awake? He literarly is out the minute the boob hits the his mouth. Thanks!
Hi Alexis!
With step #1, what do I do if he refuses to fall asleep when I put him in the swing awake? His cries escalate to the point there is no way he can fall asleep without us calming him down. He is almost 4 months and has been sleeping in his swing for awhile–we put him down after nursing then sitting for 10-20 minutes and the motion usually helps keep him asleep longer, though lately he’s been waking up within 0-15 minutes after we put him in the swing asleep (seems to be teething). Just hoping for more information on how to get him to fall asleep on his own.
Thanks!
Katie
I have a 10 month old that requires nursing to fall to sleep and still wakes up on a good night twice. On a bad night it is every 45 mins. I am so tired duing the day and soon will have to go back to work and am afraid I will be doing this night waking for the rest of my life. I have tried putting him to sleep awake and he screams to the point of throwing up so I will pick him up. Please help.
I am definitely going to try this method.I have been doing all the wrong things with my 8mth old and she keeps me up the whole night literally. I am up almost every 45mins.It feels good to at least know there’s something i can do to change the situation. Thank u Alexis
This post made me feel human again! My now 5 month old has never liked sleeping alone, and I was wondering if you could give me some recommendations. Here’s what our day normally looks like:
Up around 8am
Naps during our walk, around 10:30am – about 40 mins. If he naps alone in his bed, more like 33 mins.
If he naps at all during the rest of the day – it has to be with me. I’ve tried checking on him and doing CIO, and all he does is cry for an hour and a half…so I end up giving up and napping with him.
Nighttime:
Bounce/rock to sleep at 7, wakes up in crib at 8
is fully awake until 10
Falls asleep with us in bed at 10:30
placed in co-sleeper at 10:45 – wakes up *hungry* at 2:30.
Fed, falls back asleep at breast, and if placed back in his crib, he will wake up every 30 mins wimpering. If allowed to stay asleep next to me, he will sleep for 1-2 hours.
Each time he wakes up, he will not go back to sleep unless he lies next to me, and often wants to eat.
Any advice? I’m thinking about bringing the swing into our room like you recommend. What happens if he falls asleep next to me while he eats in the middle of the night?
Thanks in advance!
Hi, I was wondering if any mums on here have used the Dr Karp ‘wake and sleep’ method, and whether it’s worked for you? I have a 3 month old who I currently breast feed to sleep and I’m wanting to prevent the scary prospect of her starting to wake frequently through the night because of this. There have been nights when she has slept through from 7.30 pm to 5.30 am, which is AMAZING, but more recently she has been waking anywhere from 11.00 pm to 3.00 am, and then again a few hours after that, so I’m wondering whether the feeding to sleep is already having its dreaded consequences.
The last few nights I have been trying the wake and sleep method but not sure if I’m doing it right. It’s quite hard to get her to actually open her eyes once she’s fallen asleep. Often she just wriggles about a bit when I try and wake her, and I’m not sure if this is enough. Does anyone else have experience of using this method, and have you found it’s stopped your baby from becoming dependent on being rocked/nursed to sleep?
Thanks for any advice
Katie, I was wondering the same thing.
I read about the method in Dr Karp’s book, after my baby was already too old. Now I am just curious if it might have worked for us.
I did read a comment elsewhere on this(?) site, from a woman who recommended this method. She had great success, she said, because she used wake/sleep very consistently from the time her baby was a newborn.
Anybody else want to chime in?
Thanks Maryl,
Yes it would be great if anyone has any feedback. I am becoming increasingly paranoid about the way in which I am getting my daughter to sleep & feel that I am failing her. I have post natal depression/ anxiety and can’t stop reading all the comments on here from mums who are now finding their baby is waking every 45 mins in the night because of the wrong sleep associations, and I, terrified of this happens to us. I thought ihad stumbled across a lovely & straight forward way of getting her to sleep, until I realise now that I’m not doing her any favours.
Wake to sleep is awesome as long as baby is actually doing the “wake” part. Sometimes it is challenging but yeah, it’s awesome if you can make it happen!
If you can nail the “wake” part you’re 80% of the way there. Some babies will still have issues with nursing so close to bedtime (see post I’ve linked below) but in general it’s a great thing to do!
Thanks Alexis,
My baby opens her eyes for a second when I do the ‘wake’ part, and squirms a little…just hoping this is enough :$
Hi Alexis,
I have a 9 mth old who recently went through a major sleep regression for 5 weeks !!! Thankfully thats out of the way but the problem now is, she has learned to pull herself up to a sitting position and has started to wake earlier and earlier each morning. She falls asleep on her own for both naps and bedtime but it seems now that instead of resettling in the early mornings she wants to sit up and fully wakes up at the same time. She has gone from sleeping 7pm – 7.30/8.00am to 7.00pm – 6.00am this morning! Any advice on what I should do to stop the early mornings
Hi, my son is 14months old and since birth has been sleeping in my arm and when he wakes he will cry and cry and moan till he has a bottle and just afew sips then his done. He will wake and same thing again. Eventually he has gone through 3 350ml bottles during the night. He refuse to sleep without me (even though my husband tries). I tried the CIO thing, put him in his crib and he just cried and cried even though he was sooo tired and to me it sound as if he cried so much he couldn’t breathe and was traumatised. Ever since that day he is so scared to sleep on his own for 5mins. I’m 3months pregnant now and need to get him out of my bed before baby arrives and he feels neglected and thrown aside. I seriously don’t know what to do… Ill try anything. Swinging doesn’t help either. But when we in the car he will fall asleep on his on with a bottle. I don’t know what to do. I am seriously in need of help. Its a matter of Urgent advise.
Hey Leeche,
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time 🙁 Sadly you’re joining the club of parents who bent over backwards for baby #1 only to realize that change is needed to make space for baby #2. It’s just not sustainable.
Yes you toddler (yep, no longer a baby although I’m sure he’s desperately cute) is eating a TON at night. I have a hard time imagining that he’s eating 33 oz (sorry I’m in the US so that’s how I think of things) at night but if so, probably 90% of his food is coming in during the night. So in addition to getting him to sleep on his own you’re REALLY going to have to wean off the night food and get him eating FAR more during daylight hours.
The other thing is that clearly he has some major sleep associations: being cuddled & eating. I mean sure he’s snacking all night long but the sum of food is SUBSTANTIAL. Sadly neither of these associations is sustainable. And yes he’s way too old for a swing.
Honestly I hear you had a bad experience, and there is no way you can cut out that night feeding all at once. But at this junction the most effective option MIGHT be CIO. Because you don’t have months and months to work on things gradually. So bedtime in crib, no bottle. But then you’ll have to feed him at night because clearly he WILL be hungry.
Then you gradually wean off the night bottles and offer a lot more food during the day. Because the truth is that you’ve got 6 months of runway before you’re going to be needed by a newborn so I’m not sure if you can afford to diddle around with something more gradual.
Not what you were hoping for but that’s my vote…
Thank you so much for the advise ill def try it as of tomorrow morning (seeing that its 00:05 in South Africa and actually need to warn my sleeping husband about our plan). But is there no way you could possibly help me out with a schedule? My husband leaves the house around 6am and gets home 6:30pm. If I could have a schedule what to do at what time it would really help. I’m very scared to do the CIO thing but I know it has to be done and ill have to less his feed during the course of the night. This is the hardest thing ever. I don’t know any better. My son Liam slept in my bed till Ayden was 10 months old and he was 4years and 8months. Getting him out was easy as pie. But now I just need to figure out what next and I honestly don’t know of any othe way… Please help. This has been the only site I have found real helpful for the past 3 months of searching.
It’s really hard. Honestly he’s been snacking ALL NIGHT LONG. It may accumulate to be 3 full bottles but he’s not used to guzzling, he’s eating in drips and drabs.
If you’re OK with co-sleeping you could just cut out the bottle (and as hard as it is, it’s not great for him to eat all night long – his dentist will back me up on this). So that’s an option – you cuddle but offer a bottle at 3 different times based on whatever you think is OK.
Or if you want him out then you go cold turkey – fall asleep sans bottle and sans co-sleeping. Yes it will be a lot of crying. Yes you will have to figure out when to feed him. It will be hard. Personally I would just to in every 3 hours. Why? Because we’re just taking a stab at it anyway so that’s a decent place to start.
Whatever you do commit. Don’t dabble, DO IT. Even if you want to continue co-sleeping, the bottle at bedtime needs to stop. PS. Continuing to co-sleep will be challenging but don’t feel like you have to give that up if it’s right for you. Good luck!
Hi Alexis,
Your blogs are inspiring!! Thanks for writing them.
Now, the purpose of me writing this is because I’m so desperate with my 5 1/2 months old son’s sleeping habit. I need your advice. Please help me and my poor husband.
So here is the situation,
Our son is now 5 1/2 months (will be 6 months on November 6). The biggest problem is that he won’t settle to sleep on the crib (nap or bedtime) for more than 1 to 1 1/2 hr.
Here is the detail of his sleeping habit
* Nap time
– He takes 2 to 3 naps everyday, ranging from half an hour to 2.5 hr, but mostly an hour
– He mostly takes his nap on a baby swing. It seems that it doesn’t matter matter if the swing is moving or not. I tried both ways and it doesn’t increase his nap time. However, he does sleep longer on his swing than his crib
– I tried to put him on his crib for a nap, but it never last more than one hour.
*Bedtime
– I put him on his crib and he always wake up every one to two hours and he won’t go back to sleep unless I nurse him
– I tried couple times to put him down awake/drowsy (I even tried the method Dr. Karp mentioned : it’s ok if he falls asleep while I nurse him as long as I kind of wake him up when I put him on his crib ; it didn’t work, he just become wide awake and want to nurse again)
– I tried to put him on the swing for bedtime and he woke up every 2 hrs and won’t sleep again until I nurse him (is it really true that sleeping on the swing won’t hurt the development of the baby’s back)
So what should I do?? basically I’m so tired not getting enough sleep. I have another 4 yrs old too, so sleep during the day when the baby nap does not work for me…
Please help….
Hi!
I’m not sure if you are replying to comments, questions from older posts but here goes…
My daughter is 3 months (in five days). She has usually been a good night sleeper, rock her, shush her etc she falls asleep in arms swaddle her, put her in pack n play and done. She gets up usually once to eat (it varies if it’s midway through the night or super early morning). Lately she’s been breaking out of swaddle and tossing and turning but not waking up so infix the swaddle and go back to bed.
Here is my question, comment…
Should I still try the swing method you laid out if the nights are going ok but it’s the naps that are horrible. She cans till barely make it an hour awake and if I stretch it to a hour she’s definitely overtired, I have to rock her shush her for up to twenty minutes and sometimes she’s still awake or wakes as soon as I swaddle her. She has also started to cry/scream as we rock her to sleep. If we swaddle her first she becomes hysterical. (P.s. We use white noise all the time, for rocking, the whole time she sleeps etc). I can put her down in pack n play or crib and she’ll sleep for only 30 minutes, yesterday I made sure room was dark and got one 2.5 hour nap. I’d like to work on her naps and putting down awake but don’t want to mess with her good night sleep 🙂
Thank you for any advice or suggestions
Hi
I have an 8 month old who I rocked to sleep but recently I have stopped this and I give her a bottle to put her asleep… She used to go to sleep all night until she started teething and now she wakes up once a night and wants to play. She refuses to let me rock her anymore she just gets more upset..If I put her in my bed she goes straight back to sleep. If I give her a bottle she drinks two ounces and goes back to sleep sometimes. I don’t want to keep putting her in my bed as my husband is a very heavy sleeper. She goes to sleep fine in he day she has about 3 hrs sleep in all..
Any suggestion would be great …
Hi Alexis!
I’m not sure if you are replying to comments, but here goes…
My daughter is turning 3 months in four days. She has been a good night sleeper, nurse her, rock her, shush her and she falls asleep in arms. Just before she gets totally asleep, I put her in the crib and she stays sleeping. Sometimes she awakes and usually eats a little more and then falls asleep. She has a bedtime rutine, and she is sleeping around 19:30.
She gets up to eat at 02:30 am (sometimes at 01:30), and then again at 04:40 and then at 05:30 or 06:00.
I’m having problems with naps. Sometimes she naps for 30 minutes, sometimes 45 minutes, and rarely 1 – 1.5 hours. She just can’t fall asleep on her own. I’ve tried to put her in the swing, but doesn’t fall asleep, she starts crying when she wants to sleep but can’t do it. If I rock her in arms, and put her almost asleep, she ends sleeping in the swing, but on her own she doesn’t.
Should I wait and try again next week? If she is sleeping fine during nights, does this means she can fall asleep on her own during nights? why she can’t do it in daylight. Does this means she is going to have trouble sleeping later?
Here is my question, comment…
Hi Alexis,
I need some advise because so far looks like I have done everything wrong with putting my baby to sleep. He is going to be 8 months soon and can’t fall asleep on his own. He takes the pacifier to fall asleep while in our arms in combination with rocking and wakes up 3-4 times a night for a bottle. He takes 3-4 daytime naps that are usually 30 mins to an hour long. We tried the CIO method a month ago and failed, instead we ended up getting him used to the pacifier. After reading the blog, my plan is to first get rid of the pacifier, then try the CIO method again and finally wean his feedings. His crib is also next to my bed, i will move it so i am not in his sight. I am scared im going to fail at the CIO method again, he is very stubborn and last time we let him cry for almost an hour and finally gave up. At this point I need more sleep so please help. Thanks for any suggestions.
Hi! I want to try the swing solution, but I am a little unsure how to proceed. I have a 14 week old boy, who is a happy dude while he’s playing, but when he gets tired he absolutely screams. We have bounced him to sleep so far (a la happiest baby on the block), and usually once he’s asleep we can set him down in the swing or bouncy chair for his nap. However, the naps are short (30 min or less most of the time!) and he is getting heavy. So I want to help him learn to fall asleep on his own. My concern is that when we put him in the swing awake, at a time when he is tired and ready for a nap, he nevertheless absolutely screams. Do you recommend letting him wail in the swing and seeing if he eventually calms himself down? I am imagining your method works best when the baby sits calmly in the swing and slowly nods off, and that is not our little guy (at least not now). Thank you so much for any advice!
Hello Alexis,
I LOVE your website, your advice on the swing has allowed me countless extra hours of sleep, and weaning her off it just they way you described was perfect!
I am just wondering what to do she your baby doesn’t cry it out, but doesn’t sleep either.
She is 4.5 months old, and puts herself to sleep for her first 3 naps of the day (only one long nap in the morning, the rest are 30-45 minutes = still 4 daily naps). At bedtime we follow the routine, since weaning her off of the swing some nights she puts herself to sleep in 20-30 minutes, others it takes an hour or more, and here is the big issue… after bedtime (between 7:30-8pm) she wakes up 45 minutes later and needs to be nursed back to sleep, otherwise she will lay there until midnight WIDE awake! Some nights I nurse her back to sleep and she wakes up another 45 minutes after that to be nursed back to sleep again. After which she usually sleeps 6-9 hours without a feeding!
Any advice?
Hi there! Love your blog. Quick (or maybe not so quick) question about my little one…
She loves the swing (right now only when it’s moving but we are working on it) so that is how she naps at daycare and at home. I’d like her to be able to to nap in her bed though for when she stays with the grandmas who don’t have swings! She sleeps well in her own bed at night with only one wake up usually to eat and go right back to sleep BUT typically needs to be fed/jiggled (a lot)/somtimes paci in order to sleep in her bed at night. So, since the goal is getting her to sleep ON HER OWN, do I take a step back and use the swing in her room at bedtime, even though she is sleeping so well in her bed after I lay her down? Or should I teach her to go to sleep on her own for naps right now using the swing and let it transition to bedtime? Babies can be so complicated! 🙂
Trying to figure out where my little guy fits into this and where to start! He’s 8-1/2 months old and an extremely happy baby at that! Until night time that is. He naps during the day no problem. In the car, swing, crib, floor, or on someone! At night it’s a different story. As of right now he FALLS asleeps in the swing, still or rocking seems to make no difference, we transition him into his crib, he sleeps until 2-4am, which is when I’m assuming the holy cow I’m waking up on the front lawn comes from. SOMETIMES I can just plug him and back to bed he goes, other times he is nursed back to sleep. But then again periodically wakes. Sometimes this starts as early as 11pm and we find ourselves getting up 4-6 times a night. We’ve tried to just lay him in the crib, awake, and he has a meltdown.
We’re in the same boat. Mason is 6 1/2 months old. He naps just fine, usually for about an hour every 2-3 hours. However, it usually requires bouncing. That’s just what works for him so we went with it. We have been following a routine since he was born: bath, lotion and jammies, then a bottle. That has gone to hell in the past month. Now by the time he has his bottle he is refusing it, blowing bubbles with his mouth, kicking his legs and flailing his arms, trying to play, and cracking up if anyone looks at him. Is this a second wind? I have been having to bounce him in his chair to get him to sleep. He will finally go down between 8-9 pm (he does finish his bottle), and then be waking by 11. He’ll wake again by 1, 3, 4, 5, and then he’s up for good by the time the sun comes up at 6-6:30. Each time, he seems to want to eat! He only eats every 4 hours during the day so I can’t understand why he wants to eat all night. My husband leaves for work at 4 am and gets home at 7pm so he can’t be much help. I’m losing mind and I’m just so tired!
How did all of this work out for you? Do you have any helpful tips? I’m going through something very similar with my 6 month old.
PLEASE help. I would love to use cry it out but my 9 month old has learned to stand in the crib on her own now so I am scared she will fall out if the crib when I walk out. Any suggestions?
I’d consider one of those sleep sacks where the legs are together in one pouch–that can delay a crib climber’s ability to climb out. Alternatively, you could go in and do checks where you lay her down. Just do them silently and without any expression, quick in and out to lay down.
Hi. Great article. We have an almost 7month old and I don’t want to be late to the party in sleep training. We nurse our child to sleep and he used to only wake up once a night but now wakes up twice a night. I feel like it’s getting worse. This is because he doesn’t fall asleep on his own (nursing to sleep) and uses a pacificer. (2 crutches)
What are your suggestions on our situation? Thanks for any help you can provide. Totally grateful.
Hi, replying to my own comment here. Just wondering if you had any thoughts on having a post on what to do the morning after the first cry it out session.
We finally gave in and tried cry it out. But only after he wouldn’t go back to bed at 11pm. Baby cried for 45 minutes and was down for the night. Not ideal since we still have to do cry it out day 2 at his normal bedtime of 7:30.
Anyway, this morning he woke up at 5:45 and had to go down for a nap at 7:15. Obviously too exhausted to last until the 8:30am nap. Still napping as I write this.
Any suggestions/ do’s and don’ts ?
Thanks for any advice you can provide and I hope my question resonates with others out there trying cry it out.
Yes I would also like the same info, how does it go the morning after a CIO session? Are they so exhausted that they sleep all day & then don’t want to sleep again the next night? I have a very strong willed 6 1/2 month old that used to sleep thru the night, until 4 months old. We let her CIO at naps, but at night, its a whole new ballgame. 2 hours in after bedtime & she is still screaming as I type. We should have done CIO back 3 months ago, but didn’t think it was appropriate bc her reflux was so bad and was affecting her eating. Now, almost 3 months later, nothing is better, in fact it is worse! Waking anywhere between 2-5 times a night. Please help!
🙁 So sorry you are struggling! Obviously you’re in good company around here.
My thought based on 2 hours of screaming is that you might not have hit the appropriate bedtime, and/or she may be overtired. Generally I think Alexis recommends establishing “fall asleep on their own” at bedtime FIRST, meaning while you’re doing CIO you do whatever it takes to get good daytime naps, including swing, nurse to sleep, car rides, walks, whatever. You don’t want an overtired kid at bedtime for CIO and you want to do your best to hit the right bedtime when she is naturally sleepy. That should lead to much less than 2 hours of crying hopefully! Then once you’ve made it through and she’s falling asleep without help at bedtime, you can assess your nap situation. But CIO at naps AND CIO for bedtime, at the same time, will likely lead you nowhere good.
I hope you get it sorted out quickly! If it helps we did CIO at about 7.5 months and I was extremely conflicted but I now have a 2 year old who sleeps quite well and I’m very grateful I found Alexis’s wise advice and was brave enough to try it.
Regarding the morning after CIO, I don’t recall in our case whether CIO had much effect on the next day’s naps, but if your baby is up earlier than usual or is more tired than usual (for this reason or any reason) I think you definitely do the right thing by going for an earlier nap. You want a well-rested baby at bedtime, not a miserable overtired one, and that might mean tinkering with nap times a bit from what was “normal.” At least for now until you get a good solid “normal” night going again. Good luck!
Hey Ric,
I got to the point with my LO about 2 months ago (he was 6 months) in which we needed to CIO. I personally started with afternoon nap because I was in a better mood and had things to keep myself busy.
I started by arming myself with information about how often and long they should be sleeping; I was not aware they should be napping every 2 – 2 1/2 hours and in bed by 7:30 at the latest! So knowing that I let him follow his own schedule (he gets up about 8:30 if left), and put him down 2 hours after waking. He slept so much longer during his naps! Sticking to this I found CIO was shorter and he slept better and longer, and was happier in the morning; BUT it did take about a week to get there.
I hope this helps in some way!
Hi I have a 9month old son who naps OK during the day but at night he used to settle himself with a bottle but the last few weeks he has stopped and Cry’s at bedtime in the end he will settle himself, he will wake about 2-3 times at night first few times I can give him his dummy and rub his back leave the room and he will settle but when he wakes at about 4or5 am nothing settles him what can I do?? He likes to b rocked and bounced but I don’t like to get him out of his cot once he has gone to bed and a few times he has ended up in bed with us which I don’t want to b a regular thing
Hey Alexis,
Abby is 18 weeks old. She has been a great nighttime sleeper since birth. She always gave me 3 hrs in between feedings. Since 7 week she has been getting up once a night anywhere between 3-5. Besides growth spurts traveling etc. I nurse her to sleep for naps as well as nighttime sleep. She only naps for 45 minutes unless in the swing where she’ll wake at 45 mins and fuss the swing will put her back to sleep. I want and need to stop nursing her to sleep but I don’t know where to begin. HELP. She sleeps in a rock in play swaddled at night. I also want to transition her into the crib. Also don’t know where to start with that!
Heather
Hi Heather, did you succeed with transitions her out of the swaddle, and nursing her to sleep? I’m going through exactly the same right now. The transition from the swaddle has been a disaster so far. We went from sleeping through the night at 2 months, to waking up 5-6 times a night now at 6 months.
Not sure if this has been said yet, but…
Try poking a hole in the nipple of the paci of an older child. This doesn’t allow them to create a suction, so they just suck air, which isn’t very orally stimulating for them. It avoids taking away the paci when they have an emotional tie to it and are using it as a lovey. If they insist on carrying it around after this, start (carefully) snipping the tip of the paci off, bit by bit, until there’s nothing but the plastic shield and a nub. The kid is going to give up on the pacifier eventually, and if they insist on carrying the plastic shield around, at least it’s not in their mouth, right?
This said, please use common sense and caution. This isn’t a good idea for a small baby because they will just suck air out of the paci and get a tummy ache. And of course, be careful with small pieces of silicone coming loose once you start tampering with the pacifier. Obviously.
I used this method on my first little girl and it worked great,
Our 9 1/2 month old has to be woken up in the morning and I do it at 8am. Left to her own devices, she’d sleep til 11:30am.
She takes 2, 2hour naps a day at 10am and 2pm and easily settles herself for her naps with minimal crying/dramatics in 15-20 minutes max, usually less.
Nighttime is a different story. We feed her dinner, play for a little bit, bathe her and feed her til she’s drowsy and put her down and that routine is done by 7:30pm–but our baby will scream and cry hysterically as soon as we leave the room. We’ve tried cry it out but leaving her for slightly longer periods between cuddles doesn’t seem to work. She goes to bed at 11pm-midnight every night. We are at our wits end :-/. Advice?
The trouble is the late night ceuddles. She knows you’ll come cuddle eventually so she is holding out for that. The solution is to let her cry herself to sleep which will break your heart for sure. It is for the best in the end though. She’ll learn what bedtime means and cry less and less until she can just fall asleep when put in bed. We did this with our little girl. Now we realize that if she cries at bedtime, it is because she finds our presence disruptive to falling asleep.
I have a question about “drowsy but awake.” My baby just turned 12 weeks today and has been bad at sleep since the day she was born. Even as a really new newborn, she never slept well on the fly and it took a lot of concerted effort or co-sleeping (which I HATE but 9 hours of crappy sleep > 4 hours of walking apartment with screaming baby) to even get her close to the amount of sleep she needs. But we’ve had a simple sleep routine in place since week 2 and the first attempt at naps/night sleep is always to try and get her sleeping on her own in her bassinet.
Over the past 2-3 weeks, she’s been getting a lot better. I can rock her down to asleep or close to it in 10-15 mins rather than 30 and with a lot less atheletic bouncing, she’ll consent to go into her bassinet without screaming as soon as she touches the sheet, she at least starts the night on her own, and even spent one whole night sleeping by herself. So now we’re beginning to work on drowsy but awake (I’m hoping the 20 min naps will sort themselves out on their own eventually).
Much of what I’ve read has some euphamistic language about how they may “complain,” or “protest” or “take a few minutes to get settled,” but “need to have the opportunity to self-soothe” after you set down your DBA baby. What does that mean? Does it mean baby will fuss and talk a bit before falling asleep or does it mean cry? And how long do you let it go on for? If she’s not crying but just squaking and fussing a bit, do I let her go for 5 mins? 10? Until she starts crying? If she does start crying do I pick her up right away or should I give her a few minutes. Right now she’s really little still, so does her window of “protest” get longer as she gets older? Or do I pick her up as soon as it’s clear she’s wide awake again, even if she’s just laying there quietly but studying everything with big. bright eyes?
I’d really appreciate any insight. And sorry if this is a dumb question, but since I’m a first time mom of a 12 week old and on this site, clearly I’m not sleeping enough to be firing on all intellecual cylinders.
Love this series! My husband and I are committed to starting the “swing method” today i hopes of getting Baby to fall asleep on his own. Baby already loves the swing… But I have several questions – can someone answer? ::
1) Does the “swing method” mean that from now on, all his sleeping – day and night – happens in the swing?
2) Even on the longest setting, our swing shuts off after about an hour. In the beginning of swing training, do we need to try our hardest to make sure that he’s falling asleep AND waking up in a MOVING swing (I’m thinking of Alexis’ caution about “Object Permanence” in “Sleeping Through the Night: Part 1” (e.g, fall asleep and wake up in the exact same circumstances).
3) Will a long nap in the Boba wrap (on our long daily walk with the dog) cause a setback in training?
THANK YOU for anyone who can provide guidance. For the past 5 weeks, Casey has been waking up every 1.5 hours. I’m a ZOMBIE.
Not sure if it’s much help, but we put a blanket under baby on the swing. When he fell asleep my partner and I would lift the baby, on the blanket and lay him in the cot.
Because the swing was next to his cot, he knew where he was when he woke, eleminating the surprise of a new location. And as he was still on the same blanket he was content.
I have an almost 6month old that has suddenly started waking every hour/two hours through the night! He sleeps for the same length of time throughout the day, only difference is he goes straight back to sleep after night feeds and doesnt during the day. He has just started crawling so im not sure if him being exhausted from this has anything to do with it. I was told to feed him up on solids before bed so hes nice and full (less likely to wake up) but that only worked the first night. He wont eat farex on its own so I give him farex mixed with banana and he does eat heaps! I have also tried giving him formula but he will only drink about 80mls and then give up, if I offer the breast hes more than happy to continue feeding on that but I try not to unless im very tired! I am the only one that can put him to sleep, he doesnt even like being held by his dad so im not sure what he’d be like with anyone else, meaning I am the only one who tries to put him down to sleep. I live in a very nosey neighborhood & im worried that if I leave him to cry it out my neighbors are going to report me for thinking im neglecting my baby and im not sure what else to do. I have a two year old which would love more of my attention but I am so tired I struggle to give him what he needs. Id also like to go back to work putting my youngest in a daycare so I need some better sleeping & eating habits for him before then
My nine month old wakes up crying hysterically. He has been crying like this, mostly at night, since he was six months old. First, I thought it was because he started sleeping in his room without me. So i did what I call weaning myself out of the room( going in as soon as his first ‘huff’ was out, sleeping with him(he was often awake and on my breast the entire time though- anytime he wakes after half past five until 7am)
Three months later nothing has changed except for the fact that I am not sleeping with him at all or in the same room with him any more.
His day naps are not a problem so am thinking no ear infection. I have to give him some teething gel prior to his longer nap and bedtime though.( Total day nap is 2 and a half hours. 9-9.30am and 1-3pm.He is on a routine and we aim for 7 to 7.30pm bedtime)
BUT
He wakes up at half past 4 in the morning EVERYTIME and have to go through at least two 5-10 minute CIO before he settles down. Then he’s up at 6 again. There is NO sleeping after that so we have to play. He will then take his usual 9-9.30am nap. I usually wake him up for this one as he’s often dead asleep!!!!
.I am at my wits end with this night time hysterics. My Ped says ‘he just needs mummy’ that’s just not cutting it. THREE months of needing mummy! By the way am a stay at home mum and he’s my only child. What could be wrong?
-The room temperature is always at 17 degrees
-unless he has a rash or difficult to settle we never change his nappy, -he sleeps in a baby sleeper
I am afraid that this long term interrupted sleep carries consequences later on. Sleep for me equal happiness for baby and us but that seems so far away now. HELP!
FEED HIM. He’s hungry at 4:30, then REALLY HUNGRY at 6. And quite possibly ready to get up for the day. Babies under a year often still need to eat 1 -2 times per night.
Actually (and this is an old post but I just happened to be here so feel like chiming in) I disagree.
He’s not hungry. Kiddos who are hungry cry A LOT. 5-10 minutes doesn’t say “I’m starving” it says “I’m cycling through an awake cycle in my sleep and am having a bit of a struggle to fall back to sleep.” Truthfully my advice would be to ignore it.
Fully.
Because your involvement isn’t going to help and may make it worse. This sort of thing is really normal and harmless. And will generally resolve itself if you leave well enough alone.
Good luck!
Hey My lil man is 9 weeks old and he never sleeps.. I NEED HELP! He sleep at the most 2 hours at a time (when he does sleep that is)He generally gets up at 6am takes a 30 min nap around 12 then naps again at3 for about 30/45 mins then up till midnight and every 2 hours after that.. Needless to say he is grumpy and cries a lot. I have tried everything to get him to sleep when I see him getting tired .. his bouncy, swing, rocking etc. but he just wont go down I am at my wits end. I would nap when he does but I also have a 4 yr old girl who needs my time and attention as well.
Why is it my baby can sleep for 4 hours at a time in bed with me, but only 1-2 hours literally 6 inches away in her co-sleeper?
We’ve been bed-sharing with her since 3 weeks out of necessity, but even then, we’ve been trying at least once every time we put her down to sleep to get her into the co-sleeper. When we started, she would NOT go into the co-sleeper at all. Just lowering her down would start her screaming bloody murder. Then, very, very slowly, we’d be able to lay her down in there for naps. Then she started sleeping there for the beginning of the night. Then she’d even go back after the first feed. Last week she slept there the whole night!
Since she was getting better and is now 12 weeks old and leaving the “sleep by any means necessary” newborn stage, my husband and I decided to be firm and keep her in the cosleeper all night. I was hoping that it would just take a few days for her to get used to it, but it doesn’t seem to be working. She was waking every 2 ish hours on Fri night, every 1.5-2 Sat night, and every hour last night. I finally brought her into bed with us at 4 am just so I wouldn’t be bringing a live granade of exhusted baby to nanny-share and she slept like a rock for 3.5 hour. When she wakes, I nurse her, because it’s the fastest, easiest way to get her back to sleep and also because when she was co-sleeping she only woke to eat so my 3 am brain is really only capable of crying=feed. Also, the only other way to get her to stop crying is to get out of bed and rock her.
I just don’t know what the right course of action is. Do we stick to the current plan of nursing her when she wakes and putting her back in the co-sleeper in the hopes that in another week or two she’ll figure it out? Does she just need more practice to pick up this skill? Or is that just torturing an infant? She’s bad at sleep to begin with and her daytime naps are 20-40 minute messes, so I don’t want to continue nights of no one getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time if it’s not going to help her sleep on her own. If I do stay the course, should I be getting up to rock her if it hasn’t been 3 hours and she’s not hungry? Why didn’t she come with an instruction book? 🙁
My guy was the same way. One night I put my hand in the co sleeper with him (not the most comfortable, but i was exhausted), and he slept fine.
Thanks so much for your super helpful posts! One quick question about putting him down awake, which we’re working towards. Our little one is 15 weeks and has been a decent sleeper for most of his 3 months– most nights since week 4 or so he’s woken up only once to eat. He absolutely does NOT fall asleep on his own, however, and since he’s starting daycare next month we’re eager to help him learn how. The problem at bedtime is that he falls asleep when eating — his last meal of the day turns into sleep no matter when/where/how we do it. I thought it was because I was nursing, but when my husband has put him to bed with a bottle he falls asleep then as well. He doesn’t seem to be overtired — he’s getting plenty of sleep and good naps, including a late afternoon nap just two hours before bedtime — but if it’s anywhere in the vicinity of bedtime and we feed him, he’s out like a light. He’ll fall asleep in my lap and stay asleep through burping, swaddling, etc. He wakes up (partially) 5-6 hours later for a feeding, and eats himself back to sleep in the middle of the night, too. My question is…should I be waking him up after his meal? It seems crazy — if it’s 7:30pm and I have a completely asleep baby in his crib — but I just dont know how I’m ever going to experiment with putting him down drowsy. Thanks!
I’ve been sleep training my 1 year old for a couple of weeks. I beefed up our bedtime routine, so now she gets a bottle, a bath, PJs, books, and lullabies. She’s drowsy, but she actually stands in her crib for books and lullabies. She’s definitely not asleep when I walk out the door. She normally fusses for just a few minutes (less than 10) before settling down. Great! But then she’s up several times in the night. She still only fusses for 10 minutes or less before going back to sleep on her own, but sometimes it’s 4 or 5 times in a night. I know there’s lots of variability here, but how much time will she need to learn to quietly go back to sleep? Is it going to be weeks? Months? I’m getting less sleep than I was, but I’m feeling very optimistic. I’m just hoping you have some insight into how long this process takes. Thanks! Your site has really saved my sanity!
Hi, my baby is 5 months old. I breastfeed her till she falls asleep and put her in bed sometimes she wakes up 5 mins from putting her, i carry her again keep rocking her untill she falls asleep and put her back to bed and she sleeps well at night she doesnt wake up till 7:00 am. But one day she woke up at 2 am crying screaming i left her to cry it out untill she went back to sleep. My question here do u think it time to teach her to sleep all by her self using the cry it out method, should i make our everyday routine but put her in bed awake and leave her to cry it out? Or i wait untill she is 6 mons and start this method.. I want to make her sleep by herself, my back is killing me from rocking her everynight and im fedup from staying 2 hrs feeding her and rocking to make sure she is in a deep sleep so i could put her to bed! What do you think should i start the crying out method now? Or its too early i should wait untill she’s 6mons
Hi, I am trying to work on putting the baby down. I am not sure how to do it… My LO is 4 months old and I just found this website and I love what I have read and I think it all makes sense. But, my quandary is how to put a baby down awake without a lot of fussing, crying, kicking and screaming? Do I put him down drowsy? Do I put him down fully awake? If he starts to fuss, do I let him cry? Pick him up? Rock him or nurse him? I do not have an established sleep routine, which I am currently working on, we’ve been winging it. But, I feel bad for him and my husband and I because we are not getting the proper rest we need. So, if anyone has a suggestion I would really appreciate the help. Please Help:(
Hi Alexis
Your articles have been very useful.
I would need your help. Please advise whether cio would be required in my case or any other way I can try.
At 2.5 months he was sleeping like a champ. Off to bed nursing at 9.30 in his crib then directly wake up for feed at 4 sometimes even 5 and then back to sleep and wake up by 7.30. For feeding i used to get him to my bed and he slept with us till 7.30.
In between I had to go to my mums place for a month where we started to co sleep. Initially it was all good but then around 3.5 months he started waking up multiple times again 12.30, 3, 5 and wake up time also changed to 6.15 to 6.30 am. Naps were also pathetic not more than 45 mins each.
I thought may be because we co-slept this has happened. However when I returned home and started putting him in his crib again this hasn’t changed. I get him to my bed at first feed and we co sleep till morning.
Now the wake up pattern is the same, with an addition of using my boobs as pacifier between 4 to 6 am. He sucks, turns away to sleep returning to my boob in 10 mins for another suck. I am seriously fed up.
He is a 16 pound baby, feeds every 2.5 hours during the day. Exclusively breast fed. We have recently stopped swaddling him because he used to turn on side in his sleep but couldn’t maintain his position and would wake himself up. However not swaddling has not changed anything much. He would be completing 5 months on 13th feb.
I am going to start weaning him soon as I will be joining work in a month’s time. I am going to introduce formula and would like him to wake up once for feed.
The problem with continuous feeding is that he has to be burped after every feed otherwise he gets very restless. I always wake him up slightly for burping and he is drowsy but eyes are open when I put him to sleep in the night. He sleeps immediately.
Naps have become slightly better approx 1 hour each. 9.15 to 10.15, then 1 to 2, then 4 to 5 and a small nap around 7. Bedtime at 9.30.
Looking for an immediate help.
Pranita
Alexis,
I. Need. Help.
My son has just recently turned 5 months old on the 5th. We have been working on the “putting baby down awake” since he was 3 months and one day old. It went surprisingly well. Our swing has 5 speeds, we went down to 4, then to 3, still no problems. We got rid of the paci (he started sucking his thumb)and no issue. He had consistently been having a 30 minute morning nap, 2 hr late morning/early afternoon nap and then 2 30 minute naps. The last usually ending by 6 and he was down for bed at 8.
However, the past 3-4 weeks, without any obvious cause that I can find, his afternoon nap has cut to 30 minutes. I’m putting him down awake, he falls asleep on his own, I make sure there is at least 20 minutes between nursing and going down for his nap, I have not turned the swing down anymore and he is half swaddled (has to have that left arm out to get to his thumb). We do kind of struggle on his sleeping cues. Sometimes he goes down at 1 1/2 hrs, other days it’s 2 hrs. I truly don’t understand the fluctuation in times. But I’m trying so hard to put him down when he is not over tired. Many days after this half hour nap, he is still obviously tired but just won’t go back down. I usually let him fuss for at least 5-10 minutes just to see if he’ll go back to sleep, but he rarely does. Now for the last week he seems like he is trying to drop his last nap and after he goes down for the night he has started to wake up after 2 hours and he is up and down all night long, like 6 times a night. Before this he was sleeping 4-6 hour stretches and then getting up one other time to nurse. How could he stop his 2 hr nap and drop his last nap all within 3 weeks? And also be having night problems? He is not teething, he does not have an ear infection, and in the last 3 weeks has not been in a wonder weeks phase. I have NO IDEA what I am doing. I have no idea what I am doing WRONG, more specifically.
My husband occasionally has him during the day and tells me he’ll sometimes just put him down on the floor play mat and walk away to do something and when he comes back, the baby is asleep and sleeps for over an hour! This has never EVER happened for me. I get the baby that has a break down if I don’t have him napping quickly enough. I feel like I am failing as a mother. I feel like I am doing everything right and I still suck. I am terrified that I will not have him out of the swing by the time he turns 6 months old and I will never have a baby that sleeps through the night.
Please tell me what I am doing wrong. I am all for criticism if it’ll get him to sleep again. I’m so exhausted. PLEASE. HELP!
We went to sleep school a few days ago, and what I learnt is that my baby needs to eat for longer periods, less frequently. ‘Opening the bar’ for an hour at a time, and closing it for 2-4 hours, so that she eats every 3-5 hours, for an hour, has instantly (well, the second night) almost doubled her sleeping chunks at night. So, as well as teaching her to fall asleep in the cot, and on her own, we are removing hunger as a source of waking. Hubby and I have been giving each other high-fives since day 2 (day 1 was, well, traumatic), and we are so proud of our baby girl!
My baby has always been a great sleeper at night (starting at 8 weeks he would sleep 8-10 hour stretches). His naps are another story…recently we’ve put him in daycare and some days he goes 5 hours before falling asleep – he fights sleep so bad and gets cranky/overtired. Then his naps are generally only 30 min – 1.5 hours. An interesting point this article brought up is poor daytime naps could be due to how we put baby to sleep at night. I have always ended the nighttime routine with nursing, and he falls asleep every night that way. As a first time mom, this just seemed natural to me and I kept at it not knowing any better. My baby is now 4 months old and I’m not sure how to break this habit? He just seems to fall asleep so naturally while nursing. I’m just desperate to find what’s causing his poor naps during the day, anyone have any other tips or advice?
I feel like I’ve just joined an AA meeting. Hi, my names Amanda, and I’ve hit cryitoutsville. Ha.. but seriously, I didnt see this coming. I used your lifesaving tips for my newborn in our early stages of helpless confusion when it came to sleep. The swing made my head so large that I became the over confident parent who didnt bother to continue reading further posts for the days that were to come. I was a pro-“was”. Tonight out of desperation I came crawling back to your site looking for the manule to my broken child. Crappy naps, waking every 45mins till the break of dawn, loss of space in my king sized bed….. should I go on? So tonight I realized my tiny wonder had hit the 6 month mark weeks ago and I had failed in showing her the way to her restful slumber (what a failure!!). So I decided at 1am to attempt “cry it out”. 20mins later… ZONK! Out like a light. It is now 3am and not a peep. Now I’m slapping myself for not being in bed, but my husband could really use some clean pants for work in the morning…. anywhoooo(:
Thank you so much for this incredible site. You are fantastic! I know this is not better yet, but it has given me the tools to get back on track. Aaannnnnd now if I could find someone to do my laundry for free. Goodnight all(:
-Amanda
Amanda,
It is forboden to do laundry after midnight. I think it pisses off the elves or something? Seriously, there are worse things than dirty pants.
Hmmmm…dirty pants. Sounds like a great band name. Anyhoo…
Think about changing up what happens AT bedtime because that is what sets you on the path. Check the article I linked too below. Change up the bedtime routine and I think you’ll find you break out of the up every 45 minute thing. Then you can tackle pant cleaning duties prior to midnight 😉
Cheers!
Alexis
I’ve been reading through this awesome site and have two questions. Help!! 🙂
1. I have a 4.5 month old who is sleeping in a Rock n’ Play in his room and we are in the process of trying to transition him to the crib. We’ve tried for 3 nights and he sleeps from about 8pm-12pm in the crib, wakes up and has a bottle, falls back asleep eating the bottle and then he will only sleep for a few minutes or maybe an hour before waking up. We finally cave and put him back in the Rock n’ Play around 2-4am so that we can all get a little sleep. We think he could have reflux (he’s on Pepcid) so we inclined the crib but the fact that he sleeps a good 4 hours at the start of the night makes me think the reflux isn’t the culprit. He is also asleep when we put him down which leads me to my second question:
2. While transitioning him to the crib should we also start trying to put him down awake? Or is that too much all at once?
I should also mention he’s a short napper. 🙁
Laurie,
I’m in almost the exact situation you were in. Tonight is night 3 of sleeping in the crib, and it starts off well, but then he seems to sleep less after he wakes to eat. Tonight he’s actually flipped himself onto his stomach. I haven’t started trying to put him down awake yet, but I just read on this site that using the swing may help with that, so I’m wondering if I’ve blown it by starting the crib transition instead of the putting him down awake transition. How did it go for y’all? Is he going down awake in his crib now? Did it help with his naps, because we have the same problem there as well. Thanks!
Hi Shelley,
After a few rough nights things worked out okay for us. We did not do the swing transition, my guy told me to just start putting him down awake and after a few nights he got it. He did have to cry it out for a few mins, but not long. He is 6.5 months old now and most nights he goes down awake and sleeps through the night! As hard as it was for a few nights, sticking to the plan is what worked for us.
Hope that helps.
Laurie
My dentist recommends popping (putting a hole in the pacifier). This changes something about the pacy so that it isn’t enjoyable to baby anymore. He claims baby will decide they don’t want it anymore.
My co sleeping solution. I loved co sleeping but at 18 months my hubby was done. The solution: I put a twin matress set against our bed (very tight and secure). Then as baby is drifting off to sleep or a little later, over cuddle. Cramp her sleep style. My little one just wanted to strech out so she made the decision to roll over into her own bed. She got used to rolling over and going to sleep alone. After awhile we just put her in her own bed, and after another while we moved her to her own room. It went amazingly easy, maybe a miracle, maybe because it was mostly her choice. We made a big deal about preparing her room she wasvexcited to sleep in it. Good luck all
Love your articles, thank you.
My dentist recommends popping (putting a hole in the pacifier). This changes something about the pacy so that it isn’t enjoyable to baby anymore. He claims baby will decide they don’t want it anymore.
My co sleeping solution. I loved co sleeping but at 18 months my hubby was done. The solution: I put a twin matress set against our bed (very tight and secure). Then as baby is drifting off to sleep or a little later, over cuddle. Cramp her sleep style. My little one just wanted to strech out so she made the decision to roll over into her own bed. She got used to rolling over and going to sleep alone. After awhile we just put her in her own bed, and after another while we moved her to her own room. It went amazingly easy, maybe a miracle, maybe because it was mostly her choice. We made a big deal about preparing her room she wasvexcited to sleep in it.
Guess I have found that things are just easier for my family if we can help our girl decide things for herself. We breast fed till 2 yrs. I tried everything to get her weaned but it was rough and not working. I read that garlic oil on the nipples worked she was so determined she would just suck the oil off on be happy as could be. I discovered that she dislikes hummus so I smeared alittle on. One taste she cried for about f7ve minutes and was over it. She would occasionaly peek in my shirt to see if it was still there for about a week. Would see it and say yuck no. It wasn’t fun having hummus on for a week but much better than her fighting to nurse. Good luck all
My 9 month old used to fall asleep easily on her own, from birth until last week. She would actually fuss while being held and then happily fall asleep when put in her own bed. She has never liked co-sleeping. For most naps and during fussy times like teething or colds she would sleep in her swing, most nights she would spend in bed except maybe for last couple hours of the night. Well all of a sudden she will not go to sleep on her own, and she is waking up more often at night again and won’t go to sleep again without being fed even though she is down to 2-3 oz per night feed. She is not dropping any feeds on her own, although I get a lucky night every now and then where she only wakes up once to eat in the middle of a 12 hour stretch I’m currently listening to her scream because she is refusing to nap, but if I bring her back downstairs she is crying and fussing because she’s tired.
Even before when she has been teething she will at least fall asleep in her swing but now that’s not even working well. I’m at a loss and I’m losing patience. She hasn’t slept through the night in months but she has done it before, just not for more than a week or a few nights at a time. Her best nights she is up once, but her normal is still waking every 4 hours at night. I thought it was going to be easier to night wean her considering she was putting herself to sleep every night but it seems like now we’re regressing. What do I do?!? Her bedtime is 7pm and she general wakes up between 6:45-7:30am, but since bedtime has suddenly become a terrible ordeal she isn’t going to sleep until 8pm. We used to get her in her jammies and give her her last bottle and some cuddles in the living room where the TV is on, but I have moved it to getting her in her jammies and then taking her up to her room for her last bottle and cuddles so that it is quiet.
So do you let your child cry in the swing if they’ve never fallen asleep in the swing before?? My baby is getting so upset in the swing! How do you do this? She’s 8.5 months old & wakes every time I put her down, asleep, in her cot
Sleeps for 20 min if I can get her stay stay asleep in the cot. I feed her to sleep.
Hey there,
The problem isn’t the swing, the problem is that you feed her to sleep. I’m guessing that the swing provides just enough soothing so that the “feed to sleep” issue doesn’t blow up on you. But if you take away that extra soothing by putting her in the crib, it doesn’t work.
The key here is to teach her to fall asleep on her own. Start waking her up after you feed her and then put her into the swing. this may be helpful too…
http://www.troublesometots.com/weaning-baby-off-swing/
Alexs
My baby girl is 10 months oldand has never been the best sleeper. BUT, not like what she’s been doing in the past two weeks.
She has always gone to sleep fine between 7-8, woken up at 2am and 4am then awake for the day by 8.
She still goes down by herself but wakes around 12am and continues every hour after this.
I’ve read your article, and have determined that she’s definitely going through separation anxiety. I’ve been trying to just lay her down w my hand on her back and console her back to sleep. It takes about 5-10 min at a time.
My question is how long does this take to stop? I’m so tired. 🙂
My 4 yr old never did this! Once I got him sleeping through the night that was it!
Is there an end?
Lol thanks kristin
Hi, just wondering if you or anyone had any advice –
My boy is 4 months old and is a motion junkie; but will not fall asleep in the rocker. Any idea of how to get out of rocking him to sleep without the use of the rocker?
Also – for one random nap of the day or final sleep for the night ; he will fall asleep on his own awake in the cot – but needs to be rocked for the rest of his naps… I don’t think that I have done anything differently? He does use a dummy… How come he can do it sometimes but not others?
Just hoping to get him into a good routine before “object permanence” sets in!
Thanks 🙂
Tanya,
Start by rocking him to sleep and then sneaking him into the swing. That’s step #1 – once you’ve mastered this (say in 7-10 days) start working on getting him to fall asleep IN the swing.
He’s a motion junkie today so embrace it. It’s a great way to teach him how to fall asleep without you (thus avoiding the dreaded sleep training) AND get out of having to manually rock him yourself. I promise you, he won’t be in there forever.
Have you checked this out? See below 🙂
Hi Alexis,
First of all, your site is amazing and I have no idea how i found it, but I’m greatful!
I’m a single mom with one precious 3-month old boy, who’s sleeping in my bed at night. The problem is that he doesn’t sleep unless he’s snuggled just right next to me which makes it just a little /a lot/ hard for me to get some sleep. Even if he knows I’m there, he wouldn’t sleep unless he holds my hair or puts his hands on my chest. Weird, huh?
The thing is that during the day he happily takes naps in his swing and has no problem falling asleep on his own in it while I work /I work from home/. Sometimes, rarely, he’d want a paci but just right after falling asleep he spits it out and forgets about it. After the moving stops, he still sleeps, it doesn’t bother him much.
He goes to bed a little late, around 22:30, after his bath. He usually won’t nurse, because he feels sleepy and gets quite cranky, screaming at the breast. I rock him anywhere from 5-20 minutes and he dozes off. Then we just go to bed together. He would make around a 5 hour stretch and then go back to eating every 2 1/2 hours. This sums up our nights.
His crib would still be in my room, because of lack of space, but he doesn’t like it even one bit.
And I really want to move him there cause I think things can get only worse from now on. And I’d like to sleep normally or catch a movie, take a bath… How I miss baths… And you know how babies sleep, I wake up every time he fusses even a little bit.
The truth is I haven’t reached a point of desperation, but I want to do things right, since it’s just me, I don’t want to spoil him. He’s totally addicted to me rocking him and walking around and it was ok before, when he had a very severe case of colic and was the only thing that calmed him down, but he’s getting heavy /and I hear they get even heavier, can you believe it../ and my back hurts. If I put him down, this happens only at night, he’d become completely hysterical, hardly catching his breath.. It hurts to watch him like this and there’s nothing I can do…
Any advice would be great.
P.S. Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language. Greetings from Bulgaria!:)
Hi! My husband and I have been co-sleeping with our 10month old little girl since she was born. We cannot stand to hear her cry and will stay up holding her all night to make her happy. However, lately as we go to put her to sleep she flails around and screams. She refuses to sleep and isn’t happy unless we are awake playing with her. She cries and cries if we put her in the crib or try to rok her. She eventually passes out but not until 11:30 or so. How do we even begin to sleep train her in a way that will not create a fear of abandonment or mistrust? Thanks!
My little guy will be 6 months in two weeks. We have started putting him to sleep awake about a week a go and he has been sleeping so much better. I went from waking up 3-4 times a night to 0-1 a night. The last two nights he has started to roll on to his stomach. I am wondering if I should roll him back over or not. I go in a flip him back over if he is crying, because he has not been rolling both ways very effectively. What should I do?
Hi Alexis,
Our daughter is 7 months old and I think she is hitting the separation anxiety stage. For three blissful weeks after she hit 6 months, she was sleeping through the night from 6:30/7pm to 6:00am. It was AMAZING! I’m not sure if this is our issue but I would rock her til her eyes got heavy and then lay her down awake, but my husband would always rock her fully to sleep, then lay her down. We switched off every other day (I would do Mon. so the husband would do Tues., etc.) so I figured him rocking her to sleep wasn’t too big of a deal.
NOW, starting a week ago, our daughter screams when you try to lay her down awake. So, you have to lay her down DEEPLY asleep to be able to lay her down at all. And in the past two days she’s started waking at 4am and can only be put back to sleep after a bottle and rocking. I know she can’t be that hungry (unless growth spurt??) because she used to sleep a full twelve hours without eating. I spent 45 minutes up with her at 4am and then she only slept to her usual wake up time of 6am. I know we need to have her fall asleep on her own. She used to do it, but she absolutely screams now. Are we in cry it outs-ville? She also takes a pacifier to fall asleep, but usually does fine without it once it falls out.
About pacifier weaning: my little one use to use one, but now he couldnt care about them. What worked for us was: if he wants it, we let him have it and he’ll be happy. But if he spits it out, drops it, or throws it, we dont give it back to him unless he cries for it. As he got a little older to thw point he could crawl, we let him have it but if he left it go and didnt go pick it up himself, we didnt give it to him. Eventually he just lost interest in it, and now at 8 months he hasn’t used one in weeks.
my 10 month old fights to sleep at night.. i cant make her fall asleep on her own.
Can you use the cry it out method for naps only?
Our baby goes down fine at night and we have no reason to use cry it out. We are working on weening off his one night feeding (which is usually around 3-4am).
But I want to know specifically if cry it out can be used for naps only.
Thanks.
Hi my 7 month old naps well during the day. 45-60 mins in the morning and around 2 hours at lunch followed by a short catnap later in the afternoon if needed.
He falls asleep on his own and requires no assistance. Night time sleep is a different story. He goes to bed at 7 and sleeps soundly until around 1-2am where he constantly wakes every hour or so and is then fully awake by around 5.
I have tried every routine and changes to routine that I can find but none make any difference.
He is on 3 full meals a day plus 3 full bottle feeds. Help I need sleep!
About how long does it usually take to see results from putting down awake in the swing? The first night was an improvement, the next night even better, but the next couple nights he went right back to waking every hour with one stretch almost 2 hours. That has been his norm for a month now. Started when he was 4 months old and now he’s 5 months. He has reflux too.
How to lose the dummy gently!
I did this with my then 5 month old and it was PAINLESS. I used the bye bye binky method (here’s a website) and it truly worked. I did one tiny pinprick one day and added one each day for a week rendering the dummy less and less appealing. By the 7th day he’d suck, spit out and fall asleep. Then he refused to take it. It took another couple of days for him to figure out falling asleep without sucking but he did it.
I am in desperate need of help, I know I’m way late to this blog but I have found it helpful and was hoping for some guidance. My 17 week old son has been in, what I feel, is the four month sleep regression for about 2.5 weeks. Until last weekend he had been sleeping next to our bed every night, he is getting too big for his current sleep situation so we decided it was time to transition him to his crib, we figured since he wasn’t sleeping well anyway we might as well make the the transition to avoid another round of poor sleep later. He has been in his crib for just under one week and it is going absolutely awful. He wakes up every hour fifteen to hour and a half every night on the dot, sometimes staying up for an hour at a time other times falling right back asleep when he is picked up and bounced. We have no success putting him down still awake, in fact there are many times that you put him down and he wakes up instantly. Last night when he woke up I nursed him (he still nurses about twice per night) until he fell asleep, put him back in his crib where he woke almost instantly, I picked him up and put him down FIVE times before he finally stayed asleep only to wake about 45 minutes later. If I nurse him to sleep on our boppy pillow on the couch and let him sleep there on me he will sleep for hours, in fact he has been asleep like this from 6 am his morning and is still sleeping at 9! My husband thinks we need to sleep train but I am personally against CIO training, any other advice?? I’m running on empty as I am the parent up with him every night and working full time. I thought the crib transition would be better after a full week but in all honesty I think it’s getting worse each night! Help please :).
My suggestion, in a word is this:
Swing
It’s not safe for him to sleep on the boppy on the couch (you don’t want to sit there awake watching him all night right?). But he clearly loves motion and he loves being upright (hence why the boppy is working for him).
He’s still little and it sounds like the swing would give him everything he’s telling you he wants – to be slightly upright and bounced about. You said as much in your comment right?
“other times falling right back asleep when he is picked up and bounced”
Forget about the crib for now. He’s not ready. It’s not working for you or for him. Embrace the swing. It could get you out of this “up all night” pattern now AND give you a tool to help him fall asleep on his own.
Good luck!
Alexis,
When you say, “regular night feeding schedule,” what if it is not seemingly regular…or was but keeps changing? My 10 month old usually wakes around 11:00 (bedtime in his own at 7:00ish). He woke up at 9:30 last night and 10:00 tonight and we thought we’d do cio since it wasn’t his “regular” feeding time and he cried for an hour with checkins until I fed him at 11:00. Should I have just fed him at 10:00 and then just maybe start with that first wakening to wean??? What do we do if we think he is waking up at a non-feeding time?? Thank you for your suggestions!!
Sorry, I meant to post that under the night weaning section. We did read part 1 and 2 and our little guy can fall asleep on his own well now at bedtime 🙂
What if the baby hates the swing and I hate CIO? And I rock her to sleep usually or she falls asleep on daddys chest.
Help! I have a 13 month old who still cannot get herself to sleep or sleep through the night. We’ve tried everything(except CIO) but you can’t even put her diem in the crib awake without her flipping out and getting so hysterical she can’t breathe. Of course when we do get her down she’s awake usually within an hour or so snd can’t get back to sleep without my husband or myself. We are so tired and I’m pregnant again (we won’t make the same sleep mistakes with the next one!) and my back can’t handle the rocking for 45 minutes to get her to sleep. How do we get her in the crib awake long enough to teach her to lay down and sleep? We are exhausteddddddd.
Julie,
I see this all the time, the whole “hysterical can’t breathe” thing. And I hear you. But listen – if she were 2.5 you wouldn’t be talking about CIO you would be talking about having a conversation with her and establishing some boundaries and incentives. But she’s not 2.5.
Why do you think she’s crying and hysterical? Is she in pain? Did you put broken glass in her crib? Is she starving? Unloved? Abandoned?
Nope. She’s crying hysterical because that’s what has worked in the past. No parent ever comes running when you coo quietly which is why ALL 13 month old kiddos cry hysterically.
Learning to sleep is hard. Think about it this way – do you think she is incapable of learning to sleep? Nope. She’s totally capable. she’s been capable for months now. You have a new baby coming and these sleep issues are going to haunt you till birth #2 if you let them. Give her a chance to figure out who to sleep without you rocking her. YOu are on a dead-end road. She can do this.
My 2 cents..
Thank you for your reply! I think my husband needed to hear that even more than I did! We are going to let her scream in the crib with us in the room consoling her for the first few nights. Just to let her know we aren’t messing around anymore! Thanks again. I’m so thankful I found your blog for knowledge and support.
If you want to camp out in the room that’s fine but my honest advice is to NOT PICK HER UP. And you can always change plans if you think your presence is hurting more than it helps. Often babies get SUPER PISSED when they see you. “HELLO!??! MOM? I CAN SO FREEKIN SEE YOU!!!!”
Sometimes not being present is better. But no worries – start by camping and see how it works out for you!
Let me know what happens in 3 days 😉
Alexis
HELP! I’m in tears writing this. I’ve followed your advice on the page the best I could but must be doing something wrong.
My preemie 6month old (4 corrected ) had been waking sometimes 6x a night. 10d’s ago I started not feeding him before bed and it did improve to 1~2 wakes for a few nts. But now were back to waking to every hour or two.
For example Today went like this.
615 bottle
730-9 sleep(fell asleep alone in chair)
1030 bottle
1230 cried would not sleep
100pm sang and walked around
115 went in crib almost asleep
2pm woke up /bottle
3. Sleep Again
345 woke
5pm bottle
615 bath, sang, walk around , layed down Almost asleep
645 asleep
815 woke, fed 6ozs
945 cried until given 4ozs
1015 asleep
I don’t know what to do , We need sleep . I haven’t
slept in forever!!!
I’m also confused as to whether or not I follow the 4month old schedule or the 6mth old????
Thanks
Deidre
Dee,
Follow the 4 month old schedule. Preemies need MORE soothing LONGER than their full-term compatriots.
Also you’re quite likely in the midst of the dreaded 4 month regression.I’m not sure what your sleep situation is but if you aren’t doing this already – I would look at what more soothing you can give. He’s definitely young enough to consider swaddling, swing, and white noise and maybe even a pacifier?
Thank You. Your site has been so helpful.
I think he might be to large for swaddling. he is a big preemie 17lbs. I imagine bc he eats all night :/
We do use white noise and will start to utilize the swing more often. As for the paci we will try again but he stopped taking one on his own during a ear infection a few weeks ago.
Thanks
Dee
Well I have twins that are 7 months old my little girl from the time she was born she was the best sleeper and my son was my little on in off sleeper waking up for his bottle at night how many bottles should you actually give your baby at night before letting them fall back to sleep on there on but the problem is for the last couple weeks they are not wanting to nap anymore and they are not sleeping through the night at all they are up crying all night I constantly change diapers and rub there backs a little are whatever it takes to comfort them but nothing is working my husband and I try to take turns but the truth is it mostly falls on mommy which makes for a very tired mom and to make it worse I have a 3 year old at home also I need help any suggestions
I’m not sure where we fall into on why my baby is waking up at night. My daughter is just over a year old, and she still wakes up a night. Typically, I lay down in bed with her awake until she falls asleep. We were moving her to her crib, but then I read that whole part about her waking up wondering how she got there and where is everybody. So then I tried just leaving her in the bed with me. But she still wakes up a lot even though I’m still in bed with her. Is she just crying because she’s upset she woke up? Idk what to do when she wakes up either, before I would give her, her paci and she would go right back to sleep. Now, she’ll refuse that too, sometimes I have to go get her a bottle again! I don’t think she’s hungry, I think she is just using it to put herself back to sleep. Should I just let her cry it out? I always blame it on teething, but I just don’t know anymore.
This site is making me feel better and worse at the same time. I’m happy to hear I’m not alone in this boat. My daughter turned 7months 2 days ago and we have been struggling with nap and night sleep. I went back to work last month after being home with her and now my mother and husband share childcare. Needless to say this has been an adjustment for everyone. My daughter currently nurses to sleep and will wake up once or twice to nurse (and is actually hungry for a feed) and will go back to sleep. We’ve been advised against nursing to sleep I’ve also read articles that nursing to sleep is not harmful developmentally so I’m a mixed bag. However she won’t nap for my husband unless she is in the carrier and even then it’s only for 20 mins. He says it’s been harder and harder. She also doesn’t eat great while I am away. I’ve made several attempts at cry it out and honestly it doesn’t work for us. She will cry over an hour to the point that she’s inconsolable makingn herself sick and still won’t go down. She is very bright and curious and does not want to miss a beat. I don’t know where to start but know that if I don’t do something soon it’s no good. My baby is so tired and we are all frustrated. Help
My baby boy is 6.5months old and is a very curious and energetic baby. We are having mainly problems with his naps. The morning naps usually happen 1.5-2hrs later after he wakes up (between 6-30-7am). I only let him to nap max 1.5hrs in the morning but most of the days he only naps max 1hr. I have to bounce him but not for too long.
The afternoon nap is a nightmare. When he started solids he was sleeping for 1.5-2hrs in the afternoon but since 10 days ago he is napping only 30-40min and to make him to sleep again I have to bounce for a long time.
For the night he drinks the bottle at 7pm and I put him down awake on his bed. Some days he falls asleep quickly, some days he cries and I have to check on him. But most of the times he falls asleep by himself.
He usually wakes up 2 times for feeding in the night and I know he wakes up more times but falls asleep again.
I know that he has to learn how to fall asleep by himself for his naps, too but I have the same problem with Sara my baby will cry super loud and get distressed and won’t sleep.
Why he can fall asleep by himself at nights but not during the day? What to do?
My 8 1/2 mo old is not sleeping well. He did sleep like a champ until he was 6mo old and that went out the window. I have tried the “cry it out” but he can make himself vomit within about 3 mins! Any other ideas?
I am a little confused at what you mean by getting baby to sleep in the swing on their own. Do I put baby awake in the swing and then leave the room and let him cry? Do I put baby in the swing and soothe him until he falls asleep? Do I put him in the swing and soothe, then leave, and come back if necessary? My son is 5 months old. He sleeps in the swing but right now I have to stay with him and lay my hands on him and shush him until he falls asleep. He also is swaddled and has white noise going. I know you’re busy but I would appreciate a reply!! I cannot wait to buy your book (which I am going to do the second it comes out)
Hi Alexis,
My baby is 6months and 3 weeks old.
He was a great sleeper up until a few weeks ago. He is getting up every few hours in the night crying.
If I try to comfort him – rock him in my arms he is then in a battle to not sleep crying and screaming.
If I do manage to rock him to sleep once I put him in his cot he’s awake again. I don’t know which method to try now apart from CIO. What do you suggest?
He is taking good diet and fluids during the day.
Your help would be appreciated – I go back to work in 4 weeks time so I would like this resolved before then.
I haven’t read through all the questions/comments, but I don’t understand the swing method. If baby falls asleep in the swing (put down awake) but wakes up in the crib, isn’t this the same as the “OMG, why am I on the front lawn” problem??
This may be a mommy-brain, sleep deprived question, but how do I put my 5-month old to sleep AWAKE in her swing and avoid having to use the CIO technique (if I’ve gathered and processed your articles properly, she’s too young for CIO)? Nursing/rocking until drowsy? But what if she cries? Thanks!
I have the exact same question! My 4.5 month old daughter falls asleep on her own in the swing for naps. But cries at night when I try to put her down awake (tonight it was for 25 minutes) in the swing.
Would love to hear what we should consider?
also having the same problem! My 7 week old is sleeping well in the swing at night and I can put her down with a little rocking or nursing and she goes right down at about 10 pm (and will sleep sometimes to about 3 or sometimes even 5-6). Naps are a struggle and will “nap” for maybe 5 min and cry, or sometimes will nap up to 30 min. All sleeping done in the swing, (vibrating) and on max swing. With white noise, with swaddling and pacifier. This results in her being extremely tired and fussy by evening. I let her nap on me between feedings (as she needs to eat a lot in the day to make up for night time) but it doens’t seem to give her the right sleep to not be tired.
My aunt weened my cousin off the soother by slowly cutting a little price off every day or so. She was older that 6 months but it worked for them.
You make so much sense! Best sleep blog around!
We’re having a lot of trouble with dd who is 13 months old. I nurse her to just about asleep but then put her in crib. Sometimes this works, other times she stands up immediately and cries. I try to lay her back down and rub her back, but she is persistent. She does nap well in the swing. Are you recommending for her to sleep in the swing the whole night? When should I feed her prior to bedtime?
Bridget,
Baby swings are for babies – you have a toddler 😉
The key here is that you’re nursing her to sleep (I know you said “just about” but it’s largely the same thing). If you want to try her in the swing at bedtime you’re welcome to but I would be surprised if it works.
Feed her 20 minutes prior to bedtime and have her fall asleep (not just) in the crib. Far easier for me to suggest than for you to do I know but honestly, that’s the answer. Good luck!
Thanks for your response! I’m a little confused on how everything fits together, and I know details and consistency are important. If she falls asleep when I nurse her prior to bedtime, won’t it make her overtired when we do the routine and then try to put her down? Is there any way to avoid this?
She still nurses in the night, sometimes for comfort and sometimes to eat. I have read the other section on night weaning and plan to follow once bedtime gets sorted out. How on earth do I feed her but keep her from falling asleep after night feeds? I don’t want that to be hindering my progress.
Thanks again. We’re pretty desperate right now.
This is my 2nd child and far more challenging than my first. My 3 yr old I had used the cry it out method between night feedings and altho it made us crazy, it worked. My 8 month old has slept in our bedroom since day 1 due to not wanting to wake the older child since they would need to share the bedroom. We now have an issue of him falling asleep in our bed, then moving to his crib in our room he may sleep 4 most nights, wake to eat, go back to sleep but then the challenge starts. He will usually wake up 45-60 min later and will usually try paci first sometimes that works but only for bout another hour and if it doesn’t he comes into our bed. When he comes in our bed he is still constantly waking up and kicking my back or front. I’m starting to lose my mind. Any helpful suggest? Not to mention he still must be swaddled completely when he sleeps. I try at naptime to leave him un swaddled and he cried for 45 min and takes a short nap. I don’t know how else to solve these problems!!
Alexis,
I’m really happy I found your site. With so much conflicting info out there, yours seems to be a one-stop-shop for all the answers and guidelines for every REAL-LIFE sleep issue scenario.
We’re doing everything wrong – nursing til she passes out then put her in her crib / pacifier to fall back asleep after stirring / 2AM feeding in our bed and co-sleep until the morning (which worked great in the beginning but now she’s waking every 15 minutes after 2AM regardless if she’s in our bed or her crib). She sleeps a max of 1 or 2 40 min naps during the day.
We are ready to try one of your strategies, but here is my QUESTION:
Our daughter will be 6 months old next week. She seems to like the swing at daycare and will nap longer when in it. Do we try using a swing to train her at night for a couple weeks or is she too old for this scenario? We don’t want to try the CIO method just yet since she is sharing a room with an older sibling. But if we need to we could have the older sibling sleep in the office during the CIO phase.
My baby is 6 months old. We have had an extremely consistent bedtime routine since about 3 months. I give her a bottle while rocking her before bed and then lay her down awake and usually lay next to her while she falls asleep! She sleeps Ina convertible crib in our room, so when she wakes up for her night feed, we are still there. But sometimes, she will not go back to sleep after her night feed even though I do the same routine I did to get her to sleep! And lately, she screams and will not go to sleep until about 2-3 hours later than her normal bedtime! Within the past few days, she won’t put herself to sleep anymore for naps! I’m so confused as to what we’re doing wrong and why she has changed so drastically! I wanted to start weening from night feeds, but now we’re having trouble even getting her to sleep or back to sleep after a night feed and I don’t know what to do since she’s been putting herself to sleep for 3 months and now all of a sudden it’s not working! HELP!!!