Numerous sleep books as well as celebrity parenting gurus (Jessica Alba – who knew?) propose that your baby can and should be sleeping 12 hours at night. Which suggests if your baby isn’t sleeping 12 hours at night, you’re doing it wrong. Or possibly your baby is broken. Maybe both?
This leads to a regular stream of emails from people who are frustrated by their inability to conquer the mystical mountain of the 12 hour night. They include a myriad of details including their 40 minute pre-bed soothing wind down routine, use of white noise, swaddling, put baby down awake, militant adherence to routine, schedules, block out blinds, positive sleep associations, and yet despite all their great work, they can’t get their baby to sleep longer than 11 hours a night.
And so I share with them my magical technique to master the art of the 12 hour night. But more on that later…
How Much Night Sleep Does Your Child Need?
Where did the goal of “12 hours” come from? Presumably these books are based on scads of credible science suggesting that 12 hours is a medically mandated and realistically achievable goal.
Nope.
The truth is “how much sleep” is still a subject of great debate.
The Sleep in America Poll says kids are sleeping ~10 hours at night by the their first birthday. It also says that over 1/3 of kids aren’t getting enough sleep. Ferber also suggests kids need ~10 hours by their first birthday. Wiessbluth says 1 year old babies should be sleeping between 10-13 hours of sleep at night, with the average falling around 11.5 hours. The amount of sleep kids get varies widely by country (New Zealand wins – go Kiwis!). Or there is the Pediatrics Study that tells us that for the past 200 years, pediatric sleep experts have failed to agree on how much sleep our kids need but that regardless of what amount is suggested, kids get on average, 37 minutes less sleep than the experts recommended number.
So don’t feel bad. You’re failing just like your great-great-great grandmother failed. So we’re all multi-generational sleep parenting failures. Woo hoo!
Successful Night Sleep Duration
So if the experts, authors, and pediatric sleep researches can’t agree on a number, how are you supposed to know what to do?
When I started Troublesome Tots, I was baby sleep “book smart” – I read a lot and wrote about it. Three years and many millions of babies later, I learn more from my readers than I do from the books. Plus readers stories are way more fun than sleep books. And while this doesn’t qualify as “statistical research” it’s a pretty solid base to draw conclusions from.
Thus I’ve concluded that 11 hours of night sleep is a great goal. Some lucky parents will have babies who sleep 12 or even 13 hours at night (hopefully these parents routinely buy lottery tickets as clearly the fates are with them). Some kiddos will resolutely sleep 10 hours at night, and not a minute more, even if their parents are doing ALL the right things. But ~11 hours is the gold standard. Typically this is, 7:30 PM – 6:30 AM. Or somewhere thereabouts.
The Magic Answer to the 12 Hour Night
Thus my magic answer is to accept that the 12 hour night may not be attainable for you. Not because of any flaw in you, your sleep plan, or your baby. If your baby is a newborn all bets are off because they’re a newborn. If your baby is over ~3-4 months in age and is sleeping somewhere in the ballpark of 11 hours of night, you’re doing great. If you “dream of a night 11 hours long” as an unachievable fantasy akin to dating Tom Hiddleston then probably your baby isn’t getting quite enough sleep. What to do about it really depends on how old they are. Generally the answer falls near the trifecta of have an early bedtime, put baby down awake, and hope for the best.
But you’ll get there. I have faith in you.
Does anybody else have any thoughts about how long their baby sleeps at night? Any lucky 13-hour babies out there? Does Jessica Alba care to weigh in?
I would love to get some advice! I am a FTM and my 6 month old baby is exclusively breastfed. He almost died at birth so I wonder if his need to be comforted by me is heightened? Anyway, he has never been a ‘good’ sleeper unless he is held or nursed to sleep. We started sleep training with a professional at 4 months. We created a very strict schedule for him and we have seen a little improvement from waking up every 2 hours to waking up twice a night. He wakes up screaming bloody murder with tears streaming down his face. I’m not even exaggerating, this is every time he wakes up at night. If I don’t go in a comfort him or nurse him right away it can take an hour to get him to calm down. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on sleep training and still my baby cannot sleep through the night. I am trying anything and everything in my power to help him sleep longer at night but nothing is working. I don’t know what to do, I just want him to get the rest he needs. Please help me out!
I’m so sorry that it has been a rough time of sleep for you and your little one! I remember that feeling of sleep deprivation from when my first was like that. My second is 8 months and got very sick at 2 weeks. After that he would no longer sleep well on his own and woke up every hour. Like you I spent money for help at 4 months. The rigorous schedule was impossible to follow (especially with big brother interrupting) but I did my best and didn’t see improvement. Anyhow, after I gave up on the crazy schedule, I made a safe co sleeping bed with a mattress on our floor and have never looked back. He sleeps great! Maybe try this if you are still having a hard time?
Hi Jasmine,
I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I have a 7 month old Daughter. She usually sleeps 10 hours at night but sometimes wakes up at 2:30am to eat. I have included her routine and I hope it helps.
2:30am- bottle
6:30am- wake up
7:00am- Breakfast
9am- bottle
Nap: 9:30am(sleeps 1.5hrs to 2hours)
11:30- Lunch
12:30pm-
2pm- Nap(2 hours)
4pm- snack
6pm- Dinner
7pm- Bath
Massage, pjs, sleepsack
Read book(change book every week)
Bottle and 1 nursery song
Bedtime: 8pm
Make sure you put baby down drowsy. Also, when baby wakes up a couple times during the night try patting him/her instead and picking up or feeding. You can try a stuff animal as some babies find comfort in them instead of a pacifier. Also, I have a friend who had troubles with her baby and she purchased a sleep sack called Zen sack and by the third night her baby sleep 7 hours straight!
Hi Yasmin, my daughter who is nearly 4 used to wake crying/screaming after every sleep or nap. We worried quite a lot about it but she grew out of it eventually (I think she was over two when she did), she needed the words to express that she was alone and scared. Good news is it didn’t stop her sleeping through the night and she wasn’t a good sleeper at all. It took a night of controlled crying which was horrendous but from then on she slept much better. P.S getting her on a routine for her naps was next to impossible and her nightly bath just seemed to excite her more, so don’t expect your baby to necessarily conform to what the experts say they should do. My second child is completely different and all the advice works much better with her. I firmly believe there’s a lot of luck to how well a baby sleeps.
Hi, I’m sorry I have a few things some people told me mixed with my own ideas , maybe it can help you never know. First I’m a music lover , have my own specific music I get into where I close my eyes and really feel and sing it. My LO loves to feel the vibration of me singing every single hymn of my favorite slower tunes, lol foo fighters slowed acoustic versions are my fav! Then i plug in Vick’s vapor plug ins that puts out a soothing smell in the room I also have a lamp that projects stars on the ceiling . Deep blue is great . Of course we all have noise machines too I like a simple white noise in the background. So all these elements together work well . And if we’re having a really tough night and he really can’t get to sleep honestly the best invention ever is the baby shusher . This is an amazing little sound maker . Try it all to gather song to your LO , get into it and connect it really works like cheek to cheek and sing! Good luck hope it gets better for you!
My baby is 4.5 months and sleeps 12 hours at night without a feed. He is exclusively breastfed. He almost died at birth and was in the NICU for 3 weeks. There they are on a strict routine; every 3 hours they get fed, nappy gets changed etc and in between they sleep. I sort of continued with that schedule when he came home and he gradually started sleeping longer and longer. The last feeding of the day is at 18h. In the beginning I would feed him at 22h again, but it gradually became later and later until he slept until 3am for a few weeks. After that he gradually slept longer until now where he sleeps from 7pm to 7 am. He might wake up once or twice a night, but falls right back to sleep within 5 minutes. I sometimes don’t even go to his room anymore cause he falls asleep himself. So my rule is to stick to a consistent day nap and feeding routine (he sleeps about 3 to 3,5 hours in the day), prioritise the bed time routine and if he wakes up at night I first give it a minute or two (unless he is screaming), then first check if he’s too hot or cold, is his nappy okay, etc. IF he still cries after 3 times of putting the dummy back in then I feed him. But this doesn’t happen anymore; he falls asleep immediately after I put the dummy in (he is able to put it in himself now). He wakes up happy and is gaining weight well. He feeds every 2,5 hours in the day with one short nap mid morning, 2 hours over lunch and one short nap in the afternoon. I can’t stretch him for longer than 2.5 hours awake time in the day.
I’m a first time mom so also don’t really know what I’m doing. But I read a lot and pray a lot. I’m a christian and believe prayer is vital to my son’s well-being.
Also I use a cloth nappy in the night woth extra layers in the nappy and this lasts him the whole night so he doesn’t really wake up in the night because of a dirty nappy.
Hey, how much does your LO feed for each bottle or do you breast feed?
Do you have advice for getting a baby to nap? I put mine down consistently 2 hrs after he wakes- then he naps for 45 min max. I’ve tried letting him cry for about 10 min but he looks wide awake! He is 3.5 months old. Then he takes one more 45 min nap and MAYBE a third nap but not usually. Then, of course, he is dead tired at 6pm (and often cranky). He sleeps about 12 hrs at night waking up once maybe twice. We just want to work on the naps so he’s not so cranky at the afternoon and refreshed! He’s had good naps maybe once or twice and he was such a joy! Thank you in advance everyone!
Hi! 2 hours might be a little too long for a 3.5 month old. Can you try about 1.5 hours?
Also, it’s very common for young babies to only take short naps. As they get older (6 months and up) they learn to consolidate a little more and can nap longer. So it may be a wait and see game. Good luck!
My little girl is 16weeks and sleeping anywhere between 10hrs and 13hrs a night without waking to be feed. She is exclusively breastfeed. At 8weeks she started doing 7hrs straight then each week got longer and longer. At 14weeks she woke every 45mins and would need help resettling but back went to her big sleeps again after 5 nights. I’m pretty causal with rountines. Basically when she is tired I offer her the boob and she feeds or doesn’t then goes to sleep. During the day she usually does a 2 hr sleep after big night time then it’s just a couple of 45min naps. Depending on when she last woke up is to when she goes for the night. She has a play, bath then we go into bedroom and feed sometimes she is tired and wants to sleep other times we play and read books then when I see she is tired I put her in swaddle and I do have to hold her and sing ‘goodnight sleeptight’ over and over for a couple of minutes then I pop her down and she wakes up 45mins later for a quick cuddle and sometimes top up then out to it until the morning. She even wakes up happy and doesn’t have to feed straight away. The odd night she might wake at around 2am and need a feed, I just do a feed, nappy change, other boob, back in swaddle and she will go to sleep within 5mins by herself. After giving birth I decided to change my diet and give her the best chance of a good immune system and healthy body so I eat 70% organically (it’s too hard to do 100%) and I cut out sugar and coffee from my diet. – not sure if this has helped her with sleeping or not but I’m too scared to go back to all my sweet treats incase it’s the secret!
I have 11 month old twins. They still wake up 2-4 times a night. I have a memory foam mattress topper on the floor that I will sleep with them on and they sleep better with me next to them but will still wake up at least once or twice. They aren’t waking up hungry wanting bottles anymore so they’re just waking up for comfort or something. I’m so sleep deprived its affecting my health (I have cystic fibrosis). I had them sleeping 12-13 hours when they were 3-4 1/2 but then they started teething and haven’t slept through the night since. I have tried letting them cry but it just gets them more worked up and harder to get them to calm down and go back to sleep. Not really sure what to do anymore. Need help
Katy, what is their bedtime routine/how are they falling asleep? That is the key – if the environment is changing (i.e., you lay with them at bedtime or they get drowsy with a bottle a few minutes before falling asleep) they will wake up expecting that same situation to be happening middle of the night.
Our 28 month old sleeps maybe 8 hours at night and we are lucky if that’s straight through. Lately she has gotten gone down anywhere between 9-10 (we try to start unwinding at 8) and is up anywhere from 12-2 most nights wanting to play sometimes and is up for 1-3 hours. We have tried to keep the same routine, bath around 7-730 and lay down to read books around 8-815 to try to get her to sleep. She naps from 12-1 to 130-2 we try not to let her get more than hour and a half and never past 230. This has gone on now for about s month of her waking at night and wanting to walk through the house. Any help would be appreciated
Hey… definately try an earlier bedtime! That works wonders!
Hello.
My baby who has just reached 8 months has trouble going to sleep. Her father comes home by midnight and she started to stay awake till then so that he will come pick her up. She stays awake for an hour more.
Since her sleep is already disturbed entire night she screams and wakes up every few hours. She was a wonderful sleeper from 2 months, we did have have some off nights but now it’s been over 2 weeks I am not well and losing my mind!
And she only takes 1 nap for 4 hours if disturbed in between she takes another nap to cover this.
And requires me to be with her all the time she is sleeping
My 6 month old will not sleep longer than 9.5 hours straight at night. He has a strict bedtime routine and is in bed by 7:30 pm. He knows how to fall asleep on his own as well. We have just started introducing solids into his diet
I started bed time routine with my 2 month old. She is doing great… but, when she sleeps at 730 she doesnt stay asleep and only sleeps for an hour as if it is a nap. Then I feed her again at 10ish when we go to bed and she sleeps to 530 or 6pm. Question: what do I do when she wakes after 730? We currently keep thi gs low and quiet and keep her with us as we do out evening routine. Wondering if this is ruining the bed time routine?
Hi, I’m not an expert but I’ve read Alexis’s book and a lot of her posts, and I think you’re doing just what you should do. At two months, the most important thing is to get sleep however it happens. She’s not going to sleep for long stretches for another month or two.
I would love to get your thoughts on our situation. Over the 2 months, our baby has either been sick or been traveling. The sleep routine is destroyed. On top of that, he is now finally starting to get his molars, and he has a canker sore after biting his lip. If that’s all not enough, he’s 18-months old and the pediatrician thinks he’s developmentally starting the terrible twos. For the last few weeks, we just CANNOT get him to sleep beyond 8 hours at night. Because of his teething and canker sore, he almost always needs to be breastfed to go back down.
We put him to bed at 7:30, he wakes up a few times a night, we spend 10 minutes to an hour each time trying to put him back to sleep, and then sometime between 4:30 and 6:30 he’s awake for the day. We’ve started giving him Ibuprofen at night as recommended by the Pediatrician but so far it hasn’t helped much, and he always still wakes up after about 7-8 hours of sleep. Naps are atrocious, he’ll often cry for 2 hours straight while we try for a morning nap, and an afternoon nap he may only get 45 minutes of sleep.
We’ve got a fairly established bedtime routine, and he does go to bed reasonably well (by comparison, ugh) but our problem is the waking up several times and not sleeping long duration. We want to re-train him on self soothing but he’s got so much going on at the moment.
Our poor little guy seems to be racking up a sleep deficit. He seems very obviously tired with his behavior but we can’t get him to sleep more. Is there any way to correct this awful pattern that’s developed recently?